The Hustle endth

So The Hustle got shut down when I got serious about my job search. After all was said and done it was a better use of my time to actually go out and get a job rather than writing occasionally funny columns about failing to get one.

Here is how the Hustle ended .

The Complete (and unedited Hustle) can be found here.

Happy Birthday!

Today, The Hose turns 1 years old! That's pretty exciting no? No, I guess its not. What had initially started as me talking about what was going on last summer in Brazil is now a completely different thing. I can't even describe it. I know for about 3 months all anyone did was talk NBA Playoffs (btw, NETS!) then that ended. We tried a B School thing, but I was the only tool in B School. Then no one knew what to do. At various points we had a number of random contributors show up but none had the interest or humoric (not a word) consistency to deliver on a day to day basis. Even the guys who did stick around lack those traits, but, what are you gonna do, right? It looks like its just going to be me, Evil, and Sleeve moving forward.

Thanks to everyone who has written or read. which i think sums up to 4 people total!

Here's what to look out for in the year ahead:
X-Tian moves back to NY, sells out to the man and fails to get a girlfriend
Evil fresh off the biggest IPO of the century somehow still fails to translate it into getting any ass.
Sleeve manages to keep lots of random ass around just in case

Smarter than its target Audience


Ok, I love Tina Fey. I love her wit, I love "Weekend Update" I love her geek cool style, and I love the scar on her left cheek. ANYWAY, the point was I was going to give Mean Girls a chance no matter what.

And let me tell you, I loved it. It was clearly smarter than its target audience. They took the idea of a Heathers took the campiness and darkness out of it and made it a little snarkier. Its really hard to think Lindsay Lohan could ever be a dork, so its cool they acknowledged that and made her a product of her upbringing. The metaphor of High School as a jungle though old felt fun here as Lohan's character tried to find analogues for her new world in her old one.

Tina Fey rocks!

Also, the thing was basically a celebration of overdeveloped 16 year old boobs! Its a winner for everyone.

Guess who's the clown?
Poor Social Skills

It's a new feature!

Everyone involved in this conversation has poor social skills:

"i put in a request for one at the apple store...the guy was less then helpful..first he made me guess which one was in stock(i guessed pink, then silver, then he pulls it out from behind his back and says..."c'mon be more observant" angered by his faggetry i proclaimed, "all i want is the gay powder blue one" in as commanding and masculine a voice as i could muster and he says okay and allows me to put in a request..i then asked how long the wait would be and he sighs "i dont know, could be weeks"...the proper action in such a situation would've been to beat the crap out of him..but exhausted from the ordeal i went home and ate a bag of french onion sun chips in my underwear while watching last week's episode of one tree hill"

The only question that remains is:
Who wrote this?
(a) Manolo
(b) Evil
(c) The Bumpasarus
(d) Sleeve
(e) Xtian
(f) Charles
(g) Cheo

Evil

Sometimes I feel like this guy.

Evil

CAMP X-RAY, UPPER EAST SIDE

We live in tumultuous and uncertain times. People used to laugh at others who constantly crane their heads upward to check that the sky is indeed not falling. But now you never know, whether it's the bigness of planes above your head or the smallness of microbes before your face. So you might well imagine my consternation when the peace of my apartment was invaded by a big ass bumblebee.

When I first saw him I leapt to my feet. I swatted at him. He evaded. I swatted again. He dashed. He dodged. I decided to put on some pants seeing as the window shades were wide open.

With pants on, I got serious. Swat. Swat. Flailing. Failing. But wait. The wind from my swatting just pushed the bee into the ceiling lights. The heat stunned it. It fell to the ground. I dumped out my metal mesh garbage can and used it to cover him. YES!



Hour 1 of captivity: He buzzes around wildly, sometimes smashing against the metal mesh. I ignore him.

Hour 2 of captivity: He has calmed down. I walk over and ask rhetorically, "Who's tough now?" I walk away.

Hour 3 of captivity: I rap viciously against the side of the metal mesh and he falls off. He climbs back on. I lift the garbage can slightly and thump it hard on the ground. He falls off again. I laugh. I tell him I'm going to H&M to buy some linen shirts for spring. I go.

Hour 6 of captivity: I consider spraying him with some chemicals stashed beneath the sink. I decide not to, because doing so would be cruel.

Hour 9 of captivity: He is now on the floor. I lift his cage. Is he still alive? Yes, he's moving, but sluggish. I snap a few photos (above).

Hour 18 of captivity: The next morning. I check on him. He's dead.

Evil

Today was a big day for me. I've been waiting for this day for years. Literally. Ladies, gentlemen, friends, and Mr. Shoulders... I am happy to announce that today, I received my renewed passport in the mail. (For some history, see the "FIASCO" post earlier this month.)

My passport has been expired since 1998, so a few years ago, when XTIAN, KenTak3, and Mr. Shoulders went to Montreal, I had to bail. I missed out on seeing Mr. Shoulders pay $30 (Canadian!) to punch a hooker in the stomach. But then again, I bet that's not really too different from seeing Mr. Shoulders pay $30 USD to punch a hooker in the stomach.

Anyway, I just wanted to announce that I am officially good to travel, which is handy, because me and The Future Mrs. Evil are scoping out Bali for our honeymoon.

Evil

Is Manolo posting on a competitive blog? I think so. BTW- Where is Sleeve?

Perishable Goods

Yesterday on a lark, I decided it would fun to sit in the 90 degree weather as the As played the Angels.

i called up A&W and Clay and figured we could get psyched up to watch some ball. Clay is only now reading MoneyBall so that would help keep us engaged as we discussed the relative merits of Jeremy Brown and Corey Bradford.

I packed an extra shirt and A&W drove so it was already gearing up for a good time. When we picked up Clay, Clay stopped to admire A&W car. It is a nice car so the admiration is well deserved.

When we arrive at the stadium we park and Clay again stops to glance at the car. This time he notices that it is covered in sap and somewhat scratched. A&W somewhat chastised, admitted that the sap was so frustrating he tried to rub it out the day before and stopped when he realized he was scratching it. Clay suggested a detail shop he knew that could take care of this in a bout an hour.

The game itself was unremarkable, the way most games played in oppresive heat tend to be. The highlight was when we realized that with a AAA membership card we could sit in the 300 level for 4 dollars. (what other team does membership discount deals with AAA? SOmeone save the As!) Btw, the As lost 4-3 and Vlad did not even play so I was pretty frustrated.

Back at Clay's, I sat there reading while Clay took adam to drop off his car for a "1 hour detailing to remove sap" Its around 430. i should be able to make my 6pm dinner party by 7pm nice and easy. Of course, I was not even thinking in these terms. I was severely dehydrated and only thinking about water. What to do What to do.

