Tom Hanks?

Tom Hanks is making a movie about John Adams? Hasn't everything been said on this subject...what's left, Adams & Jefferson - A Love Story??

There was some random tribute to the Band, THE BAND. A good band who will always suffer from their crappy name...too bad Three Dog Night had to claim that name first...

This show is chaos, while I was writing this, Cirque De Soile came out to perform a show around "A Day in The Life" by the Beatles. What does this have to do with either John Adams, Tom Hanks or THE BAND?

I wonder why I started thinking about Three Dog Night

What A Rip Off

Evil

Holy smokes! Tom Hanks just revealed that 4 out of the 5 members of The Band are Canadians! What a rip off! People are going to hate this. The Band is over. What is that, you say? The Band was over 25 years ago? Oh okay. You're right.

Real Time Blogging - Grammys Edition!

Evil


We got a late start, but we're gonna do this!

Oh EEH OH EEH OH

No one told me the grammy's were on!

The grammy's are great at being 25 years behind...Morris Day and the time are one...I just danced in a line and primped my hair in a mirror!!!

wooooo


What? Rihanna! BOOOOO! Bring back Jimmy Jam and Morris! MORRIS!

Poll Results

Evil
As you might have deduced from the most recent poll question, I've lately been thinking about adopting a baby. No, I'm not married. I don't even have a girlfriend. So why would I want a baby? Well, it just seems like it would be fun to have a little person around the house. People with kids (like my sister) seem to be having such a good time. And kids are so handy, because you can teach them things. Like fetching your slippers. Or answering the phone and telling your mom that you're not home (even though you really are).

According to the poll results, none of you wanted me to adopt a Chinese baby. Interesting. I'm Chinese, but I shouldn't adopt a Chinese baby. I think the underlying message here is that if I want a Chinese baby, I should just make it naturally. Okay, fair enough.

But you generally seemed okay with a Cambodian, African, or Russian baby. I could see any of these options happening. Except if the Russian baby is a girl. I can't adopt a Russian girl baby because one day she'll grow up to be a super hot teen and that'll just be weird if I'm her daddy.

Perhaps the most interesting result is the winning option: "It's wiser to start with a dog." What are you Hosers trying to say? That I'm not capable of taking care of a child? :( Maybe you're right. I hear kids are a lot of work and I've never in my life changed a diaper. So I've given some thought to dog options. I have two favorites thus far: a Boston Terrier and a Smooth Fox Terrier. I ran the dog idea by Mamacita and she didn't sound so thrilled. She asked if I would be able to take care of a dog. Argh! Can't take care of a dog? Man, now I am doubting if I can take care of anything. How about a cat? They're less work, right? I was thinking about one of those freaky looking hairless cats.

Life Update

Evil


The last time I saw Evil Twin #2, we went running in Central Park. At one point, I mentioned, "Yeah, only a couple more weeks of bumming around for me. Then it'll be all over." ET#2 responded, "Oh, so you're headed out to China in a couple of weeks?"

Which made me realize that I hadn't been good at giving people the general life update. As you may know, my original plan was to go to India for 6 weeks, then spend Christmas and New Years in NYC, and then head out to China for 12 weeks. But the China plan is now out. Instead, I'll be staying in NYC and starting a new job tomorrow.

I'm pretty excited. My ex-manager left my ex-company a year before I did. He's been at this new company for a year and hasn't hanged himself or anything. Actually, he seems to be doing quite well. He'd been trying to get me to go over there for a some time and now seems like a pretty good time. It'll be a little different from my last job, but some things will still carry over. One thing that'll change is that I'll have to start dressing more like an adult.

At my last job, it was common for me to wear jeans to work. And sneakers. Sometimes, I wouldn't wear shoes at all. I'd just walk around in socks and people would comment on my socks if they were colorful or had a cute pattern on them. The new job is actually a good opportunity to adult-ify my wardrobe, which I think is a good thing in the end. Today, I went out and bought myself a new pair of cufflinks (see pics above). Aren't they cute!?

Gift Idea

Evil

People always say to me, "Evil, I love you so much, I want to buy you something. But you have everything. You're so hard to shop for." It's true, people do love me so much. And yes, I am indeed hard to shop for. I am such a simple guy. I have no material wants. I have so little. I want so little. That's the Buddhist in me.

But today, I saw a commercial on TV for something that I would totally love. It's called the AeroGarden. (Also available online!) It's a high tech little indoor planter. Isn't it great? It's used to grow "herbs." And you all know how much I love herbs. (I cook. What can I say?)

Beginning Of The End for Obama?

Evil

An article in The New York Times could spell the beginning of the end for the Obama campaign. The article reveals pretty damning information about the young Obama... information that his campaign may not be able to spin their way out of. No, not the drug use. We knew that. No, not that he's half white. We knew that too, but just choose to ignore it. We learned from the article that the young Obama (pictured above) went by the name Barry. OMG! Self hater. Self hater. This is like Mr. Shoulders going by the name "Sal."

Misrepresentation of Facts/Bad Friends

I have a friend, I love him dearly. However, sometimes he can be out of line.

A few years ago, I introduced him to him to some people. No big deal. This guy was my brother. I liked these people. The transitive property indicated that these crowds would mesh well.

Things started off fine enough, lots of fun, some jokes and a few racy emails I was fine, no worries.

One day, I saw things take a turn for the strange. A series of jokes escalated beyond reasonable and my friend said some things in the context of a joke that were more than a bit out of line. Needless to say, my good friend ended up on the outs (cut off even) with my other friend and that was that.

I said nothing. However I made a note that maybe i should be a little more judicious about who I introduce my friend to.

Recently, I introduced him to another person, another girl, actually a close friend. I saw them exchange numbers and I thought that was great. They are in a similar field, neither was working right at that moment. Objectively speaking I was all datey/type mid week activity and excited for my friends. Eventually, worry crept into my mind.

I could not get this out of my head so the night before planned meeting. I called my friend and shared my concerns.
"Listen, you're my brother and I love you. When you get nervous, focus on being normal"

I am not sure my friend enjoyed this "pep talk". He's been very passive/aggressive about it since. I saw him the next night. He demanded I call my friend and make sure he behaved normal. He also admitted he told her about my call to him, leaving the rational behind it out, and making me look like a busy body. I was slightly annoyed. He only told her so he could record her reaction "Xtian worries too much about things that aren't his business" and so he could then relay it to me.

