I am Bernie Williams!

Apparently I'm running on fumes...

Its important to mention that I have a new roommate (Young Geezy) and that he's a cool kid...but he's a kid. He has great advise all the time like "ugly chicks put out" and so forth. We also watch Laguna Beach together...its really not that gay. I mean stuff we all know to be true but that we're past worrying about.

Anyway, I went with him to a party....some dude, referred to as "the dude" was moving to either Chicago or San Francisco to become either an equity researcher or a law student i.e. he was turning 25. The Dude is so called because apparently he smokes more of the green than is grown in all the warehouses of california (hydrophonics baby!)

The party was just a bunch of mid twenties princetonites and I recalled that I had been to a similar party (full of people I did not know) at the exact same apartment 6 years ago. people were shocked because I looked so young. I pointed out that I have lived in NY for 10 years

Young Geezy was quick to point out that
(1) 4 of those years were college, so instead of starting at 22 like all of them I started at 17
(2) I spent 2.5 of those 10 years living in Calinfornia...
So realistically I've been in NY for like 6 months...

Regardless, there were three chicks there and no where for me to play with Young Geezy's strategem. Finally one arrived, she was quite plain, but just the sort of Upper East Side Jewish princess that my not-loving-self guy wants to bang just to show "them" (whoever "they" are this week) that I belong...

I went to work. My game is to find something that isolates a woman from a given group and then join her in the isolation. it works...like always, because drunk girls are more insecure than normally and dumber than they would ever be in a any other environment.

I am banging on about something self absorbed that only insecure drunk chicks respond to when suddenly i'm distracted by my ugly friend's much more attractive friend. I run off and join her for a cigarrette (whatever) and in doing so, am sideswiped (so to speak) by the mythical "DUDE" who seems to have waken up (or come down from his high) with a very active libido.

I am now chilling on hte couch with the Young Geezy, really too drunk to care, when Ms Insecure slides back up and rolls around on the couch next to me begging for attention...I take her number but go back to ignoring her. She finds her way back to "the dude" and by some point is sooo drunk that she busts her ass from a still position. I am now officially laughing and her friends are trying to get her out of there.

On her way out, she comes by and encourages me to call...then lays a kiss on my lips. She's so ripped I convince myself that she just missed my cheek.

Young Geezy and I book out and go to get pizza from Bernard... In a mood, I bait Bernard into mocking gays, at 3am on the corner of 23rd and 8th its a safe assumption that Bernard, young geezy, and myself are the only people who have not tasted cock. Lost of customers suck their teeth and walk out as Bernard goes on and on about "f***ing f*gg*ts!!"