Quickies

Evil

• It's officially exactly 1 month into the contest between Steph and me. I'm down 10.5 pounds. Steph is down 7.6 pounds. Luckily, my only bad-influence eating friend is Xtian. Seems like all of Stephs friends are dragging her down. Bringing her to things like southern fried food festivals and stuff. CMON!

• I've been wanting to train for a marathon, but to run the thing in custome. Dressed as Gumby, for example. That would be fun.

• The Tour de France ends this weekend. Three weeks goes by so quickly!

• There's this Spanish couple who lives in my building. I see them on the elevator every so often. I HATE THEM. They are such snoots. And when I say "Spanish," I mean they are from Spain, with their super proper accents and European flair. They look down on the non-Spaniards. XTIAN should go over there and give them a knuckle sandwich.

• Been giving some thought to spending 3 months or so in Shanghai. Hang out with my people, practice the language, etc.
  

Asinine Headline of the Day

Brought to you by CNN.

"Is Marriage Really Just for White People?"

Sounds like Evil and X-tian are in for a lifetime of playing Rock Band and not finding happiness. I'm not sure how Catjjy managed to sneak through the marriage blockade - I'm guessing that white husband of hers had something to do with it.

#1 Hit Jam of the Summer

Every year has a #1 Hit Jam of the Summer. It’s that song that seems to be playing at every rooftop party you go to. It doesn’t necessarily top the billboard, though its ubiquity does translate to some degree of commercial success. The #1 Hit Jam of the Summer title can be shared between songs, and is always open to debate. The only real requirement is that, when listening to the song a few years later, it transports you right back to the warm summer nights of that year.

Question for the Hosers: What is the #1 Hit Jam of This Summer? To get this rolling, I’ve put up the list since I graduated from RHS, and some candidates for this year. Note that I didn’t feel like doing much research here, so my songs may be off by a summer.

2007 – Rehab (Amy Winehouse) & Smile (Lily Allen)[a tough year, I admit]

2006 – Hips Don’t Lie (Shakira/Wycliff) & Crazy (Gnarles Barkley)

2005 – Feel Good Inc. (Gorillas)

2004 – Hey Mama (Black Eyed Peas – thanks Ipod commercials!) & Yeah (Usher/Lil’ John/Ludacris)

2003 – Crazy in Love (Beyonce)

2002 – [really, the toughest year on record – Hosers?]

2001 – Ride Wit Me (Nelly)

2000 – Southside (Moby) & I’m like a Bird (Nelly Furtado)

1999 – Genie in a Bottle (X-tina)

1998 – Semi-Charmed Life (Third Eye Blind) & Closing Time (Semisonic)

1997 – I’ll be Missing You (Puff Daddy)

1996 – Missing (Everything but the Girl)

1995 – Mr. Boombastic (Shaggy)

1994 – Longview (Green Day)

So who’s up this year? I’m going to preemptively disqualify artists who deliberately aim for the title by releasing a breezy song with summer somewhere in the title. That means you, Kid Rock and NKOTB. Let's start with Buzzin (Shwayze), I Kissed a Girl (Katy Perry - thus the picture above), Handlebars (Flobots), American Boy (Estelle). Others?

Looking Forward To The Weekend

Evil

A certain someone is having his bachelor party this weekend. Woooo! So excited to be going. And with any luck, we'll have as much fun as this guy here:

http://view.break.com/541676 - Watch more free videos

G. Love & Special Sauce

Wowee! After taking a look at the latest poll, I am thoroughly intrigued.

It's a deadlock, and that never happens. Usually, the answer is inundulatingly obvious.

What is transpiring? I'm thinking about changing my vote to throw things out of this neat and orderly fashion.

Also, to be truthful, I'm not sure I really get the poll question. Can someone explain it? I wanted to vote for "A snow cone" but there's nowhere for a write-in.

Dewey Defeats Truman

Evil

Well, the poll results are pretty conclusive! You Hosers generally agree that Steph will beat me, whether it's by a narrow margin or by a landslide.