Now we get to why this is the Mamacita's fault.

Two days later at a dinner party I missed due to the rain. I got the A-Rod treatment from several of my friends. they turned on me. First, Mr. Shoulders, who I have been counciling through women issues, threw me under the bus as providing bad advise, but that's for a separate post. Second, my good friend again brought up the story about me imploring him to "be normal" and again left out the pertinent back story. The Mamacita, jumping to conclusions, focused on me as the issue and said "xtian over thinks things".

How dare you? Me and you are through. Who's going to be your maid of honor now?

Is This Wrong?

Evil

Oh my God! My mom is so annoying. Is that wrong to say?

My mom is 58 years old this year. It doesn't seem like 58 is time to go crazy. When do parents typically go crazy? Mid 60's or even later? But my mom is showing signs. So disappointing too, because my mom has always been the practical, reasonable one; my dad has been crazy since his mid 30s.

My mom has been bugging me to go take care of something related to the house that my parents live in. (Technically, the title of the house is in my name, which is why I have to go do it.) I've been putting it off... and off... and off. Not that it would be so hard to do, but man, what a bummer to have to take time out from playing Rock Band, napping, watching Mike and the Mad Dog simulcast, working out, and drinking alone to go meet with a real estate attorney. I think she's at the end of her rope because she's resorted to badgering me into submission. Calling... and calling... and calling. But hey, this is technology, baby. I don't have to pick up the phone!

The other day, she calls me at 9am. I know she's going to ask about the house, so I don't pick up. (Not that I was out of bed yet, but the phone was on the night stand.) She leaves a message. I don't listen to it because I know what it would say anyway. She calls again at 3pm. I let it go to voice mail. She calls again at 5pm. I actually listen to this voice mail just to make sure she isn't calling about some emergency. As expected it's about the house. 6pm rolls around and she calls again! Argh. This is getting so annoying. Doesn't she realize I'm avoiding her calls? 6:30pm... another call! I am beyond annoyed. I wonder why my mom is being crazy. 6:45pm, she calls again. I have to pick it up. This is getting ridiculous.

My mom lays a huge guilt trip on me about worrying her. She said she didn't know if I was alright or if something had happened to me. She said something about not expecting me to be at the phone all the time, but at least return her call because not returning four calls usually means that something is wrong. Booooo! Guilt trip.

In the end, I lied about having gone to see the real estate attorney. She thinks the process is underway, but it's not. But at least this will keep her from calling me for a little while!

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

Evil

Sometimes I feel like this guy...

Want to get up off the ground...

But can't.

18 and DOH!

So sad.

Cranky from Superbowl SPAM

Not even 15 minutes after the game, I get a marketing email from Macys.com encouraging me to buy this. What's more upsetting is the description of the item:

Patriot perfection! Nineteen wins. Zero losses. Football history has been rewritten, and the New England Patriots have one it all. Commemorate every bone-crunching tackle and triumphant touchdown with this limited edition Waterford Crystal football.

It's too expensive. I'm depressed and broke from my game wager. They can't even update their site? Boooo... New Yorkers are lazy.

The Teenagers

I went to see this band yesterday. This is great! check out this video

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

Evil

Sometimes I feel like this guy...

Sleepy.

Disturbing

Evil

Is it just me, or does Junior Seau (pictured, above left) have a disturbing face? Specifically, look at the space between his nose and his lips. Where is there so much room there? It's a HUGE f'ing expanse. For comparison, look at two regular people (picture, above middle and above right). Junior Seau used to sport a mustache, which covered up his disturbing facial proportions.

Super(Hero) Bowl

Evil and I just thought up a brilliant idea. In anticipation of this year's SuperBowl, we are going to have a "Super(Hero) Bowl" wherein we will put together a 23 person team (11 offense, 11 defense, 1 Head Coach)

On Tuesday, both Evil and I will post our teams and you will have the chance to vote on , which team would win a theoretical football contest.

Here are some rules:
(1) The character must have a wikipedia entry (i.e. not too obscure)
(2) The character cannot be omnipotent...though nigh omnipotent is acceptable. That means like Thor or Magneto can be in but the Beyonder would be cheating
(3) Their power has to align with the position. Putting The Thing at Wide Receiver would therefore be a bad idea.
(4) In the case where several characters have the same power you can only use one of the characters. For example, you can only use one green lantern on your team.

Damn, neither of us are ever getting married are we?

XTIAN Gets His Face Punched

Evil

Check out this video of XTIAN getting his face punched in by some guy named Morales. (Not to be confused with this other video, titled "X-tian Beat Down.")

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

Evil


Sometimes I feel like this guy...

Because we all have really good days every once in a while, right?

Chubby But (Fill In The Blank)

Evil


Good news! I found my "Chubby But Cute" tshirt. But also bad news... I bought that shirt some years ago, when I was running a lot more. Since then, I must have put on 20 pounds. Now the shirt is inappropriately tight. So instead of being Chubby But Cute, it's more like Chubby But Gay.

Getting To Know Me

Evil

At my old job, we used to play this ongoing game. It was a lot of fun. The game basically consists of accusing other people (or yourself) of being racist. Here are some examples:

- Ethnic mixup: Referring to someone as one ethnicity, but they're really something else. Most common mixups are Chinese/Korean/Japanese and Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi. Whenever this happens, we all shout, "Racist!"

- Name mixup: Calling someone by the wrong name... the name of someone else who's of the same ethnicity. So, someone might say, "Hey, Ben, I haven't seen you since the last sales conference." When this happens, we'd all shout, "That's not Ben, that's Greg! You can't tell Asians apart. Racist!"

- Outright racism: Always handy, this is when you fall back on race as an excuse or a cheap joke. Like after you finish interviewing someone for an open job and your Indian colleague asks you what you thought, a suitable response might be, "No more Indians, please. We're over quota."

Oh, those were fun times. The other night, I met two of my former colleagues for dinner and drinks. Our mood was boisterous. I was being myself... in other words, the brain-to-mouth filter had shut down for the evening. We re-lived old stories. Like the one about a colleague who lost 40 pounds for her wedding day and then put on 60 pounds right afterwards. And she was 5 feet tall! And then I revealed my long-standing, unfulfilled feature request of the company Intranet site. Like any company Intranet, you can look up a person's contact info, their group, their manager's name, etc. But I had long wished that you can also look up a person's current weight. How handy would that be!

