Tokyo

Evil



Top Things I've Learned While in Tokyo

1. Scarlett Johansson does NOT hang out at the Cerulean Towers hotel bar. (Tonight, I'm heading to the Park Hyatt, where they filmed that movie, to look for her.)

2. I can't find those vending machines where they sell used women's panties. Is that an insider thing? Who do I have to know?

3. Japanese toilets are very advanced. They have a feature that squirts warm water right at your butt hole.

4. Japanese schoolgirls ACTUALLY wear the uniforms you see on Japanese schoolgirl porn. It's weird.

5. Tokyo is at the same latitude as Memphis, TN. It's about 250% humidity here.