Katy Perry: Hot (and attractively b*tchy)

Did anyone catch American Idol last night? I have been DVRing but not watching. After reading some commentary that Katy Perry was a little out of order I decided to check it out. Several quick observations

-Katy Perry is like an anime character brought to life - alabaster skin, huge blue-green eyes, dark hair and about 70% legs. If she were a vampire, I would have lost my pants after about 30 seconds

-Why does she hate Kara? Did Kara stiff her on some song writing royalties? How much are you willing to pay for a porn staring Kara and Katy? Please note, I am too embarrassed to answer this question myself

-Avril Lavigne is motherf8cking weird yo! First off she has very pronounced canines and she was wearing a hoody with horns. WTF?

Remembering Kellie Pickler's Prom Dress

With all the chaos going on these days - the health care debate, Tiger's harem, Top Chef finale, war strategy, White House party crashers, etc., it's easy to lose track of what's really important, like what Kellie Pickle wore to her prom.

KillerB is here to keep us all focused.

And In Adam Lambert News...

Evil

Adam Lambert News Item #1: Looks like Adam Lambert might be the new lead singer of Queen! Brian May wants him. He sooo wants him. (See pic above.)

Adam Lambert News Item #2: Adam and Clay Aiken had a little bit of a bitch fight recently. Hah! How gay. Read the recap here.

American Idol Rewind Rewind

KillerB2 and I watched the show tonight. Instead of prattling on, I thought I would look for one part of the show to comment on. I just watched Allison sing Time After Time with Cyndi Lauper, and I think I'll go out out a limb to say America got it wrong - 3 weeks ago.

This girl has the chops. I love the way she attacks the microphone even during the tender parts of a song like Time After Time. I know Evil and I (and probably others) were upset when she was voted off - and now - in hindsight, I think we were right.

All I know is that when I hear her voice on the radio next year, I won't wonder whose it is.

Idol Out.

Idol Rewind

I had planned to watch the show with KillerB2 tonight and then write a short post. But now it is 10:30, and KillerB2 is nowhere to be found. I haven't watched a bit of the show - so I don't have anything to write, except that I know who won thanks to a flurry of Facebook status messages. Doh!

Anyway, talk amongst yourselves, I guess.

Also, if you see my wife, tell her I'm waiting patiently at home, ready to fire up the DVR.

American Idol Rewind - OMG Edition

This is it!!!! This is the Superbowl. This is the hottest date of your life. This is ordering a 6-piece, and finding 7 pieces!!!!!

Randy is wearing a tie. A TIE! Past contestants are litering the crowd. Tomorrow night's show is already running long!! This is amazing!!!! This...is...AMERICAN IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, for what we give a hoot about (after the jump).

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Adam - Mad World. Nice. He wore a trench coat. Nice. He had a fog machine imported from the Monsters of Rock tour. Nice. He contorted his face. Nice. I like this song choice. I think for a lot of Hosers this was an OMG moment this season when we were like, "Oh My God."

Kris - We learn he gave his mom music coupons when he was a kid. Cute? Disgusting? eBay Gold? It's a fine line. Aint No Sunshine. Another great choice. It must have been temtping to bring that Kanye song back - but too soon. Nice restraint not too. KillerB rule of music - If you can add strings to a song, do. Makes such a difference. Kri$' wife $miled. Black vest over a t-shirt? eh.

Round 1 Results: Tie.

I'm thinking about:
Simon - always reminding people this is a competition?
Kara - looks a little cold/worried/stressed tonight
Ryan - too much caffeine today?
Danny Gokey - so tough sitting in the crowd.
The rest of the contestants in the crowd - icing.

Adam - Change is gonna come. He even brought back his Mario Lopez suit! Really is remarkable how effortless he moves from emo/mod in the first performance to blues/soul in this one - and neither are half-assed. Such range in his voice - and genre - which of course makes you wonder (cliche alert) what kind of artist is he gonna be?