One of my ex-coworkers, at this point, slapped me with an accusation: "You're a fattist!"

This disturbed me. Was I? I couldn't be. I am the guy who owns a "Chubby But Cute" tshirt. I am also the guy who owns the chubbybutcute.com domain. (Ooops, actually, it expired last week. Reminder to self: re-purchase on GoDaddy before some cruel squatter swipes it from me, the same way they stole fundits.com from me!) I am the guy who has an unhealthy relationship with food. So no, I couldn't be a fattist, could I?

Thankfully, there is a scientific way to test. Internet, you are so great! The researchers at Harvard University have a series of tests that can tell you if you're biased, based on certain factors. Their most popular test, as you might imagine, is the racism test. You can also test for age-based bias, religion-based bias, and tons of other fun stuff.

I rushed to take the "fattist" test. If I were indeed a fattist, I would at least want scientific proof. The result? Somewhat of a surprise, even for me:


It turns out that I'm not a fattist. But in fact, I might be somewhat of a reverse fattist, showing a slight preference for fatties over thinnies. Well, I'll take that. Now let me go find that Chubby But Cute tshirt and wear it to the diner. I'm in the mood for their Lumberjack Breakfast (3 pancakes, 3 French Toast, 2 eggs any style, bacon, ham, sausage, and coffee).

What's XTIAN's Problem?

Evil

I know we've all asked ourselves: What's XTIAN's problem? Or, What's wrong with XTIAN? Or, Why is XTIAN that way? It's always been one of those mysteries of life. But no more! Hosers, after some extensive Internet searching, I've finally found the medical answer. XTAIN's problem, in a word, is: Macrocephaly. This condition literally means Big Headed! Its consequences are sad, but eerily accurate:

In macrocephaly, the brain is abnormally large and brain functioning is usually abnormally slow. This generally results in some degree of mental retardation (slowness), and thus many individuals with macrocephaly have low intelligence.

Poor XTIAN. Next time you see him, be sure to be extra nice to him. And encourage all his special little accomplishments with shouts of YAAAAY!

Poll Results

Evil
The Hose readers overwhelmingly agree: a Mamacita spin-off blog with other angry women co-authors would indeed be a big hit on the blogosphere. Imagine something like The Hose, except with better graphic design and replace the clueless, bumbling misogyny with scathing, bitter men-sogyny. Hmm, then maybe that's nothing like The Hose at all, like how The Facts of Life spinoff was nothing like Diff'rent Strokes, but a huge hit on its own merits. Now, all we need to figure out is: who are the angry women to co-author with Mamacita? Hmmmmm...

I'd also like to point out that I was one of the two people who voted for "Why do you want to destroy The Hose?". Come On, People!

Lastly, here are the results to one of XTIAN's poll questions. He can comment on it if he likes. Although he is usually too lazy to do so.


xTian here - F you, EVIL!

It seems to me that an overwhelming majority of you are convinced that I will be banging the mamacita with a bucket of ribs in my hand and the only way Evil will notice is if they interrupt "Dancing with the Starts" (GAY!) to broadcast it.

Yep...that sounds about right...

The Giants Superbowl theme song

Much like The Bears and "The Super Bowl Shuffle" The G-Men have a new superbowl theme song, written, composed and sung by Michael Strahan! With some help from the rest of the team! See Eli in the right corner?

Go G-Men!

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

Evil

Sometimes I feel like this guy (white arrow)...

Just wanna shake the great Tom Brady's hand...

But gets dissed. :(

One Eyed Midget Ninja Sex Pirates

Back in University, the crack pack and I had funny nicknames for women...there was, "Damn Smokey!" (inspired by chris tucker in Friday), Sloppy (for obvious reasons), jizz-n-hair(hahah!) ten to the dicks (as opposed to ten to the sixth power - hey we were engineers. sue us) and lots more great names. My favorite was "One Eyed Midget Ninja Sex Pirate", which made no sense but felt great to say. Basically, this little asian girl, who was totally cute otherwise, had this distracting sleepy eye. Everyone thought it would be really fun if this tiny girl was some sort of voracious sexual predator so she got a nickname that assumed so.

I recently broke my glasses. More specifically I lost the right lens and could not recover it. At the eye doctors, I learned a lot about how my eye sight was improving (random) and how my right eye was almost at full strength (odd, I know). In the middle of a long battery of tests to figure out my true eyesight my doctor, who is new, scrunched her brow and darted her eyes back and forth across my face for a minute.

She went back to her task, and as I successfully called out various characters at a far away screen she asked me about my eyes. She commented that she is fairly sure I have been walking around with too strong a prescription. Again she closely scrutinized my eyes, I could smell the green tea on her breathe. I tuned out her in innocuous questions and guessed how many people had randomly kissed her at a moment like this. These hinter-thoughts are probably how I end up with incorrect eye prescriptions. Finally she caught my attention again.

"You know I thought you had a sleepy eye..."

"What?"

"Has anyone ever told you, you had a sleepy eye"

"Most certainly not, you're crazy"

I was indignant and bordering in livid.

"It's nothing to get upset about. Besides you don't actually have a sleepy eye at all. It actually seems to be that one eye is about 30% larger than the other, so the lid cannot cover it as much."

This explanation felts worse. This is not the sort of sh*t my fragile ego needs. Did this woman relish ruining my day, and possibly my life?

This happened a 2 weeks ago, I could only write about it today

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

Evil

Sometimes I feel like this guy...

In need of a hug...

(But not from a big black guy trying to crush me.)

this is really important

really really important information for anyone betting on this weekend's giants playoff game.

Of Sound Mind and Body...

Evil

If you're one of those people who think I spend my entire day playing Guitar Hero and watching the Discovery Channel, you'd be wrong. I only spend 90% of my day doing that. With the remaining 10%, I've resolved to work on certain errands and projects that I've delayed for way too long.

A couple of recent accomplishments include: finally buying window blinds so my neighbors are not constantly looking at my naked self, and getting some art stretched, framed, and hanged in the apartment.

My "To Do" list still includes writing an official last will and testament. But as I was starting it, I quickly came to a critical decision point that stopped my progress in its tracks. It's regarding the "treatment of body" after death, i.e., should I be buried, cremated, cremated and then buried, or cremated and then have my ashes housed in a temple? I've never thought about this until now and I'm not sure what to make of it.

