Wishful Thinking

Evil



i just ordered 4 new running shirts from road runner sports. grand total came to $135.97. i dont even run anymore!!! why do i insist on lying to myself? why? someone help me.

Good Karma. Oh Crap, Now What?

Evil

got hold of an iphone yesterday. it wasnt even that hard. took me about an hour and a half. did it at 9:30pm at the flagship apple store. been playing with it for a little bit. it's a great device. love it. although i think i'm more excited about meeting this cool girl who was on line with me. turns out that she went to columbia too, but was a year ahead of me. she conveniently lives on the upper west side. she's cool and fairly snarky. we stood on line and mostly made fun of other people, especially the losers who were walking out of there with the 4Gb model. i mean, cmon! spend the extra hundred buck and go with the 8Gb. gonna meet her tonight for dinner.

What Is Happening In This Photo?

Evil
What is happening in this photo? Should I be scared? Should society in general be scared?

#16 on the right looks like he's licking his chops. Ready for something tasty? What, exactly? Are these men about to perform an act of violence on an unsuspecting young woman? Oh, that was the Mets of the early 90's, not this team.

What is #7, in the front, doing? Is he showing his teammates how wide he can spread his butt cheeks?

What about the camera man in the back? I think I recognize him from the Bang Bus series of videos. That man does some fine work.

Can we put the Mets in jail already?

What Does This Say About Us?

Evil

Here are the top 25 keyword searches that led visitors to The Hose:

1. thehose blogspot
2. thehose.blogspot.com
3. the hose xtian
4. zeytunas
5. ryan gosling
6. american idol
7. gael garcia bernal
8. ian rowe
9. "meg ryan's feet"
10. tim rosta
11. "mimi james"
12. "woody johnson" "jets" "married"
13. michelle kwan's ass
14. jenny finch
15. "bert is dominican"
16. "jordan from g string divas"
17. ryan gossling
18. blake lewis
19. http://thehose.blogspot.com
20. "16 year old boobs"
21. enema pictures giving and receiving
22. ryan gossling mickey mouse club
23. rina randomtica
24. thehose
25. "michelle kwan's ass"

Source: Data from Jan 1, 2007 thru June 26, 2007, via Google Analytics

Goodbye, Chris Benoit

Evil

The Rabid Wolverine... he did too young. I just got off the phone with Xtian... he's all broken up. Xtian really loved Chris Benoit. Not in a gay way.

Manolo Is In Shape

A circle is a shape, isn’t it?

Even though I have packed on the pounds over the years, I have never really suffered any self-esteem issues. All my life I have been comfortable with myself and who I am as a person. I am very happy with my station in life. I have been fortunate enough to have a great family, great friends, great job and loyal readers. Things always seem to work my way and in the immortal words of Yakov, I am one of “the few truly shiny people.” He refers to me as one of those bastards that have everything go their way and the sun is always shining on them and everything falls on their lap and so on…

I was happy with the current setup until this weekend. You see, I was having adult relations (with a young lady, evil) this weekend and after 2 ½ hours of thrusting and lifting and trying to contort myself to the ongoing proceedings, I just ran out of breath and couldn't go on…I was sweating like Paris Hilton in jail (do not care about Paris Hilton one bit but maybe this small reference about Paris Hilton will move us up in the Google rankings).

This lack in stamina has me concerned…Maybe this stamina situation it’s just a question of age or maybe its my out of shape behind, or it may be both but like any one worth his salt, I am not ready to throw in the towel. I need to reclaim my title as the “energizer bunny”

I have decided that today is a new day. I am going to change. Today I am going to start a new life regime. I will be exercising both my mind and body in order to become a better-rounded individual (no pun intended). I am going to start taking small baby steps. I will soon be canceling my Tivo subscription and reading more books. I will start doing some cardiovascular work. Hopefully I will soon come back to fighting shape and that 2 ½ hour hiccup will be a thing of the past…

As I stated before, I will be taking the first steps. I need someone to take me the rest of the way. I will be taking applications for life coaches in case anyone is interested in the job...

Mii

Evil

Aren't I handsome? That's my Mii, bowling.

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

Evil

Also, Chinese and Mexicans don't mix?

Ask Yakov (The Series)

Dear Yakov,

How did you get the name Yakov?

Happy Birthday, Big Head!

Evil

it's xtian's birfday. wish him a happy one, even if you dont like him (which makes all of us).

YouTube on apple tv

Evil



they finally finished the youtube integration in apple tv. now i can watch the fat kid on roller coaster on my 50 inch plasma instead of on the computer screen. i may never need to leave the couch again.

Manolo's Public Service Announcement #4

Threesomes are awesome!!!

Manolo Has A Threesome!

I had a threesome this weekend!!!

