Holiday Stress

I am very stressed right now. Is anyone else?
The gifts to buy. Chocolate everywhere.

There was just a holiday party in my office. My Secret Santa gift ($15 - $25) was a magazine subscription to Time Out New York. It was within the range since it was buy one get one free - a win for everyone.

Well, my giftee is from out of town, so I let her pick another magazine of her choice. She picked one that is 3 times as much. I think I should just order it since I am too embarrassed to say "No, sorry. It's not within the range."

Generousity will come back to me, right? I guess if I am expecting good things in the future, it's not really generous.

HAH!

From Today's NY Daily News

"Minaya likened his pursuit of another top-of-the-rotation starter to a bachelor seeking a date at the bar. Keep asking, and ask enough people, and someone might just say yes - though get used to rejection."

Omar is great!

It's All About Me (Birthday Post)

In an effort to distract readers from the lovers quarrel between Evil and Xtian, I am going to post about myself and a birthday on the horizon.

I am fairly confident that I am the oldest member of the Hose, but I am looking forward to this birthday, since it will be an even-numbered year. Not that this past year has been particularly terrible, but the odd-numbered years seem to be a bit rocky.

I might want to plan a party to celebrate. Who wants to come? Everyone can bring a date.

Double Standard

Why can't I discuss Evil's manners but he can discuss my poor decision making?

Prediction (Followup)

Evil

Remember my earlier prediction about XTIAN finding himself in a stable, well-adjusted relationship by Jan 5, 2005? Well well well... do I have an update for you! The full prediction hasn't come true yet, but I hear from a very reliable source (awww yeah, I'm pulling a Robert Novack!) that one of XTIAN's ex-women is now back in the picture. I'm not saying that she'll necessarily be the one come Jan 5, but the wheels are in motion. I'm happy for XTIAN. He's clearly too busy having a real life. That's why I'm the loser who keeps posting.

Darkness!

Anybody remember stuff like this. December is a dark time on the Hose. I'm a little scared....

Accomplishment

Evil

Someone viewed my Friendster profile today!!! Hallelujah. Shout out to The Kindergarten Teacher!

Ambition

Evil

It's 7:15 in the morning and I'm already at JFK terminal 8 for my 9:15 flight. I can't stand being late. I can't stand even the thought of being late. It's pleasantly quiet in JFK -- I didn't know what to expect being that it's Thanksgiving week, but maybe people aren't traveling until tomorrow? I walk past a food stand and want to get a glass of the fresh-squeezed orange juice they have sitting on ice. But the juice goes for something like $4.50, so I pass. Every time I walk past that food stand in terminal 8, I always want to get a juice, but I always pass. One time, I was traveling from San Francisco to New York with my friend The AY and as we were nearing the food stand, she goes, "OH! The orange juice! I LOVE the fresh-squeezed orange juice at this stand. I'm gonna get one." Then she asks, "You want one?" I answer, "Nah."

Right next to the food stand is this shop called Alti-tunes. They rent you music and DVDs that you can take on the plane. I never noticed it until this morning. But then again, I rarely notice anything at JFK -- it's usually so hectic and I'm usually in such a blur as I trudge from curb to gate, from gate to curb. But today, the thing about Alti-tunes that caught my eye was one of their video screens. The audio was on mute, but the image was unmistakable: a young Bob Dylan, in grainy, harshly-lit black and white video. This must have been circa 1965, just a couple of years after Dylan arrived on the scene in Greenwich Village. This morning, I can only bear to watch a second or two of young Dylan before moving on. In general, I can't watch any young Dylan footage anymore because it makes me feel too crappy about myself. Seeing Dylan, aged 22, 23 years, singing with the intensity and ambition that he does has this effect on me that goes beyond humbling; it borders on dispair. In Dylan's book, Chonicles Volume I, he has this great line about knowing his eventual fame from a very young age: (paraphrasing) "The world was shining its spotlight right at me, and nobody else."

I have this nagging feeling that I'm falling behind in life. I read and hear about younger people who are more successful than I am, you know, more money, more fame, great abs, the whole bit. Friends and co-workers my age are all on track to having wonderful little families of their own, if they don't already have one.

I'm on the JFK to SFO flight and catching up on my magazine reading. I bring 8 magazines with me on this trip. (I subscribe to about 20 magazines, so I would've brought more, if it weren't such a schlep.) Time magazine has this cover story, "The Secrets of Ambition: A surprising look at life's go-getters from its also-rans." The article profiles various famous people. For example, of Oprah, the article said: "She could read at 2, and although she was just 5 when she started school, she insisted on being put in first grade. Her teacher relented. The next year, young Oprah was skipped to third grade." I mean, crap, I'm pretty sure I wasn't reading until I was 5 or 6. At the end of third grade, I was offered the chance to skip fourth grade and my dad really wanted me to do it. But I was afraid to leave all my friends, so I basically filibustered (i.e. cried) until I got my way.

The article also profiled Vera Wang: she went to work at Vogue right out of college and put in 7-day work weeks. This helped her land the role of senior editor of the magazine at 23. I remember when I was 23: I was obsessed with bidding on Pokemon plush toys from eBay. (Hey, they were rare ones from Japan! You COULDN'T get them retail in the States!!!)

I didn't read the entire Time magazine article, actually. Maybe I wasn't ambitious enough? I just skimmed the little call-out boxes where they do the famous-people profiles, so I never did find out what's really "surprising" about life's go-getters vs. its also-rans.

I know a girl who's really pretty and nice. And smart! She has this endearing thing about her... he tends to blush very easily. Not that I'm the best at reading these things, but she might even like me. At the very least, she doesn't object to my presence. I want to ask her out. Should I?

This is a much more pleasant picture and post than angry Xtian's (no swearing).

F*cking Drunks!

The Pizza man is my boy. He owns a pizza shop on the corner of 23rd and 8th and he's the orneriest muther-f*cker in the world. That is to say, he's never in a good mood. What's really funny is that his tolerance for gays and drunks is lower than one would expect. I would say 55% of his business is drunken gays, with 80-85% of his business being consumers who can be described by at least one of these adjectives. You already know how he feels about the gays...even I was surprised by his feelings on drunks...

Recently, I went to dinner with Ill-Mannered, KenTak3 and the Mamacita...We went to Max. I'm on a first name basis over there and though the service is terrible its great. After a long dinner, I walked home.

On the walk home, I crossed by the scenes of several past defeats, Union Square, The Coffee Shop, Eugenes...as i cruised by the Gypsy Tea I saw a remarkable site...An SUV screeched to a halt and a young woman (of about 20...and I'm being generous) jumped out. She ran towards a modern NYC phone booth (pictured above), dropper her jeans and proceeded to either pee or drop an incredibly loose stool all over the street. I turned, looked, screetched and ran...several of her friends were pouring out of the car and screaming. Everyone was drunk and one of them stopped screaming long enough to call me a perv...yes, that's right, somehow i was the sick one...

I decided to visit the pizza man. I told him the story and he began waving his hands up in the air going "These f*cking drunk people. they're out of control"

Several, pizza consumers, looked up from their incredibly loud conversations sucked their teeth and left...

Evil or just Ill-Mannered???

A friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) is clearly ill-mannered. Towards the end of last week we all agreed we would congratulate Mr. Shoulder's personal and professional success by visiting his elaborate apartment in Hoboken. Mr. Shoulder's very eager to entertain proposed catering a lunch while we watched football and discussed our lives.

I was eager to see how Mr. Shoulders was making out. Kentak was also receptive...our unnamed friend not only matched our enthusiasm but surpassed it. Sunday approached and I secured a ride for my friend and myself from kentak. However, when I phoned him to ask after his status, the nameless one was quick to answer the phone but slow to provide a meaningful answer as why he was not joining us. I am somewhat used to this behaviour so I let it go. However, in the car, kentak recieves a call from Mr. Shoulders asking after us to make sure we did not get lost between the tunnel and Hoboken. It was clear that he was ordering food for several people and I had to alert him to the change in plans. Mr. Shoulders ever a good host was surprised but dide not communicate disappointment. Instead I hung up and rung Evil.

"[Evil], don't you think its appropriate to phone Mr Shoulders, apologize for not being able to join us and remind him to order less food."

"oh...yeah"

"I told him you weren't coming but you should still phone"

"why, you already told him?"

I decided it was time to give up....

Silly Photos

Evil

Earlier today, Tiger Woods won the Dunlop Pheonix golf tournament in Japan. He defeated Japan's Kaname Yokoo in a 4 hole playoff and then was pictured kissing the phallic trophy.



Why do people kiss trophies? I never understood that. (The fact that I've never won a trophy for anything at all is besides the point!) Women should take extra care, I think, especially pro golfer Christie Kerr.

Waiting for Mamacita

Evil

Mamacita has a post in DRAFT mode! She's coming soooooon!!!!!!

Roasted Sea Scallops and Rock Shrimp

Evil

I dropped by Citerella's after work today to pick up some ingredients for a batch of pasta sauce that I'll make tomorrow. It also happens that the the sea scallops looked great today, so I picked up some of that as well. Here's an improvised recipe that actually turned out quite decent!

ROASTED SEA SCALLOPS AND ROCK SHRIMP


* 1/2 pound (large) sea scallops
* 1/2 pound rock shrimp
* 3 plum tomatoes (canned), crushed
* 1 small onion, minced
* 1 clove garlic, minced
* 2 tbs fresh flat leaf parsley, minced
* 1 tbs olive oil
* 1 tsp paprika
* 1 splash of dry riesling -- you know, if you were drinking the previous night
* Salt and pepper to taste


Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Mix all ingredients, except for scallops and rock shrimp, in a small baking dish. Bake in oven for about 10 minutes, until the liquid is bubbling.

