Europe = Crazy (and intolerant)

I'm not some sort of apologist, but I can see why a lot of countries felt the right to give the US grief the last few years. We haven't necessarily been on our best behavior. But for all the criticisms that we get, you'd think Europe would be some sort of egalitarian utopia where it's nothing but high fives and free healthcare. But I'd say they're really just crazy intolerant.

It starts with the French, with their long running debate on whether to allow head scarves in school, or to allow Aram women to wear their creey eye slit outfits (I think they are called TRON robes). Then there are the Danish cartoonists who ran out of things to draw until they remembered Mohammed was a hoot. Kinda douchey, but I can let poor taste slide.

But yesterday the Swiss - the SWISS - took the intolerent craziness to a new level when they outlawed minarets. Yes, that's right, they made an architectural flourish illegal. That is the most batshit crazy thing I've ever heard of. The vote wasn't close either - 58% supported it.

Is this the craziest thing ever? Is there a war on balconies coming that I'm not prepared for?

Inappropriate FB Comment Of The Day

Evil

I am shocked by few things these days, but I must say, I was taken aback by this comment a wee bit. HAH!

Tiger Woods Questions

Evil

This is apparently a Tiger Woods family xmas photo from a few years ago. So many questions...

1. Why does Tiger look like a vein is about to burst in his forehead? Is taking this pic THAT stressful for him?

2. How nice is the Woods family to invite their Mexican nanny to join in on the family photo? Sweet.

3. Why does the Woods family need a nanny to begin with?!? Isn't Elin... a nanny?

4. Who are the people depicted in the statue in the background? That looks like Earl and Tiger Woods, right? How much of an arrogant douche do you need to be to post in a photo with your own statue? I always knew I had good basis for hating Tiger.

Evil Update

Evil

It's 1pm... just came back from taking the HSK exam (it's a national standardized exam to test mandarin proficiency). The bad news is that I think I did terribly. Almost certainly did worse this 2nd time around, even though I felt I was better prepared having taken it once already. The good news is that I bought a bottle of Absolut on the way home and will now commence drinking!

Things That Make Me Say "Good Gravy"

There is an ad on CNN.com from CSX - the big train / freight company. In their ad, which I trust because I'm a High Flying Marketing Executive, they state that they can "move a ton of freight 436 miles on a single gallon of fuel" - to which I say, "Good Gravy!!!!"

I can barely move my 1/12th of a ton down the street with less than a gallon of beer or a pound of steak in my belly.

Dreamin'

Evil

I had three separate dreams last night! Two of them involved hooking up. And the third one (the most detailed dream) involved me madly running away from a massacre. I was being chased by various gunmen. One of the people in the dream looked much like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, but I can't remember if he was one of the bad guys or one of the innocent bystanders. But I do remember that he got his hand blown off.

It's An Unsafe, Unsafe World

Evil

Just read this posted by one of my FB friends:

Can you please help me find a home for Blackie, a 2-3 year old male cat who has been living in our backyard? He has an awesome personality, and is very lovable. Blackie adores being petted and held. Clearly he once lived with people, and would really appreciate a warm home. We have taken Blackie to the vet, and he's been neutered and received all of his shots. The only challenge is that Blackie is FIV positive, so he can't live in a house with other cats. Nonetheless, with proper nutrition, Blackie can live a healthy, long life. Ping or call if you would like to know more about this sweet boy.

I read that and was like... FIV positive? What is that?! Then I looked it up. Feline AIDS? Whoa, mind blowing. I never knew such a thing existed. It's an unsafe world, y'all. Why can't we go back to the late 60s and early 70s?

xTian and Evil Pose as Hipsters

“There are an a**load of motherf*ckers in there right now”.

The bouncer outside Jumbo’s Clown Room was exactly the sort of person we had been encountering all weekend, someone very intentionally semi-disheveled and projecting an air of confidence about it that I could never match.
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I wondered aloud if people should hide their mothers, given the sheer numbers of motherf*ckers in the vicinity. Only Evil laughed. When I asked if any of the goth burlesque dancers inside would make me a balloon animal, I was met with blank stares.