I don't know how much time passed but i must have fallen asleep because when Clay suggested we watch Sopranos I did not connect it to mean that this meant it was 9pm on the East coast and 6pm on the west coast. After the Sopranos I watched A&W frustratedly try to contact the detail shop and get the update on his car. When he was told it would take another 30 minutes.

By this point, i had gotten a call from my hostess for the dinner party I was meant to attend. Not knowing how to handle this, I went to base instincts (fight or flee) and of course, anyone who knows me knows how that ended. After I pressed the ignore button on my phone I decided to call Darren and half explain why I sucked. Just to practice, so I could see if I could effectively present this argument to Heather and not come off like a scrub. Mission Failed! I could not even bring myself to stick with my phone conversation with Darren, put the phone down and picked up the NYTImes Magazine and played with Clay's cat.

When we finally got to the shop, we had another problem. Suddenly, the interiors guy had run off with with A&W car keys. At this point none of us knew what to do and stood around chatting with the owner of the shop for over an hour. Anxious to get out of there himself, he suggested A&W get his spare and only need to pay on return of his original key. Clay was ready to be done with me as well and suggested that he drop us off at my place and get A&W to and fro to his house to collect the spare and later collect his ride.

By the time it was all said and done, it 10pm and I still did not know how to explain what I had done for the last 4 hours....

Evil

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KENTAK3

I met The Future Mrs. KenTak3 (TFMKT3) the other night. It was Ken's birthday party at the Gaslight Lounge and a great crowd turned out, owning mostly to TFMKT3's presence I suppose.

Early on, I spent a good 15 minutes being captivated by a tall dude who was recalling his barnstorming of the SoHo Bloomingdales grand opening. "Are you in the fashion industry?," I asked. "No," he said. "I'm a professor of computer science at NYU." Hmm, interesting. Later that evening, I found myself cozying up to that dude's roommate on the couch, making as if I had known her for years. Luckily, no one got punched in the teeth, or if I did, I don't remember because my face was already numb.

At some point, we lost track of Ken, so somebody had to go check the bathroom. Naturally, I was like, "Ezra, go find Ken in the bathroom." Haha. Clearly, I am a bad friend. This is all the more reason for XTIAN to move back to The NYC because someone has to keep an eye on that guy at all times.

On a personal note, might I also add that I met The Future Mrs. Evil (TFME) at Ken's birthday party. She was the co-host of the party, also celebrating her 28th. When I scooted over to say hi, she told me that she has read this blog! I immediately attempt to apologize for the misogynistic content on this blog, but I am tripped up by my own words. I fall on my face (figuratively), get up, dust, dust, dust... and place the blame squarely on XTIAN and his influence. I consider mentioning how my posts on the competitive blog are actually quite pro-female, sensitive, and reflective, but instead I concentrate my efforts on not tipping over while speaking to TFME. I think she appreciated that.

In lieu of a coherent ending, I will just mention that I'm heading out to the Knicks/Nets playoff game at MSG. I will wear my Tim Thomas jersey and might get some playing time coming off the bench. Look for me!

Evil

ALL YOU HAVE TO BRING...

Big Head and I have not had many phone conversations, ever. And when we do, they are usually like this:

"Yo. Where are you?"
"In a cab. Almost there."
"Ok, see you in a few."
"Ok, cool. Bye."

So it was a little strange when Big Head called and wanted to talk about advertising and media. It had something to do with the Yahoo job he's trying to get or whatnot. Which got me thinking...

What is the greatest advertising campaign of our generation?

Was it Nike's Just Do It campaign, which ran for 14 consecutive years and arguably brought experiential marketing to the mainstream? Or, on the other end of the spectrum, was it Apple Computer's 1984 super bowl commercial, which ran only once, seen by relatively few people, but has made such an impact that 20 years later, people still understand references to it?

No.

The greatest advertising campaign of our generation was for Mount Airy Lodge. C'mon, you know the jingle!

All you have to bring, is your love of ev'rything.

Virtually everyone we know who grew up in the northeast remembers the Mount Airy Lodge commercials. Aided Brand Recall. Check. You know what, whenever someone mentions that they grew up in the Poconos, the first think I'll say is "OH! That's where Mount Airy Lodge is!" Unaided Brand Recall. Check.

A couple of years ago, I read in the Times that Mount Airy Lodge had fallen into dilapidation and disrepair and was making plans to close down permanently. I told my friend (also a northeasterner) and immediately, disappointment shadowed her face. "Oh nooo... that's the saddest thing I've heard in a long time," she said. Brand Favorability. Check.

A slight pause and then a lightbulb went off... "We HAVE TO GO before it closes!" What? The article says that the place is falling apart and she still wants to go? Won't the heart shaped tubs have cracks all over them? Likely. But's that how great the Mount Airy Lodge advertising campaign really was. Purchase Intent. In advertising, it all comes down to purchase intent. Check.

Missing the boat

We should be doing this stuff over at the business school too!

Welcome to the NYC, BITCH!

There's a wierd energy to NY. It might be kenetic. People just bouncing off of other people and generating all this heat, this heat stink; just plain rawness.

I knew I was back immediately. Even at 2am in LaGuardia, people are talking Yanks/Red Sox. People are acting like its the middle of the day. It was wierd, till I remembered I was in NY. It's always the middle of the day in NY.

I showed up on the first real spring weekend in NYC. NYC came out and said hello in the sluttiest dress she coudl find. The icy chill that brought 20+ plus days of snow this past winter was long gone, and the icky stink of mid summer was still months away. This is NY at its best. People are sitting outside drinking. Women walking around in the latest fashion, white skirts with diagonal stripes which though mini length, frilled outward. These things rock btw, very hot. I highly recommend to any chick with legs worth mentioning...

I don't really have an ending....all i know is that at 4am I was standing on Boulevard East, on the Jersey Side of NY, staring back at the NYC skyline. It felt right all around...

Evil

MISSING THE BOAT?

Hey XTIAN, why isn't this blog in the League of MBA Bloggers?

Evil

FIASCO

I travel a lot for work, but my driver's license has been expired since my most recent birthday. This means I can't rent cars (bad) and I always get frisked at airport security (somewhat good) for not having "valid" government issued photo ID. I tried to get a renewed license. Here's the sequence of events:

1. Show up at the Express DMV (I'm a busy man!) for license renewal. Got rejected because my current license is from California and they only do in-state renewals at the Express DMV.

2. Show up at the regular DMV and wait 2 hours, which isn't bad all things considering. Got rejected because my proof of identity is an expired passport. Crap! I have no physical birth certificate because I was born in Vietnam and they don't really keep records at the hospitals there. Also, there was a war of some sort. So I have to renew my passport first.

3. Show up at the post office with passport renewal form filled out + 2 little headshots of myself + the old passport. Go up to the window. Got rejected because I was 17 when my last passport was issued. Apparently, I can only renew an EXPIRED passport in person if I got my last one at age 16 or younger! (Ironically, I could have also renewed in person if my passport weren't already expired.) They give me a form and say I have to do it by mail.