My parents are going to be cremated and have their ashes housed in a temple, but that's to be expected since they're Buddhists. But for someone like me, whose only experience with buddha involves emptying out the contents of a cigar, the temple option seems irrelevant. But I still can't decide among the other three options. I need to finish this last will and testament soon, lest I lose all interest and go on to something else.

Any suggestions? Should we put this to a vote? Leave any suggestions in the comments section. Thanks!

Bon Voyage!

Well, tomorrow I'm off to Hawaii. Try not to miss me too much. Looking foward to some coconut drinks and hula dancing. Evil, which flight are you on?

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

Evil


Sometimes I feel like this guy...

Occasionally gets smacked around...

But still gets up for the next play.

Life Update

Evil

Woke up at 11am today. Now watching The Colbert Report on DVR while enjoying a cuppa tea.

Decisions Of My Shallow Life

Evil

This is what my living room looks like with a 50 inch TV:


This is what my living room would look like with a 58 inch TV:

What do you think? That's not too large and garish, is it? Should I get the bigger TV?

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

Evil


Sometimes I feel like this guy...

It's hard to keep the shoulders from slumping every once in a while...

But still a winner on the inside.

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

Evil


Sometimes I feel like this guy...

Doesn't always look good doing what he's doing...

But once in a while, wins one when it counts.

Breaking News!

Evil

Congrats to everyone who took my betting advice on this weekend's games! Awesome, right? Who would have imagined that the Patriots would win ALL FOUR games? How do they do it? Well, the investigative news department of The Hose just uncovered some evidence that might explain it all. Check out the log of this IM conversation, which took place on Thursday of last week, between Tom Brady and God...

Tom Brady: your away message is hilarious

God: wooo! awesome, huh?
whatup?

Tom Brady: so this weekend's games...

God: dont worry man. i've got your guys winning

Tom Brady: SWEET.

God: everyone wants to see you guys play the colts in the afc championship
st. paul is like, pumped up like you wouldnt believe

Tom Brady: well, actually, can you make the colts lose?

God: REALLY?!
people will be bummed
ohhh, okaaaay
you are just too cute
i cant say no to you

Tom Brady: awesome
so yeah, the chargers should beat the colts
can you also make their best player get hurt?

God: LT? knee injury ok?

Tom Brady: yah!
throw a knee injury to their QB too?

God: phillip rivers?
so smug that punk.
yeah, knee injury for him too!
well, the super bowl will be good with you guys playing the cowboys

Tom Brady: errr, well...

God: oh god, them too?
you want me to take out the cowboys too?

Tom Brady: you're reading my mind god
how do you do that???
you're so good!

God: no, YOU'RE so good
ok, cowboys are losing this week
eli manning gets a gift from you
hey, gotta run

Tom Brady: ok laters!

God: good luck!

Football Predictions!

Evil
Knowing that you adoring fans have so much faith in what I say that you'd bet your own money on it, I've decided to give you a little treat this weekend! Go out and bet on this weekend's four football games. If you follow my advice (below), you'll end the weekend with enough freshly won cash moh-nay to buy new handbag you've been wanting, or to get that two-at-once prostitute special you've been longing for.

Without further delay, here are my picks:

Jaguars at Patriots (Patriots favored by 13.5) My pick: Take the Patriots to win outright. No Brainer! The spread is less than 2 TDs? The Patriots will win this game by at LEAST 10 TDs.

Chargers at Colts (Colts favored by 9.5) Chargers will have to play without star TE Antonio Gates. Colts have gotten no respect all season. My pick: Take the Patriots to win! Tom Brady's presence looms so large that he can beat both these teams (and Peyton Manning's fragile ego) without even being in the same stadium.

Seahawks at Packers (Packers favored by 7.5) Few people know that Green Bay's full team name is the "Fudge Packers." Yes, it's true. It's true. In a recent national survey, 32% of all American men said they had a man crush on Brett Favre. My pick: Take the Patriots to win! In the same survey, a full 102% of all American men said they had a man crush on Tom Brady. (And a certain Japanese-American man replied: 69 20 28 68 65 61 72 74 29 20 74 6f 6d 20 62 72 61 64 79)

Giants at Cowboys (Cowboys favored by 7.5) Tony Romo is a poor man's Tom Brady. Dating Jessica Simpson? C'mon! She's damaged goods AND she has zits AND her parents are crazy. My pick: Take the Patriots to win! Boston has sporting superiority, let's face it. Even if the Patriots didn't win this game, the Celtics would. And even if the Celtics didn't feel like it, the Red Sox would take it.

So there you have it! Pick Patriots in all four games. Drop me a note on Sunday night and let me know how much you've won!

Potentially Bad News

Evil

Hey everyone, I think I have Cystic Fibrosis. Will someone be nice enough to come over and thump on the back of my lungs for me?

Has Another Year Already Gone By?

Evil

Watching "Greatest Songs of the '90s" on VH1 tonight. Man, those are great songs. I'm sitting here, watching these videos and listening to these songs and it seems like just yesterday that they were new and fresh and speaking on behalf of my youth. But when I did the math to realize how old these songs are, it brings me a little down.

#10. Nothing Compares 2 U
1990 (18 years ago) -- Sinead O'Connor is crazy but if you go back and watch this video... man, you've gotta admit, she's got a great looking face. She was only 23 back then. I love this song. Hopefully, it will make it onto a future Women For Women compilation album. DOH! Did I just say that?

#9. Losing My Religion
1991 (17 years ago) -- I always hated the lame indie kids who were totally into REM. Whatever. I was 15 years old when this song hit the charts. I remember, there was one day when I thought about this song while sitting in band class. I played the trumpet, but not very well. No one in my band class could play to save their life. Except maybe this one girl who played the baritone horn who, rumor has it, grew up to be a stripper.

#8. Waterfalls
1994 (14 years ago) -- In 1994, I started college. Shortly thereafter, I would meet XTIAN, KenTak3, and Mr. Shoulders. And it was all downhill from there.

#7. Baby One More Time
1999 (9 years ago) -- Just squeaked in to the 90s. Oh Britney, now you know how it feels like to get old.

#6. Baby Got Back
1992 (16 years ago) -- C'mon now, this song is sheer clownery.