Then add mix in the scallops. Bake for another 5 minutes.

Then add mix in the rock shrimp. Bake for another 5 minutes.

Remove from oven and allow to cool for a few minutes. Serve with warmed baguette and the same reisling that you didn't finish from the previous night. It's not too shabby!

(p.s. - I'm usually not at all picky with ingredients or proportions, but in this case, I'd highly recommend going for the rock shrimp, as opposed to regular shrimp. The rock shimp is much sweeter than regular shrimp. It also smaller and has a more interesting texture... goes quite well with the scallops.)

R.I.P.

Evil



R.I.P., Chavo Guerrero

WWJD?

Evil

This happens to me at least 4 times a week: I'm inside the elevator and just as the doors are closing, someone lunges forth and tries to get in at the last second. My reaction? Well, so as not to SEEM like an asshole, I make this motion toward the buttons on the panel as if I were trying to hit the "open" button. But I really don't and the doors close. And when they do, I relish at having saved myself 3 seconds and depriving that other person of the same 3 seconds. I mean, who can't wait 3 seconds for the next elevator to come? SHEESH!

PW3801 - Advanced People Watching (cont'd)

Evil

After three straight days of not working out and stressing big-time at work, I decide to bring my pudgy butt to Equinox today. Boy am I glad I did, because there was great people watching to be had!

I was in the stretching area, you know... stretching. And next to me is this hot female trainer, training this tooly-looking white dude. The female trainer has her back to me; the tooly white dude is facing me. The trainer's trying to get the dude to do some bend-and-stretch exercise, which essentially involves bending and stretching in the gayest ways possible (if you're a dude. If you're a chick, it's actually quite hot!). She demonstrates: there is lots of bending over, lots of sticking out her ass, lots of arching her back, and lots more of sticking out her ass.

"Now you do it," she says.

The dude protests, not verbally, but I can tell because his face is totally flush and he has this "WFT?!" goofy grin on his face. I look right at him. It is clear I'm not really stretching in the stretching area.

The trainer says, "Go on, do it."

The dude shrugs his shoulders. I look right at him. He glances at me. He decides he has no choice, so he does the gay bending-and-stretching exercise! I am staring at him the whole time for the sole purpose that it's making him all the more uncomfortable. Is that an asshole move on my part? Yah! Hahaha. But it amused me, nonetheless.

Screening Party?

Evil



Interested in the new Bret Hart DVD? You're all invited to a screening party at my place. In addition to the documentary part of the DVD, there are also some great bonus matches, including:

-- Hart Foundation vs. British Bulldogs (Madison Square Garden, July 1985)
-- Bret Hart vs. Ricky Steamboat (Boston Garden, March 1986)
-- Bret Hart vs. Chris Benoit (WCW Nitro, October 1999)

We couldn't have a classy screening party without something to eat and drink, so I was thinking, something like: roasted portobello, roasted figs wrapped in bacon, braised sea scallops, and home-baked biscuits. To drink: well, basically anything from my stash of wines because after all, I AM an alcoholic. And for dessert: baked gooey chocolate pudding, my favorite Nigella recipe of all time.

Welcome!

Evil

Bruno's Mom, welcome to The Hose!!!

Aquaman

The WB has announced that on the heels of a huge ratings bonanza, they are going to spin off the A.C. (Slater?) character from onto his own show...called Aqua...similar to Smallville it will follow the lead's progression from young man to superhero or in this case...aquaman...who has the power to talk to fish and...um...suck...

You may recall that HBO used Aquaman as a spoof for the proliferation of super hero movies in hollywood on the brilliant Entourage. For those of you who aren't familiar with Aquaman. You can read about him and the very gay Superfriends cartoon from the 70s here.

PW3801 - Advanced People Watching (4 credits)

Evil

Why do I pay the exorbitant gym fees at Equinox? I don't get my money's worth in terms of workouts, that's for sure. But ohhh, the people watching.

The people watching at Equinox is well worth the price of admission, and then some. Today, for example, I walked past the yoga studio while on my way to the water fountain. There was no class at the time, so the lights were dim... but I noticed a single person -- a female, young, fit, black hair in tight little curls -- in the studio. As soon as I caught a glimpse of her, for the life of me, I couldn't force myself to look away. This girl, in the dim-lit studio, was practicing what could only be described as posing in various sexual positions. Mostly advanced ones, at that!

I won't get into more detail just because The Hose is a family-oriented blog. I'll just say that I sure worked up a sweat at the Equinox today.

Asshole Move? Or OK?

Evil

From: [Evil]
To: editor@gaycitynews.com
Subject: Feedback on article

Hi, quick feedback on this article:

http://www.gaycitynews.com/gcn_444/aspiritidrowaboutgay.html

Specifically, this section:

Recalling that he confronted anti-Semitism as an undergraduate at Dartmouth, that he developed student tolerance programs at 42 public high schools across the city, and that, before taking a leave from his position with the law firm of Paul, Weiss, he was part of the team waging one of the pending same-sex marriage lawsuits in New York State, Garodnick said, "My background in civil rights doesn't come out of nowhere."

WHOA! Way too unweildy. There's too much that happens in the sentence before we arrive at the subject, "Garodnick."

Just wanted to point that out.

Best,
[Evil]

=====

From: editor@gaycitynews.com
To: [Evil]
Subject: RE: Feedback on article

Yes, [Evil], you are right. I am hoping that my excuse is that there was a lead-in sentence definitively identifying Garodnick as the actor in that sentence that got cut at the last second for space. But I can't tell you that under oath.

Paul

Looking For Travel Buddy

Evil

I've been thinking about going to Turin, Italy in Feburary for the 2006 Winter Olympics. Does anyone want to go with me?

I am Bernie Williams!

Apparently I'm running on fumes...

Its important to mention that I have a new roommate (Young Geezy) and that he's a cool kid...but he's a kid. He has great advise all the time like "ugly chicks put out" and so forth. We also watch Laguna Beach together...its really not that gay. I mean stuff we all know to be true but that we're past worrying about.

Anyway, I went with him to a party....some dude, referred to as "the dude" was moving to either Chicago or San Francisco to become either an equity researcher or a law student i.e. he was turning 25. The Dude is so called because apparently he smokes more of the green than is grown in all the warehouses of california (hydrophonics baby!)

The party was just a bunch of mid twenties princetonites and I recalled that I had been to a similar party (full of people I did not know) at the exact same apartment 6 years ago. people were shocked because I looked so young. I pointed out that I have lived in NY for 10 years

Young Geezy was quick to point out that
(1) 4 of those years were college, so instead of starting at 22 like all of them I started at 17
(2) I spent 2.5 of those 10 years living in Calinfornia...
So realistically I've been in NY for like 6 months...

Regardless, there were three chicks there and no where for me to play with Young Geezy's strategem. Finally one arrived, she was quite plain, but just the sort of Upper East Side Jewish princess that my not-loving-self guy wants to bang just to show "them" (whoever "they" are this week) that I belong...

I went to work. My game is to find something that isolates a woman from a given group and then join her in the isolation. it works...like always, because drunk girls are more insecure than normally and dumber than they would ever be in a any other environment.

I am banging on about something self absorbed that only insecure drunk chicks respond to when suddenly i'm distracted by my ugly friend's much more attractive friend. I run off and join her for a cigarrette (whatever) and in doing so, am sideswiped (so to speak) by the mythical "DUDE" who seems to have waken up (or come down from his high) with a very active libido.

I am now chilling on hte couch with the Young Geezy, really too drunk to care, when Ms Insecure slides back up and rolls around on the couch next to me begging for attention...I take her number but go back to ignoring her. She finds her way back to "the dude" and by some point is sooo drunk that she busts her ass from a still position. I am now officially laughing and her friends are trying to get her out of there.

On her way out, she comes by and encourages me to call...then lays a kiss on my lips. She's so ripped I convince myself that she just missed my cheek.

Young Geezy and I book out and go to get pizza from Bernard... In a mood, I bait Bernard into mocking gays, at 3am on the corner of 23rd and 8th its a safe assumption that Bernard, young geezy, and myself are the only people who have not tasted cock. Lost of customers suck their teeth and walk out as Bernard goes on and on about "f***ing f*gg*ts!!"

Sacrifice

Evil




I've never really had to give up anything before. I guess that's the good part about not having much to start with. I remember when I was 7, I REALLY wanted that Transformer... the one that transforms from a panther into a cassette tape. One day, my mom and I walked past it -- all shiny and on display in a toy store window -- and I was instantly paralyzed by the feeling of Want. But despite all my curbside pleading and hystrionics, my mom refused to buy it for me. Looking back, I can really appreciate that incident because it basically flushed the feeling of Want clear out of my mind. And now that I think about it, I sorta suspect that my mom didn't have the money to buy it for me, even if she wanted to. Maybe my mom was being a wise parent, or maybe she was just poor. Or maybe both. Maybe one day I'll ask her.

So anyway, that "never really had to give up anything before" thing is about to change. My doc called me today with results from my physical and she suggested I give up the fatty, high cholesterol foods. She rattled off some examples: Eggs ("No sweat, I don't even eat that stuff," I was thinking in my head), Butter ("HAH! I never touch that stuff"), Red Meat, especially Steak ("I'd have to actually leave my apartment to get a steak. No danger."), Cheese ("NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! For the love of God, please. PLEASE don't make me give up the cheese!")

