The Best Week Ever (NOT!)

Evil

I've known my friend Mike since kindergarten. Every year that goes by, I marvel at how long I've known Mike... currently at 24 years! Actually, what I really marvel at is how damn old I'm getting, but that's neither here nor there. Last week, I called Mike. I almost never call Mike and he almost never calls me. We're guys, so our primary form of communication is email. And even at that, the vast majority of our email communication is sending funnily "gay" articles back and forth. For example: "Check this out! How gay! (link to article here)"

So anyway, I call Mike and Mike tells me that he's in Chicago. Permanently. He moved from Queens to Chicago 2 weeks ago. Mike has a great new job at a VERY COOL company. It all happened pretty quick, I was told. Mike's also closer to his wife's parents now, so they can visit the baby more often. All wonderful news... but at one point during the phone call, tears started running down my face. Although I rarely talk to Mike and see him even less often, it always felt good to know that he was around.

If I were emailing with Mike right now, I would send him a link to THIS blog post, because man, it's pretty friggin' GAY!

In other news from last week...

I decided to get my various doctors appointments / checkups out of the way. First appointment of the day: the dermatologist. To my surprise, the doc turns out to be young, Chinese, and quite attractive! She has a pretty smile and nice skin. The first thing she says: "You're Chinese, like me." I furtively glance at her left hand. No ring! She asks why I came in and I tell her: "Well, first, I was wondering why I'm 29 and still have this acne." (*Points to forehead*) "Can I do something about that? And also, I recently started having this weird rashy skin thing on my back." (*Points to rashy skin thing on back*)

She examines me and at one point, says: "Is it hot in here? You're all sweaty." Yes, I was sweaty. Sweaty, pimply, and rashy-skinned. Way to make a good impression, Evil! She gave me a prescription for acne cream and some topical steroids (YAH!!!) for the rashy skin. I wonder if my back is gonna get all muscular and ripped from the steroid cream. That would rock! She told me to come see her again in 3 weeks. Should I bring her some flowers?

Second appointment of the day: the internist for a physical checkup. Blood pressure: normal. Resting heart rate: normal. Weight: could stand to lose 5 or 10 pounds. When she draws a vial of blood and I squirm like Cindy Brady. Lastly, she snaps on a pair of latex gloves and announces that she needs to check me for ball cancer. Have you ever had your balls squished by a middle-aged woman? It's a weird feeling. But it only took a few seconds and then she scooted over to the sink... (*snap*, *snap*) Her latex gloves come off and she's scrubbing at the sink. A few seconds later... still scrubbing. More time goes by... scrubbing, scrubbing. Hey, WTF?! She was wearing gloves! What's with the intensive scrubbing?! Me and my testicles feel self-conscious.