I would categorize this as an auspicious end to an entertaining if non traditional engagement/wedding weekend.

Evil and I had met up the day prior in LA. We were in town because the AY (formerly the MPCGEB) was getting married (sometime soon) and she wanted to hold a pre-reception for all her friends. In truth, it’s not obvious to me why I was invited, but I was so I came. I had met her boyfriend maybe twice and both times walked away worried that he was moments from kissing me. Outside of them, the only person I knew there was Evil.

For his part, Evil is properly great friends with the AY and absolutely should be there. So he traveled farther than I, getting on a plane yesterday (though there it was already today) just to make the event. When we met I noticed he was sipping Ginger Ale, Evil admitted that he overdosed on Ambien on the plane and proceeded to vomit in the aisle before he passed out about 1 hour into the flight. I found this hilarious. He did not even seem remotely embarrassed.

He was even less embarrassed when he put on his pork pie hat and suggested we walk two blocks and get in line for Jimmy Kimmel Live. Ostensibly, our agenda was to be invited to Jimmy’s house for Sunday football with the Killers, Tom Cruise’s mom, Adam Corolla and the Sports Guy Bill Simmons. What Evil neglected to mention to me was that he really wanted to see the Twilight kids. That was a major disappointment, no Twilight kids (they were pretaped) and no invite to Sunday football. Evil and I were disappointed. Evil was so disappointed that he ordered a pizza at 3am and ripped it apart.

The weekend itself was more hipster than I expected. There was a visit to the Magic Castle, the rental of the most awesome Korean BBQ Taco Truck, a 5 card no limit texas hold ‘em tournament and me singing a very disturbing rendition of Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Heart Club Band.

Saturday night, we did Dining in the Dark and ate in complete darkness - pretty wild. Coming back from our evening out, Evil and I introduced a brother on the trip with us to In-N-Out and we tore it up animal style at 2am.

It was good to see Evil again…

O Adam Lambert , Wherefore Art Thou Adam Lambert?

To answer Big A's question - this comes in second place for worst thing I've ever seen on television. First place was Joe Thiesmann's compound fracture at the hands of Lawrence Taylor on November 18, 1985. That, coincidentally, ended Joe Theismann's playing career.

So, I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin.

Is A Bar Of Soap Self-Cleaning?

Evil

In LA this weekend attending an engagement party. Xtian is here as well. We figured we would save some money (we're real Americans, struggling in this down economy, like everyone else) by sharing a two bedroom suite. Only problem is... there's only one bathroom and they only have us one bar of soap.

Xtian was very concerned. He felt that sharing a bar of soap would not be hygienic. I hadn't even given it a second thought. I always assumed that a bar of soap was self cleaning. Should I be concerned? 

2012 Here We Come

Evil

Is there a force of nature or an invention of man that can stop Glenn Beck? I think not! Watching the rise of Glenn Beck is like watching Jordan in his prime play basketball. Now that Glenn Beck is branching out beyond pure journalism, I smell the Republican ticket for 2012: Palin/Beck. We're taking American back for the "real" Americans!

Calling Sparks. SOS. Knox Trial Drawing to a Close

Sparks!!! WTF? Weren't you going to be our Knox Trial correspondent? Months and months of silence, and then I read today this thing is nearing an end?

What should I be thinking? What do I need to know? Is she a monster? Or is Italy the monster? What impact will this have on other slutty American girls who want to dodge a semester of academics in favor of drug fueled orgies? And how do we pursue a teaching post at these places? Do they need a High Flying Marketing Professor?

To Guilt or not to Guilt

I am in a cab right now (mobile blogging). It's a slow slog home from jfk, so to speed things up my cabbie is pulling that stunt where you drive on the exit lanes and the cut in just as it ends. He's done it 4 times and I'm feeling conflicted. I NEVER do this when I'm driving because I'm not a giant asshole. But, I am eager to get home, and I'm not driving. I assume this guy wouldn't tell me how to be a high flying marketing executive, so why should I ask him not to be a giant asshole?
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Gestures I Am Not Upset About

Why are people getting so pissy about this bow? They talk about it as though by bowing, President Obama somehow put us at risk or signaled how weak we are.