I'll be honest: at any given point, I usually have 3 to 5 different cheeses in my fridge. You know, some Nevat always goes well with the crisp summer white wines. GOTTA have some Parmigiana-Reggiano to grate on pasta. Ooooh, and Pecorino! I could sit around all night, slicing paper-thin little slices of Pecorino... transferring cheese to mouth... cheese to mouth... cheese to mouth.

I guess that's my problem right there.

OK, I'll start eating better. Maybe I'll even lose a bit of this chub! Woooo!

Making Friends

Evil

I hung out with XTIAN and Evil Twin #2 this past Saturday night. (Read more Evil Twin #1 and #2 here!) It almost felt like a CSI crossover. Shout out to Evil Twin #2! (No shout out to XTIAN. That guy is a maniac.)

Prediction

Evil

I say that by Jan 5, 2006, our friend XTIAN will be in a well-adjusted, stable relationship. I'm calling it!

The Best Week Ever (NOT!)

Evil

I've known my friend Mike since kindergarten. Every year that goes by, I marvel at how long I've known Mike... currently at 24 years! Actually, what I really marvel at is how damn old I'm getting, but that's neither here nor there. Last week, I called Mike. I almost never call Mike and he almost never calls me. We're guys, so our primary form of communication is email. And even at that, the vast majority of our email communication is sending funnily "gay" articles back and forth. For example: "Check this out! How gay! (link to article here)"

So anyway, I call Mike and Mike tells me that he's in Chicago. Permanently. He moved from Queens to Chicago 2 weeks ago. Mike has a great new job at a VERY COOL company. It all happened pretty quick, I was told. Mike's also closer to his wife's parents now, so they can visit the baby more often. All wonderful news... but at one point during the phone call, tears started running down my face. Although I rarely talk to Mike and see him even less often, it always felt good to know that he was around.

If I were emailing with Mike right now, I would send him a link to THIS blog post, because man, it's pretty friggin' GAY!

In other news from last week...

I decided to get my various doctors appointments / checkups out of the way. First appointment of the day: the dermatologist. To my surprise, the doc turns out to be young, Chinese, and quite attractive! She has a pretty smile and nice skin. The first thing she says: "You're Chinese, like me." I furtively glance at her left hand. No ring! She asks why I came in and I tell her: "Well, first, I was wondering why I'm 29 and still have this acne." (*Points to forehead*) "Can I do something about that? And also, I recently started having this weird rashy skin thing on my back." (*Points to rashy skin thing on back*)

She examines me and at one point, says: "Is it hot in here? You're all sweaty." Yes, I was sweaty. Sweaty, pimply, and rashy-skinned. Way to make a good impression, Evil! She gave me a prescription for acne cream and some topical steroids (YAH!!!) for the rashy skin. I wonder if my back is gonna get all muscular and ripped from the steroid cream. That would rock! She told me to come see her again in 3 weeks. Should I bring her some flowers?

Second appointment of the day: the internist for a physical checkup. Blood pressure: normal. Resting heart rate: normal. Weight: could stand to lose 5 or 10 pounds. When she draws a vial of blood and I squirm like Cindy Brady. Lastly, she snaps on a pair of latex gloves and announces that she needs to check me for ball cancer. Have you ever had your balls squished by a middle-aged woman? It's a weird feeling. But it only took a few seconds and then she scooted over to the sink... (*snap*, *snap*) Her latex gloves come off and she's scrubbing at the sink. A few seconds later... still scrubbing. More time goes by... scrubbing, scrubbing. Hey, WTF?! She was wearing gloves! What's with the intensive scrubbing?! Me and my testicles feel self-conscious.

The Col-BORE Ruh-pore

Evil



Has anyone tried to watch The Colbert Report more than 3 nights in a row? This show is f-ing unbearable! I would've never guessed, but it is. This dude sooo CANNOT carry 30 minutes all by himself. I guess it's because watching a self-absorbed and obnoxious buffoon is only entertaining in little 5-minute bite sizes. If I wanted an entire half-hour buffoonery, I might as well hang with Manolo.

Support DiscoSkater

Support this site. If he sees a lot of traffic from our site, he might support my request for a xtian-ophile tee-shirt...

xTian's Gay Moment of the Month

Was at a club two weekends ago,checking in on some cool local bands, One was called Lolita Bra, there was one called Looker and the last was called Hopewell. I liked Hopewell the least, although they won me over when they did what was an incredibly rocking cover of Moonage DayDream (sidebar: is there a better opening line than "I'm the aligator!")

Anyway, during the Hopewell show TV's Vinny Chase walked in. That's right I was rubbing elbows with Adrian Grenier. Literally...i'll explain.

After the show, I was quick to point to Steph that Vinny Chase was there.

"who's that?" she said and she walked over and started hanging out with the band. Hot chicks can always do that...I was of course shrieking like a girl that my current big boy crush was 2 ft from me. I mean dude, imagine being in this guy's entourage. he must be turning down tang left and right. I could be turtle I could drive the car. Sure...

After much internal debate I rolled over there. There was music playing, so I grabbed him by the elbow, leaned in and was like "Adrian, I'm a huge fan". He was staring at my hand (on his elbow) the whole time. Then he looks up and says "thanks". I was suddenly mortified. I mean how gay is that? I took several steps back and came up behind Steph and grabbed her in a very masculine way, not that I'm dating her or anything, I just wanted to remind people i was not gay. Where people is mostly me. Steph, was used to this, as I had pulled this act a few weeks ago when we happened into a very gay bar.

Update on Our Lives

Evil

Dear Faithful Reader(s),

Even though there hasn't been a lot of activity on The Hose lately, it's not actually representative of what's happening in our real lives. There's been lots going on. I felt it was only fair that you should get an update. Here's what we've been up to:

Manolo - Working on his memoirs. Hit severe writer's block by page 5. Has been whittling away time (i.e. jerking off non-stop) ever since.

Xtian - Banging a war path through the women of New York City. Too busy to hang out with Evil anymore.

Kentaro - Steadily checking off every milestone in his master plan for taking over that fancy-pants investment bank that he works on. Most recent accomplishment in the master plan: appointing one of his key lieutenants, Bruno, as co-head of Global Capital Markets.

Mr. Shoulders - Who knows what Mr. Shoulders is up to? Is he still alive?

Cheo - Desperately trying to find underwear in his size.

The Bumpasaurus - Reading comic books. Writes the occasional love letter to David Beckham. In his remaining free time, fills his belly button with peanut butter, then scoops it out with his finger, then eats it.

Evil - On a serious note, last week, my son was born. A healthy 8 pounds, 4 ounces. Really healthy set of lungs. Will post some pictures shortly, as soon as the kid stops looking like a raisin, because no one wants to see pictures of freakish alien-like babies.

OK, bye now.

L'Chaim y'all!

Congrats to the Newlyweds!

Manolo Gets Some Sugar

I was going thru a kind of dry spell and I hadn't had sex for a few months or so. In my defense though, I was so busy I had failed to notice (yeah right!).

Anyways, it rained last night and I had myself some sweet honey. The only thing is that I am not feeling the typical high of a sugar rush.

I don't know if its the fact that I am out of shape or the fact that we were trying some fancy schmancy moves (I shouldn't given my past back problems) but all sorts of muscles and body parts are aching. Besides having to wake up early for a morning meeting, I received 5 calls before noon so not am I only physically tired but mentally and emotionally as well.

=====================================
And a pre-emptive strike against Evil.

No Evil, it wasn't a guy so none of that,"was it good for him too..."

You should ask your mom though...

Manolo IMs with Xtian

An actual instant message conversation between myself and Xtian yesterday afternoon.

Xtian: Hey
Manolo: Hey
Xtian: What's up? Everything good?
Manolo: Everything is good. How about you?
Xtian: Everything is good.
Manolo: What else is up?
Xtian: Not much...and you.
Manolo: you know, same old...working.
Xtian: Yeah...me too...
Manolo: yeah
Xtian: ...okay...
Manolo: ahem...
Xtian: bye
Manolo: see ya...

As the conversation attests, it seems Xtian and I have ran out of things to talk about...

A Good Day

Evil

I've been emailing with a friend of mine recently. We haven't communicated the previous half-year or so for various reasons. Most of it was due to her job cutting off her IM. Damn you, The Man! (*shakes fist defiantly*)

Over email, I asked my friend, "When was it that we first met? Was it while I was unemployed? That must have been 2 and a half years ago."

She wrote back, "...you were unemployed and giving me tips on how to roast a whole chicken. you told me to stick a lemon in its butt! i still do it that way..."

Maybe this is weird, but her comment made me feel pretty good. It made me feel like I've actually made a difference in someone's life, however insignificant.

What I Love

Evil

If I had children, my way of showing my displeasure would be to say: "I would trade you in for a wheel of cheese, I swear." I really love cheese. I might love cheese too much.

Face Transplants

Evil

Finally! Doctors figured out how to do face transplants. Now there's hope for those ugly (but loveable) mofo's, Xtian and Manolo. What about Cheo? That guy need much more than a face transplant.

Barry Sucks

Evil

Barry Bonds announced that he plans to lose 28 pounds. And that's just from his head!

When does the Jay Fielder era start?

Get your Tivos ready!!

Angelina Joile and Dr. Jeffrey Sachs (of Columbia's Earth Institute and the author of one of the better books I've read in the last few months are going to Africa to end poverty. The whole event will be recapped on MTV.

The possibilities are endless...for comedy...

Disturbing conversation

i had a really disturbing conversation with sangay today. we were talking about the previous night and he mentioned that he "really liked my look". I was a bit confused

"how do you mean?"

