The Optimist - Volume 2

Oh crap. I can't believe it.

Ellen has really been named the new Idol judge? I miss Paula already. Paula was fun. She was on drugs. She had sex with contestants. She was never pitchy. She almost never knew where she was, or why she was there. And that was great.

Ellen? How can the Optimist make sense of this? What good can possibly come of this? Where is the silver lining?

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At least they didn't hire Suze Orman

The Optimist - Volume 1

Poor Ryan Church. This guy can't catch a break, and now even the nearly defunct, former-internet giant Yahoo is piling on. Is this really necessary?

Is his baserunning error really lead material for Yahoo? This on the same day VP Joe Biden discloses the location of his secret bunker (under the VP mansion, by the way - pretty lame effort don't you think? Shouldn't it be carved in a mountain)? The day American Express cuts 4,000 jobs? The day of one of the most talked about American Idol finals ever? And poor Ryan Church gets dragged to the mat by Yahoo for a baserunning error?

Cheer up Ryan, I've got the upside for you after the jump.
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First, you're the lead story on Yahoo! That's something even Vice President Biden can't say. You've made it man! Congrats.

Second, everyone knows Yahoo is on it's dying breath. They've lost all credibility. Plus, Jerry Yang is probably a huge fan of yours, and now you both have something to talk about if you every bump into each other. You can be like, "Yahoo can eat a D!", and Jerry would be like "You're telling me brother. Let's go to Scores and get some serious lapdances!" And then you will be BFFs with Jerry Yang. So you've got that going for you Ryan. And that ain't bad.