Perhaps we would be better off addressing the source of our national insecurity (weak dollar, unpopular wars, petty bi-partisan feuding etc.) rather than suggest we must prop it up with firm handshakes and a stiff upper lip.

Thoughts?

A Grassroots Effort *NOT* Conjured Up By FOXNews

Evil

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

Your God-loving, country-loving Hosers (that would be Turdhurdler and yours truly) are teaming up to establish a National Going Rogue Day! In the short term, we're organizing various "going rogue" events for the benefit of the good ol' U.S. of A. On a parallel track, we're lobbying Congress to establish National Going Rogue Day as a federal holiday. It's long overdue!

So what is National Going Rogue Day, you ask? (Excellent question. Here, have a cookie!)

During National Going Rogue Day, we all take a day off and GO ROGUE for the benefit of our community or country because sometimes, doing things within the rules just isn't effective enough. Here are some examples of how you can participate on National Going Rogue Day:

* A classic: steal from the rich and give to the poor

* Go to a local schoolyard and beat the crap out of the local bully (nevermind he is like 20 years younger than you... he deserves it!). Side benefit: you become the local hero!

* Park yourself outside the local Baskin Robbins for an entire day and refuse entry to anyone who, in your opinion, looks like they could stand to lose a few.

* Tell a hooker that she's a respectable young woman and that Jesus still loves her. (Then punch her in the stomach and steal her heroin so she'll stop killing herself with drugs.)

* Go to the site of Ground Zero and start building something. Anything! With enough people pitching in, I'm sure we can build a huge-ass tower or whatnot just in one day. Screw you, bureaucrats slowing down the process!

These are just a few of the tens of ideas pouring in through our website. Be part of the movement! To join, email turdhurdler.

A Yanker's Unfair Treatment In The Media

Evil

The extremely hot collegiate soccer player, Elizabeth Lambert, is being roughed up by the liberal media. Are we going to put up with this? So what she yanked the ponytail of an opposing playing during a game. Since when did we become a nation of wusses? Since when did our women have to be demure and weak?

Evil will make you an offer, Elizabeth Lambert: come over to my place and you can yank me all you want.

Immature Photo Of The Day

Gesture I'm Not Upset About

Why are people getting so pissy about this bow? They talk about it as though by bowing, President Obama somehow put us at risk or signaled how weak we are.

Perhaps we would be better off addressing the source of our national insecurity (weak dollar, unpopular wars, petty bi-partisan feuding etc.) rather than suggest we must prop it up with firm handshakes and a stiff upper lip.

Thoughts?

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

* makes bad decisions

* not liked by anyone

* dresses like a schlub

Male Fantasy of the Day

Everyone's favorite female golfer (the only one we know by name) had beer poured all over her and loved it. Hotness.

(note to male Hose readers - DO NOT try this at home)

“Just seeing them come out and pour beer all over me, it was a great feeling,” Wie said. “I’ve always seen it on TV and I’ve always wanted people to pour beer on me. It was as great as I thought it was."


Also, she won a golf tournament.

Glee: Show Title Or The Way I Feel When I Watch This Show

This show is so great, they took a song that was ostensibly about masturbation and made into something else entirely. Something much deeper...Ryan Murphy, the show creator, broke down some of the tonal changes the show is developing here.

Such a charming, uplifting show...

Clueless Single Guy Problems

There are several downsides to not being married. Somehow you are often double booked for social occasions, but spend more time alone than you can possibly fathom. Whenever you tell someone something true and honest you run the risk of incurring a "why are you telling me this?" face and so forth. Anyway, I have encountered a totally new and even worse downside. Check out this email:
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--------------------------------
Dear Valued Guest,

At Toys"R"Us and Babies"R"Us, children are central to who we are and what we do. Their safety is, and always has been, our highest priority. When a product is recalled, we strive to ensure that Guests are notified and discontinue use of the product immediately.