#5. Vogue
1990 (18 years ago) -- Every time this video came on, I scooted up to the TV and watched intently. I still don't know where Madonna's nipples are in that outfit. Did they have the technology to digitally remove her nipples back in 1990? It's a mystery.

#4. I Will Always Love You
1992 (16 years ago) -- This song came out half a lifetime ago, literally. 16 years ago, Whitney Houston was thin, attractive, and not coked up... and I was the same. Now look at us.

#3. I Want It That Way
1999 (9 years ago) -- Ugh. This song blows. Except the version by the two Chinese guys. They rock.

#2 One
1991 (17 years ago) -- What is this song about anyway? Someone said it's a song about AIDS. In any event, I think U2 is one of the most overrated bands of all time. They are not really that good.

#1 Smells Like Teen Spirit
1991 (17 years ago) -- And Kurt Cobain died 14 years ago. I was never a hard core Nirvana fan, but thinking back to when Kurt Cobain died still makes me sad.

Contentious Conversation

Evil

The following all took place in email...

-----
From: Evil
To: Evil Twin #1

going to circuit city to play rock band on thier demo setup!

-----
From: Evil Twin #1
To: Evil

so how was it? amazing?

-----
From: Evil
To: Evil Twin #1

ARGH! there were all these kids there hogging up the system. :( so i didnt get a chance to play. actually, i think i was too embarrassed to jump in because, dude, i'm 31 and these kids were like half my age. but it looked awesome just watching it!

-----
From: Evil Twin #1
To: Evil

:( sorry you did not get the chance. but just fyi the kids were probably more like 1/3 your age.

-----
From: Evil
To: Evil Twin #1

this is why no one likes you :-P''''

The Hosers Go To China

Evil


Hey Evil Twin #1... happy now?

I'm Hurtin'

Evil

I found myself at the gym, on the floor, straining and aching to do some pushups. Yes, I'm out of shape, I know. But this was an odd strain, an odd ache. It's my right shoulder. I feel unbalanced. Why would my right shoulder be hurting? In the past, I felt that there were only two good reasons for this: (1) being a professional baseball pitcher and throwing 120 pitches every five days, and (2) too much masturbation. (BTW- Mr. Shoulders had rotator cuff surgery a few years back. Guess which category he fell into?!) Well, now I realize that there's a third category: playing too much Wii Tennis!

I've been obsessed the past few days. I've been working on all the trick shots: fast serve, top spin forehand, sidespin backhand, and more! Next time I play against Mamacita or KenTak3, I'll totally be kicking their employed asses.

Who Am I?

Evil

We made the follow Mii's on New Years Eve. Can you guess who these Hosers are?

Speed Dating?

Evil

XTIAN says that I should go do some speed dating with him. He also says that you adoring fans will want to read about the results. Is that true? Can we bring KenTak3 and Bruno with us?

Super (Hero) Bowl!!!

Evil and I just thought up a brilliant idea. In anticipation of this year's SuperBowl, we are going to have a "Super(Hero) Bowl" wherein we will put together a 23 person team (11 offense, 11 defense, 1 Head Coach)

So far the participants are xtian, Evil, Bruno and Dr. Cosby

As a weekly feature, leading up to the even

Damn, neither of us are ever getting married are we?

WOOOO!

Poll Results

Evil


The results of our latest poll is verrry in-ter-es-ting.

By an overwhelming majority, our readers want The Hose to endorse a presidential candidate. Frankly, I did not expect this result, much less one that is so convincing in the affirmative. The Hose has always been a fun and lighthearted blog. So why would our readers want us to do something so serious like endorse a political candidate? The only reasonable conclusion is that The Hose has reached the upper echelon of journalism. Like the editorial boards of publications such as The New York Times and The Washington Post, we at The Hose should now bear the responsibility of endorsing a presidential candidate.

The Hose editorial board (XTIAN, Mamacita, and Evil) will put our heads together at our next planning meeting and decide on some next steps.

My Life

Evil

My mom just called. She was like, "What are you up to?" And I was like, "Nothing." Literally. I was at home doing absolutely nothing. Such is my life these days. Being jobless is weird. I wake up but I don't really have to get out of bed. I can watch as much TV as I want. I can eat whenever. I don't need to leave my apartment if I don't want to.

Although I will say that while lying in bed doing not much of anything, I had a brilliant idea. It's a new short-term feature that will be appearing on The Hose. XTIAN and I will both be contributing to it. More to come later!

Wishing Myself A Happy New Year

Evil


I made a huge batch of jello shots yesterday and have been eating them ever since. Whereas drinking at 11am is usually not socially acceptable, eating jello shots seems OK. because, after all, it's eating, not drinking. Happy New Year!

Poll Results

Evil

Catching up on some Hose maintenance, now that I'm back from India. This is a poll results from a while back that deserves some commentary because the results are quite interesting.

So according to you Hosers, a woman is most desirable when she's between the ages of 30 to 34. Hmmm, interesting. I'll bet that 100% of The Hose's female readers are in this age range! So you essentially voted for yourselves. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But look at the 35-39 category... zero votes! Does that mean that a woman's desirability falls off the face of the earth once she hits 35? Very scary.

BTW- Who voted for the 19 or under category? Perv!!!

Here's a poll that XTIAN posted. I'll leave it to him to comment on the results if he would like.

Merry Christmas!

Evil

Merry Christmas, Hosers! Hope you're all spending time with family, friends, and loved ones. (Sorry, Manolo.)

Two moments with two women that left me totally confused/exhilarated this week:

One - I had a hard time making out what I had in my hand. There were several reasons for this. First, it was cardboard but there was something heavier in the middle. Further I was distracted by the kanji characters that adorned it. I don’t know mandarin, so the effort I put into understanding the characters was completely in vain. I looked up, apparently pensively, because she met my gaze with a slightly embarrassed look. She took it back and took it out of the packaging.

“Oh gosh, it cost less than a dollar. It’s a bookmark, see, with a magnet. It just looks nice. Also, it says something to the effect of “a free spirit has the most satisfied life”. I saw it on the street in Taiwan and it made me think a bit about you. So I bought it”

I took it back, and mumbled something about not having anything for her. Of course, why would I? We had one drink before she went to Taiwan for a month. In fact, I had two drinks, hers and mine as she calmly looked on, smiling and laughing at every dippy thing I said. We calmly repeated the dance there and now, with the new weight of expectations weighing us down. She treated. The waitress, a Latina who is always my waitress at this bar, and has seen me, quite unintentionally, parade a bevy of Asian women in here, smirked as she picked up the bill. I ignored her judgments and contemplated the meaning of my gift.

