The Hose

Wanted to send this official email announcing the birth of my son, Charles William Elliott. He was born on June 19 at 8:30 in the morning. He weighed in at a hefty 8 pounds 15 ounces and was 21 inches long. To those of you outside the loop, this has been a long anticipated event. I am very happy to have him here and I wait anxiously for the day when he will start to look like me. As it stands, he is currently a combination of Nicole and the mailman we had back east. Needless to say, I will be monitoring this situation closely. For those of you who know me best, you might want to save some cash for my bail…..just in case. He has shown strong signs of being an Elliott though. Just a few minutes ago, he blew his pamper out in a way only a shit taking connoisseur like my self could appreciate. Plus the fact that he keeps strange hours and always wants to suck on some titties. So, eat, shit suck titties then sleep. Yeah, we sound related.

Again for those of you outside the loop, I’m currently residing in Southern California (Not LA) and living a suburban lifestyle. It’s a nice change form the city and I spend most the majority of the time trying to convince my neighbors that the property values of their condos are not decreasing due to the fact that I’ve moved into the neighborhood but because the country as whole is going through a bad patch. But seriously, for the most part people have been nice. I’ve managed to find some friends who feel comfortable enough around me to say that they’d like to, ‘see a brother out on a surfboard’. I’m guessing they have yet to receive a copy of ‘Your new black friend’ I suspect that the post office too is going through a bad patch. For those of you who know me (especially Ed) you know that the chances of seeing me on a surfboard is just as likely as seeing a Yeti. By the way, I saw one. It’s currently hiding out in NYC. Nicole won’t let me capture it. Damn her, we could use that reward money.

I plan to chronicle my adventures out here. I just have to have some. I’m not sure, but I think it might mean my leaving the house.


Later, you people.