And no Evil, it wasn't like the time Big Shoulders, Xtian and you got together.

It was two real life women and myself...and even though it wasn't my first threesome, I still felt like I needed to share the news...

What's My Type?

Evil

i took an online myers briggs type indicator test. i came out as ISTJ.

Random Memories

Evil

i have a younger brother. growing up, he and i were partners in crime. we used to mix the chemicals in household cleaners and other items to see which would fizzle, sizzle, change colors, eat through cardboard. we'd then apply heat, sometimes cooking the concoction on the stovetop, but most often, we just throw lit matches into the brew. once, we burned a plate-sized patch of the rug. my dad fumed over it. but he never bought a new rug, so for years, we just covered up the burned area.

for about eight years, we lived on the 2nd floor of a two-family house. our living room faced Northern Boulevard, which was a five-lane street, two going in each direction and one turning lane. our house (well, we rented it, so it wasn't technically ours) was on the corner. when cars came to a stop at the traffic light, they were right below our living room window. i dont remember exactly how we developed this idea, but it was pure genius: we made shaving cream grenades out of Kleenex and shaving cream. Squirt a child-fist-sized lump of shaving cream into a sheet of Kleenex and pinch the ends together. we'd make a bunch of these and set them below the window. we'd watch the cars on Northern Boulevard stop at the red light. and just as the light turned green and the cars started their acceleration, we'd lob a shaving cream grenade onto the street. when we'd hit a car (which was often!), it would already be moving forward, so there was nothing the driver could do... except keep driving. we were geniuses who never got due credit. those were great times. my dad never caught on that we used his shaving cream to make these grenades, thanks to the fact that he had (and still has) this penchant for buying things in bulk. so we'd basically exhaust and entire can of shaving cream at a time and he never noticed when one or two can disappeared.

one summer, my brother and i perfected how to make rubberband guns out rubber bands and chopsticks. this must have been why i ended up going to an engineering college. mid way through the summer, we had a robust gun design that included a working trigger mechanism. this rubber band guns were powered by rubber bands (and held together by rubber bands too), but it didnt shoot rubber bands. no! it shot paper "V"s. you did NOT want to get hit with one of these V's because they hurt like a motherfucker. if you're like my sister and welt up easily, then you'd see little red V imprints on your skin.

i'm glad we came up with the rubber band guns because they were so much sophisticated than what we used the previous summer, which was slingshots fashioned from metal clothes hangers. for bullets, we used chick peas. those things are hard as rock. you can buy a pound of that stuff for 79 cents. in retrospect, i'm glad we never shot anyone's eye out because that was certainly a possibility. but we didnt realize it back then. there was one time when we were on a bus and landed a perfect bulls-eye on this mexican guy's bare belly. he had been sitting on his front stoop, shirtless, trying to beat the heat.

What an Indignity!

Evil


Following this news cast, he drove himself down to the police station, locked himself in a cell, and stuck his member into his own butt.

Manolo Surfs The Web

Today was a crappy day and I had no desire whatsoever to do any work...

Therefore, I spent all day online watching videos such as this one or this one with Will Ferrell.

I also spent a few hours playing the Redistricting game...

Manolo Barely Survives The Night

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Celebrity Dating Advice

Evil
How to pick up a girl in a bar... celebrity dating advice from James Carville:

"Go ugly, early."

As quoted from Meet The Press, this past weekend.

Happy Birthday!

Evil

Today, The Hose is 4 years old!!! (Well, 4 years and 22 days.) Happy Birthday, The Hose! Congrats to you and all your Hosers.

Scenes from a Party Part 1

She was fuming as I stared at her. I could not look away. I stood there. I watched her stand up adjust her panties and pull up her skirt
"F*ck you" she said "I am suffering from performance anxiety...I can't pee...our argument has ruined the mood"

All I could think was "Thank f*cking god"

As we depart the restroom we run into the chap she came with. I pat him on the back and keep walking "let's grab a drink"...I don't want to beat him silly. I'm sad that it may come to that.

I walk over to my friend sangay who was like "whats wrong with you?"

"[she] just dragged me into the bathroom and tried to make me watch her pee...that was wierd..."

Two days later, Sangay leave a message on my cell phone that summed up the surrealness of the situation

"did you tell me at that party that [she] dragged you into a bathroom to watch her pee...or did I dream that up?"

I Confess... this concert was strange

A few weeks ago a chum of mine made me aware of the fact that The English Beat would be performing live in Hoboken. I was shocked for a few reasons:
The venue in question (Maxwells) was quite small and the English Beat are like a really big deal.
Who knew the English Beat were still touring, much less in hoboken...I mean they broke up into like two separate bands...totally random

Then I recanted this idea because in truth the Beat were never than big but it was an anticident of two very important late 80s bands...General Public and the Fine Young Cannibals. But the in the mid 80s when I was too young to be hip the music of the beat really resonated with me, the fun horns, the vaguely punk guitar riffs, a vaguely raggaeish baseline...the faux dandy act of the lead singer...it was really freaking fun...