(style note: I don't like it when you can see the stitching on the collar of a suit - as with Adam's tonight - but I know a lot of expensive suits do this? This seems unacceptable to me? Am I wrong? Sparks - please respond with a post)

Kris - What's going on. Now on the guitar. I really believe the guitar is what got him through this week, and it might be what makes him a contender this week. Chicks out there, raise your hand if you dig a guy that plays a guitar (killerB counting). It's unanimous. Chicks dig a guy that plays acoustic guitar.

Round 2 Results: Adam

Things I'm thinking about:
Randy - complaining about song choice, when Simon Fuller chose the song. Randy - WTF?
Simon - "million percent Adam". British have historically been better with letters than numbers.

No Boundries - a Kara vehicle. Pretty despicable way to end a season if you ask me - giving us some song we've never heard of by one of the judges. Breath. Mountain. Pain. Hurricane. Dreams. No Boundries..... Barf. (Simon - nice jab at Kara - "I'm not gonna judge that song, I'll judge you." Zing).

Adam - well, of course he made it sound like something we like.

Kris - hmmmm - missing the guitar and piano.

One thing I do like about this is that by singing the same song we finally have a great equalizer. We don't have to wonder what so and so would have done. We have a real point of comparison.

Round 3: Adam

American Idol Winner: Adam



Ladies and gentleman, it has been my pleasure recapping this season of American Idol. I look forward to next season. KillerB

Idol Bracket Update

Here's the updated Idol graph. As you all know, we only tabulate a score once a contestant is booted from the show. The current score thus hides a few skeletons. KB1, Manolo, xTian and I all have Kris going out relatively earlier, so our scores are going to spike next week when his final place is established (a reminder: lowest score wins). In fact, the winner has already been determined, no matter what happens next week. But I'll wait until next week to reveal the winner.

American Idol Recap Rewind, Rewound

First of all, the vote totals are absolutely astounding. Did I hear Ryan say 85 million? There were 130 million votes cast in the 2008 presidential election. I know people can vote more than once on AI, but that is still a remarkable statistic.

Run down after the jump.

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Danny’s profile: Man, Milwaukee really came out for Danny. People are running, crying, making all sorts of Midwestern noises. There are inappropriately dressed 7th grade cheerleaders hugging a 30 year old man. He has a black best friend! It’s all too, too perfect. I’m a bit concerned about Conway.

Kris’ profile: Holy cow, that’s a lot of people. I bet Conway hasn’t seen a crowd that big since the last Klan rally. They did a good job, but not the tear-jerker Milwaukee pulled off. The most touching moment was Kris hugging his father. He could have done that in LA. Funny that the Conway planners threw Kris’ wife in the parade with him. They must not have gotten the memo.

Music interlude. Fun fact: the first time Catjjy and I ever left the Cha with a babysitter was to go see the Season 6 AI tour, starring this chick (and my looky-likey, Phil Stacey). We didn’t even watch the show back then, but our friend’s company had a corporate suite, and we wanted to check that out. The AI tour is actually really terrible. The performers are very busy trying to cut their own record deal and record their own songs. Nobody wants to be in Houston on a Sunday night, singing Extreme covers for a half-packed basketball arena of 14 year old girls.

Adam’s profile: Here’s the thing about California: we all have something better to do. Who is going to go to some huge parade to see an AI star when you can just go to Fred Segal and see Nicole Kidman shopping for t-shirts? Or better yet, go hike or surf or get tweaked on meth? It’s not surprising that he can’t pull a 30,000 person event like the other two.

Music interlude II: Whoa! Look at Katy Perry (aka, the Flavor of the Month)! What a costume! What a showman! This is a fine reminder that one does not need to be a fantastic singer to be an entertaining pop star. There is hope for Kris yet.

Finale: Kris made it! I had him going out right after Scott “The Blind Guy” McIntyre. And Adam made it!! Thank goodness. I’m not sure we would watch an Adam-less final.

See you on the Shaker Heights wedding circuit, Danny.

American Idol Rewind

TOP 3 TOP 3 TOP 3 TOP 3 TOP 3 TOP 3 TOP 3

How far we've come from just 7 weeks ago.

