One Eyed Midget Ninja Sex Pirates

Back in University, the crack pack and I had funny nicknames for women...there was, "Damn Smokey!" (inspired by chris tucker in Friday), Sloppy (for obvious reasons), jizz-n-hair(hahah!) ten to the dicks (as opposed to ten to the sixth power - hey we were engineers. sue us) and lots more great names. My favorite was "One Eyed Midget Ninja Sex Pirate", which made no sense but felt great to say. Basically, this little asian girl, who was totally cute otherwise, had this distracting sleepy eye. Everyone thought it would be really fun if this tiny girl was some sort of voracious sexual predator so she got a nickname that assumed so.

I recently broke my glasses. More specifically I lost the right lens and could not recover it. At the eye doctors, I learned a lot about how my eye sight was improving (random) and how my right eye was almost at full strength (odd, I know). In the middle of a long battery of tests to figure out my true eyesight my doctor, who is new, scrunched her brow and darted her eyes back and forth across my face for a minute.

She went back to her task, and as I successfully called out various characters at a far away screen she asked me about my eyes. She commented that she is fairly sure I have been walking around with too strong a prescription. Again she closely scrutinized my eyes, I could smell the green tea on her breathe. I tuned out her in innocuous questions and guessed how many people had randomly kissed her at a moment like this. These hinter-thoughts are probably how I end up with incorrect eye prescriptions. Finally she caught my attention again.

"You know I thought you had a sleepy eye..."

"What?"

"Has anyone ever told you, you had a sleepy eye"

"Most certainly not, you're crazy"

I was indignant and bordering in livid.

"It's nothing to get upset about. Besides you don't actually have a sleepy eye at all. It actually seems to be that one eye is about 30% larger than the other, so the lid cannot cover it as much."

This explanation felts worse. This is not the sort of sh*t my fragile ego needs. Did this woman relish ruining my day, and possibly my life?

This happened a 2 weeks ago, I could only write about it today