With that commitment in mind, we are writing to inform you that the Consumer Product Safety Commission, National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and/or the U.S. Food and Drug Administration have announced a voluntary recall of the following item(s) for failure to meet U.S. safety standards.

• Maclaren, USA, Inc. Strollers

Our records indicate that you purchased the above item(s). It is recommended that you stop using this product immediately and follow the manufacturer's directions as outlined on the recall notice, which can be found by clicking here.

For the latest product safety information, we encourage you to visit our dedicated microsite at www.Toysrus.com/Safety. You'll also find tips that were developed in partnership with Safe Kids Worldwide on preventing accidental childhood injuries.

If you have any further questions, please contact our Guest Service Team at
1-800-TOYSRUS (869-7787).

Sincerely,
The Guest Service Team
Toys"R"Us and Babies"R"Us
--------------------------------
Who the hell did I buy this for? I have no idea? The truth is, in the last year I felt compelled to buy a baby gift for 6 different people most of whom are actually in my family. I am not sure I can explore this directly, because I only decided midway to standardize the gift on a monetary basis, so its possible the first few gifts varied widely in price and quality. This is horrible.

If I had a wife, I would not have this issue and someone's finger could potentially be spared. Help!

Today is my birthday. Also today, the odometer on the 13-year-old jalopy that I drive every day hit my birthday, 11/15/76! It's a Birthday Miracle!

I'm not sure what the odds of this are. If you assume that the odometer was going to hit 111576 at some point, then the odds that it would happen on a November 15 of some year would be 1/365 = 0.27%. But I think the probability is actually lower, since you have to figure that probability of an old Jeep lasting 13 years and over 100,000 miles is less than 100%, and the probability that it will stay in the same family that entire time is even lower.

Still, I think it's pretty neat.

Happy Birthday, Sparks

If anyone is looking for what to get Sparks for his birthday, I dug up a letter (hand written! No spell check!) said Birthday Boy wrote me in 1994 regarding his music preferences:

"80% of the music that I listen to is alternative. Well, at least I used to think it was alternative until Mtv started calling bands like Pearl Jam and The Breeders alternative. Now I guess I have to say I like underground music. Some of my personal favorites are Ministry, Thrill Kill Kult, Coil, Skinny Puppy, Nine Inch Nails, Tear Garden, and The Legendary Pink Dots...In fact, the only thing I really hope you don't love is R&B. Please don't say that you have R Kelly's new one and everything Shai ever wrote."

Birthday wishes.

Inner Pirate: The Truest Thing I Have Ever Heard

Worthy Of A Congressional Investigation

Evil

ESPN wants Mark McGwire to "come clean" about this alleged steroid use. Well that's all fine and good, but ESPN, aren't you missing a bigger story here? Look at that pic! Look at his salute! OH NO! Now that I think of it, there was a spring training game in 1995 where I saw Mark McGwire smash a home run into straightaway center and instead of trotting around the bases, he goose-stepped around them. I demand an investigation!!!

Mystery Photo Of The Day

Evil

OK, you guys did too well on the last mystery photo (Gerald Ford)... see if you can guess this one. No clues this time!

Ask Sparks - Facial Hair Edition

Evil

Olympic golden boy Michael Phelps sucked ass at a recent swim meet. Granted, it wasn't a major meet and many of the top swimmers weren't even there, so not winning gold is probably not a huge deal.

But I was confused when I saw the picture of him in the pool... sporting a beard! Now everyone knows how swimmers shave themselves down to look feminine, I mean, to swim faster. Question for Sparks: Is Phelps not shaving his beard a big deal in terms of time-savings in the pool?

Whether it is or it isn't... it just seems to me that he totally doesn't give a crap. How hard is it to pull out a razor a shave your face? Most people do it every single day.

Who Even Is This Guy?!??!

This made me laugh/cry all at the same time.

How do I get Megan Fox to hang out with me in Vegas?

Mad Men Episode 13: Shut the Door, Have a Seat

It all comes to a head in a way we were sort of anticipating but in a way more fun manner than we could have ever hoped for.