Adam Kris and Danny each perform 2 songs - a judges choice, and an artists choice. Let's see how this goes after the jump

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The show starts on a peculiar scene when Paula texts (sexting?) Danny and assigns him a Terance Trent D'arby song. Oh. OK. sure. TTD. Why not? I know why not! Because TTD is really just the 3rd member of Milli Vanilli? Right? So Danny did his best - but really - this seemed like a case of contestantcide. Paula set him up to fail BY GIVING HIM A TERENCE TRENT D'ARBY SONG! She must be sleeping with TTD. But honestly, Danny got screwed. The judge with obvious headcase issues gets to pick a song for him? Did the producers see her make an ass of herself last week? Stage diving into the arms of a bunch of dudes while 'performing'? Ugh.

Kara and Randy give Kris Apologize by One Republic. I've never heard of the song, or the band, and I'm a music fan. Uh Oh. Also, Kris' blue nail polish on his left thumb was really chipped. Really. Go back and watch the tape. Weird. (Editors note: I think I do recognize the song now. I think). Solid performance. Nice to have him back behind the keyboard. He's the only instrumentalist left. Should totally push that angle. Really made the most of this song.(YAY Simon for taking KARA to task about song choice).

Randy's new blue glasses are HOT.

Adam gets One by U2. THIS THING IS FIXED! Simon gets BONO to give permission, and Danny gets Terence Trent D'arby? WTF? And he made the crowd cry. Of course. Though, I might go out on a limb to say he changed it up a bit too much? Agree?

Kara says Lambert is a strategist - so he and I have that in common. I'm a high flying marketing (strategy) executive.

So, my $.02 on the judges picking songs: get rid of it next year. Seems fishy in a competition that already gets its share of conspiracy theorizing.

Danny "the human head weighs 8 pounds" Gokey. You are so Beautiful by Joe Cocker. Not bad for a dead wife allusionist. Also a must have for any wedding singer, so good to get this under his belt. Of course, I can't think of Joe Cocker without thinking about the Wonder Years, which I love. It's weird seeing Jonathan Lipnicki with a beard.

Kris "what wife" Allen. Singing Heartless by Kanye "George Bush Hates Black People" West. Didn't expect this. Got the guitar on for this one. NICE. Really rub this instrument thing into Danny's bearded face. Regardless of what happens to Kris Allen this version of this song will be an iTunes hit. I bet Sparks and Catjjy have already downloaded it. I can picture them and their perfect life playing this in their perfectly practical and fuel efficient car while driving to a perfect Pacific beach with a perfectly packed picnic.

Adam - Aerosmith - Crying. This is in his wheelhouse. This is Lambert's way of playing it safe. The beta on this song choice was low.

Prediction: Will be seeing Kris and Adam in the finals. Will be seeing Danny on stage at your niece's wedding in St. Louis, Summer 2011.

American Idol Rewind - Special Edition

THIS....IS......HOMECOMING PARADE WEEK

This is sink or swim week for the families and communities that have brought us our final 3. It's a lot of pressure on the hometowns. No hometown wants to be seen as apathetic, or unsupportive, or, frankly, full of fat and ugly people.

Some key things to look out for that might determine which is the most American hometown.
- Which hometown will find the best vintage convertible to drive their favorite son around in?
- Which hometown will dress their teenage cheerleaders most inappropriately for the cameras?
- Which hometown's mayor most resembles Mayor Quimby?
- Which hometown names a street after their favorite son?

My guess is that Conway Arkansas (you read that right Sparks) will be the hands down winner (with a lot of unsavory film left on the editing room floor). The south has a way of making these things happen. Perhaps it's the high unemployment rate, but somehow they always manage to be available in the middle of the day for this stuff. What do you think?

To this point, my vote for best Hometown Parade ever has to be Elliot Yamin returning to Richmond Virginia (arguably in the south). Who will ever forget his mother in the back of that convertible!!!(3:15 in the video below). And she met the Governor for crying out loud!!! Good Gravy!!!

Rewinding Idol Rewind

Now that we are down to our final 3 I thought it might be a good time to look to the past to see what the future might hold. This Wordle is the summary of all of our posts and comments related to Idol (excluding the bracketology discussions). I've eliminated some common words ("like", "just" etc.) and made names all one word (AdamLambert in stead of Adam Lambert).