You know what? I'm glad you all voted for Steph. That just puts all the pressure on Steph and none on me. And by the way, I'm currently winning. Steph's slow-and-steady approach will leave her at the proverbial mid-race as i dash across the finish line. WOOO!

BTW- Steph and I have been having a disagreement on something: whether in general, it's easier for women to lose weight or for men. Clearly, it's easier for women to lose weight. Women have a higher percentage of body fat and if you're dropping weight, it's easier to drop fat first. That's just science. The only reason why men do better than women in general is because we have more willpower and determination. WOOO!

BTW2- I noticed that Evil Twin #2 has posted her own wieght loss (or gain) tracker on her blog. Awesome!

Feist on Sesame Street

This tune makes me happy. Remembering being a kid makes me happy. This video puts everything together, and is educational to boot!

Hope everyone is having a nice Friday evening!

Confirmed!!! Best .500 Team Ever

The following appeared in my inbox this afternoon, thus handing Kicks and Giggles our first title of the Summer Kickball season.

"BAR CHAMPIONS:
Congratulations to the teams who had big fun both on and off of the fields and who, as voted by NYC Social Sports Club Staff, Associates, and Spies, have earned the title of Bar Champions for the Weds LES Summer Kickball league:

Bar Champions: Kicks & Giggles

Please see Ryan at the fields or bar on Wednesday night to claim your certificates, and then drink up at Tweed's because your drinks are on us this week!"

Wow. I have to hand it to the league - they got this call 100% right. This might provide just the momentum we need going into the playoffs.

Outdated Movie Review: The Wackness

Last night, Evil Twin #2 and I went to watch The Wackness starring Ben Kinsley, the doofus from Nickelodeon and future hottest chick on earth, Olivia Thirlby.

The movie takes place in the summer of 1994, the time between graduating high school and starting college for the two main protagonists. We were both excited because the fall of 1994 was when the Evil Twins, KenTak3, Sparks and I all attacked NY for the first time for our freshman year of college. Probably our favorite NY, on display in the big screen just minutes before all the charming grit got washed away in a blur of late 90s prosperity/excess. Further, I was excited because one of the key elements of the movie was a tight early-mid 90s hip-hop soundtrack featuring B.I.G., Nas, Raekwon...all the greats.

Could a movie live up to such expectations? Somewhere in between the dream sequence that include "fly girls" and a scene where our protagonist had to blow into his Nintendo cartridge to make it work, I knew the answer. YES.

The story was a bit of a rehash of the usual "coming of age" story. But it was well executed, details in how people spoke, drank, talked and dressed gave it the feeling of a period piece and it was superbly acted. Ben Kingsley was all manner of awesome. For a minute, I totally wished I was in high school again so I could have a pining rush on Olivia Thirlby's character.

Even a minor cameo by Mary Kate Olsen as a pre-millennial hippie, a unique creature that we all knew really well in college was credible and well executed.

I liked it, I smiled a lot. I had no other ambitions for my 2 hours.

Best .500 Team Ever?

After a miserable 3 weeks of consecutive losses, Kicks and Giggles found themselves on the ropes last night, in danger of not even making the playoffs. The top 6 teams in this 12 team league make it in - the rest watch from the sidelines saddled with questions about what could have been.

Would that be our fate? Hell no. The squad came out with fire in their eyes and beer in their bellies. We were playing on Field A, which was a real blessing as all of our losses have come on field B (famous for it's short length in right field). I took over pitching for the 2nd week in a row and did a really really amazing and awesome job. Xtian was MIA this week - some sort of fuzzy "work commitment" - in Brooklyn perhaps? We prevailed nonetheless, including a homerun kicked by Douchebag Dwyer with his opposite foot - some real playground ball there. The final score was 9-5, good enough to earn this 3-3 team a 5th seed in the playoffs next week. We'll need to win 3 consecutive games next Wednesday night to take the title. The stage has been set for one of the greatest NYC sporting stories of the decade - will Kicks and Giggles deliver?

