Should a Man This Fat Be My Governor?

NJ Gubernatorial Candidate Chris Christie shakes hands with voters before eating his young

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On my way to vote today in one of the elections that is a universal referendum on how people everywhere feel about our president (or not), I was accosted by a woman (possibly high on meth) in a green Chris Daggett shirt.

She asked if I was interested in learning more about Chris Daggett. I admitted I was, though not for the reason she thought. I had no intention on voting for him but earlier in the day I had said something to the effect of "Who even is this guy?" and felt uninformed. I don't like being uninformed. I have like one job as a citizen - vote for people I agree with, you do a little research and this is easy. Anyway, I tuned in for whatever she was banging on about.

She started by pointing out that I should trust no man as fat as Chris Christie. She pointed out that I should take this as a sign of his lack of self control. In addition being ludicrous she also made me nervous by her demeanor. She shrieked her thoughts as she bit on her thumb, and thrust her sign under her arm and used the other hand to address a running nose. She then looked at me and at took half a step back:

"I mean you're a big guy, but this man is OUT OF CONTROL". I reflected on how little self control I had as this woman blinked at me incessantly.

I asked about her view on Corzine. She blurted that incumbent John Corzine had had his chance and raised taxes and ruined everything for everyone everywhere. She then began screaming about her landlord and his personal relationship with Chris Daggett (whoever that is). I stayed engaged with her just so others could scoot by and vote but when the coast was clear I made a break for it. As I walked briskly, she yelled some more about how I should vote.

Inside, no one could find my registration and people stared at each other blankly until I started speaking Spanish. They a woman pulled out a provisional ballot and asked me to fill it out, seal it in the adjoining envelope and hand it back to her. I wonder if the tweaker had this hard a time voting...

I can't comment on whether Chris Christie being a fat f*ck (fact!) has anything to do with his self control but I will use the word "slovenly" to describe how he ran his content free campaign. His entire platform more or less added up to "vote for me! I'm not John Corzine! Who used to run Goldman! and is evil! and uses all your tax money to light cigars with his yuppie pals! in Hoboken! QED"

I hope he loses. Then I hope he takes left over campaign contributions and commissions a portrait of himself - half man- half elephant and hangs it over his bed.

Open Letter to David Plouffe

Sir,

It would be better if you sat down before we discussed this. Some of this may shock you.

The Election is over. As the dictated by law, we had elections on November 4th, and yes, Barack Obama is President. You won. Why do you insist on emailing me from the "Obama for America" distribution list?

I read the newspaper, I know that the National Security Team is now in place. I don't need you to update me on the transition, a transition you have no obvious role in. It would be one thing I suppose if you wrote asking for a donation for the run off Senatorial election in Georgia. But you didn't and now that's going to go the way its going to go.

Go be like David Axelrod, who's moved on, most likely working on his Tobey Zeigler impression somewhere. It's time to let go, its time to leave the bunker and move on with your life. It's be two years. Take a vacation. More importantly leave me alone.
I'm sure they have a nice gig lined up for you in White House Communications set to start when you get back.

As an aside, I do miss getting emails from Barack and Michelle. Those were fun. Lots of characters from the election were fun. I think Reggie Love should start a blog, so we can continue to follow his Turtle like escapades as Barack's body man. "Got another email from Scarlett Jo, she just can't take a hint" or "Dunked on the President Elect Today, made a poster of him. The secret service tackled me mid air". I am all for a reality show following Reggie around. Our country is in such bad shape we need this, Today!

Your brother in peace,

xtian

Quiet Lull

Everyone is too scared to make a call of any note in a swing state. MSNBC cut to Grant Park to talk to a little black girl who is super excited about Barack...

Texas just went to Sen. McCain but Catjjy and I just did some math and are feeling pretty good about things

Harold Ford Jr!

MSNBC just found Former Congressman Harold Ford Jr. Where's he been hiding?

Is a brother vying for a cabinet post?

Mike Murphy, MSNBC token Republican, is just about rolling over for Barack.

MSNBC can't stop calling States

While refusing to call Virgina (based on what looks like two counties up for debate) and NC, they just threw Arkansas to McCain.

Morris Day and I just debated who was hotter Soledad O'Brien or Campbell Brown.

Catjjy just called so I could hear Cha say "Obama". we need to record that and get that up on the Hose ASAP.