4. Filled out the form and go to the post office to send it certified mail. (I have to include my old passport, so it's important to get it certified.) Show up at the post office and see a GIANT ASS LINE. Realized that it's April 15 and everyone is filing their taxes. CRAP!

WHAT NOW? Crying...

In New York...
A Prologue


Hitting the big City this weekend. Looking forward to the weekend, i got it worked out a couple of different ways.

(1) It could be a good time if I get a chance to hang out with my family and catch up with everyone necessary (Cheo, waiting for your call back! What the hell?)
(2) It will be a great time, if in addition to hanging out with family, all my lame ass friends make out to OpenAir Saturday night to hang out with me and celebrate how great we all look two years later
(3)This trip will be the motherf*cking bomb if i do all that and get a motherf*cking job, yo!

Evil

Since I am posting on a competitive blog now (haha), I will only post crappy stuff here. For example, here's a picture of ME playing golf by the ocean.

This picture was done by someone on something called catchdub. Check it out....if you get a chance

On a related topic:

I don't get these Jerry Seinfeld and Superman commercials. Are they supposed to be an old married couple? Also, is the implication that Superman is cheating on Green Lantern with Jerry Seinfeld? wierd

Watch the Jerry/Superman American Express commercials here.

That got me thinking of the time....
Gosh, I guess it was 911, right after the WTC went down. No one knew what was what. I found myself in a IM chatroom with a bunch of heads I knew. They all knew me but that did not really know each other. One of them had a handle that referenced an x-men comic book character. Anyway, it was a heavy day (as one might expect) but Evil pops on, and suddenly starts goofing on the AIM ID! Talk about inappropriate....saying stuff like "What if I get a handle thats GreenLantern123? Would that be cool?"

I swear, you can't take that kid anywhere, not even virtually....

Funny

George broke into tears yesterday when the guys in the bleachers started chanting "thank you, George".

Didn't anybody ever tell the boss, "there's no crying in baseball!"

Someone needs to put this guy out to pasture.

The Bachelor

Should Jesse really be putting himself out there like this? If I looked like the Jesse and I lived in NY, I would be banging asian models two at a time.

So far my favorite is the soccer player. The show is not over yet so I hope she gets to the end...

Pointless Predictions.

figure since Baseball is starting up I will give a few predictions

(Ordered by Record)
AL EAST - YANKS
WILD CARD - RED SOX
AL WEST - ANGELS
AL CENTRAL - ROYALS

NL CEnTRAL - CUBS
WILD CARD - HOUSTON
NL EAST- PHILLIES
NL WEST - umm....dodgers? This division sucks awful

Additional points

A-Rod will play the last 90 games at SS and Jeter's game is going to come apart at the seems
Contreras won't be with the big club past the all-star break
Barry will hit for .305 this year but walk more than ever as the Giants have no one to protect him in the line up.


For those interested, the mets will win about 84 games.
Also, the mets are going to start 10 different pitchers this year that get 5 starts.
Reyes will play about 140 games and steal about 25 and hit for an ok average
Matsui will bat about .250 and slide down to 8th in the line up
Piazza will play about 30 games at 1st base and then get traded somewhere like Tigers.

Does anyone know if this is real?

My two asian roommates got really burned over this in last month's details magazine.

Evil

BE HONEST!

I just heard that John Kerry tore his right rotator cuff. The articles says that he tore it while campaigning in Iowa. C'mon now. What does that even mean? Take it from someone who has firsthand knowledge: Mr. Shoulders. There are only two ways to tear your right rotator cuff:

1. Throwing too many 98mph fastballs
2. Well... you know

Baseball is your favorite co-dependant ex-girlfriend

It's baseball season again! HooRay! That's great! I love baseball, its means summer and peanuts and openning day and "root root root for the hometeam" and box scores and crazy stats (OPS? Holds? what? who?) and fantasy league.

Baseball is great, I love baseball right up until the first pitch. After that it's all down hill. There is no where to go, but down. You ate your hotdog, you got indigestion. You're mets fan, and somehow you are ten game out 4 games into the season. You're a yankee fan and with every loss you're worried about Jeter getting traded to the Orioles for a bag of peanuts and Brady Andersen. Somehow, 1 game into the season your fantasy team is 15th out of 16th. Its just not fair.

I mean has anyone sat in Yankee Stadium in mid July, Its hot and people are crazy! Who needs it, the sweat and the smell and the $6 dollar icey treats.

But you'll all be back next April....

Air America

Air America is starting on March 31st tomorrow. Check this website for air times and where to find it on the dial.

Evil

BETTER THAN THE SPICE CHANNEL

The WWE is launching a 24 hour wrestling channel? Woooo! Even better, the channel will be like ESPN Classic. I'll be able to sit in my underwear and watch Hulk Hogan and Andrew the Giant vs. King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd. And then some vintage footage of Superfly Jimmy Snuka vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper. Damn, I am pumped up.

Evil

WEEKEND AT BIGHEAD'S

Traveling for work is sucky, but the one cool thing is staying the weekend in California. I was pumped for the weekend because baby, I had big plans. Unfortunately, my Well Profiled Friend cancelled her CA weekend trip sort of last minute. Oh well. I wasn't going to let that stop me from having a kick ass weekend tho. Enter Plan B. Unfortunately, my little PhD friend from Berkeley cancelled also because it's the start of spring break and she decided that she'd rather go camping in Joshua Tree than hang with me. No matter, because I am a dynamic person. Enter Plan C. Unfortunately, My Maniacally Overworked Friend (MMOW) cancelled because she's tied up with a new product launch. Damn. What now?

I had two choices for Plan D: sit in my hotel room and cry -or- hang with Big Head in the East Bay. It came down to a coin flip and the coin said to hang with Big Head, so hang with Big Head it was.

Clownery started on Friday night. First up: Golden State Warrors vs. Houston Rockets. The arena was nearly packed and 80% of the people were there for the visiting team. That's right: Charles Oakley in a Rockets uniform. (Mark Jackson too! Jeff Van Gundy and Patrick Ewing on the coaching staff!) Too bad Oak only played 20 seconds. 0 points, 0 boards, 0 assists, but a whole lot of toughness. You can't put toughness in the box score.

After the game, we went in search of food. Someone decided that Korean would be a good idea. After putting away 13 little appetizer dishes, 1 bi bim bop, 1 spicy chicken bbq, 1 bulgogi, and 1 fish and egg dish, all parties admitted to having an unhealthy relationship with food. We then proceeded to look for bubble tea as a dessert and actually found a place, but the asians in there gave us dirty stares so we blew outta there.