Based on this it seems pretty clear that Adam has generated the most interest and would appear to be the front runner.

(Click on the Image to see it more clearly)

More Slash On American Idol Preview

Oh man oh man oh man. This is going to be the best week of Idol ever. G-n-R was my first and last band crush. Twenty years ago, every inch of my wall was covered in posters of these sweaty, gnarly grown men. I don’t know what my parents must have thought of all that, but they were wise enough not to interfere.

I’ve spent the morning re-aquainting myself with their catalogue, with an eye towards picking songs that are Idol-worthy. First thought: Use Your Illusion was a really ambitious project. It also came out at the absolute apex of the music video genre. The videos for November Rain and Don’t Cry taken together are a stand alone rock opera.

Sadly, many of G-n-R’s songs don’t have enough vocal range and/or rely too heavily on a world-class guitar soloist to be interesting on this show. The exception is Sweet Child O’ Mine.



Predictions after the jump.

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In a perfect world, Adam and Allison would have to arm wrestle over who gets to sing this one. Either of them would absolutely kill with it. But here’s what I think will happen instead:

Kris “What Wife?” Allen will perform “Hey Jealousy” accompanied by a calypso steel drum, completely missing the point of Rock Week entirely. He’ll need a lot of 14 year old girls to save him this week, because he will be by far the worst performance.

Danny “Downy Jr.” Gokey will very competently pound out a power ballad that slyly reminds us all that he lost a young wife. “Faithfully” by Journey would be good, or “When I See Your Smile” by Bad English.

Allison “Reverting to a Brunette” Irahera should cover a male rock singer, but instead will go with a female rocker. She has two choices here. She can bring down the house with Blondie’s “Call Me,” or she can wail through an indifferent Heart song, probably “Alone.” Her track record suggests she’ll take the latter.

Adam “Winner” Lambert is in a bit of a pickle. As mentioned above, he should go with “Sweet Child,” but it doesn’t fit his strategy for two reasons. First, he’s at his best when he chooses interesting arrangements of relatively obscure songs (e.g., “Mad World”). Second, he alternates fast and slow every week, and this is a slow week. It’s hard to guess what he might do, but it will be something like “When the Children Cry” by White Lion.

American Idol Rewind

We’re in!!

First off, a word about the episode theme: Rat Pack, although every single one seems to really be from a musical written by Cole Porter or Ira Gershwin in the ‘30s….so let’s call this show the American Songbook episode. EVERY song is durable, impeccably written, so that even we could sing it and you would still say, “wow, great song.” Note to husband: don’t ever sing me “My Funny Valentine”, which is the biggest backhanded compliment song ever written…”You’re ugly, but I love you, isn’t that funny?” Blech.

Also, what’s up with KB1 suddenly becoming an NBA fan? You think you know a guy after 7 years. NBA finals last like 4 months, so I assume he is out for the duration of Idol. Reviews after the jump.

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Kris “What Wife?” Allen – He picked perhaps the best song of the group, and chose the swingin’ Frank Sinatra arrangement. Smart move. He wore a nice suit. Catjjy thinks his stage presence is small. He’s in the bottom two of the remaining contestants in terms of actual singing ability, so he benefited mightily from going first this week. Did anyone else notice that he is building up his heart-throb cred? No mention of his young wife during that very romantic song. Not even a quick shot of her in the stands.

Allison “Transitioning Back to Brown Hair” Iraheta – Another very good song choice. Very loung-y, perhaps the next Diana Krall. She still feels like she is killing at a talent show, rather than headlining at the Bowry Ballroom.

Matt “What Mole?” Giraud – The judges say this is a very difficult song to sing. I’ll take their word for it. It certainly isn’t very fun to listen to, then or now. So long, Matt.

Danny “Downy Jr.” Gokey – Continues to compile his resume for Best Wedding Singer in the MidWest. KB1 made that comment weeks ago, a bit facetiously. We mean that as a real compliment. He’s going to get people out on the dance floor, wailing out “Brick House” and the like. But, again, we aren’t lining up to buy his first album.