Chuck Todd just threw a wet blanket on everything thinking that Virgina is not looking good for Barack...don't ruin my buzz with your sober rational analysis.

Dead Man Broadcasting

Brit Hume looks horrible. Is he ok?

Fox is doing a somber piece on the lack of voter fraud/suppression concerns. Kind of burying the lead there, aren't we guys?

This piece is coming from Ohio. This morning on Imus, Paul Begala said that he heard there would be 80% turn out in Ohio. That's just nuts!

Bill Kristol just admitted this will be the most liberal government since LBJ.

Hume just asked "Is this actually a center left country?"

I don't understand why this feels like a funeral. They get to rag on the Dems endlessly for the next two years!

The big story

Is that CNN is afraid to call anything. With 40% of the precincts reporting they refuse to call Florida for Obama!

MSNBC has Indiana and NC being too close to call!

Someone call Florida before I start crying Bourbon!

As a sidebar, apparently Tom Brokaw played daddy to all these MSNBC goons a few weeks ago and told them all to grow up. To the point where the Morning Joe guy and dbag Olbermann had to caveat every analysis of polling in the last few weeks with "Taking Tom Brokaw's advice to heart, I won't say this is over but..." as if it's Tom's fault that he's not a d-bag.

At this point the only difference between CNN and MSNBC tracking is that CNN has 1 of Maine's 4 electoral votes going to Sen. McCain. Who knew you could split electoral votes.

Gotta run over to Fox and see if Sean Hannity has killed himself yet.

Oh No!

Campbell Brown is pregnant?!?!?!

This may shake out to be the one disappointment I will need to deal with all night.

CNN is refusing to call anything. Everyone else has Sununu falling out of the back of the bus but they just spent 4 minutes explaining why they won't call this race. Campbell Brown might need to lose her top to keep viewers...

More Wow

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Woah

MSNBC just called Pennsylvania for Barack, throwing Barack over 103 Electoral votes! Apparently Bucks County went 2-1 for Barack, who knew!

CNN still says too early to call about the Quaker State. We'll see what they say as things come through.

Odd thing is Alabama and Miss. are open and too close to call.

Barack has not flipped a state yet. Everyone needs to mellow out.

Apparently, Barack is has taken 3% more non-college voters than Senator Kerry did last year. Interesting.

Chris Matthews is sober, but just barely. I am not. Third glass of bourbon!

WOO

The Hose Endorsement

We have been holding back our endorsements till now to ensure the maximum effect on these "swing voters".

Seriously, who are these people? How long does it take for them to decide what dressing to put on their salad or what tie to put on in the morning. I want answers!

Potatoe

I have posting privileges, so my thoughts need not be relegated to the comments section.

1. Last night Barak Obama gave perhaps the best political speech I’ve ever heard. The news media is nuts not to pay more attention to it. I think this will get more credit in hindsight.

2. As a media spectacle, this was an enormous success. Apparently, in addition to the 80k in the stadium, 38 million people tuned in to watch. That’s more than the any given day of the Olympics (including opening ceremonies), more than the last American Idol finale. Rove must be off sweating somewhere. McCain can’t be looking forward to the debates.

3. The attack aspect was a nice nod to the Dem’s 2004 convention. Kerry did everything he could to seem positive and enthusiastic ("reporting for duty!"). He took the high road, and did not attack. A week later at the GOP convention, the Repuplicans tore him a new one. Good job being preemptive this time.

4. McCain’s VP decision seems positively Quayle-esque. It’s such a ham-handed gesture to disgruntled Hillary supporters (which I think is more of a media sensation than an actual block of voters). Meanwhile he’s got someone who won’t add one lick to his administration, doesn’t shore up a single weak spot in his candidacy, and effectively gives away the experience line of attack on Sen. Obama. Where are all the qualified Republican women? Is Condi not returning his calls? PS – Gov. Palin’s husband looks like a total d-bag, even for a professional snowmobiler, whatever that is.

5. I’m also not looking forward to the GOP convention. I think it is going to be a real downer. All of the speakers will come out swaggering and attacking – swinging wildly and hoping something hits. It will all be a bit pathetic. I think if you drink every time you hear the word “surge,” you’ll be dead by day 2.

Chris Matthews drunk?