"did you get new glasses or something?"

"no..however, it might be the new products I am using i am using a new facial scrub and also have a moisterizer that has some anti-oil elements and I also use a different creme that takes care of the bags under my eyes. I also have a bit of a tan..."

"oh...its working"

I don't know where my ambiguous lifemate was but I was walking down the street in the west village and feeling very uncomfortable by this whole line of questioning...

whoa

evil



whats going on in this photo?

Sad News

Evil

I heard some really sad news today and I think most of you will probably hear about it in the coming days. Info is still coming in, but all I know thus far is that there was a huge hurricane in the Gulf coast region and there was a lot of damage. I heard that New Orleans is under water... don't know to what extent the damage is, but it sounds pretty bad.

Santo Subito

Evil

Chief Justice William Rehnquist was laid to rest yesterday. As sad as it is, we now have to look forward. And all I can say is... I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR THE CONCLAVE! By tradition, 9 days after the dead Chief Justice is buried, all Senators from around the country will gather and sequester themselves under the majestic dome of The Capitol. They will remain locked in and stinky until they elect a new Chief Justice by at least a two-thirds majority. Personally, my money is on Francis Arinze of Nigeria.

Tokyo, Part 2

Evil

I NEVER thought I'd say this, but... I am all hentai'd out! I mean it.

Tokyo

Evil



Top Things I've Learned While in Tokyo

1. Scarlett Johansson does NOT hang out at the Cerulean Towers hotel bar. (Tonight, I'm heading to the Park Hyatt, where they filmed that movie, to look for her.)

2. I can't find those vending machines where they sell used women's panties. Is that an insider thing? Who do I have to know?

3. Japanese toilets are very advanced. They have a feature that squirts warm water right at your butt hole.

4. Japanese schoolgirls ACTUALLY wear the uniforms you see on Japanese schoolgirl porn. It's weird.

5. Tokyo is at the same latitude as Memphis, TN. It's about 250% humidity here.

Good bye...

Evil



Good bye, Chief Justice William Rehnquist... we will always love you!

Sad and Upset

Evil

Reading about the hurricane aftermath down south has really gotten me down. It's a sad situation. I was IMing with Manolo (who lives in Miami) earlier today and man, I gotta say, that dude really upset me. I asked him if he was OK after the hurricane and he said yes. But then he proceeded to show me all the pictures he took of trees falling on his neighbor's car and power lines falling on his neighbor's house. Instead of helping in the relief efforts, it turns out that Manolo was skipping about his neighborhood snapping digital pics of all the wreckage. After a day or two of that, he got bored and decided on another form of entertainment: going to the supermarket to "score some hurricane sex." Some poor girl from out of town and stranded in Miami actually fell victim to Manolo's predatory ways. This is all an unfortunately situation and I'm not sure what to make of it, except to cry and drink by myself.

Great New Summer Reading

Have not read it yet, but its a TODO:

The best BBE Novels EVER! A cross over with our BR(H)OS at Ordinal Rule

(1) American Psycho
(2) Less Than Zero
(3) The Rules of Attraction
(4) The Informers

with Glamorama falling somewhere between reading a daily metro and poking one's eye's out.

Have not read Lunar Park yet.

A Marvel Comics Summer Cross Over!!!!

I was hanging out with Evil Twin 2 and her infamous BF the other night.

That should give you pause because ET2 never calls me and never wants to hang out with me. I think its because when i first met her in 1996 I was a bit drunk and walked over to Manolo (all of 2 ft away) and loudly proclaimed that ET2 had the hottest feet out! But I digress.

What should really give you pause is that we were going to Scores West Side!

Write your own caption!

It's Bad To Be Me

Evil

On the subway this morning, I was looking right up this woman's skirt. (She was sitting across from me, but not sitting like a proper lady should.) But all I saw were her gigantic cottage cheese thighs, which blocked out everything in her crotch region.

The Epilogue: SLC Punk- One Last Wedding in July!

After safely dispatching my family I realize it's my turn to travel! I have to go to SLC for one more wedding!

I departed friday from JFK on JetBlue for my co-worker's wedding. I love her, she's great and her fiancee also rocks quite hard. My entire team is going it should be fun.

When I get off the plane I race down to the after party for Friday's events. A couple of people I know are around. We're having a great time. Seven dudes end up in a hotel room and people start quoting The Tipping Point and then someone mixes up the concepts in that book with the ones in Unleasing the Idea Virus and suddenly we're having a good time making fun of Jay and calling him the sneezer...

The pop-economic geekery is only momentarily slowed by the occasional overwhelming wif of the gayness of 7 dudes who showed up stag to a wedding. I go back to my hotel room and pass out, because its still July and I still have not slept.

At the wedding the next day some fellow walks up to me and starts TOUCHING MY SHIRT. I don't know this guy and I don't really want to get to know him to the point where it's ok for him to TOUCH MY SHIRT. I ask him what's up

"I just have the same shirt"

"So you know how it feels then..."

"Ted Baker, yeah...i like the shirt. I'm surprised someone else would wear it is all"

"do we know each other?"

"we met last night. I'm surprised that shirt fits well"

I don't know this guy from anyone why is he judging how my shirt fits and more importanly, why is he TOUCHING MY SHIRT

"I usually tailor"

"Really I buy straight off the rack, I have that sort of build"

He drifts off. to rejoin his attractive wife. Who most certainly will one day join the ranks of Terry McMillan and Star Jones as the only women in America who did realize their husbands were gay before it was too late. Pina, who is standing next to me points out that our fem friend is in fact built like pee-wee herman and wonders where he buys shirts for his light weight build. I choose to move on and focus on other things- simosas, mango juice, more simosas...

Around 5pm, I find a client and we start drinking. The client is at the wedding its ok. I work hard to bond with a 68 year old man from the midwest. I ALMOST succeed but its hard to tell. I'm doing well overall.

We all sit down at the table and the party begins. Several speeches are made and some performance pieces go off without a hitch, a bollywood rendition of the couple's courtship is a highlight. An offkey, strained rendition of Oasis' Wonderwall ends the evening on a questionable low note. I have no idea what to do.

My mentor's son turns and asks aloud if its an indian custom to make the guests as hungry as humanly possible. I am snickering...loudly.

They all (my coworkers)take the client to go get steaks so he does not loose face. I am left with the gay shirt toucher and his poor unsuspecting wife, who I suspect could benefit from a proper f*cking...He spends the bulk of dinner regaling me with stories of ironing in hotel rooms. There are moments where I want to cry openly

I run out of gas later than i expect and find my way to my hotel room around 2am.

I wake up and make several calls including one to a girl I think i'm dating, but given my schedule in the month of july and her constant travel schedule, I'd hazard a guess that maybe I'm not. Its hard to say.

I get back to NY on a red eye monday morning and fall asleep watching the most recent episode of Entourage several times.

Little if anything is accomplished at work that week as August rings in.

The x(Tian) Clan: The Return Part 5: F*ck yo' white Linen Pants, xTian!

My brother resurfaces on friday but not physically. My true brother, Sparkes, is in town with the wife and I have to go see him. My brother in blood (but nothing else apparently) is MIA, so I replace him with the hottest redhead I can find and go to a rooftop BBQ

Saturday, I arrive at my aunt's house to go down to South Jersey for the second family wedding in 7 days. My uncle JV is getting hitched (or re-hitched or whatever)...

I arrive at 11am in the hopes we can be on the road by noon. No such luck.

Around 1230 we're eating breakfast
Around 130 we're all staring at each other blankly
Around 230, Monkey Boy three decideds to take a shower.

We pull out of the house around quarter to 4. No one discusses the fact that the wedding was at 2pm and we have a 2 hour drive to go.

I'm wearing white linen pants...this becomes relevant later.

When we arrive people are having a good ol time.

Things are great...

I am not drinking but everyone else is...

Around 8pm, people start getting tossed int he pool, fully clothed.

I shove The Bump in

Domingo shoves me in


Several people shove Domingo in

There are now 8 males in the pool. I'm the only one wearing white linen pants. Everyone else is wearing khakis...

We all get out and are shivering. Several people are complaining about their cell phones getting soaked. These are also the people who started this nonesense.

I wrap myself in a towel and shiver for several hours...

Some wierd kid is walking around iwth a sling shot and several water ballons. Like an adult I confiscate them. My brother notices that our new step cousin is trying to flirt with our cousin. His response is instictual.

he grabs the three water ballons out of my hand and in rapid succession hit the boy in the face with ballons that fail to pop but must sting like nobody's business.

He makes idle threats like he's going to do something. Except he remembered that my brother is sort of dangerous and backs away...

On the drive back, i'm still soaking wet and fight any inclination to turn on the air conditioner. We goof on our little cousin about the step cousin with the crush till she threatens to get out and walk...hahahah....we all share a laugh

At 2am we're playing dominos and eating again. Because sleep is not an option for xTian in the month of July. Domingo falls asleep beating me and my brother five straight hands of dominos.

We all pass out around 430am...

The next day is full of complaints about soaked cell phones. I bid the Bump adieu and go find my bed...

It's Bad To Be Me

Evil

I think I'm coming down with an ulcer.

The x(Tian) Clan: The Return Part 4: The Jersey Shore invades NYC

My parents stayed for a few more days and undermined my confidence as much as time would allow. I try not to cry as best I could. Things are miserable


Thursday comes along and my parents are long gone. But its my brother's birthday and he decides to resurface from where ever he was hiding. I ask him where he would like to eat to celebrate his birthday. He answers that we have to go to Sciortino's a legacy from his whimsical youth.