Back at Big Head's Oakland Hills estate, we watch Sportscenter and promptly pass out from either exhaustion, food guilt, or both.

Saturday morning: two guys stagger to the driving range. One guy is wearing a giant coffee stain on his shirt. The other guy is wearing a tshirt with cutoff sleeves and showing some big guns. The dude in the pro shop gives us a squinty stare. This is what happens when two ill-dressed dudes show up at a posh golf club. Whatever. I go to the ball machine and proceed to dispense 100 balls directly onto the ground. (Damn! Forgot the bucket!) Balls go bouncing and scattering everywhere. A guy with a stained shirt and another guy with a cutoff T are running around chasing golf balls. Everyone at the range turns and shoots glares of disgust. No one asks us to leave, which is a win in itself.

Back at the Estate, we watch School of Rock on DVD and I have an internal monologue about making a porn parody called School of Cock. It would involve young girls in private school uniforms. Now that's a winner!

Unfortunately, I had to leave Sunday afternoon and miss some grilling action at the Estate. Big Head apparently has a gay hanger-on who chills at the estate in exchange for certain services, like cooking and preparing a very involved marinade for grilled ribs.

I'm just going to trail off now and pretend that I actually wrote an ending....

I think Sleeve was going to proposition Beniot Benjamin in the same way!

Sopranos Recap

David Chase is challenging us. He's challenging us to continue watching The Sopranos and he redefines the notion of television pacing. Last night we were given hour two of his attempt to set up the entire season. A new character, Tony B was introduced and then played for comedy. There was about 20 minutes of dialogue. It was really frustrating.

Evil

Joss Stone, will you marry me?

Evil

Outdated Book Review

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon


The author of Wonder Boys apparently took the world by storm six years ago with this prototypical great American novel. At the time I was too far into the grips of self loathing to notice or do anything about it. I remember reading a lot of Camus and lying down a lot. (SHOUT OUT TO EVIL)

Sam Klayman (later Clay) is laying in bed one night minding his own business, when his mother walks into the room shoves him aside in his own bed and introduces him to his cousin Joseph Kavalier, a trained escape artist who managed to escape the Nazis and get to New York. The two cousins quickly strike up a friendship and convince Sam's boss (a woopie cushion maker) to get into the comic book business. From this lush backdrop we get it all, a view into the jewish experience during the 1940s, the second world war, Gollems, the Kevaufner Hearings during the 1950s, repressed homosexuality and of course comic books (yah!). Sam and Joe leverage their marginal fame into meeting people from Orson Wells to Salvador Dali. Joe even manages to fall in love with a member of the Saks family before he leaves it all to enlist and fight in World War 2.

I managed to read the whole book on the flight to and from Atlanta in about 2 days. Check it out..

Evil

To the posters on this site: please start posting more so that I can stop sharing stories about my scrotum. Unless of course, you like that sort of thing.

Evil

HOT IN THE CROTCH

Ever have a habenero pepper? Lemme tell you, these babies are HOT. How hot, you ask? Well, I was slicing some of these up and apparently, I also mistakenly touched my scrotum while having pepper residue on my fingers. DUDE, my crotch is on fire right now. This stuff doesn't even wash off. What should I do???

Evil

HELP WANTED

Hey XTIAN, my nephew noticed the help wanted sign that you posted for becoming a writer on this blog. Dude, that kid meets all the requirements, man. And he's only 14 months old! He's got a lifetime of emotional closed-offness, struggles with food, and emotional scarring ahead of him. You wanna get in on the ground floor here. This kid is gonna be a star. Attached is evidence that he meets the requirements:

"Emotionall closed off": This is a pic of me and him hanging out. We literally keep each other at arm's lenght. Also notice the giant box of Veniero's in the foreground. I sat there and ate no less than 1 dozen mini canolis. (Hey, they were mini!) I think some of that rubbed off on the kid. See next pic...

"Unhealthy relationship with food": No futher commentary needed.

"Emotional scarring due to underloving parents": This is a pic of new nephew and his dad. Apprently, in that household, a crying baby is not really a crying baby. Instead, a crying baby is an excellent shield against the paparazzi.

So apparently the New Sopranos' poster is supposed to be an homage to The Raft of the Medusa a painting by Theodore Ge'ricault. The painting depicts the story of the Medusa a ship that ran into problems on the way to the Port of St. Louis in Senegal, apparently due to a slightly overbearing captain, continued to the point where certain crew members were throw overbored or chopped to bits, and ended with members of the crew on a raft, resorting to Cannibalism.



Crazy internet rumor? maybe...but you have to admit there is something to be said for the parrallels in the story.

Evil

SCUMBAG MOVE

EVIL: dude, go apply for the apprentice 2

Manolo: lets roll

EVIL: i am not kidding
EVIL: you are a shoo in
EVIL: you'll win that thing
EVIL: plus you are ethnic
EVIL: they need you

Manolo: why? because of my rugged good looks

EVIL: that show it too whitebread

Manolo: lol
Manolo: i haven't seen the last two...have them on tape
Manolo: don't spoil anything

EVIL: how many times during a season do i have to listen to "i'm just a good ol country boy from boise idaho"

EVIL: omarosa gets fired
EVIL: HAHA

Manolo: fuck u

EVIL: have a good weekend :-)

Evil

OLD SCHOOL

Michael Powell has been in the news a lot lately. He's the FCC chairman and there's this whole uproar about Janet Jackson's boobie and Howard Stern.

For yucks, go check out this dude's page on the FCC website.

DUDE, that is sooo old school. The only thing that page is missing is making reference to "my little corner of the Internet." Oh, and maybe links to some of his favorite sites, like espnnet.sportszone.com and the SGI homepage, featuring the Silicon Surfer character.

Evil

UNWANTED




Poor Marcellus Wiley (CC'98). Just three years ago, he signed the richest contract of all time for a defensive player. Now he's kicked to the curb. No wonder he's looking beat. Rough patch.

Evil

OVERHEARD...

Someone on the other side of my cube wall should try to be more aware of what she says out loud. Overheard just now:

"The cockroach crawled right up my crotch!"

LADY, this is a professional work environment. And yikes, what kinds of disrepair has your crotch fallen into that you now have pest problems down there???

I went to vote today in the primary, more important than deciding who was more charismatic (Kerry vs. Edwards) I felt compelled to weigh in on the California (Kah-LEE-Four-NYA) budget crisis. The governor ( who i think is being incredibly aggressive trying to get things done, for good or bad, its hard to say) has been heavily supporting Prop 57-58 which are inexplicably tied together, the gist being, a bond to bail Kah-LEE-Four-NYA out of its budget crisis in the short term and basicaly refinance it all ( I am oversimplifying yes, so feel free to yell at me, but its late and whatever). I voted yes on these props but almost wanted a little dialogue box where I could suggest some alternatives or complain about my options.