Trudy rocks! Betty sucks! and Joan! More Joan!

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Before I get to fun; let's get some perfunctory stuff out of the way. Betty wants to divorce Don and is willing to relocate to Nevada with Henry Francis to make this happen. Don is all like "whatever" then goes nuts when Roger tells him that there is someone named Henry Francis in the mix then he comes about two inches away from beating her before he backs down. Why, you ask? We'll get to that in a minute.

Conrad Hilton summons Don. He tells him that McCann has bought PPL and since Connie was only dealing with SC as an alternative to his primary ad firm (McCann) this pretty much terminates their relationship. Don gets a little snippy and Connie goes all papa bear on him asking him if he is a whiner or a winner - Dick or Don? And then they have sex! No they don't, because Connie is his dad not his boyfriend. I have been confusing this relationship all season. What does that say about me?

This sends Don into a time vortex, where he revisits a memory of his old man quitting a farm collective that is getting screwed. Don resolves to be a winner and runs to Bertram!(?). Bert agrees to try to buy back SC from the Brits. Bert also papa bears Don and demands that he man up and apologize to Roger so he can join their conspiracy. Roger makes Don eat it till he admits that he needs Roger's client management skills, then he gives him some papa bear advice! (Somebody's no where near as a big a hobo as he thinks).

Finally, they approach Pryce with a proposal to buy the firm. He laughs them off, but only sort of, because really he likes these guys way better than he likes St. Johns and the rest of those uppity buggers back in England. Don has another flashback where his father finally relents and takes very little for his crops. Of course on his way to Chicago to get screwed he gets kicked in the head by his horse and dies! Don ain't going out like that. Eat it y'all. When Pryce finds out that St. John is packing him off to McCann as well, he does all the principals the favor of firing them all in exchange for partnership in their new firm.

The rest of the episode is the world's greatest heist movie. Can the fearsome foursome get everyone they want and enough clients to start a business before the Brits can cabosh the whole thing? Of course! Pryce calls a carpeting cleaning holiday on Friday December 13, 1963 so they can get rid of everyone. He then fires the three principals after close of business London time giving them the weekend to run out the back door with everything not nailed down to the floor and anyone who has bothered to innovate anything in the last three seasons.

Peggy - Don assume Peggy will come and she calls BS. She makes him eat it till he admits that she is (1) Good (2) Not simply an extension of his own pathos (3) a big girl now. Hey, is Don building a new family?

Peter - Peter is a total goon and no one likes him but Don is forced to admit to his face that Peter is in some ways more creative (aeronautics, the black market, teens) than the rest of them and if he can show up with 8MM in billings by Sunday he's in! As a partner! I'm glad Peter gets to stay. In my mind, Peter is one of the best developed characters on TV. As an Angel fan, I'm glad Vincent Kartherias is doing so well.

Trudy - Peter is only tolerable because Trudy keeps him on a short leash. When he tries to jerk Don and Roger around she takes control in a way that I, Roger and don all find hysterical. It's clear that Don and Roger would rather have Trudy around than either Peter or their own wives.

Harry - Harry is another innovator from the SC crowd, recognizing the television opportunity ahead of all others. When Bert propositions him he is at a loss about what to do. Evil Bert reappears and offers to stick him in a closet overnight if he doesn't accept. Harry starts grabbing boxes.

As much fun as recruiting this conspiracy is, these goons are useless unless the job calls for boozing, smoking or philandering. They want to steal everything but have no idea where anything is. Roger, recognizing he has both a boner and a need, summons Joan. Joan knows exactly what to do and arrives with movers and a working knowledge of everything they need to take.

By Monday, they are up and running in the Pierre Hotel having stolen about 40MM in annual billings. Don agrees to let Betty go because he no longer needs her. He has lived up to his Hobo Code and walked out of an unappealing situation but he managed to do so while building a new family, one he seems capable of communicating with. That's real growth! Nice job, Don!

This almost felt like a series finale in a lot of ways. I mean Don's arc in my mind has found its logical conclusion. Where do we go from here? A spin off about about a sassy black lady raising two white kids with horrible lisps? Maybe...