Two – She stood at my desk and arched her eyebrow.

“You know, you dress like a gay guy”

“What?”

That’s a good way to get my attention. I had thought our conversation was over. She had come and asked for some pointed advice. I dolled it out and she looked like was going to leave.

“Well, saying metro-sexual is so over done”

“I agree. But its better than implying I’m gay, don’t you think?”

“You’re not gay. You’re totally a guy”

“Thank you for noticing”

“You’re uber-sexual…which means like you’re a guy’s guy who knows how to dress and what not”

She drifted off.

A moment later, she IMed me

“I was messing with your a head…but I totally made you feel good didn’t I”

I invited her to watch a movie with me that later that evening.

Outdated and Shallow Book Reviews

Evil

Long Walk To Freedom, by Nelson Mandela

As you may know, Nelson Mandela, freedom fighter, father of the democratic South Africa, and winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, spent 27 years in jail. In picking up this book, I thought it would be an easy read. Of the 625 total pages, I figured a good 600+ would go something like this: “Woke up, ate breakfast of gruel, pounded rocks into gravel for 6 hours, ate lunch of stale bread, walked around the courtyard for exercise, ate dinner of mealies, and then lights out.” Multiply that by 27 years and voila – instant memoirs.

But in fact, Long Walk To Freedom didn’t go like that at all. It starts with a detailed and fascinating account of Nelson Mandela’s childhood and tribal history. He was of royal decent in his tribe, but not in line to be king, as some accounts have suggested. Rather, he was pre-ordained to be the key advisor to the future king. Although as a child, he wanted nothing more than to one day become a champion stick fighter, which I found to be an endearing point.

This book is as much about the politics and dynamics of the South African democracy struggle as it is about Mandela’s life, though the two are of course intertwined. We meet the individuals and groups who aided in the struggle – not only Africans, but also Whites, Indians, and Coloureds. Mandela makes a distinction between “Africans” and “Coloureds” throughout the book, although I couldn’t figured out the difference. And it wasn’t just Manela’s categorization: the South African laws at the time discriminated as well. Africans had the least rights, Indians and Coloureds make up the next tier, while Whites were at the top. (If anyone knows what “Coloureds refers to, please post in the comments!)

Anyway, I read this book not because I care about any of this stuff. I just wanted to pose as an intelligent adult on my India trip.

The Blind Side, by Michael Lewis

This book is a rip-off! Don’t read it if you’re expecting an in-depth analysis of the role of the Left Tackle in professional football and its subsequent impact on the economics of the game. Because that’s not what you’ll get. This book is nothing more than a fluffy features piece on a specific person, Michael Oher, and his rise to prominence as a Left Tackle. Big deal! Yawn.

Memoirs Of A Geisha, by Arthur Golden

I didn’t buy this book. I got it from a nice Canadian girl who was traveling through Varanasi as I was. She had just finished it and I mentioned that I, having finished all the books I brought with me (a lie), needed more reading. So she gave it to me. I really wanted something else from this 20 year old Canadian art student, but all she gave me was the book. But oh well… it turned out to be a good book!

If you like the writing style of Evil Twin #1, I imagine you’ll like this book. We meet the protagonist, Sayuri, as a young and innocent girl from a small fishing village. We hear Sayuri’s story through her first person narration, which is touching, detailed, at times heart-wrenching, and always filled with folksy metaphor and simile. It wasn’t until I was one-third through the book that the character of Sayuri solidified in my mind – I kept thinking it was Evil Twin #1. Their writing style and tone are that similar (even though Sayuri is young and innocent and Evil Twin #1 is not).

Among the many though-provoking aspects of this book, I’ll call out one quote for you Hosers to discuss. This was spoken by Sayuri’s mentor and geisha “older sister”:

“Young girls hope all sorts of foolish things, Sayuri. Hopes are like hair ornaments. Girls want to wear too many of them. When they become old women, they look silly wearing even one.”

Current in-progress reading: The Good Earth, by Pearl S. Buck and The Art Of Seduction, by Robert Greene. Just ordered 7 books from Amazon to add to my reading list.

My hetero life mate, my brother?

My good friends invited me up to Freshchester this past Saturday to spread a little holiday cheer. They are a great couple and I love them dearly. The host and I worked together, his wife is awesome and his kid brother always brings the jokes. Also invited was Le Troisieme, who knew the host from their days in university.

I arrived an hour later than Le Troisieme because I'm brown and I can get away with that sort of thing. Besides its a party...do I really need to be timely?

Our host, upon seeing me approach, commented to Le Troiseme "Hey, here comes your hetero life mate". This was a funny joke that started when our host heard we were moving into together a few years ago. When I approached Le Troisieme to say hello he retold the joke and I knew he was finding it less funny all the time. Further, Le Troisieme was exasperated.

Only the night before, I had assured him that we would be the only single fellows there. Still he felt compelled to make this observation immediately and seek consolation. The two ideas juxtaposed in my head brought a smile to my face. Dude, are you sure you're not my hetero life mate?

I was OK with the lack of tail though, I was OK my exasperated friend and OK with the fact that everyone at this party seemed to know my name though I could recall no one else's...not even the people I had been on week long holidays with. I was good with all that...there is wine, there is food, there are jokes...who cares. Besides, I had my hetero life mate at my side to help me with names which he knew no problem. Aren't white people useful? I'm glad I have them around...

At the appropriate hour, right before the neighbors called the police and right before a sick blizzard started. I made my way to the car. I offered those heading back to the city a ride. In piled Le Troisieme, his ex and the drunk cousin of our host. Troisieme got in the front to both help me find the freeway and mock my feminine driving.

From the backseat we got a grip of words a minute from drunk cousin that she tried to pass off as sentences. I wasn't buying it. She bang from topic to topic only to slow down long enough to suggest one of three locations she wanted to be left off at. This uncertainty annoyed me and I agreed to drop her off in the west chelsea club district for two reasons:
(1) It was convienent for me
(2) It was unsafe for her

She interrupted a diatribe to suggest I was being cool about "reparations" which made no sense. Had I enslaved her earlier in the evening without noticing? That sounds like a joke I might made and escalated past the point of reason but I would have remembered that. Besides, when would I have emancipated her? I'm not into random emancipation. I probed a second longer and realized she was trying to thank me for being accommodating. Le Troisieme and I laughed hysterically to the point where she was annoyed. The only single woman at this party, in our car, and we were ripping into her...and loving every minute of it.