Adam “Theater Queen” Lambert – Goes the full Liza this week: over-the-top Broadway camp. Love a man whose suit matches his teeth. We reiterate our comment that he seems to get preferential use of lighting and stage props. We can’t WAIT for the rock episode. And, of course, the forthcoming vampire puppet rock opera.

Come back next week, KB1!

American Idol Recap - The Wrath fo Girard?!?!?

It's Disco Night! and Ryan welcomes us by reminding us that "THIS....IS AMERICAN IODL". I am so pumped to be covering for KillerB this week I can't stand it, Especially on Disco Night! I am already hoping that Allison sings Barry White's "Ecstasy". I am also hoping Danny does something like the BeeGee's "Inside and Out" because though the disco era was primarily about the boogie in many ways it was also about the inversion of sexual roles. We should never forget that. Also, if anyone should own this week, it's Lil...I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

We'll do some recapping inside the jump
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• Lil Rounds does the best Chaka Khan impression she can dig up. She has fun with it, gets the crowd involved and makes sure everyone sees her amazing ass, seriously that thing is a coffee table. Grabbing at Randy won't help baby. You don't look enough like Ryan. Blah blah blah, no artistry, no sense of self. It's rinse repeat every week between the judges and Lil. Truth be told, I couldn't disagree with their assessment of Lil's skills any more.
• Kris Allen has a guitar slung over his shoulder. I want to hide when Ryan announces Kris will sing "She works hard for the money". Kris admits that he thinks he can do this because its "a story", "about a woman", who "works hard for the money". umm...Ok! Kris validates my lack of confidence by doing a lazy John Meyer impression, it might be a Matt Nathanson impression, which makes it all the more sad. He is totally bailed out on the arrangement by the band, which showcases the timbales and other Caribbean percussion instruments. Kara loves the risk, and calls it a "four on the four" song. Paula fails to make any sense by invoking shopping in the women's department, La Perla (product placement $$) and Santana in one breathe. Simon has no idea what Paula is talking about and likes this better than Lil's performance. Randy wants to take Kris on a date. I'm already regretting this assignment
• Ryan is hiding from Randy up in the rafters when he announces Danny doing "September" by Earth, Wind and Fire. This is my second favorite disco song. I baddy ah baddy ah along to the this inspired brilliance. His background singers are really off key. I wonder if this is an allusion to his dead wife in anyway. Randy likes the song but wants to bang Kris more so his comments are overly technical. Kara's goes to our first "pitch" reference of the night. Her make up is really bad tonight. She simultaneously washed out and shiny. Paula does want to bang Danny. Simon is a little bored by the performance and rightfully points out that Danny has no star power and is a bit clumsy.
• Allison does "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer. She makes this song her bitch and tramps it up all over the stage. Even though she closely resembles a penguin in a red wig while doing it. Randy calls it over-indulgent but loves her anyway, possibly because she sounds like a dude. Kara uses her fingers too much when critiquing and fails to take any meaningful pro or con position. Paula loses me. Simon qualifies that "taking everything into account it was a brilliant performance". ? What is he taking into account - her stupid hair color or the overstuffed catwoman look?
• Adam's stylist dresses him like Eddie Munster. His pompadour is awesome. Adam does "If I can't have you" from the Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack and his forthcoming puppet/vampire/alt-rock opera, which he makes totally unrecognizable...really...umm... not in a bad way, it was entertaining but maybe not what I was looking for on Disco Night. It was well done, just totally surprising. Randy invokes his first "dawg" of the night then tells Adam he's "ready right now". I suppose he means for a hot beef injection. Kara calls him the guy from Saturday Night Live meets Clark Kent. She is also is inspired. Me too, I finally figured out what freaks me out about Paula as she sobs and gushes over Adam. She looks like my mom in 1984. She accuses him of "tearing out [his] heart and leaving it on the stage". Simon can't contain his laughter. Adam does a classy move and thanks the dude who did his arrangement. Important aside - my mom has always wanted to do John Travolta. It's a fact. She has watched "Staying Alive" maybe a dozen times.Ryan puns his way into a commercial as we cut Matt "The White Man's Justin Timberlake" Girard hoping to "Stay Alive"
• Matt is full Timberlake gear as he Daniel Powters his way through "Staying Alive". I have the suspicion he did not discuss arrangement with the backup singers before the show. Randy "dawgs" his way into the bad stuff - song choice, arrangement and talks up his singing abilities. Kara likes to see him move and harshes a "solid" into his mellow. Paula does the supportive mother bit that I never got from my mom. Simon speaks truth and points out it sucked and actually calls him "desperate". Ryan promises Anoop. Going into the break, we cut to Anoop in a tan suit that would really look good on me this summer on Nantucket. There's a rule against people that goofy being big time pop stars right?
• We pound through some product placement Coca Cola stuff and then listen to Anoop try to Aaron Neville his way through "Dim All The Lights" by Donna Summer. I just about kill myself that was so mediocre. Randy runs to his "everyone can sing and is so talented" damning with faint praise. Kara gets off the treadmill she was running on during the break long enough to mention how much she likes the arrangement, song choice and actually says "this could be on the radio". Seriously, can get this woman some foundation or something, she's sweating all over the place. Paula loves his teeth. F you Mom. Simon grounds us in reality and throws words around like "horrible". Anoops parents are finally into the mix, we see them in the audience pshawing Simon during his comments. Ryan says "Simon doesn't think Anoop is pretty in pink". Do they let him come up with this stuff on his own?