So I treck down to Perth Amboy and then head over to my cousin Maria and then we're all just kicking it and its a grand old time. And we're eating Pizza and we're watching Entourage and gosh this is old school!

Around 11, I remember I'm so exhausted I want to cry and I go to the train station

The ride back to the city is interesting. The pungent smell of heineken mixed with camel cigarrettes permeates the train car.

I am soon surrounded by more tanorexic white chicks from the jersey shore than I can shake a stick at and they're out of control. Dancing and singing and WOOOing like its an episode of Girls Gone Wild!.

One of them asks me to take photographs of them in broken spanish. I comply and pretend I don't speak english. I wonder who they think the mexican in the tailored shirts is exactly?

I get a nip slip in one of the shots.

They are all going to Webster Hall...exactly...

My friend Christian calls me and asks if i'm in a dance club. I say:

"No, NJ Transit train heading to NYC"

The girl who tried to communicate with me in spanish gives me half a look, wondering why I did not respond to her in english when she spoke to me. I stare at her blankly.

My eyes start tearing from exhaustion

The x(Tian) Clan: The Return Part 3: Wedding Day nausea

Its ten am when we wake up to the friendly greetings a household full of people my brother and I managed to traumatize at 5am.

We don't know what to do other than eat again and book it back to the City.

Later, we hook up with my cousin, Dr Jay and try to work on my speech. As a best man, i am failing on all dimensions.

We come up with tons of offensive stories about boobie and his future wife, we end up with nothing usuable.

We all want to cry. or laugh

I mostly just want to throw up from the hangover. Something my uncles are all already doing...

The wedding goes off without a hitch. People laugh.

My speech was sweet and appreciated by all uncles and aunts

My mother pointed out that one could compute the bride's age based on the information I provided in my speech. My dad was disappointed because its him and its me. So that's just how it goes.

I go upstairs and throw up over the side of the boat hoping the hang over will subside.

The x(Tian) Clan: The Return Part 2 : Hot Wet Bitches

The day my brother arrives, I am working from home with someone I spend far too much time with.

My brother walks in declaring Fantastic Four on the top of the agneda. Never mind that there is a rehearsel dinner that night. Never mind that we are hitting a strip club, never mind there is a wedding tomorrow. We gotta watch fantastic four.

The three of us nearly cry its so terrible.

Later, me and Baby bump stop at a hot dog stand in tribeca and wait for Uncle Boobie. Who is picking out flowers with his soon to be wife. We show up several hours late to the actual church rehearsal.

My brother nearly fights with the priest> I'm not sure if its because he can't tell him how to find the bathroom or because he tells the lil big head to stop complaining.

The more things change...

At the rehearsal dinner (which is outdoors) we eat more grilled meat than we know what to do with. The in-laws judge us for our eating habits. The Bumpasaurus makes it a point to suck the marrows out of every bone on his plate.

Domingo steps up, after downing half a bottle of rum, and calls me a punk. Domingo and I have had a special bond ever since he beat the shit of me with a bucket of baseballs in 1987. He is the arbitrar of tough love. He's tough on me and I love him for it. His logic was once again sound

"xTian, How can you as the best man be asleep at the wheel. Where are the strippers?"

Uncle Boobie's future father in law looks up from his steak with an arched eye brow. We pointedly act like he's not there, because his punk ass is irrelevant to this conversation.

"Fine lets go"

"Yes, we're all too drunk to drive. The bumpasaurus should drive"

"Agreed. he's drunk but young"

me, the bumpasaurus, domingo and frank the tank (boobie's brother) grab boobie and drag towards an unsuspecting SUV.

We spend the next several hours in a strip club. No one can find Boobie anywehre but someone hands domingo an out of control bill. Lord knows what he was up to. Domingo can barely stand and Frank (the Tank) can't stop laughing.

The Bumpasaurus can't stop laughing either. Only it's because I managed to spill a red bull all over myself and I am shining green.

As we wlak out of the strip club. A russian fellow pulls up to the club and loads all his russian white slaves (sorry I mean strippers) into his beat up Winebego. My uncles have a good laugh at how these woman are paying off their illegal immigrant status in NJ.

We deposit my uncles (boobie and Frank the Tank at Boobie's house) and depart with the cooler of beer and all the meat we could find.

We head over to Domingo's house. We got beer. We got meat we get down to it. At four am we're making Quesedillas, eating burgers, getting the drink on. Domingo is like "[Bump] this is the first time you're in my house. Let me show you around"

Bang, walk into the room my grandparents are in. Turn on the lights

Grandparents:"the hell?"

Domingo:"here are your grandparents!"

Bump:"right"

We go upstairs

Domingo:"this is my daughter's room" (flick the lights on)

Domingo's daughter: "are you guys a$$holes"

Me and Bumpasaurus: "HAHAHAHAHAHA" (in unison)

Bump: "where are my parents?"

Domingo (leading us into another room): "here" (Flick on the lights)

Domingo: "I need to find you guys the air mattress and you fuckers are going to sleep o nthem too. I spent all day in Wal Mart getting you air mattresses"


We walk into his bedroom. The lights come on

My Aunt: Godddamn you domingo what are you doing?

Domingo: Shhh...people are sleeping...

My mother walks in form some other room half groggy.

Mommy: "what are you idiots doing, laughing and following him around"

There is no good answer.

Domingo decides that his son is on the air mattress reserved for the Bump, and starts dragging him off by the leg. Monkey Boy Three is shrieking. Me and Bump continue to laugh like the monkey boys we are.

Later as we're filling up the air mattresses we have to endure Domingo diving head first into the mattresses and making the air pump fly across the room and onto an unsuspecting wall (several times) It's 530 by the time we're done.

...How are we going to get to this wedding at all?

The x(tian) Clan: The Return Part 1: Don't Rock the Boat!

Vanglorious!

It's been a big month for the blood of xTian. My dad's niece (yes, my cousin) had a daughter! My Mom's two baby brothers (my uncles) got married. Good Job and many more to all of them I say!

Of course all this hoopla needed to be frist hand by the 'rents and after much plodding and a ton frustrating disorganized logistical planning I was driving my cousin Paco's van to pick them up.

En route I thought it wise to ring my mom on the mobile and leave her a message letting her know to call me when she got off the plane...of course she picks up

mami, you cant pick up the phone while the plane is flying
mami: we're not flying
me: why not?
mami: I forgot your grandmother's ID and I dont want to talk about it (click)

the woman hung up on me! the hell!
I called my aunt, who was like "I know, she threw your father and [grandfather] on the plane by themselves and now she is waiting in Orlando with [your grandmother].

I sit in the airport with my grandfather and father and wonder what to do with them. We go on a death march and find some chinese food. It looks like my grandfather is bored. I have no idea what to do.

My little cousin calls me to inform me that the plane is on time
My brother calls me and informs me that the plane is delayed.

I can't trust either of these boobs to be right, so I call my aunt and ask her to check.

The outcome is even more disturbing. There are several possible flights they could have gotten on none have left the ground but all have pulled away from the gate. I am standing at Laguardia but its possible that my mother and grandmother could either be going to JFK or Newark.

Crying is something I consider doing. However, my grandfather don't need me crying. Should I cry he might have to beat me to a pulp. Getting the sh*t kicked out of me by a 95 year old man would be too much to bear.

Several hours later I track down my mother and grandmother who pleasantly get off the plane as if nothing is wrong.

I suggest my mother is a clown and she does not speak to me the whole ride to NJ.

It's going to be an interesting visit.

Jazzy jaff invades NYC

"Where did all these brown guys from?"

My roommate was looking down on me and I was wondering what he was doing in my room. Then I realized I was in the living room on the couch. I sat up and asked:

"Can you check if the guy sleeping in my bed is still alive?"

My roommate knew better than to acknowledge this request but pressed on, in the hopes of clarifying his own confusion...

"It looked for a second there like you weren't wearing any clothes" he said. He looked relieved that I was only wearing boxer shorts. I was just hoping my ying yang was not exposed.

The brown guys in reference were not me, I mean I do count as one brown guy, but my roommate should, by now, be used to my brown ass stumbling into the apartment, wasted, and making pillows out of my suit jacket on the floor.
The brown guys in reference were in fact Jazzy Jaff who was sleeping on the adjoining futon and Dr. Orgy (the doctor of love?) who was passed out in my bed.

How did we get to this point? Well Jazzy Jaff is one of my closer friends from Business School and Dr. Orgy is one of my closer friends from undergrad and we were all kicking it last night. Dr. Orgy celebrating finishing his residency and Jazzy Jaff was in NYC celebrating a recent BJ from a white chick (where da white women at? Holla!)

After dinner at my favorite gay cuban restaurant I took Jazzy Jaff over to Sin Sin to hang out and meet up with a crew. As Jazzy is Eritrian that means that all manner of cousins and people are going to come bounding in and lord knows where things will end up. One fellow showed up and managed to hit on 4 women en route to greeting his cousin. DA appeared and I was glad for it. Not knowing what D is up to has been a point of concern for me ever since he arrived in NY. I have on occasion stepped up and invited my nigerian brother out. But often an 11pm call will find him still working so I leave him be.

After bopping around Sin Sin for several hours and a surprise cameo appearance by Speed Racer aka The Marlboro Man appeared. During the 5 minute Marlboro Man interlude I proclaimed to him that I would be hooking up with the bartender. Marlboro Man who has been a convert to the xTian Church of Lunacy actually believes something will come of this and to that end leaves before the something that comes of it is me getting out on his ass on Avenue B.

