Bachelorette Night

Sparks is again on the road, so I am a bachelorette tonight. I just put down the Cha and am settling for a night of Idol, but while I wait around to see if the Cha will go to sleep or talk a bit or decide he needs another stuffed animal/new diaper/one more hug, I turned on the TV and there's a Giants v. Dodgers game on. The announcer says a kid named Clayton Kershaw is the starting pitcher. This kid graduated from the high school at which I taught in Texas. From the same class, another kid named Matthew Stafford became the starting quarterback at the University of Georgia.

Several pre-cocktail thoughts:
1. This is not normal for there to be two very good athletes in the same graduating class, right? I know there are athletic feeders and academies, but this is just a public school.

2. No one gave a hoo-ha about this baseball kid, but boy, did that qb walk on water. Still seems to me that being a 21 year old starting pitcher for the Dodgers is more notable than being a college quarterback.

3. I am trying to recall someone from my graduating class who went on to any kind of public life. Cannot. Can you?
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Okay, cocktail time. The Cha wanted Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. See you tomorrow, Sparks!

Booooo, Young People

I have real trouble accepting the success of people younger than I (b. 1976) am. I still recall vividly the first time it ever happened. I tuned into the 1996 World Series hoping to watch Derek Jeter (b. 1974) and the Yankees beat up on the Atlanta Braves. Suddenly the coverage turned from Jeter to some punk-ass 19 year old phenom named Andruw Jones (b. 1977) playing for the Braves. I was 19 at the time, too, but I was turning 20 the following month, and he wasn’t turning 20 for another 6 months. “Holy crap,” I thought, “that guy is younger than me, and he’s kicking ass on TV.”

I’ve had to get over this in a few subsets of life’s situations. Sports, obviously, is dominated by men 5-10 years my junior (hola, Nadal, b. 1986). It’s also now acceptable for someone in the post-1976 crowd to star in a TV show or a movie. But in the serious and thoughtful world, I am still too young to have accomplished anything noteworthy, which is the only reason why I haven’t. I’m still learning the ropes. Of course, once I’m Jeffrey Immelt’s age (b. 1956), I’ll be running a huge company. By the time I’m Michael Lewis’ age (b. 1960), I’ll be writing awesome works of non-fiction. By the time I’m Barak Obama’s age (b. 1961), I may well be president.

Imagine my disgust when I read today that the newest NY Times Op-Ed columnist will be some 29-year-old douche. Twice a week this clown is going to share space with Nobel Laureate economist Paul Krugman (b. 1953), smartest-man-in-the-GOP David Brooks (b. 1961), and everyone’s favorite alarmist Thomas Friedman (b. 1953). There are only two interpretations:

1. I am plenty old enough to have gathered the life experience and thoughtful, nuanced policy opinions necessary to command a bi-weekly article in the world’s largest opinion platform. I’ve failed to do so for some other reason entirely: perhaps a failure of intellect or drive. I should resign myself to this fact, as I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never win the French Open.

2. The NY Times has made an egregious mistake. This is nothing more than some focus-group-tested scheme to harness the “youth market” so they can sell online ad space to J. Crew (sorry, KB1, b. 1975). Reading the political opinions of a Gen-Yer will quickly becoming tedious. His contract will not be renewed next year and he will be replaced by disgraced Bush-era frontman Ari Fleischer (b. 1960).

Let’s all hope it’s #2. One good sign: the Times article announcing the change is titled “A 29-Year Old Joins Times Op-Ed Lineup.” HA! If it were Fleischer, I doubt the title would be “A 48-Year Old Joins Times Op-Ed Lineup.”