Here's my deal:

I get the point that mortgaging future is not the way to go and how in the long run that does not help anyone. But gosh, why would I vote against this refinancing. If I do vote against it, its not like some politician is going to grow a backbone, make a tough choice and raise taxes. NO, they would never do that, there are re-election campaigns to run. This stuff is going to come out of necessary services which I generally think we don't have enough of.

I run around Lake Merritt sometimes and honestly, its the prettiest part of Oakland. Really nice, about 3 miles in perimeter. Unfortunately, one cannot run around there without being accosted by the some f*cked up homeless guy. My heart breaks for them, because they are clearly slow or demented or sometimes it seems both. I asked someone how all these guys congregate around the lake and what I was told was that some time ago, a mental hospital just kind of closed and let all these people go. Damn! I have no idea how true it is, regardless there is a problem. These people aren't being served, clearly no one is rounding them up and taking them somewhere to get help so clearly there is a service here that should be rendered.

Let's not even touch, schools. That's a whole other issue. Anyway, I don't know what the right answer is, but I felt like I was backed into voting for this thing.

Evil

OUTDATED MOVIE REVIEW

Seems that The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King has been getting a lot of buzz lately. Well, I saw it, and if you haven't seen it yet... dont bother unless you have some sort of homo midget fetish. This movie should really be called The Gaylord of the Rings or something. Remember in the mid 1980's when kids used to run around and call each other "gaylord"? That was hilarious stuff. Why did that term fall out of favor? For that matter, why did terms like "doofus" and "dickweed" disappear from the popular venacular? Booooo...

Anyway, back to the movie... in this film, we follow our heros Frodo and Sam as they go on some sort of "journey" together. Sam is in love with Frodo, but Frodo is a heartless little bitch and all he cares about is the bling bling. To complicate matters, there is this weird love triangle involving a computer generated animation. I just don't get why Sam and Frodo bother so much with a CG character. Don't they know that he goes away once they power down the computers?

I sort of feel bad for Sam because he's the "loyal pal" who's not-so-secretly in love with his friend. At eight different times during this movie, I thought that Sam and Frodo were going to either tongue kiss or have a full-on bitch fight.

Parents be warned: there are sexually suggestive scenes in this movie and not really suitable for kids. In the cave scene, Frodo gets his ass kicked by a big spider and is left for dead. Sam, trusty as ever, comes along to save Frodo by peeling away the spider webs from his buddy and then undresses him altogether. Gay midget sex is one thing (some of my best friends are gay midgets!), but gay midget necrophelia is crossing the line!

My favorite scene is probably when Frodo comes back after dropping the ring in the volcano and he wakes up in a bed back in his home village. This scene makes deft use of porn lighting, you know, the soft white lighting effect. Frodo looks toward the door and Sam comes skipping in and jumps on the bed and the two hobbits hug and frollick. (It reminds me a little of X-TIAN and SCP from back in the old days, but that's neither here nor there.)

To be honest, I don't remember 90% of the movie because it was so ass long. At one point, I lost circulation in my butt cheeks and didn't know what to do with myself.

Despite the overall gayness of this movie, I am sort of pumped up about the 4th installment of the LOTR trilogy. I hear that the next movie actually stars our own Mr. Shoulders. I remember in college when XTIAN, Mr. Shoulder, KenTak3, and I used to get together for study groups. Inevitably, the first thing to happen is that Mr. Shoulders would take off his shoes. DUDE, that guy has big hairy toes. Have you ever tried to do graph isomorphism while staring at some kid's big hairy toes?

Evil

I am soooo Gellin'. Damn, I wish I had bought these gels 2 years ago. Then maybe I would have never gone thru that rough patch.

Cross Marketing

I did an Oscar recap for my friend's site, Randomtica.com.

You can read it here.

Evil

VH1 – KICKIN' IT OLD SCHOOL

Has anyone watched VH1 lately? I cancelled my cable 2 years ago – in the midst of my rough patch – so I haven't been up to date on the cable scene. But I've started going to the gym recently and noticed that there's some pretty kick-ass programming on VH1.

They don't show music videos anymore, so if you thought I was going to write about Richard Marx and Lionel Ritchie… wait, I just lost that train of thought. Anyway, there was this one show that pondered, "What if minorities ruled the world?" They asked compelling questions like, "What ethnicity are Bert and Ernie?" My initial reaction was, DUH, Bert is Dominican and Ernie is Mexican. CMON, that's a no-brainer. But then I thought to myself, Wait, I haven't seen too many Dominican/Mexican gay male couplings. Which made me change my mind and say that Bert and Ernie are both white preppy gays. I mean, Bert has this weird pigeon "hobby" and you know how gay male couples do weird things with their money. BTW- the marketers already know this. Marketing targeted at gay males typically has the best ROI out there, owing to the fact that gay male couples have the highest disposable income of all households. Two male, white-collar salaries. Think about that.

(On a side note: What ethnicity is Animal? I always thought that Animal was Albanian, or some other flavor of Eastern European, like maybe Romanian, or more likely, Azerbaijani. Can't you just see that? Animal is that crazy dude from Eastern Block Europe who has only the most rudimentary command of the English language, yet, he gets smashed at the local pub and is the life of the party. Plus, he smells slightly of BO.)

Another great show on VH1 is "I love the 80's". Man, that show ROCKS! They bring back all the old music and celebrities of the 80's and it reminds me of the good old days. They even bring back the toys of the 80's, which is the most kick-ass part. Remember Hungry Hungry Hippos? Woooo! Cabbage Patch Kids? For the record, I never had a Cabbage Patch Kid but I hear that Big Head had five of them. Remember the Glow Worm? Damn, that's old school.

Thinking of the 80's makes me happy and sad at the same time. Things were simple back then, but then again, things were complex. All I really wanted in the 4th grade was to get a HJ in the back row of the school bus from the red-headed, freckled girl who had to avoid direct sunlight at all cost or risk burning up like a protesting Tibetan monk. Funny what they say about "The more things change…" You know the rest. Today, in 2004, all I'm trying to do is to get a HJ in the exit row of a California to New York flight. The chick sitting in my row is not cooperating.

Peter Jackson Again? Best Picture? What? THis show sucks I'm going to bed. I cant deal with this.

Evil just downed a handful of valium and chased it with a fifth of vodka. He might be done tooo...

Is it possible that Naomi Watts is in fact a clone of Nicole Kidman????

Evil

Tom Cruise just presented. I saw a picture of him and his mom in The New York Times today. Look at this women's crazy chompers.



Peter Jackson accepts an award and run out of breath halfway through his speech. This dude needs an intervention. He has an unhealthy relationship with food. This dude hates himself. Oh wait, let me shut up now.

Is Susan Sarandon's dress supposed to be doing that?