There is a lot of discussion among the group of going to Babble or Bubble or Bobble in a few minutes. Neither I nor a recently arriving Dr. Orgy has any idea what Jazzy's cousin was going on about. The heat was unbearable, and I mean it was literally hot, i was sweating thru my shirt. As we left the bar I wrote my phone number on a the check i paid with my credit card and slimily winked at my potentially underage bartender. Surprisingly she didn't vomit...though it was touch and go for a while...

Later when we finally got to Babel (AH!) we realized we were in a Hooka bar full of hot middle eastern chicks. I went to work trolling the place and failing to make anything happen. La Tortura came on and actually fit the proceedings quite well.

Dr. Orgy came up with the right plan and suggested we get some weed. I had some, squirrelled away in the back of my freezer and we were off. we hit a cab and then walked some because like the over educated incredibly uppwardly mobile goofs that we were we had 4 dollars between us. In my apt we sparked doob in the heat and pontificated on when hip hop achieved perfection. After 5 minutes of debate we agreed right then and there that the releases of The Low End Theory and Midnight Marauders bookend the greatest era in hip hop. Happiness pervaded the room...

Dr. Orgy made an interesting point during this conversation

"xTian, you know what's wierd, your bullshit makes all sorts of sense when one is high"

I nearly kissed him, on the mouth! HARD!

(ok, no not really, but learning a universal truth that I make more sense when someone is under the influence of the green might be the key to me advancing with one of these trippy broads currently bisecting random parts of my life. So the kiss is hyperbole for a deep sense of gratitude not any actual gayness)

We then had a magically thought! We could recreate Harold and Kumar go to White Castle with me playing the part of straight laced Harold and he playing Kumar. We agreed right then and there to go to the White Castle on on 38th St. As we started walking it was suggested that we hit the Chelsea Papaya first and get some Chili Cheese Dogs. The idea of walking all the way up to 38th was not at all appealing but press on we did, past all the disturbing stuff, the trannies, the homeless the nasty New York Smelly Garbage.

At White Castles we rocked out to a 10 pack, the good dr's stomach turned as a mid-op tranny walked in, drunk with an exposed breast, i helped myself to his burgers. On the walk back to my apt he pointed out to me that his belly was expanding and it was, and I was disturbed that he felt the need to lift his shirt and expose his rapidly expanding belly.

Somewhere north of Penn Station he sat down on a booth normally reserved for flowers in front of a bodega. Not knowing what to do I ran inside to get him a ginger ale.

Later Orgy said that were he able to he would have shouted "Don't leave me again"

An allusion to an episode at Sharmin's (bar is SoHo from the late 90s) where I once left him puking at a table, as I went across the street and bought a pack of cloves, which I proceeeded to smoke while he sat inside vomiting. I was smoking at the time, mostly for effect...and mostly to avoid situations like that.

I did not abandom him tihs time, and i don't smoke. so I went and got him Ginger Ale, because the last time I went to the doctor (being sick) he gave me ginger ale, this was 1987 I believe...

I walked him back to my apt and let him sleep in my bed while I sprawled out on an incredible uncomfortable futon in my incredibly hot living room. Jazzy Jaff (walked in) and asked what was up, I said something about somthing being gay, and having lived with me for a year somewhat recently, took the comment at face value, shRugged and jumped on the adjoining futon...

My closing comment to him was that if Orgy died, Jazzy would have to help me dispose of body, and potentially kill his soon-to-be fiancee. Jaff, with his usual indifference, concurred and offered himself up, once more, to the righteous task of saving me from my own failings...

And that's how two brown guys ended up passed out in my apartment on one random friday night/saturday morning...

The Summer of (not) XTian

My summer has been decidedly not xtian centric. I honestly can't recall anything I have done for myself in the last six months. I am not sure what's up with that but it needs to change. Yes, totally.

Still that's not to say that my summer has not had its moments and I feel the need to recap some of them. So every other day this week I'll be dropping knowledge on my summer. Highlights will include:

- xTian and Orgy go to White Castle
- "xTian why are there two brown men passed out in our living room?"
- A series of unfortunate events (at a strip club) aka mama and papa Xtian visit xTian
-"Fuck xTian and his white linen pants"
- The Jersey Shore Invades Manhattan
- xTian meets up with 300 Indians in Salt Lake City
- xTian goes on an anti-Mormon Mission

RIP, Big Head

Evil

:(

Be Honest

Evil



I need to know something. I need to know! Am I like the Miles character from Sideways? Am I him? AM I HIM?!

Self-Destruction Hall Of Fame

Self-Destruction Hall Of Fame 

Manolo Gives You A Tip

If you are eating Tostitos and the Salsa falls on your shirt, tuck it in before you go out or you will look like an idiot.

Self-destructive things said over dinner

Evil

I had dinner with XTIAN, KenTak3, Gail, and Mr. Shoulders last night. One of us was saying self-destructive things all night long. It was very sad actually. So as to not hurt any feeling publicly, I won't say who it was... but I will share with you some things that were said:

• "Are you going to make me a rhinestone collar?"
  
• "I was sitting on the couch with my mentor (who doesn't like herself very much) and then her shirt buttons started to fly off."
  
• "I want to move to central Jersey."


• "Can I just impregnate a girl and start a normal life already??

Manolo Hates Something Too

You know what I hate...

I hate when I take off my pants and my penis all of a sudden sticks out the little hole in my boxers...I understand my penis might feel like it has just been released from prison and wants to say "Hey People, I am free!!." I don't know if its the lack of a full erection or the fabric of the boxers itself but you are only able to see the tip, you know, the top 2-3 inches.

I guess I would feel better if my whole penis came out, if it showed itself in all its glory, but alas, it doesn't work that way...I guess prison does break the spirit...

Anyways, that's what I hate...

David Cross, Genius, second only to Dave Chappelle!

Proof Point 1

Explained!

this explains it...

I was an Enabler!

When I invited her to the game it was mostly out of desperation. Not that she's not cute, far from it, She's really cute. Vexingly cute really. But none of that matters, I just need to leave people at work alone on the dating front. Its a new rule. I don't need any confusion and if things do work somewhat positively (and that doesn't happen all that often) at best I've ended up with a reasonably cool friend...

Due to some complications associated with IM communications my original plan to go with a buddy from work, VB, was blown up. He thought I was talking about a client event I was talking about two tickets I had secured from a fellow co-worker...things went south from there. Not knowing what to do, I circled thru a number of friends and could not find anyone available the next evening. A business related conversation with my sales specialist openned the option of redemption. It was set, we were going to the game together, me with my perky sales specialist with a great body and amazing hair...my subconscious, or the master chef had set out the ingredients for his recipe of disaster...

When I saw her, I knew I was in trouble, B-Shah called her sloppy cute one day and the description was apt. Mostly i ignore what B-Shah says on most subjects about other women, because she's a total hater, but in this case she's right. She is sloppy cute. Unlike another girl in my office, a string of pearls would look disingenuine on her, almost like part of a costume. Anyway, her top was quite revealing and exposed quite a bit, enough that i spent most of the evening with my eyes pointing towards the ground, trying to revisit the nip slips of a few days prior...

The game itself was great, Yankee Stadium can't be beat. VB even stepped up and got us closer to the action, about 5 rows from the third baseman. My friend was overwhelmed and a little too impressed. That last part disappointed me a bit...

Yes I was here with a pretty girl and yes we sort of work together, but no this was not a date. I was clear on that and everyone accpeted this except VB who, you gotta love him, is a big kid sometimes. Of course, during a break he came back to where we were sitting and said something like "i'm going to mess up his game" to the people he was sitting with. I was slightly mortified and watched my game drift off its course. She (acted like she) had no idea what was going on..

I had just spent the last 30 minutes explaining to her that he was just looking back at us probably to goof on me about something that happened earlier in the day rather than amusing himself by checking where my hands, her hands, our faces were at any given moment.

On the subway platform at Yankee Stadium I noticed she was cold and fought off the urge to keep her warm with a hug for a few minutes before finally relenting just as the downtown train approached...

I dropped her off at her door, the pretense of getting a pizza slice providing the excuse. she kissed me on the cheek and bolted for the door, I turned and walked away briskly as it was starting to rain. However, in the reflection of a glass i saw her sprint back out for a second, think better of it and turn back towards her door.

The next day, I IMed iwth my buddy and aggressively called him a cockblocker...
His sole defense...
"I was an enabler!"

yeah right dude!

I let things be...

I thought nothing of it, till she started drunk texting me several days later at around 1am while at her friends party, basically telling me to come out...Given my track record it will still all translate into something pretty meaningless

One thing I hate about NY in the Summer

There are somethings I love about NY in the summer. I like the heat. Actually, I hate hte heat, but I always nod at the heat because I get it and it was captured in a song perfectly. New York by U2.


In New York summers get hot well into the hundreds
You can walk around the block without a change of clothing
Hot as a hair dryer in your face
Hot as handbag and a can of mace
New York, I just got a place in New York
New York, New York


I really like that song, and the heat makes me think of it, so at the end of the day I don't hate the heat. But its a passing moment, the I sweat thru my shirt and then I hate the heat...

I really love that the city empties out, that I can walk into any bar or restaurant, that it's basically my city. I wake up, put on some shorts, throw on a top hat and fetch my cane and walk around like a pimp profiting well from his hoes...

What I hate though, what i absolutely hate:
Are these random street fairs that spontaneously happen everywhere and they are always generating noise and its always like "what the hell?" sor ot of thing and they are completely useless, i mean what the hell are they selling exactly? Nothing useful thats for sure



and another thing, how do they always manage to make a crappy falafel?