Music Video That Makes Me Happy

Aside from being an infectious song, these guys decided to make a video that invokes the opening to #5 on the Hose's official list of the Top 10 Movies of the 90s.

Happy thoughts all around....

Dear Apparel Industry

Why do you use L/G as an abbreviation for large? M works fine for medium. S works fine for small. XL works fine for Extra Large. How about and "L" for large? That should work fine, right?

Creepy Photo Of The Day

Evil

OMG! Click through to see Cubbies legend and 'roiding cheater Sammy Sosa... as a WHITE guy! He's white now. Creeeepy.

The Hosecast Episode 15: DZB and Relationships

DZB, star of everyone's favorite "Ask xTian", stops by gives us a relationship update and preview the season finale of Mad Men

Listen to the whole discussion here.

Unhappy Alum

Evil

What's wrong with the Columbia Lions?! Columbia lost yet another conference matchup today, this time to Harvard. And it wasn't even close, 34-14. Columbia is currently 2-6 overall, with a 1-4 conference record. The only conference win they have is over the sissies over at Princeton. (Boy, what a drubbing it was too... Columbia stomped all over Princeton 38-0.) Can someone get the Columbia football program straighted out already? Calling Herm Edwards! Calling Herm Edwards!

Shocking Fact Of The Day

Evil

Learned this while listening to the NPR Science Friday podcast: Elite marathoners can outrun horses over the marathon distance! That seems shocking to me.

The reason why man can beat out horse: because to keep up with man, the horse has to go into a gallop. And over the marathon distance (26.2 miles) and time (a little over 2 hours), the horse cannot sustain this pace because it can't keep itself cool enough. Indeed, I did some Googling and came across the Man vs Horse Race. Although most of these races were won by horses, the distance was only 22 miles (instead of 26.2) and the human runners weren't truly elite marathoners. They ran the 22 miles in a slower time than the best marathoners would run a full 26.2. So I think in a full marathon with the best marathoners, humans would win by a comfortable margin.

Household Conversations

Evil

Hey glass pitcher that I bought for 30 RMB at the supermarket, you suck as a pitcher! How can you claim to be a pitcher, yet you dribble liquid -- from the spout, no less! -- every time I try to use you. Isn't your fundamental function to be able to pour liquid without dribbling? Don't just sit there and look hollow. Answer me. You are such a disappointment. You're the exact opposite of comforter.

Hey comforter, you rock. I am so glad I found you on sale for only 69 RMB at the supermarket. Not only is that an awesome price, you are an awesome comforter. Using a bedsheet to cover myself just wasn't cutting it anymore now that Shanghai is starting to turn ass cold. Can you talk to pitcher and straighten him out for me? I can't have half of my home-brewed ginger tea spilling to the floor every time I try to have a glass. I mean, half a glass.

temp roommate update

Evil

the temp roommate was misbehaving earlier this week, so i had to put him into solitary confinement for a bit. i think he realized that he had made me mad, so once he got out, he was extra meek. i was taking a leisurely afternoon nap on the couch. the temp roommate came over, plopped his sad face on my belly and soon after decided that he needed to nap too.

World Series Hero and True Yankee Hideki Matsui Lives Up To Amusing Japanese Stereotype

Journalistically irresponsible sports blog (TIME Magazine Asian Edition) profiled Hideki Matsui for its Asian Heroes series a few years ago and wrote the following in paragraph 10:

Indeed, his only eccentricity, if it can be called that, is his extensive private library of adult videos. His refreshing ability to laugh self-deprecatingly about his porno collection, reporters say, is one reason why fans and even nonfans have taken to him so much. Says former reporter Isao Hirooka: "Hideki just wants to be like ordinary people."

Granted, I have known about this for several years but have not brought it up because really, who even is this guy? Right? Then he bats .900 against left handed pitchers and I decide this is worth rehashing...

My Hobby In An Alternate Universe

Evil

Wow! This guy sits in a moving boat and shoots fish jumping out of the water using a bow and arrow! That's some real skill. If I were a redneck, this would TOTALLY be my hobby of choice.

