The Hose

Evil Weekend Commentary

I ran into the Puerto Rican Day Parade today. Literally. One minute I was jogging toward the park on 72nd street and the next minute I am rubbing my hip region into some girl's ample rump at 72nd and 5th. Everyone was so distracted (What there a Ben Affleck float?) that I managed to work my way down a row of asses without getting punched in the face. Deciding to quit while I still have all my teeth, I attempt to get past the parade and into the park to bang out 8 miles (pauses typing to flex). I try to shimmy in between the police barricades but this one cop catches hold if this and jumps out in front of me with both hands up and shouts "Exit only! Exit only!" in a frantic and defensive way. I was like, WTF? The dude acted like I was trying to get into his rectum and not the park. What a tool.

On a related note... I saw this one guy hanging with his buddies and his girl. His buddies all had on matching Fubu "Puerto Rico" jerseys. His girl had on something sexy and skin tight, with "Puerto Rico" across her boobies region. But this dude... guess what he was wearing... an Alexi Yashin jersey. What? What?

What?

That guy is self hating.

Lastly, and completely unrelated, I accidentally caught a bit of the Tony Awards on TV tonight and saw Christopher Reeve present an award. Christopher Reeve, if you're reading this... I have a heartfelt plea: Fucking stop making public appearances! You are freaking me out to no end.You will give me bad dreams, you are THAT freaky.