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

DAVES BACK!

WHEW

The Return of the Kicked Puppy

One of my great friends in life made this great observation about me:

We were drunk (of course)

"[My last name, she always called me by my last name, her smokey voice, pronouncing it properly, with the accents in the right place], you know what your problem is?"

"which problem exactly, i have a few?"

"you're like a dog thats been kicked too much. It seems to me that you just love people for not kicking you."

I think, finally, on the cusp of my 29th year, I am getting past this...

The boyfriend is out (she's a girl but she's emotionally closed off and a poor communicator, so a co-worker and I have taken to calling her the boyfriend).
There's only enough room for one emotional waste land around here and thats me sister. You're out. I don't care what Ivy League University almost awarded you a PhD, you're young minded and wack.

Of course the day I took this massive step forward, a total "I choose me" moment if you will, I managed to find a way to take several steps back. Unfortunately the victim of my pathology is unsuspecting and undeserving. she's been a subject here before. She was also what this was all about.

We were getting coffee and i said something, who knows what. She gave me half a look. It's what she does. She doesn't always challenge, but when she does its sort of fun, in a sick way. I pounced on that look and probed...under her breathe she relented that she did not always know what I was talking about or if sometimes, I didn't have some sort of agenda. I hated myself a little, more than a little for once again confusing this girl.

All she needs is a friend., apparently no more than one at work, because she puts zero effort into trying to make any others there. For self defeating reasons of her own, she chose me and she pays for her folly every so often, mostly when i'm drunk or just in need of being a dick.

Before 10am, before she jumps on a conference call, i remind her of my limitations. She puts the reciever down and looks at me saying something like

"I can't believe you just said that to me just as I'm about to do this conference call"

some other words are exchanged. she picks up the reciever again and says something like

"Sometimes, i feel like I'm part of some psychology experiment you're running"

My heart breaks. I can't even do intense right anymore. Now its like I just want to apologize and crawl into a ball under the table.

I committed myself righ then and there to do better and get over myself, I'm her overprotective brother and it blows her mind everytime I give into my baser instincts and come on to her. It's completely unacceptable, even I feel like a dick afterwards...

I'll betray her trust again. That's just me. Its what I do. Poor girl...

Grilled Meat

On Sunday, I went over to KenTak's house to hang out with him, the GF and their gay dog Bruno. I brought along MikeT just because he did not seem to be doing much and also I figured bruno would crush hard on Mike's shaved head and plaid shirt. Totally nailed that one too...

KenTak apparently has not upgraded his OS for the summer, because his grilling skills were severely lacking. The GF of course, delivered across a number of dimensions. Baking cookies, keeping me from stepping on Bruno's doody rag and generally being a good hostess. The real hero of the day was Evil Twin 1 who showed up and dropped so BBQ-Fu that will be the talk of BBQs from NY to Boston for seasons to come. It got really interesting when she started flipping beef while doing the worm. WHAT TALENT!

Evil Twin #2 was also on sight. She and I had the best conversation.

her:"hey, how are you?"

me:"Great you?"

her:"I'm good!"

me:"really?"

her:"yeah why?"

me:"I read your blog"

her:"oh yeah...so you know how I'm really doing"

me: "right..."

her:"i'm ok. Things are getting better"

Our conversation moved on to what we have been up to for the last several months at one point i started something with "And then in Miami..."...She cut me off with a "oh yeah that was a great blog entry. I liked the part where..." I tuned her out...whats the point of talking when we can BLOG!

Not much else happened, I ate, there was a food coma, for some reason MTV came on and we settled into TRUE LIFE : I'M A JERSEY SHORE GIRL

There was one really friggin annoying guy there, who upon hearing that Evil Twin 2 was leaving her job went into this diatribe about the increasing demands by the market that large corporations divest of businesses and focus on core competencies, and somehow tried to analogize it to ET2 quiting a crappy lawyer job for a better one with more money. MikeT not know what to make of that said something sarcastic like "that was the most insightful thinking on business trends I've heard in quite some time, should I put that in my next analyst report?"

I wondered if someone left an economist at this dude's bbq. what a tool?

Musings on Revenge of the Sith...(SPOILER ALERT)

I spent a great deal of time trying to figure out why Yoda quits towards the end of Revenge of the Sith. Why do he and Obi Wan agree that the only strategy is a retreat? Obi Wan has defeated Vader. Surely together Yoda and Obi Wan could stand against the Dark Lord, Siddious. I cam up with an idea that worked for me, you guys let me know what you think. When Shaft almost killed Palpatine, it was obvious to me that he used anger and darkness that he was in fact on the path towards the Dark Side. It’s an eerie foreshadowing to the same scene in Return of the Jedi, where Luke on the verge of defeating the Emperor was on the verge of succumbing to the dark side. Is it true then that any Jedi in order to defeat a true dark lord has to access the dark side, that there must always be a balance between the light and the dark, that there must always be a Dark Lord?

Vader is the fulcrum in both scenes. In RotS, he kills Shaft, thereby cementing his position as one of the two dark lords. In RotJ he kills the Emperor and thereby finally ending the reign of the Sith by keeping his son from succumbing to the dark side. The fact that Vader then dies naturally is the only cause for the end of the dark side, no Jedi had to access the darkness to defeat him. Also when you line these scenes up against each other, you realize that Vader is truly the focal point of the series. Lucas has often pointed out that the 6 films when viewed together are essentially the redemption of Anakin Skywalker. The crucial decision, the one he makes the “wrong choice: in RotS he handles quite differently in RotJ. What’s funny is that I don’t think Vader ever gives up the dark side. Vader, when he throws the Emperor over the scaffolding still working from a fear of loss, loss of his son. As Yoda, accurately points out fear of loss is a path towards the dark side. So I challenge Lucas’ set up of this series as the redemption of Anakin. Yes he “undoes” the damage he does by saving Luke, but he never finds his way to the Light of the Force, he uses the same tools he always used, anger, passion, frustration. I might be revisiting an old inconsistency here.

So viewed from this lens, we understand what’s happening. We understand that Yoda and Obi Wan can’t take the fight to the Emperor directly; doing so will take them to the Dark Side. The New Hope, then is that Vader’s son will somehow be able to influence Vader’s actions so he can fulfill his destiny and restore the light to the force.

Btw, it seems to me that Siddious explains to us the origin of Vader. It seems to me that Siddious’ master is this fellow he mentions to Anakin when he is attempting to seduce him to the Dark Side; the one who can manipulate midiclorians to shape life. Assuming Siddious is the pupil who kills that Dark Lord then we can now clearly account for the origin of Anakin.

Many were confused by the implication that Anakin was conceived immaculately. It’s the one counter point to Jon-El’s reasonably well thought out theory that Lucas fundamentally posits that science is the new religion in the second trilogy by trying to explain away the force as scientific fact like gravity, much unlike the earlier trilogy where it is all masked in mysticism. I actually think it’s a little different. I think he’s saying that the decay of society can most quickly be noticed in the decay of the knowledge that this society wields. The society in the Classic Star Wars Trilogy is most clearly in decay and as a result, a culture has re-emerged where the unknown rather than be properly explored is now simply mystified.

Cross/Up Selling

My first post on Ordinal Rule is up. You can read it by clicking here.

PLUS

We now have an RSS Feed for the Hose, all you information syndicators can now leverage the power of RSS. Click here to find out how to leverage this powerful tool.

Miami and other Gayness

At the airport, while waiting for the plane, I really didn’t know how the weekend would end up. I had no idea how much or how little sleep I would get. I had no idea if I had packed appropriately for the weather. I didn’t even know if I was flying down by myself or not. Jon-El was had been vacillating all week on whether or not he would appear, at last check he was not. But really, who was to say with any certainty.

Read more about xTian and Manolo in Miami here.

Manolo Gets Motivated

Did anybody watch the Simpsons or Family Guy this weekend? I must have stopped the shows 4-5 times because I was laughing so hard...

In the last episode of the Simpsons, Bart gets kicked out of Springfield elementary and they are having a family discussion around the dinner table and how they are going to have to send him to private school.

Then Homer goes:

“And if you get kicked out of that one, you are going straight into the army where you will be sent straight to America’s latest quagmire. Where will it be? North Korea? Iran? Anything is possible with Commander Cuckoo Bananas in charge.”

HAHAHAHA!!!!

Then, in Family Guy, the neighbors were having a discussion outside when all of a sudden; a giant chicken appears out of nowhere. The giant chicken and Peter Griffin then spend the next 10 minutes fighting all over town…he finally defeats the giant chicken, and appears all beaten up to renew the discussion he was having with his neighbors like nothing happened.

Hah! They are freaking geniuses…Where do they come up with that stuff?

I remember that there was one time where Xtian and Evil were trying to take the Hose of its doldrums existence and started targeting MTV and VH1 executives via personalized ads in Google. I don’t think it went anywhere as it seems the executives were not vain enough to “Google” themselves…what's wrong with them? How can we be part of “Best Week Ever” or “When _______ ruled the World” if we are still relying on metrics from the old hey-days of the dot com era? Eyeballs? Unique visitors? Wtf?

Anyways, the point of the story it’s that the Hose lacks such geniuses and everything at the Hose seems falls on my shoulders…I just hope that my discussions with Xtian this weekend and this post are a rallying cry for somebody to think outside the box...

Coming up next month: Top 10 Hose Posts (as voted by our readers)

A distinguished panel consisting mainly of ME will decide on 20-25 posts. Our readers will vote on them at a latter date via electronic voting (e-mail). These votes will then be discarded to the trash bin. I, in conjuction with my politically appointed cronnies will finally decide on the top 10 posts...