On a related note: The Hose Fishing Trip is on for Spring 2010. KillerB will be teaching all novice fishermen how it's done. See you in Lake George, NY!

World Champs!

Evil

Congrats to the New York Yankees! Hug away, guys! Hug like it doesn't even look gay! YAY! CHAMPS!

xTian Sighting

xTian showed up on someone else's sports podcast to talk WNBA, the Quiddich World Cup, centaurs and professional field hockey.

You can listen here.

Erotic Photo Of The Day

by popular request!!!

Should a Man This Fat Be My Governor?

NJ Gubernatorial Candidate Chris Christie shakes hands with voters before eating his young

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On my way to vote today in one of the elections that is a universal referendum on how people everywhere feel about our president (or not), I was accosted by a woman (possibly high on meth) in a green Chris Daggett shirt.

She asked if I was interested in learning more about Chris Daggett. I admitted I was, though not for the reason she thought. I had no intention on voting for him but earlier in the day I had said something to the effect of "Who even is this guy?" and felt uninformed. I don't like being uninformed. I have like one job as a citizen - vote for people I agree with, you do a little research and this is easy. Anyway, I tuned in for whatever she was banging on about.

She started by pointing out that I should trust no man as fat as Chris Christie. She pointed out that I should take this as a sign of his lack of self control. In addition being ludicrous she also made me nervous by her demeanor. She shrieked her thoughts as she bit on her thumb, and thrust her sign under her arm and used the other hand to address a running nose. She then looked at me and at took half a step back:

"I mean you're a big guy, but this man is OUT OF CONTROL". I reflected on how little self control I had as this woman blinked at me incessantly.

I asked about her view on Corzine. She blurted that incumbent John Corzine had had his chance and raised taxes and ruined everything for everyone everywhere. She then began screaming about her landlord and his personal relationship with Chris Daggett (whoever that is). I stayed engaged with her just so others could scoot by and vote but when the coast was clear I made a break for it. As I walked briskly, she yelled some more about how I should vote.

Inside, no one could find my registration and people stared at each other blankly until I started speaking Spanish. They a woman pulled out a provisional ballot and asked me to fill it out, seal it in the adjoining envelope and hand it back to her. I wonder if the tweaker had this hard a time voting...

I can't comment on whether Chris Christie being a fat f*ck (fact!) has anything to do with his self control but I will use the word "slovenly" to describe how he ran his content free campaign. His entire platform more or less added up to "vote for me! I'm not John Corzine! Who used to run Goldman! and is evil! and uses all your tax money to light cigars with his yuppie pals! in Hoboken! QED"

I hope he loses. Then I hope he takes left over campaign contributions and commissions a portrait of himself - half man- half elephant and hangs it over his bed.

Facebook Boo-Boos

Evil

Recently came across two Facebook-related "DOH!" moments. One is from a friend of mine and one was committed by yours truly.

From my friend's status message: [The new Facebook "suggestions" panel is creating alarming moments when friends who have passed away this year are presented as people I need to reconnect with.] Yikes, very sad!

And this one was from me:

One of my friends had posted a pic on his wall. The pic was of two super-buff body builder type dudes sitting on a beach towel. The were shirtless and their arms were around each other's waist. Way in the background of the pic was a stranger, also shirtless, showing his scrawny torso. I weighed in with the first comment: "That pipsqueak in the background needs to go pump some iron!!!"

The next time I log in (which is like 10 minutes later), I see like 8 notifications of people also commenting on his pic. But the comments were ALL something like, "Hey [C], sorry to hear about your loss" and "I'm so sorry, [C]. If you need to talk, I'm here."

WTF? I click on his profile to read his past status messages. And it turns out that one of the dudes in the photo was his ex-BF who had just died the previous day. So here I was making light of the photo while this guy is grieving.

But still! I mean, post a freakin' caption already. Don't just post a serious photo and leave it caption-less / context-less for ever a-hole on FB to comment on, right?