Couple of thoughts going out - did they have to share one Donna Summer album or something? Could no one mix it up a bit?

What about some "Boogie Wonderland", "Brickhouse", "Do you love what you feel?" anything like that?

See ya in hell Anoop and Matt!

American Idol Bracket Clarification

We all knew the judges wouldn't have the grapes to use their one "save" in a late round. Last week they used it to save Matt "What Mole?" Giraud, so that he could go out tied for 6th place instead of alone in 7th. I think we all agree that this isn't a compelling addition to the show. Perhaps next season they will allow rejected contestants to arm wrestle Simon for survival.

We didn’t know exactly how this feature was going to work when we put out the brackets last month. Now that we do know, it is worth clarifying how scores will be tabulated. This week two contestants will be eliminated. For scoring purposes, both contestants will be given a 3 (even if the producers announce their relative rank). Next week’s reject will go out as number 5. There will not be a number 4.

The Hose Idol Bracket

After two weeks, some early observations

• Gong Gong and Pou Pou had extra information as we only got their brackets in after Megan's elimination.


• Killer B #2 does not seem to be emerging as a leading contender


• Another week, another strong anoop performance, another week where MG and Catjjy's fortunes look bleak


• my mid round elimination of Allison is looking dumb. If I was picking this week, I would project a fight to the death between her and lambert


• I had this whole jag of ceilings thought up, but it breaks down, because i am actually worried about "floors" here, so now I'm all turned around

Click here to see full/current results.

Madness

Last night Adam Lambert performed the Tears For Fears classic Mad World. This had me searching for the original, which I have heard on '80's radio, but was really too young to have known as a new song. The video includes an exceptional display of New Wave dancing beginning at 1:45, including an amazingly bizarre 40 second solo demonstration starting at 2:15. You have to appreciate the dancer's confidence and tenacity for what is truly one of the silliest things I've ever seen someone do in earnest. More importantly, this will be worked into my 30-second circle dance routine for upcoming weddings. Too bad I couldn't break this out at the Killer B shindig.

American Idol Rewind

Top 8 – The Baby Photo Episode.
Weird Bald Guy in the audience? WTF? KGB?

Really solid episode tonight. Performances spanned the range. No corny guest artist. Ryan was on. Even the judges managed to hold up their end of the bargain and not ruin it for everyone. Though I wish it were 90 minutes - the songs and arrangements felt rushed.

Based on what I’ve seen so far this season, I’d like to look into my crystal ball and introduce my predictions for what we can expect from these people 5 years from now.