Dave Chappelle explains himself!

Hurry back!

We need you...

read the article here.

The Hose Makes a Friend or two

Evil Twins is a blog at least partially maintained by someone who has been referenced a few times on this blog, to the point where she earned a nickname, however ill-fitting...

Also, I'm a soon-to-be contributor to Ordinal Rule, a blog created by my friend and brother Weise-Son (better name to follow). Similar in mandate to the Hose, but with one caveat. It's list based.

Someone should point out to the future Mrs. Evil that she should update her friendster profile to say "In a Relationship" so Evil can stop hatching plots that he will never follow thru on.

Also, I finally finished this post from last month...

Manolo Prepares For The Invasion

Actually, Manolo WAS preparing for this weekend's invasion when Jon-El goes ahead and pulls one of his patented moves and decides to cancel on us at the last minute...

It seems that after seeing his name online in the previous post, or perhaps suffering from a slight bout of TBS (touchy bitch syndrome), Jon-El got scared...

What followed was a series of actions, one more drastic than the other, and mainly involving me whining like a girl via voicemails/emails to him, his wife and even his mother to convice Jon-El to come down to the Dirty South after all...It seems that he is afraid that this week is going to be too wild for his taste...

I have decided to post a reply email I sent to Evil back in July 2002 after a similar weekend visit by xTian aka Big Head aka Purple Mushroom and his brother aka Little Big Head aka the Bumpasaurus aka Pacey J. Witter aka Mo Vaughn...

As you can see, there was nothing wild about it...I just hope this alleviates his fears, and those of his significant others and that he will be able to join us after all.

My Mom hates me

My mother hates me.

She hated me a few weeks ago when I missed her birthday. I felt so down about it that I made up this story about surfing and getting a concussion and told everyone I knew just to convince myself it was the truth.

She hated me this past weekend when I failed to come thru again on Mother's Day. It was friday and I had no idea what to do, no one was able to deliver flowers to my mother...the hell?

Not knowing what else to do, I outsourced the responsiblity to a local resource, my brother, The Bumpasaurus - Pacey J. Witter. A recipe for disaster.

Sunday, I ring him eagerly at 10am

"what did my mother and grandmother think of the flowers?"

"I did not get them yet. the futbol is on"

"Can you take care of it now please?"

"Can you cut me a break? Give me an hour."

Not knowing what to do with myself I rung a few aunts. My youngest Aunt was my second call. Her husband picked up and passed the phone to her, yelling

"Miy! [xtian] is on the phone"

"hey, sweetie I'm talking to your mom on my cell phone. Hold on she's saying somehting to me"

"what?"

"she said "{explative], why don't you remind him he has a mother and that should be his first call..." and then she hung up"

"Oh"

Sometimes you just can't win :-(

xTian uses the Force

........TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF A PINATA


Check all the faces of shock and awe!

(Either that or these guys are coming down off a heroin buzz...you decide)



Next xTian and Jon-El invade Manolo's Gay bachelor Pad
A wild weekend of singing 60s R&B hits, doing each other's hair and watching Jerry Maguire awaits...plus coke and hookers!!!

Manolo Reads The Paper

I was online and came across the following article...

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/03/health/03ugly.html?8hpib

Somehow, Big Head and Big Little Head and their growing up stories popped into my head...

three inch Package

COurtesy of Davey K


http://www.wackmcs.com/wackmcs/crispy.wmv

Manolo Gives You Some More Animal Trivia

I am back!!! The master plan is to write a day by day travelogue of my 2 week getaway to Spain...Please bear with me!! Hopefully it will be more interesting than the "Man Dates" post Xtian is currently working on...

In the meantime, did you know that the female bedbug has no vaginal opening? If you’re a male bedbug you have to rip open her abdomen with your penis to deposit sperm...nevertheless (and this is for Evil), that doesn't mean it shouldn’t be good for her too.

Man Dates

Periodically, I meet KenTak3 for lunch. its not as frequently as i would like but it happens often enough...It was a nice day so we sat outside a food bar I like on Maiden Lane called Zeytunas.

As is often the case on a weekday around noon, its pretty packed. But the same pretty blonde is always sitting there anxiously reading some document or case study or something.

Without letting KenTak know, I positioned us near the pretty blonde, intending to attract her to our conversation. Little did I know how far south we would have to go before she would even look our way.

KenTak is an engaged conversationalist but has low tolerance for self deprication or general depression. As a result he hardly ever talks to the rest of our study group from college. Mr Shoulders and Evil are just too far gone at this point. He's still amused by me, because like people at work, I have the potential to get it right at ANY GIVEN MOMENT. of course I don't. If I did then this blog would be duller than it is.

Our conversation that day mostly centered on women and mixed success in recent months. As someone in a committed relationship, KenTak is amused by my flailing and i think uses it a remind for how good he's got it.
Bored talking to myself, and not thinking it will attract the pretty blonde into our web. I shift the conversation from chicks I'm not banging to an article I had recently read in the NY Times about dudes who go on date like things, like going to the movies or going to a museum, just a couple of metros pumped for a night on the town. Mentioning this as we both sat there in shirts we spent far too much money was amusing. She was looking over and just kind of sizing us up and down.

Ken actually said something funny and our blonde friend snorted.

I looked over at her, and was all like "Would it be wierd if me and this dude had a nice dinner somewhere?"

"I dunno, I dunno what's acceptable anymore.."

"I'm pretty sure at any given moment, it will be acceptable for a straight dude to suck another straight dude's cock and still be straight"

"sucking cock" the quickest way to end a conversation with a random person...

The Prodigal Son Returns!!

It seems nothing has changed since I last posted a blog on this site. The writing is piss poor, Evil is horrible, X-tian is still playing with himself because no woman will touch him, and the stories are boring.

I must apologize for my inactivity on this blog. Life has dealt me the shittiest cards you could imagine. I won't go into details because frankly, I don't like any of you. I just wanted to let you know that my eye is on all of you.

Manolo Goes On Vacation

I will be out of touch from March 31st to Apri 14 (Spain, baby, Spain!!!). If you are looking for something to pass the time, you can either look at the Manolo archives or come back after April 15th where I hope to entertain you with some stories from my travels across Spain...

Of course, there will some other postings on The Hose from Xtian and Evil but we all know those aren't as good as mine...I suggest you read those just so you can feel better about yourself and thank your lucky stars that your life its not as sucky as theirs...

Manolo Goes On Another Date

I have a friend at work that is really smoking hot. In my business, the women usually are...

I was regaling my coworkers last week with stories from my last date (come on, who the heck doens't believe in evolution?) when she told me about a friend who she wanted to set me up with who was a lot of fun and "believed in evolution". At first I wasn’t interested since I am not a big fan of blind dates (this was my second...the last one involved a Jewish girl and the search for a chinese KOSHER restaurant in the Upper West Side of NYC) but then I figured, “Hot girls usually hang out with hot girls…if her friend is half as hot as he is, then there’s nothing to worry about.”

We agreed to meet at a bar. I get there early and was having a few beers when a midget walked in. I tried not to stare, but the midget was walking in my direction. I then giggled a bit because I started reminiscing about old 3 AM drunk conversations I had back in school (Casa Latina) involving midget tossing.

Anyways, she sat down right next to me, and we began chatting. That’s when I found out she was my date. Things were going pretty well, and feeling comfortable enough, I decided to ask her what it’s like to be a midget. She gave me funny look and then proceeded to knock me off my bar stool (shout out to John-El...inside story!). She then kicked me with her tiny feet as she screamed, “I am not a midget, you asshole! I’m a little person.”

A few bouncers surrounded us, but they decided to watch and laugh for a couple of minutes before they pulled the "little person" off me. The bartender, who was FULLY hot, felt bad and offered to get me drunk for free. It was a really embarrassing night, but at least I learned that a) literally, she was half as hot and b) midgets have feelings too.

A Scene from Someone’s Forthcoming Autobiography

She was plumper than he expected. It was a muscular plumpness so he didn’t mind.

Things progressed as they’re meant to. As is often the case, past experience has him cautious when it comes to removing another person’s clothing. A history of ripped pants and broken panties has him concerned that he’s stronger than he ever lets on.

As he clumsily tries to remove her top he stops half way and takes a deep breath and speaks….

“I’m going to need for you to not internalize it when I kick your ass out of here at 930 in the morning.”

She looked at the clock and that it was 5am. She pulled her top back down as if she was going to go.

“Who are you kidding?” the pained look on her face broke his bravado “nah, seriously stay, I’ll buy you a bagel before I toss you out…”

That ended that bit of the conversation and led to another different sort of communication…

Thursday Night

At the end of the night on thursday, I was not ready to go home. It occurred to me that Sangay was still out and about at Serena's, which is right near my apartment. Perfect....

I walked in and there was a hot indian chick staring me down...I walk over to her and am all like:

ME: "whats up"

HER: "hey"

ME: "do I know you?"

HER: "no"

ME: "oh you're looking pretty hard at me is all"

SOME OTHER DUDE: "you talking to my girl?"

ME: "wha...she's staring at me"

Then I found Sangay and stood around a for a few minutes. Then the dude walked over to us and did a little dance...I think he was challenging me to a dance off for his woman. Either that or he wanted to bang me. Regardless, I got freaked out and left...

Head to Head - Evil vs. Pat O'Brien

Check this article out...Pat O'Brien is apparently crazy!

This is outside the Hotel Metropol, which is right next to Red Square. One day, a military brigade appeared suddenly and no one could determine why.