Summer Reading Help

Yesterday, X-Tian called me after I emailed him that I was depressed. What a good friend he is. I have decided that I am not interesting or well-read enough as most people or all my friends. Can people please recommend some good books to read?

Desperation Infused Vodka

"A few more of these and we can forget this ugly little sidebar in an otherwise lovely conversation"

He said this as he knocked back a shot of vodka. She smile just a little, letting the joke wash over what was an awkward situation. Though he knew her for only a few hours it was not the first time she had smiled. Her smile had been wide and bright for most of their conversation. She lost it right after giving him her number. Right as she regretted doing so and repented by admitting she had a live-in boyfriend.

xTian had noticed her as soon as she seated herself at the bar. She sat down and knocked back her first shot without a word to anyone. She had short hair, like a mid90s Winona Ryder, an above average ass for a white girl and a big smile. Her arms were well toned, she was also not wearing a bra at all...just a form fitting vest that covered herself well enough. xTian was no longer sure what he noticed first, it must have just been her overall

This was of course their 4th shot and he was still going strong...There was a lot of time and money invested here and there would be some return, something had to give...

"Another?"

"Sure?"

He had started by asking her why she was taking shots of vodka by herself. She admitted she was a waitress in the back room and was used to making hundreds of dollars in a given night, tonight she had made just 50. She cursed the recession and blamed the summer...sure those who were recession proof were out at the Hamptons.

xTian found the whole conversation a bit depressing. She's a personal trainer by night and bar tender in the evening? Did she have no morals? As a personal trainer its important to eat well, apparently one can go broke eating well...credit card debt is bad. Acting is difficult. Without meaning to, she wondered if hoping to one day to be on a soap opera for 20 years was really just too big a dream?

xTian used booze as a crutch to power through this manic life story...between that and his embarrasing wingmen (one staring at his watch, the other reaching in between xTian and the girl to yell "you should really bang this one") it was all xTian could do to not rip the bottle out of the bartenders hand and bonk himself over the head with it.

No xTtian was in it to win it. So xTian was full court pressing, hands were everywhere, the laugh was pointed but not condescending, the sleepy eyed chin nod, it was all there...including the desperation...that was the most there...

When he asked her for her number she gave it right away, then she stopped before committing to a plan "I have a boyfriend waiting for me at home". xTian knew better than to respond, "We're not going back to my apartment, I live in Jersey.".

She hurried off into a cab, back to Brooklyn, back to the life she does not seem that committed to...he stared off and wondered "what now" as is his wont..

The sun rose, and he decided it was time to sleep.

All About Me

Evil

If you have a moment, fill this out. Tell Evil what you think Evil's best feature and greatest flaw are.

Would You Or Wouldn't You?

Evil

A heated discussion broke out among my friends and me while we were at the Mets game on Saturday. Someone brought up the topic of A-Rod and Madonna. If you were A-Rod (32 years old, multi-millionaire), would you bang Madonna (49 years old, lots of mileage)?

Heck, if you were YOU (early-to-mid 30s schlumpy dude who has far less money than A-Rod), would you bang Madonna?

Some of my friends at the game were like, "Heck yeah! This is Madonna?!"

Whereas I am firmly in the other camp. I mean, she's 49 years old!!! And I can only imagine who's been in there. Dennis Rodman, for one. I'll pass, thank you.

Curious to hear your thoughts.

Cocktail Hour

Vol 2: The Dieters Drinking Companion

“The first, indeed the only, requirement of a diet is that it should lose you weight without reducing your alcohol intake by the smallest degree.”
- Sir Kingsley Amis

A laudable goal, but there are two rubs here.

First, alcohol by itself has a rather high caloric energy density. This is why you can run a car on the stuff in its pure, ethanol state. There are approximately 160 calories per ounce of pure alcohol, which equates to 95 calories of alcohol per NIAAA “drink,” e.g., a jigger of 80 proof liquor, a can of beer, a glass of wine. Mercifully, a pure distilled spirit has no other caloric value aside from the alcohol, so vodka, gin, Scotch, bourbon, rum, etc. all have about 95 calories per shot. Thus a good four-shot martini will cost you nearly 400 calories. Breakfast of champions. Beer, wine, and liqueurs have added starches and sugars that increase the calories per unit of alcohol.