Sofia (my new favorite) thanks her silly brother Roman (he who directs Strokes videos and drinks much)

They cut to Scarlett Johanson during Sofia's acceptance speech and i am promptely reminded that she is my favorite, not stupid Sofia Coppola...

Evil

Peter Jackson, a fat woman, and a homeless woman just won for best adaptation. Peter Jackson didn't even make an effort for the Oscars. He put on a tuxedo and all, but dude, button the top button of your shirt and don't wear that tie all loosened up like you just got back home from a long day at the office.

Toby McGuire comes out to present... err... he came out to present two presenters. Weird. Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon come out. They give Sofia Coppola some award. I feel like I'm in a coma. Nothing matters to me anymore.

F, marry, kill (Oscar version)

Charlize Theron, Uma Thurman, Diane Lane


I go with

F Uma
Marry Diane Lane
Kill Charlize

Evil

Hi, I'm back. I just woke up from a little nap. What did I miss? Annie Lennox just won for Best Song on LOTR. I'm tired of LOTR. After Annie Lennox gets off stage, some toothless homeless woman makes a secondardy acceptance speech. Who let her in?

Eugene Levy and Catherine O'hara reprise their roles from A Mighty Wind, Mitch and Mickey....apparently they are nominated for Best Song.

I like them both very much, Eugene Levy because he's generally good and Catherine O'Hara because I found her attractive in a Orange County....

I have nothing bad to say, I hope they win...


On other topics, why the hell isn't In America nominated for anything? that's the best movie i saw all last year....

Is anyone else bothered by the fact that the four hobbits came together? What message are they trying to send?

Who is Pierce Bronson kidding? no one is going to nominate his ass for an award, he couldn't even get nominated for an Emmy back in the Remmington Steel Days

BEST EDITING? Do they want me to cry? THey friggin pre-empted Alias for this?????

Evil

Okay, okay, I get the point. The Lord of the Rings will win every f'ing technical award out there. Film Editing. Sound Mixing. Making People Look Like Hobbits. C'mon, can we fast forward through the 45 remaining technical awards?

Hey, did anyone notice that Julianne Moore's boobs are not up to par? I mean, this is the Oscars. Make your boobs look better. On the other hand, Diane Lane's cans were super hot. It make me sweat a bit.

Evil

When the president of the Academy came out, I swear I could smell alcohol on his breath, even thru the TV.

The one funny line of the night so far

After a rousing speech by Erroll Morris where he likened the situation in Iraq to the "rabbit hole" that was vietnam" Bill turns to the screen and deadpans "I can't wait till they do his tax return' - Good line

The president of the Academy comes out, poops himself, mispronounces "Atticus' four times and then drifts into dementia. Its the most gripping 10 minutes of television ever.

Evil

Am I watching the Technical Oscars? They just gave out the award for Best Sound Editing. Before that was Best Sound Editing. Before that was Outstanding Visual Effects. Before that was Best Make Up. You'd think that the two dudes who won for Best Make Up would make themselves look better. Were those two ugly dudes or what?

Hey, I am wondering... did they present the awards for Best Picture and Best Director in a private ceremony before the show?

Julia Roberts is on... how old is she? I wonder if she's ever given BJ for a role. Like in the early days.

When did Sofia Coppola divorce Spike Jonz? Man is her nose huge? I am in love with her...I am in love with both her and Scarlett Johansen at the same time.

Why does Bill Murray look like an older Tom Hanks from Philadelphia?

Clearly, Scarlett JOhansen dropped out of school before she figured out how to read.

Its clear to me that ABC is trying to drive all viewers away by front loading the awards with the likes of Best Make up, Best Effects and "best animated documentary about nature"

Evil

What is up with this year's Oscars? Who wrote this show? A team of accountants from Ernst & Young? Who is directing this thing? My ass? Oh, Bill Murray is on... let's hope he's entertaining.

OMG!!! Jim Carey tries too f*cking hard and its exhausting and i can't deal with it, and i want to cry. I think they dimmed the lights on him because everyone was getting annoyed. What is his connection to Blake Edwards?

What did Jennifer Garner do to merit her punishment (hosting the Technical and Scientific Achievement in Film Awards).

Carey just made some poor jokes about Blake Edwards being senile...

Also, Evil's GAY!

Evil

Damn! What happened to Jim Carrey? Who told him that the Michael Stipe / heroin addict / cancer victim look is a good one? I bet Joan and Melissa Rivers will be all over this one. Whoa, I just made a Joan and Melissa Rivers reference. I'M NOT GAY! I mean that. Screw you, people.

Billy Crystal used to be funny right? I mean i dont for a fact or anything, he's never made me laugh.

I wonder how Jada and Will Smith have sex, given the 4ft difference in height, i just imagine the whole thing being awkward

Granted I sat down late, but so far i have only seen the "best short animated" and "best special effect". Could I care less?

Evil

Aww crap. Some geeks from The Lord of the Rings just won for Outstanding Visual Effect. This is crap. Everyone knows that the rightful winner of this award is Scarlett Johansson's ass. I mean, her ass alone carried the entire movie. Talk about having an effect.

Evil

I will admit, Allison Krause normally makes me want to take off my pants. But her musical segment just brought this show to a grinding halt. WTF? The only thing that can save this now is if Justin Timberlake rips off her top and exposes both her boobies.

Oscar's Round up

(sorry for the late start)

Liv Tyler normally looks strange but here she looks like someone who just fell out of porno scene, what's with the fake glasses and the F*** me voice??

I am compelled to ask: Did Alison Krauss and Sting steal a song cut from ROTK and claimed it as the song from Cold Mountain ???

BTW, Elvis Costello ROCKS!!! Why can't he save us and write an interesting song for one of these overbloated movies?

Tracy and Hepburn: Outdated TV Review

I must admit, I am a sucker for the happy ending.

I finally got around to watching the last Sex and the City last night. Damn, I misted up worse than I did that one time my mom sucker punched me after I made fun of her hairdo.

I loved that Carrie didn't stay in Paris. The City is NY, not Paris. A writer movng to Paris is SO 1922. Honestly, I don't know that I approve of the impact the show has had, I am pretty sure the Marina section of SF is entirely the fault of SATC and for that alone someone should be punished. Besides, is it really appropriate for 40 year old women to go out on a friday night, get drunk and shout about penis all night? I don't think so.

But really, the show captured a moment in time really well. I never watched the show until I moved in with Manolo in late 2000 and became hooked. I could never admit it, because i spent the whole half hour mocking Manolo and Mr. NonCommital for watching this "show for old chicks who haven't gripped reality", but really I was really digging it. Carrie would go on a date to Bungalow 8, I was just at Bungalow 8 the week before. They'd be at Sushi Samba, I would have just been there. It was all very dot.com era, all very posh, all very "how great is this new scrubbed down, ritz NY". I was there, I saw, I knew.