Maybe the hetero life mate thing is a bit much...

Pictures of Me

I get a lot of holiday cards from friends and family. Often, they have pictures of the family all dressed in red and wishing me a happy holiday season. I cannot read, so I really appreciate the photos.

My cousin DG's photo holiday card always unnerves me. When she got married, in addition to the rest of her husband's baggage, she acquired the ugliest cats in the world. They seem to have had their eyes replaced with Spanish olives...maybe its a fashion in Miami. Maybe the cats are just hell spawn....

I'm sure they're pure bred and expensive, but a pure bred hell spawn is still a hell spawn. I don't mind admitting that last year I took 5 minutes, stared at my cousin and her husband - absorbing their bliss - and quickly discard their photo, lest I leave it on my desk and accidentally catch a glimpse of their pet Spanish olive-eyed demons.

This year, as I opened their holiday card, the hell spawn barely registered. I was distracted by something else entirely. DG had included two pictures of me, by myself, at her wedding. One was of me reading at a church lectern. The other was of me in profile, smiling and seemingly having a good time. I was wearing a smart suit and an open collared shirt. I look fairly thin and my hair is well kept. This bothered me worse than the sight of the devil cats. I immediately called the bump and told him about the card from DG and the pictures of me.

BUMP: Wait, she sent you two pictures of you? By yourself?
ME: Yeah
BUMP: By yourself?
ME: (Sigh)Right
BUMP: What are you going to do with that?
ME: I don't know. I certainly won't put them up. I mean who puts up a photo of just themselves...I'm certainly not that into looking at myself
BUMP: More like you can't stand the sight of your self
ME: POE-TAE-TOE, POE-TAH-TOH
BUMP: Whatever...you're gay

I shuddered a moment and hung up the phone. I went back to the olive-eyed demons and wondered if maybe they weren't so bad to look at after all.

Mumbai

Evil


Two weeks into my India trip, I was quite down. India was proving too much for me – too much pollution, too much chaos, too much harassment from rickshaw drivers and store owners. It seemed that every ounce of energy I had went into dodging cows. And if it wasn’t cows, then I was hopping over cow crap. And then I was trying to run away from the street merchants who only ask one question (“What country are you from?”) and then all make the same request (“Please come take a look!”). On top of that, I came down with a bad fever and the inevitable stomach problems at two week’s end.

Things got better over the following two weeks. I started to adjust. One time I wasn’t paying as much attention as I should have on the street and nearly walked into a cow’s asshole. I side-stepped it at the last moment and silently congratulated myself on my developing street savviness. One time I saw a cow dropping on the street that was the size and shape of a large dog. Think Marmaduke. Upon seeing this, I didn’t turn away in disgust. I just said to myself, “Another day in India!”

Before arriving in Mumbai, I figured I would be in for more of the same – except multiplied by several-fold. Mumbai, with a population of 16.4 million, is India’s largest city. But instead of getting more cows, more pollution, more chaos, and more harassment, I came upon a very interesting and, dare I say, charming city. The city’s past British influence is everywhere – most noticeable in the Victorian architecture and public squares (well, really circles). Almost everyone in Mumbai goes about their daily lives and couldn’t care less about a tourist like me. The non-attention is a very welcome change of pace. Today, I was trying to buy a bottled water at one of the street stalls and the guy totally ignored me!

It’s been a nice couple of days thus far in Mumbai. Just taking it easy. Going on a few strolls each day to discover more of the city. The picture above is was taken at Oval Maidan, where some (many!) kids were playing cricket. In the background is the 80 meter high Rajabai Clock Tower. On the left and right of the clock tower (not in the picture) are the High Court and the University of Mumbai. Very scenic!

I even watched a Bollywood film today! The NYT gave Aaja Nachle lukewarm reviews and I didn’t understand any of the Hindi dialogue, but it was still great fun to watch.

Evil Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Without Evil around, I have lost all creativity. I feel null and void. There is nothing interesting and Hose-worthy. Tonight, I am working a long, long night. Here is a puzzle I am doing... Can you do it to?

Evil, come back!

The Einstein Puzzle
Supposedly, Albert Einstein wrote this riddle, and said 98% of the world could not solve it.

There are 5 houses in 5 different colors. In each house lives a man with a different nationality. The 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet. No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar or drink the same beverage.
The question is: "Who owns the fish?"

Hints:
The Brit lives in the red house.
The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
The Dane drinks tea.
The green house is on the left of the white house.
The green house's owner drinks coffee.
The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
The man living in the center house drinks milk.
The Norwegian lives in the first house.
The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
The man who keeps the horse lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.
The owner who smokes Bluemasters drinks beer.
The German smokes Prince.
The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
The man who smokes Blends has a neighbor who drinks water.

Varanasi

Evil

today, i'm in varanasi, which my indian friend described as "such a spiritual place. Make sure to wake up before dawn and check out the rituals that go on in the morning." and the lonely planet says, "... is one of the holiest places in India, where Hindu pilgrims come to wash away a lifetime of sins in the Ganges or cremate loved ones... The city is an everlasting symbol of hope to past, present, and future generations." i did wake up before dawn as my friend suggested to catch the morning prayers, baths, and other rituals that happen on the west bank of the ganges. in the short time that i was there, i saw two cremations, which always feels sad to witness.

then afterwards, while walking through the old town, i wandered across a little baby lying on a table and the only reason it caught my attention was that an elderly man was bent over it taking a photo and the flash went off in the corner of my eye. i looked over at the baby and realized that it was deceased, with quite an anguished look on its face and large tumor-like thing protruding from its side. i looked behind me and there were two western tourists who saw the baby too and their eyes instantly welled up with tears. (there were no tears in my eyes because i was born without emotion.) i think it's one thing to be told that you're going to be seeing a dead baby around the corner, but it's another to catch sight of one completely by surprise.

the city and the ganges is apparently also holy to buddhists, since buddha used to bath in the ganges. (the place where buddha gave his first sermon after becoming enlightened is only 6 miles from here, which i visited earlier today.) anyway, so there are a lot of japanese buddhists who visit. all the street vendors think i'm japanese, which tends to irk me. they bark out things like nihongo ga hanasemasuka (do you speak japanese?), nihonjin des ka (are you from japan?), and other phrases that i can't pick up (but presumably, they are saying things like "please come to my shop!"). the japanese buddhists are funny because half of them wear surgical masks and about 95% of them are carrying either a digital camera or video camera or both. and there are these guys at the ganges who catch little fish and put them into little jars. they show the capture fish to the japanese buddhists and the buddhists pay the guys a small sum to release the fish. i'm seeing this and i'm like, dude, they're just going to re-capture the fish and do it all over again! i guess maybe i am short on compassion. :)

Lameness

Evil

What the heck is going on? Is everyone dead?