Second, most people don’t much care for the taste of straight liquor. Mixers range from Coke to tonic to fruit juice, with stops at tomato juice and milk. Nearly all of these are non-starters for the dieting set. The oft-referred-to cosmopolitan I make for Catjjy has a staggering 350 calories between the vodka, triple sec, and cran-ras juice. She hasn’t asked for one since that discovery. Actually, she hasn’t had much alcohol at all since we learned all this. What happened to my drinking buddy? This is just like Flowers for Algernon.

Anyway, after a week of diligent consumer-oriented research, I give you these five tips for the dieting tippler:

1. Stick to mixed drinks for all non-eating occasions. Beer and wine can be delicious with meals, but they contain more calories per unit of alcohol than liquor. Best avoid them at bars and receptions.

2. Be smart about your mixers. Tonic is practically pure sugar while club soda has no calories; try gin and soda with a squeeze of lime instead of gin and tonic. Or try Sprite Zero instead of tonic (diet tonic tastes horrible and is rarely available at bars or on airplanes). Diet Coke mixes with bourbon and rum just as well as Coke does, and is readily available as an airplane drink. All store-bought mixes are evil. Try fresh lime and your favorite sugar substitute instead. A Splenda margarita, anyone?

3. Avoid liqueurs altogether. They combine the bad qualities of liquor with those of mixers. You can tuck into the Sambuca once you hit your ideal weight.

4. If you are looking for a bit of flavor without the calories, aim for infused liquor. The infusion process leaves no calories behind, so an Absolut Mandarin has the same caloric profile as regular vodka, but is a bit more palatable. Try with a splash of club soda and an orange wedge for the perfect summer drink.

5. Going in the opposite direction, if you select a particularly fortifying drink, you can substitute it for an entire meal. Two bloody Marys and a few cups of coffee make a remarkably satisfying brunch, and at well under 1,000 calories, much better for the dieter than eggs benedict. Mix a tablespoon of ketchup into the drink and eat the celery for some extra hardiness.

With these great tips under your belt, I expect the pounds to start melting off. And if none of this works, there is always meth. Salut!

Really?

Evil

Was IMing with XTIAN. He commented that I've been acting really confident lately. Confident... and depressed, simultaneously. Really?

An Ass That Isaac Newton Would Love

Evil



Pictured above: Newton's Cradle. A cool little toy that demonstrates conservation of momentum.

I was walking to work this morning -- a wonderful morning in New York City. Warm, but not humid. Sunny, yet slightly breezy. The hot chicks and their hot summer clothes were out in full force. On I lost track.

Anyway, I was walking behind this chick who was wearing an airy, flowery summer dress. The material was so light, it barely sat on her body. This chick had the most interesting ass. As she walked, each ass cheek would bump into the other -- left, right, left, right -- Newton's Cradle style. It was great.

The skid that would not end

When it was over, KillerB was arguing with the Ref (who may in fact be Amy Short, btw, out to get back at KillerB for ignoring her friend request). She had just called the game after 6 innings and with us down by 3 runs, even though officially there were 7 innings in a game. This was after the fourth inning, where she had instituted a mercy rule on us for scoring seven runs in an inning even though we were still losing. Basically, this b*tch was out to get us. Though too much a gentleman to say it, Killer B agrees with me. At one point, it looked to me like KillerB was about to clean her clock.

It would have made no difference. Our third loss in a row was in the books.

Two weeks ago, some tool kicked a ball over a fence and hit a car. The alarm he set off signaling the end of the game and the end of our dream of a perfect season.

Last week, a team short several players due the Fourth of July lost a heartbreaker.