But that moment passed, jsut like my time in NYC passed, I was done there and the show was done for me. Still I'm glad it ended, and I think it ended the right way, Carrie and Big (why was he called big anyway? because of his member? or his wallet? I hope to one day earn the name Big, i'll take either reason). Its all very Tracy and Hepburn....

Besides, Chris Noth rocks....I've been drunk enough to get tossed from the Cutting Room, and I didn't.

Yesterday was Grey Tuesday, were you down?

Evil

'ROIDED UP!

I have to know, man, who in baseball is 'roided up and who isn't? It's like when I was a kid and someone broke the lamp in the living room. My mom just wanted to know who the heck broke the lamp: me, my no good little brother, or my snotty big sister. My mom wouldn't have gotten mad or anything. She just wanted to know, you know? (Or at least that's what she said. Moral of the story: never trust my mom. I owned up to breaking the lamp and that woman beat me within an inch of my life. You think The Passion of The Christ has some violent scenes, you should have seen my childhood. But I digress...)

Back to baseball... I'll admit that take steroids doesn't do anything for increasing bat speed or foot speed. I don't really know why baseball players would do it, seeing as it makes your pee pee smaller, gives you acne, and makes your head bigger. WHO WANTS A BIG HEAD??? But you have to admit though: Barry Bonds does look pretty suspicious these days:

Evil

THIS GUY IS THE MAN!

Hey So it ends tonight, who knew?

Is it wrong to root for Mr. Big?

Evil

I GOT A HUG TODAY

It was weird. I'm not used to getting hugs in a professional environment. Yes, the hug happened at work. And luckily, it wasn't from a dude. That would have been really weird. As it is, it's just sort of weird. I liked it tho. The girl who hugged me is a 24 year old sex pot. I sometimes try to avoid her on purpose because I'm afraid if I talk to her, I will somehow oogle her too blatantly and then get fired.

I should have more to write about, but I might have caught X-TIAN's case of the blues. Screw you, Big Head! I'm off to mope around now. If you happen to see my parents, please do me a favor and remind them that they didn't hug me enough when I was a kid. (I stole that line from X-TIAN. HAHAHA.)

Save Angel!





Dude, the saddest part about Angel getting cancelled its clearly getting better with time, last night's episode where Angel was pure hilarity as Angel and co. fight off a bunch of demons who take over a children's show with some interesting results.

I like Joss Whedon (Buffy, Firefly) well enough but Bend Edlund (The Tick!!!) is a friggin genius

SPOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can someone put the O.C. up on BitTorrent please? I can't seem to find it.

RIAA sued under Racketeering laws!!

read it here on cnet

commentary later.

I feel as if the world is moving about a half step faster than i can deal with today. Its very wierd.
I noticed that I have been relying heavily on caffine the other day. On any given day, I pound the following:

16oz cup of coffee (830am)
1 can Diet Coke (11am)
1 can Diet Coke (with lunch)
1 can Diet Coke (3 pm)

and then somehow end up needing a nap from 5-6pm. Its a bit extreme. So I decided to cut out caffine today to see how I could do without it.

I sat down in class and basically wanted to cry. People seemed to be shouting al around me, "....dinner plans" "chris....ugly"
"hit tennis balls....court" none of it was making any sense. It was all i could do to not get under the table and ball up.

During class was no better, I basically sat there like a sad sack examining both the Sleave/Rina blog and Web's Blog. Outstanding blogs thru and thru, that make me insanely jealous. How do these freaks put all this time into their blogs, it took me 3 months to resurrect comments after my initial comment provider went out of business.

Anyway, in between classes I ran off and got some coffee. but this is not the right way to be. I need a new plan...


Any thoughts on how I should deal with this?

Adding Insult to Injury

So today is rough on a couple of levels.
(1) The Yanks have A-Rod, I can't say its wrong because whatever, its not really wrong, just mildly depressing. The only thing that will make it ok is if A-Rod and Jeter get in a slap fight in the club house over a woman. That's how it all ended for the Kidd, Jackson, Mashburn Mavs I believe

(2) The WB cancelled Angel! The hell?! It was going so good this season, I like the show about the vampire with a soul. Really dark stuff sometimes...and good over alll.

Find out what you can do here:

http://www.renewangel.com/

Evil

WOOOOOO!

Don't have to work today, so I'm listening to Mike and the Dog on the radio. The show is pretty much a 5-hour ARod-fest. Wooooo! Pumped up!

Actually, the Dog is on vacation but fat Mike Francesca really brought his "A" game today. During one of the commercials, they were playing this pre-recorded jingle promoting a Mets call-in contest. Basically, be the 13th caller and win 2 tickets to some random Mets game. Fat Mike cuts in during the middle of the jingle and goes, "What? Are the Mets nuts!? Does anyone care about the Mets today?" Hahahaha. Good one.

To add insult to injury, fat Mike yells over to his producer and asks, "Are we even gonna get 13 callers for this content?"

Poor Mr. Met. Not only is he gay, but his team sucks to boot.

These guys sold out quicker than most but this bike rocks

Evil

MEDICAL COMPLICATIONS (Part 2)

My tongue is swollen, as I mentioned earlier. Something bad happened last nite... I bit my tongue while eating. What does one do to heal a tongue? I can't stick a band-aid on it. I can put some rubbing alcohol or iodine or peroxide on it. WTF? All I can say is that I now have an open wound on my swollen tongue and it hurts like a bitch.

Evil

MISOGYNY?

EVIL: i called my cleaning lady and asked when she could come clean
EVIL: and she was like
EVIL: "saturday ok?"
EVIL: i was like, "i guess"

DangerZ: heh.. why do you need a cleaning lady?

EVIL: dude

DangerZ: you're already a cleaning lady!

EVIL: because cleaning is hard work
EVIL: why am i already a cleaning lady?
EVIL: that makes no sense?

DangerZ: your place across from McBain was always so spick/span

EVIL: cleaning has bad ROI
EVIL: same thing for doing my own laundry
EVIL: it's all about outsourcing

DangerZ: good for you!?

EVIL: see you are smart
EVIL: because you either gotta outsource or get married
EVIL: hahahaa
EVIL: why couldnt this be like 1950 all over again

DangerZ: no, you live the life of a bachelor, no worries, you can do anything you want!

