The x(Tian) Clan: The Return Part 5: F*ck yo' white Linen Pants, xTian!

My brother resurfaces on friday but not physically. My true brother, Sparkes, is in town with the wife and I have to go see him. My brother in blood (but nothing else apparently) is MIA, so I replace him with the hottest redhead I can find and go to a rooftop BBQ

Saturday, I arrive at my aunt's house to go down to South Jersey for the second family wedding in 7 days. My uncle JV is getting hitched (or re-hitched or whatever)...

I arrive at 11am in the hopes we can be on the road by noon. No such luck.

Around 1230 we're eating breakfast
Around 130 we're all staring at each other blankly
Around 230, Monkey Boy three decideds to take a shower.

We pull out of the house around quarter to 4. No one discusses the fact that the wedding was at 2pm and we have a 2 hour drive to go.

I'm wearing white linen pants...this becomes relevant later.

When we arrive people are having a good ol time.

Things are great...

I am not drinking but everyone else is...

Around 8pm, people start getting tossed int he pool, fully clothed.

I shove The Bump in

Domingo shoves me in


Several people shove Domingo in

There are now 8 males in the pool. I'm the only one wearing white linen pants. Everyone else is wearing khakis...

We all get out and are shivering. Several people are complaining about their cell phones getting soaked. These are also the people who started this nonesense.

I wrap myself in a towel and shiver for several hours...

Some wierd kid is walking around iwth a sling shot and several water ballons. Like an adult I confiscate them. My brother notices that our new step cousin is trying to flirt with our cousin. His response is instictual.

he grabs the three water ballons out of my hand and in rapid succession hit the boy in the face with ballons that fail to pop but must sting like nobody's business.

He makes idle threats like he's going to do something. Except he remembered that my brother is sort of dangerous and backs away...

On the drive back, i'm still soaking wet and fight any inclination to turn on the air conditioner. We goof on our little cousin about the step cousin with the crush till she threatens to get out and walk...hahahah....we all share a laugh

At 2am we're playing dominos and eating again. Because sleep is not an option for xTian in the month of July. Domingo falls asleep beating me and my brother five straight hands of dominos.

We all pass out around 430am...

The next day is full of complaints about soaked cell phones. I bid the Bump adieu and go find my bed...