Lots of important questions came to mind:
What do you get when you show up to a concert in Hoboken for a not quite popular mid 80s, new ware, british ska/punk band that never had a US hit?
Answer: 200-300 people, of preposterously inconsistent ages and demographics...a handfull or rastas, reformed english hooligans transplated to NY, a couple of young kid hipsters, late 30s bankers how just spent two hours talking their sister in law into watchig their kids...ME...It was quite a site...
What does a band full of people who could be categorized as wierd in the 80s look like 20 years later?
Unsurprisingly, nothing at all like you would expect...but for a completely different reason than the one you would expect: The Beat was an 8 piece band featuring the original lead singer and several guys in their early 30s. He had replaced every...David Wakeling had coopted the band's name and image..dude...what about Ranking Roger? Where is RR?
What do people do at an English Beat Concert?

Surpisingly enough the fellow next to me took his shirt off and threw it at the crowd...that was weird, most other people skanked till their knees hurt (if they were over 40)...many people sat on these weird bleachers...everyone sang along...to everything...but most excitedly to "I Confess" which Wakeling can no longer quite hit the high notes on...that's ok dude, you're like 50...

Kurt Cobain

Evil

Sunday night. Drinking alone. Watching a documentary on Kurt Cobain. I miss Kurt Cobain. He was only 27. He died 12 years ago. Is that possible?

For A Fleeting Moment, I Felt Like A Kid Again

Evil

I went to the corner grocery store to buy three serrano chilis. The Korean lady rang up my purchase: 22 cents. I took a quarter out of my pocket and put it into her open palm. She gave me three pennies in change.

Apple TV Product Review

Evil

My apple tv came in the mail yesterday. I immediately hooked it up and have been using it ever since... IT'S AWESOME. I love it. I haven't actually used any of the "TV" features in apple tv yet, just the music features, which is really why I bought it.

My Setup

apple tv basicallys let me (automatically) sync my entire itunes library over to the apple tv hard drive. the apple tv is in turn connected to my flatscreen tv (Panasonic TH-50PX60U), which is then connected to the home theater speaker system (Panasonic SC-HT940). The apple tv supports HDMI output, but I'm already using the 2 HDMI ports on my Panasonic TV, so I had to use the component video and component audio outputs on the apple tv, which I guess is OK. The Panasonic TV connects to the home theater system via HDMI. The cool thing about HDMI is that it allows 2-way digital communication between devices, so for example, when I'm playing music on the apple TV, my Panasonic TV knows to automatically shut off its own speakers and play everything through the home theater system speakers, which are of course, much better.

This sure beats my old setup for playing music, which consisted of an Apple Airport Express connected to the home theater speaker system via a 3.5mm analog mini-Audio jack. (Booo!) In this setup, I'd play music in iTunes and stream it over the air (AirTunes) on the wireless network and into my speaker system. That's still pretty cool though, right? But one of the downsides is that it's inefficient to stream music through the wireless network every time you play a song, because it slows down my wireless network for other stuff that I might be doing at the same time. Also, when there was a lot of network traffic, the music sometimes got choppy, even with the maximum buffer length allowed by iTunes.

apple TV - The Good

Well, definitely the looks, but that's obvious. And at $300, the cost is reasonable. The video output to the TV is amazing. Really takes advantage of the 1080i capabilities of the TV. As opposed to what I used to do, which was connect my MacBook Pro to the TV via DVI. For some reason, I was never able to get good resolution doing it that way. Plus, who wants a stupid DVI wire running from the laptop to the TV anyway? That's sooo uncool (like Manolo).

apple TV - Improvements I'd Like to See

First, they need to get the announced YouTube integration done ASAP!!! C'mon, get on it, people! Watching a blubbery fat kid blubber away in a roller coaster will be even funnier on a 50 inch plasma screen.

In general, the software on apple TV is pretty bare bones. I know this is the first release, but it's still a little disappointing that they didn't build in more features. For example, I'd definitely like to see more screen savers. Right now, you get to choose between having an apple logo bop around your screen or having a collage of your iPhoto photos, which can also be sync'd over from your computer. They should implement the Visualizer effect in iTunes -- no brainer!

Overall Rating

Overall, I'd give apple tv 4 stars (out of 5). Once they get YouTube videos integrated, it'll be totally kick ass at 4.5 stars. And with some additional software features to make things more customizable, apply tv could easily be the first 5-star product rated by The Hose since the bread slicer.