Bonus Photo Of The Day

Quickies

Evil

* At some point, someone stuck me with a counterfeit 50 RMB bill. I've been carrying it around in my wallet for weeks, afraid to use it. I finally offloaded it today while paying some odds-and-ends fees at the university!

* One of my neighbors is a mega douche. He always struts around with a scowl on his face. He think he's some tough guy. He lives at home with his mom and like 10 other relatives. All they do is argue all day long. And on top of that, they leave their door open most of the time so the sound can travel even better. (As if the walls in these cheap China apartments weren't paper-thin to begin with.) Yesterday, I actually visualized beating the shit out of this guy.

* Some people say, "People can't smell themselves." Well, that is not true because I'm pretty sure that my bedroom smells and it's because of me. Ever have one of those "war room" strategy sessions at work where they essentially lock 10 dudes up in a conference room til they figure out some grand plan? Think of how the conference room smells after a full day or two. That's what my bedroom smells like. What do I do? What do I do???

Photo Of The Day

If you guys want, I can also make the t-shirt version of this available on Cafe Press. Oh what the heck, I'll also make the thong version available. I know Manolo would want it that way.

Soon To Be World Series Hero and True Yankee ARod has his most Gay-Rodish Moment Yet

I read this 4 hours ago and can't stop laughing...

A Centaur? HAHAHAHAH

(i am totally going to copy this...)

What The F, Europe?

Evil

I do not know much about world history. In fact, I've only taken one history class and that was in high school and I slept through most of it. (Though to be fair, I think the teacher himself slept through most of it.)

I saw this headline in the NYT: "Europe Still Likes Obama, But Doubts Creep In"

The article is about how Europe is still not happy with Obama / The US in one way or another.

Can someone please explain to me what the F is wrong with the f'ing Euros? All they seem to do is bitch about one thing or another, while never stepping up to do the manly thing, like fight the war on terror. (Except for England. I think they've been OK.)

Mad Men Episode 12: The Grown Ups

Normally, watching people watch TV is decidedly un-compelling.

I know this. I recorded myself watching TV once and I could not imagine anything less interesting. This week, Mad Men decided to subject us to an hour of people watching TV.
More...Everyone is cold, then everyone is hot. The significance of this escapes me. Clearly, its significant. I think it was cold because that was most appropriate for the B plot of the week, where Campbell loses out in the head of accounts race to Ken. Then it suddenly gets very hot. Then Kennedy is shot in Dallas.

So, when you talk to people about the Kennedy assassination, they talk about Camelot and the loss of innocence. People have managed to turn into some larger statement about when America was great and suddenly started to grow up and become what it is now (something people sort of equate with something less than great).

Mad Men has, for the past three seasons, basically disagreed with this hypothesis. There was nothing particularly great or wonderful about late 50s/early 60s America. People were still the same self involved, petty weak people they are now. They were just better at hiding their flaws in a some sort of waspy, well mannered veneer.


I thought about this as I watched several characters on Mad Men use the Kennedy tragedy to their own ends. Jane uses it as a ploy to be a total brat at Roger's daughter's wedding. Betty uses it as an excuse to see the politician and build up the resolve to tell Don she no longer loves him. Duck uses it to bed Peggy. Roger uses it as another excuse to speak to Joan. Peggy's room mate used it as an excuse to host a party. Finally, and most demonstrably, Campbell uses it to turn Trudy against SterlingCooper.

So basically, none of them actually cared much about the Kennedy assassination at all. They just used it as a backdrop for their own pathology. Wild. People have been talking about how Weiner and Co. would handle the Kennedy assassination. I must say, I did not think it would be like this.

Of course, now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense. These small people, they get smaller every week.

Very demure lead in to a big season finale...will Betty leave Don? Will Peter leave SterlingCooper? Will Roger run to Joan? Will Peggy run to Duck? What about the Brits? What about...everything?

Sunday Morning Dancing

Read an article about Julian Casablanca's new album in the NY Times and decided to check the album out. Loved it, I figured between that, our recent conversation on Synth Pop and my recent obsession with Matt & Kim I would share this mix with you.

Wooo