Danny – Highest paid wedding singer in the Midwest. His father is his manager.
Kris – Bought a sailboat. Spends his days collecting shells off of Catalina Island.
Lil – Mom. PTA. Small business owner with her own fashion line for women called Junk²
Anoop – Radiology Residency in Chapel Hill.
Scott – Plays piano in the backup band on American Idol Season 13.
Allison – Huge star. Multi-platinum albums – but as the runner-up on American Idol.
Matt – Does people’s taxes.
Adam – starring in Sweeny Todd revival on Broadway.

Anyway - after the jump my thoughts on tonight's performances.
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Danny “My family is weird like a cult” Gokey – Stand By Me. Barf. I liked the movie better. The arrangement was a mess. I hope he loses so I don’t have to see his dad do the proud papa crying thing. That would be really really gross. I can totally tell his dad would be a weepy mess, and apparently would be surrounded by 300 offspring.

Kris – I wish they would stop talking about his shell. He doesn’t have a shell. It was cute the way his parents alienated the taxi cab vote. If he gets the boot this week, look for everyone next week to be pandering to the taxi vote. Also, his performance blew. And this performing in the crowd thing is tired already.

Lil – finally we learn that her name is just a case of bad spelling – Killer B2 hated that she danced just like Tina Turner. Junk in the Trunk. Junk in the Trunk. What the hell with Paula throwing Ricky and the band under the bus. This was painful to watch – and the judging hurt even more.

Anoop hates his parents – and who can blame him. They are OLD! Plus he sings 1,000,000,000,000,000 times better than they do. His True Color is lime green. That sweater was hot! Like Mr. Rodgers on acid! Anyway – I really liked this performance and give him big time credit for continuing to stick it to us when we’ve convinced ourselves he can’t.

Scott – As though he isn’t creepy enough we have to learn about his childhood. Ugh. Strumming an out of tune electric guitar (remember Scott…artistry) was the Crystal Pepsi of the night. For the record – his sense of humor is not infectious, unless Paula means it in the Sinus Infection sense. Like something you don’t want.

Allison - This girl never misses a note. I’m not a singer, or a person who sings, or a person who knows anything about singing – but when this girl sings it just sounds right. I wonder what she would look like with dark hair? That red hair is really distracting me.

Matt – Justin Timberlake called. He wants his hat and scruffy face back. I don’t like the fact that KillerB2 was squealing with joy/lust just like Kara and Paula. I hope this guy gets voted off. I’m not in this competition, but all of a sudden I feel like I’m in a competition.

Adam – One more night of maintaining that delicate balance of looking really creepy but coming across as totally likeable (not to mention talented).

The Hose Idol Bracket is a Go

Click here to see everyone's selections.

I'll update after the results show tomorrow!

The Hose Idol Bracket

As we have been discussing, we are starting a American Idol Game on the Hose. For those of you watching American Idol this will be a great way to demonstrate you know more than KillerB #1.

Participating should be straight forward. Just tell in what order you think the remaining contestants will be going home:

• Adam "Theatre Queen" Lambert
• Allison "Red Headed 16 Year Old" Iraheta
• Anoop "Doggy Dog" Desai
• Danny "Downy Jr." Gokey
• Kris "Chris" Allen
• Lil "No Nickname Needed" Rounds
• Matt "Pianoman" Giraud
• Megan "Tattoo Sleeve" Joy
• Scott "The Blind Guy" MacIntyre

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Scoring
Rank each of the remaining nine contestants in the order you think they will depart from the show, 1-9 (e.g., if you think Danny is going home next week and Lil Rounds will win, you will rank them 1 and 9, respectively).
The winner is the person with the least points!

You will be assessed points for each contestant based on the formula:
2 ^│Guess - Actual│ - Note that the exponent is an absolute value.

For example, if you thought Megan was going home 2nd but she actually made it to 5th, you will get 2 to the power of│2-5│ = 2 to the power of 3 = 8 points.

Please return your picks no later than 7pm, Tuesday
March 31st to thehose@gmail.com along with an appropriate handle for us to refer to you as.

I'll post and maintain the results in a publicly viewable googledocs spreedsheet online.