XTIAN is proving quite well that he cant carry The Hose on his own. He's like Allan Houston - someone who can't create his own shot. Always needs a teammate to set a pick for him.

I'm in Varanasi today. Have stuff to write about but on a really sucky keyboard with super sticky keys. Evil Twin #2 hasn't sent me her new years party invite yet. What's up with that?!

Most Underrated Lead Singer Of All Time

Evil

I was listening to my iPod on "shuffle" mode and "I Remember You" by Skid Row came on. Man, that song is great. No, more specifically, Sebastian Bach is great! Listening to that song made me realize that Sebastian is undoubtedly the most underrated lead singer of all time, covering any band, any genre, any era. His vocal performance on that song is amazing. If you haven't heard it in a long time (like me), go back and have a listen with fresh ears.

It's just too bad that the other members of Skid Row were such dead weights because if Sebastian has a better supporting cast, he's still be around and rockin'. If I could manage to work out the final kinks in my time machine, the first thing I'd do is go back to 1985 and somehow get Sebastian connected with Slash, Izzy, Duff, and Steven Adler of Guns N' Roses. How awesome a rock band would GnR be with Sebastian Bach as the frontman?

But don't take my word for it that Sebastian Bach is the Most Underrated Lead Singer Of All Time... here's the breakdown (as they might do on ESPN):

Vocal Ability: Mentioned above. SB has great range, great timbre in his voice. Can flat out sing. (Closest rival in this category: Chris Cornell of Soundgarden; Totally trounces in this category: Anthony Kiedis of Red Hot Chili Peppers.)

Charisma: Johnny Rotten, Kurt Cobain, and a whole host of others proved that you don't need singing ability to be a great frontman. Charisma is just as important if not more so. Did anyone see VH1's Supergroup? SB rocked on that show. He's so entertaining. And they even have him do some talking head segments on I Love The 80's. Now that's charisma. (Closest rival in this category: Freddy Mercury of Queen; Totally trounces in this category: Vince Neil of Motley Crue.)

Looks: Let's face it, looks matter (sorry, Manolo). SB is so good-looking, he could pass as a chick. (Closest rival in this category: Jon Bon Jovi of Bon Jovi; Totally trounces in this category: Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots.)

Begging

Evil

OMG, the begging children here are relentless. Whether to give money, or anything at all, to begging children is always a moral dilemma. I think most Western travelers now fall into the school of thought that giving anything only perpetuates a culture of begging that's damaging in the long term.

I was in Cambodia earlier this year and that's another country where begging children are everywhere. But I've observed some differences in the begging styles and techniques among children in the two countries.

In India, it's straightforward: kids run up to you, hold out their hand, and ask for money. Sometimes they will make a gesture, lifting their fingers to their mouths to indicate that they're hungry. These kids are persistent. They'll following you for a full kilometer before giving up. Sometimes the kids will run up to you and say, "Shampoo! Shampoo!" Apparently, some tourists have been giving them the little shampoo bottles they get from the hotels.

In Cambodia, the kids have developed fairly advanced techniques. I don't know if it's because they've been begging longer or what. But even this cold-hearted New Yorker couldn't help but be taken on a few occasions. The key with Cambodian kids is that they don't outright beg for money. They usually throw in a little twist, a little juvenile charm. For example, a kid might come up to you and ask (in English): "Hello, where are you from." And you'd answer: "New York." Then the kid will say, "Ah, New York. Population of New York state is 19 million. Capital is Albany." Then they give you this giant, happy grin. This little technique is especially impressive because they can do it with international cities as well. I've heard kids recite the population of cities in Australia, Germany, UK, Canada, and others.

The fact that they know these things probably means that they go to school, or they're sitting at home memorizing tables of capitals and populations. Most kids in Cambodia have surprisingly good English. Sometimes I would just sit and talk to them to help them practice their English, even though I didn't want to give them any money.

There was one occasion where I was sitting down to have lunch by myself. In the middle of lunch, this Cambodian kids walks up to my table and tries to sell me a book of postcards. My immediate reaction is to be annoyed. But he flashed a big ol smile at me and asked, "What city are you from?" I said, "New York City." To which he replied, "New York City. Population is 8 million minus one." There was a pause where neither of us spoke. Then he continued: "You know why minus one?" I asked why. He said, "Because you are here!" I couldn't help but buy some postcards from that kid even though I didn't want or need any. That's a sign of a good salesman!

Bah

Evil

I'm in a complaining mood today. Part of it is that I'm sick. After two weeks of good health, I finally caught a stomach bug. And a bad fever. And body aches all over. I slept for about 18 hours yesterday. Feeling much better today though.

There's an old Mark Twain quote that goes, "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." Well, the coldest winter I ever spent was a morning in Agra. No one told me that India would be ass cold during parts of the day. I woke up at 5am yesterday and made it to the Taj Mahal by 6am to catch the sunrise. Prospects for seeing the sunrise were not good from the start. A thick fog and heavy air met me as I stepped outside my hotel. Once I got to the Taj, the conditions were no better. Actually, they were worse. Even though I was wearing a think sweater that I bought from the Tibetan market, the cold bit into me. It's the kind of cold that chills you deep inside and even after you get yourself indoors, you can't shake the feeling.

I wish I had access to upload my camera pics to this blog. I have various photos of people staring into a cloud-like expanse, which is supposed to be the Taj. I had to walk up to within 30 feet to see the Taj and even then, it was very faint.

I'm in India for another month almost. I want to go home! This blows.