It's Disco Night! and Ryan welcomes us by reminding us that "THIS....IS AMERICAN IODL". I am so pumped to be covering for KillerB this week I can't stand it, Especially on Disco Night! I am already hoping that Allison sings Barry White's "Ecstasy". I am also hoping Danny does something like the BeeGee's "Inside and Out" because though the disco era was primarily about the boogie in many ways it was also about the inversion of sexual roles. We should never forget that. Also, if anyone should own this week, it's Lil...I'm not saying, I'm just saying.
We'll do some recapping inside the jump
More...- Lil Rounds does the best Chaka Khan impression she can dig up. She has fun with it, gets the crowd involved and makes sure everyone sees her amazing ass, seriously that thing is a coffee table. Grabbing at Randy won't help baby. You don't look enough like Ryan. Blah blah blah, no artistry, no sense of self. It's rinse repeat every week between the judges and Lil. Truth be told, I couldn't disagree with their assessment of Lil's skills any more.
- Kris Allen has a guitar slung over his shoulder. I want to hide when Ryan announces Kris will sing "She works hard for the money". Kris admits that he thinks he can do this because its "a story", "about a woman", who "works hard for the money". umm...Ok! Kris validates my lack of confidence by doing a lazy John Meyer impression, it might be a Matt Nathanson impression, which makes it all the more sad. He is totally bailed out on the arrangement by the band, which showcases the timbales and other Caribbean percussion instruments. Kara loves the risk, and calls it a "four on the four" song. Paula fails to make any sense by invoking shopping in the women's department, La Perla (product placement $$) and Santana in one breathe. Simon has no idea what Paula is talking about and likes this better than Lil's performance. Randy wants to take Kris on a date. I'm already regretting this assignment
- Ryan is hiding from Randy up in the rafters when he announces Danny doing "September" by Earth, Wind and Fire. This is my second favorite disco song. I baddy ah baddy ah along to the this inspired brilliance. His background singers are really off key. I wonder if this is an allusion to his dead wife in anyway. Randy likes the song but wants to bang Kris more so his comments are overly technical. Kara's goes to our first "pitch" reference of the night. Her make up is really bad tonight. She simultaneously washed out and shiny. Paula does want to bang Danny. Simon is a little bored by the performance and rightfully points out that Danny has no star power and is a bit clumsy.
- Allison does "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer. She makes this song her bitch and tramps it up all over the stage. Even though she closely resembles a penguin in a red wig while doing it. Randy calls it over-indulgent but loves her anyway, possibly because she sounds like a dude. Kara uses her fingers too much when critiquing and fails to take any meaningful pro or con position. Paula loses me. Simon qualifies that "taking everything into account it was a brilliant performance". ? What is he taking into account - her stupid hair color or the overstuffed catwoman look?
- Adam's stylist dresses him like Eddie Munster. His pompadour is awesome. Adam does "If I can't have you" from the Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack and his forthcoming puppet/vampire/alt-rock opera, which he makes totally unrecognizable...really...umm... not in a bad way, it was entertaining but maybe not what I was looking for on Disco Night. It was well done, just totally surprising. Randy invokes his first "dawg" of the night then tells Adam he's "ready right now". I suppose he means for a hot beef injection. Kara calls him the guy from Saturday Night Live meets Clark Kent. She is also is inspired. Me too, I finally figured out what freaks me out about Paula as she sobs and gushes over Adam. She looks like my mom in 1984. She accuses him of "tearing out [his] heart and leaving it on the stage". Simon can't contain his laughter. Adam does a classy move and thanks the dude who did his arrangement. Important aside - my mom has always wanted to do John Travolta. It's a fact. She has watched "Staying Alive" maybe a dozen times.Ryan puns his way into a commercial as we cut Matt "The White Man's Justin Timberlake" Girard hoping to "Stay Alive"
- Matt is full Timberlake gear as he Daniel Powters his way through "Staying Alive". I have the suspicion he did not discuss arrangement with the backup singers before the show. Randy "dawgs" his way into the bad stuff - song choice, arrangement and talks up his singing abilities. Kara likes to see him move and harshes a "solid" into his mellow. Paula does the supportive mother bit that I never got from my mom. Simon speaks truth and points out it sucked and actually calls him "desperate". Ryan promises Anoop. Going into the break, we cut to Anoop in a tan suit that would really look good on me this summer on Nantucket. There's a rule against people that goofy being big time pop stars right?
- We pound through some product placement Coca Cola stuff and then listen to Anoop try to Aaron Neville his way through "Dim All The Lights" by Donna Summer. I just about kill myself that was so mediocre. Randy runs to his "everyone can sing and is so talented" damning with faint praise. Kara gets off the treadmill she was running on during the break long enough to mention how much she likes the arrangement, song choice and actually says "this could be on the radio". Seriously, can get this woman some foundation or something, she's sweating all over the place. Paula loves his teeth. F you Mom. Simon grounds us in reality and throws words around like "horrible". Anoops parents are finally into the mix, we see them in the audience pshawing Simon during his comments. Ryan says "Simon doesn't think Anoop is pretty in pink". Do they let him come up with this stuff on his own?
Couple of thoughts going out - did they have to share one Donna Summer album or something? Could no one mix it up a bit?
What about some "Boogie Wonderland", "Brickhouse", "Do you love what you feel?" anything like that?
See ya in hell Anoop and Matt!
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