Dear Swimming: Thank You. From: Baseball and Cycling

Baseball: Thank god for swimming. If that sport hadn't gone apeshit crazy this week I would still be running from headlines about the 100 players we knew were cheating a decade ago (damn it Big Papi!!).

Cycling: Tell me about it - I just got around to disqualifying riders of this years Tour de France for drug violations we caught in 2008. We have no choice though - if we don't stretch these things out, no one can race any given year.

Baseball: For real, son. I can't hardly get anyone into the hall of fame now. Fred McGriff is looking like a first ballot, if only because every other player of his generation with better stats is a known cheater.

Cycling: But none of this compares to the absurdity of breaking 43 world records in a single swim meet. Most sports fans would be surprised to learn there are 43 swimming events!!!

Baseball: No shit. Are these clowns that stupid? Breaking all of their 'world records' at one time? Slow down, Charlie Brown! And they aren't even using drugs to do it? OK! That's gay.

Cycling: I've heard swimmers are eating some crazy pro-biotic foods that make them fart really hard in the water, and that is how they are getting such an extra boost.

Baseball: Perhaps, but for sure we know that swimmers are real asshats. Doesn't matter to me though - I'm glad to have them in the headlines. Dipshits.

Cycling: By the way..you have...you have a needle hanging out of your...no, a little higher....higher...there, yeah...there, you got it.