EVIL: i wonder what it was like back then
EVIL: when you could marry a woman and then all of a sudden she does all of your housework and whatnot
EVIL: that's a wild thought
EVIL: maybe i should move to china
EVIL: i bet i could still get that sort of deal there
EVIL: altho i would want to marry a girl with good teeth

DangerZ: well, back then, you were never supposed to do your housecleaning,
DangerZ: you stayed at home until you got married

EVIL: damn, what a life
EVIL: seamless transition from mom to wife

Evil

IT'S BETTER WITH THE BUTTERFLY

I thought this was funny in a misognystic (sp?) way:

Evil

MEDICAL COMPLICATIONS

This is not good. I know I've been losing muscle tone for a while now. Never really thought much of it because I am cuter when I'm chubby, so hey, no sweat. But recently I've also noticed that my tough is getting bigger... or rather, it's getting more swollen. It's at the point now where my tongue gets in the way of my teeth. I guessing that in a week it will start to protrude out of my mouth and I'll become all drooly.

I started to worry, so I hopped on WebMD tonite. Like I said... this is not good. Lost muscle tone. Big tongue. I think I'm getting Down Syndrome. I'm not sure how to break this to my parents.

Evil

SCREW YOU, Big Head.

Just for the record, I don't have any Lilith Fair concert albums. Secondly, it's 2004 already. Who's still mentioning Lilith Fair in everyday contexts, as if it were 2000 all over again.

Too bad I was already asleep while this whole "real-time" (cough cough) blogging was going on. Because I would have liked participating. The Grammys are a fun event to watch and make fun of other people. Woooooo.

During the Sarah McLaughlin performance I think of Evil and wonder if he cried when watched this. He has all of Sarah's albums including the Lilith Fair Concert Albums...

Ozzy comes out in a neck brace and clearly not keeping it together. Sometimes, I want to smack Sharon. Stop wasting his money, you trollop!

I start bopping for Earth Wind and Fire

The camera work is all messed up

Sam Jackson is high and breaking up all momentum with his talking...go away...

What's the Grammys without Farnsworth Bentley?

Later Snoop comes out with Jason Alexander, I would call him a sell out but that's nothing new...

For some reason, Pharrell and Chad are asked to stand for an award they won earlier.

Coldplay beats out a bunch of hip hop guys for an award.

50 Cent bum rushes the stage via guerrilla tactics when Evanesance wins for best new artist. She's cute. Her crew is scary. Jaffet is cooking up a theory about black artists getting no love on the grammys while pointing out that 50 probably just rushed the stage to push his new clothing line.

The Black Eyed Peas come out and i pull down my pants in anticipation of watching Fergie...
Damn she's hot!!!!!!!!

Jaffet and I have an argument where I explain that JT should not come out because the second he does it takes all attention away from the Peas and puts it on him

As J makes his point, JT comes up on some scaffolding...i stand corrected. But then they pan back to Fergie and we loose our respective trains of thought

JT comes back out and sings Senorita and Arturo Sandoval comes out for kicks...and they turn it into a crazy soulfull jam, except with a white dude and a puerto rican cat...wild...

During a beatles tribute, Jaffet points out to me that Yoko Ono looks a lot like John Lennon. I don't necessarily agree but the idea makes me laugh.

Sting and Sean Paul do a duet of Roxanne...and what the hell? It sounds great...

Juxtaposition rules

It's a boob fiesta between X-tina, Paulina Rubio and Hillary Duff...They cut to Linda Perry for no reason.

JT beats out two dead guys for Best Male Pop Vocal performer

The chick from "Joan of Arcadia" tries to maul him...why is Amy Lee wearing a dress made of duct tape? JT brought brought his moms, what? No Cameron? he makes a few awkward jokes about exposed boobs and there is an awkward cut to Hillary Duff...

And we're back....
Queen Latifah comes out, I wretch and then she introduces X-Tina who treats us to Beautiful. I feel compelled to look at myself in the mirror proudly.

She is wearing a lot of clothes right now, probably encouraging us to focus on her voice rather than her ass...

What's with the lighting? Is she sporting a bunch of zits right now or is someone asleep at the wheel in the booth?

John Mayer and "From the Whole Ten Yards" Matthew Perry, is that a joke about Friends being over?

Beck has a serious trouble with his microphone and says something like
"ladies and gentleman, Jesus and Children of America...The White Stripes"

Jack White has his guitar tuned wierd and there is a timing issue between something and something else...fire someone please? Meg looks hot...really hot...plastic surgery?

Joe Perry made a deal with the devil when? Is he Dorian Grey? Is Steven his portrait? They and BB King present the rap grammy for my benefit. Juxtaposition amuses me. Outkast is lost somewhere and the camera does not know where to cut to...hahah...only dre comes up...where's big boi? did he refuse to come up because they only shouted out the Love Below?

Evil

Dude, you are soooo three hours ago!

Gwen Stefani and Quentin Tarrantino welcome us here...and point out that its the twentieth anniversary of "Purple Rain" which also means its the 20th anniversary of me seeing my first naked movie boob (APOLLONIA!!!!!!!!!) Quentin is trying to do a ghetto thing with his voice. It sucks and i want to hit him...

Beyonce comes out, looking tired and worn and thanks all 20 peole involved in writing her album

We cut to Ellen Degeneres who does a stuttering Woody Allen thing, not funny...

She cuts to a Beatles tribute by Sting, Vince Gill, Dave Matthews and Pharrell????????

WHAT???

Luckily Pharrell and his weak voice play the part of Ringo. But is Sting then John, George? Should Vince GIll mix in a salad from time to time?

Hey ITS PRINCE!!!!!!!! WOOO! Parade was the most underrated album ever.

I missed Prince..he still rocks and boy does he still have a great ass

I need a danceoff between Prince and Morris Day right now...with Tyrone making jokes in the background


Oh look ther's Beyonce. I still don't like her legs...

I just complimented a dude's ass and dissed a sexy's chick's body...am i gay?

Why did Prince change guitars...the purple one was better.

GRAMMYBLOG START

who shows this crap on Tape delay?
I'ts only 8pm here...F***ers!!!!!!!!!


Ok Here we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am planning some real time blogging for during the grammys tonight.
Should be fun.

Evil

FEELING SAD

Picture a sunset and a quiet road leading away from you. The slightest breeze kicks up a facefull of dust. Picture me alone, walking down the road. This is my theme music:

Click to play

(Kickin' it old school! Recognize that one?)

Evil

Check out this street fight video. It kicks ass. (Har har.) Honestly tho, I don't know whether it's funny or disturbing.

Have you naked by the end of this song

Anyone got an online shot of Janet's boob?


Best we got so far is here.

Money shot

I got the Panthers over the Pats in a squeaker. 24-21...

I am taking the Panthers because they are more manish. Have you see Kris Jenkins? Him and Julius Peppers are going to do work. Brigit Moynihan is not even going to recognize Tom Brady he's gong to be so broken up. Kris Jenkins, Stephen Davis et al, are just going to go out there play their game and take it to the overly cerebral Pats. F*** stupid Belicheck and his strategizing, That fat moose Charlie Wiess is probably strategizing his fat ass thru a Pizza right now, F***er will probably have a coronary before kick off.

SCREW THE PATS, YO!!!!!!