Now this tragedy, a robbery perpetrated by a fat girl who could not be bothered to watch the whole game she was officiating, all the while colluding with an 8 person team of ringers who had only one female, who might have been Brandie Chastain.

Sure some people dropped some balls in the outfield, but we had a lot of people last night and I was too hung over from this to see straight much less catch a freaking ball.

No team has shown so much promise, only to suffer such a let down since the 1974 World Cup Finalist Dutch National Soccer Team. Of course, we all know how that ended.

Onward march the grey and gold, onward we march. One week to go, one more attempt for Playoff glory.

Give me a Hug

Start watching at 1:02...John stops interviewing Roger and proceeds to hug him.
At the 1:44 mark, John stops the interview, to pick a piece of lint off of Nadal.

What's going on here?

Facebook Friends = Out of Control

Like most of the Hosers, I joined Facebook a while ago when I was sold on how well it would help me stay connected with my really cool cutting edge friends, and reconnect with some long lost cool and cutting edge friends. For 6 months or so it was great. I would post some pics here and there, send an email or two, share a joke, play a game of scrabble and maybe even send a gift on someone's birthday. Way to go Facebook!

But about the time my friend count hit 150 or so, things started going haywire. People I didn't remember wanted to be friends. People I didn't like wanted to be friends. And now, it's reached a new low - people I don't even know want to be friends. This is a total no-win. I either grudgingly accept these friends because I don't want to come off as a jerk, or I decline them and feel like a jerk. What to do?

The "girl" pictured above is Amy Short. "Who?". Exactly. Amy asked me to be her friend yesterday. Not recalling who she is I did some poking around and learned she is friends with X-tian. So, assuming this is someone X-tian has introduced me to, I ask him to refresh my memory, but it turns out X-tian doesn't know her either. Or at least they've never met in person. He just accepted her invitation.

So who is this Amy Short you ask? Well, she turns out to be the President of the New York City Sports and Social Club - the kickball league we play in. So, obviously, we're totally tight. BFF. So tight that now she's got a seat in my Facebook Purgatory, not being accepted or declined - just kinda hovering around with Matt Connells (stole my tennis racket in the 8th grade), Lesley Henry (I remember her brother more than her - he looked like Harry Connick Jr.), and Susan Valentine (awkward girl from the 3rd grade who people used to say was my girlfriend - which was NEVER true).

So I'm wondering, who do the Hosers have in their Facebook Purgatory? Creepy math teacher? Former yoga instructor? Ex-girlfriends sister? Or do you just accept everyone and move on?

And good luck with that new friendship X-tian.

Foxtrot? Nay. Islands in the Stream

I'm afraid I have to put these nasty Foxtrot rumors to bed. I understand how the rumor was started. We are getting married, after all, and what better way to demonstrate our eternal love for each other than by learning a dance we'll forget the minute we leave on our honeymoon. "What then", you say?

On our recent trip to Hilton Head KillerB2 and I couldn't get Islands in the Stream out of our heads. Everywhere we went we were humming it. On the beach, in the kayaks, on the golf course, under water. We hummed the hell out of that song. Which got us thinking about the wedding.....

So, yeah, for the Hosers that make it to San Antonio, there might be a lip synched version of Islands in the Stream waiting for you after the dessert course.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiwcOaaRo1Y

Slurred Crooning

I am fairly certain my old man has picked up much of his English from TV. Much of it is eerily reminiscent of the opening monologue from some early 60s cool stuff like "The Dean Martin Show"...This works for him. He had jet black hair that he wore straight back for most of his life. Later got a single grey streak that shot straight back, that was cool. It's since spread but you can still see a relatively luxurious mane, that works with with a Dino vibe. But its not just the hair, its also the vibe...

Classics include him calling me or the bumpasaurus "chicky baby" randomly and the occasional Twist competitions he would challenge us to...randomly and in the street. "Come on Baby, Chubby Checker Style" he would shout as he got way to low for a man in his mid 40s in a super market...awesome...

It got to the point where, eventually, when speaking on the phone, my mother, father and I will all casually address each other as "baby", as if we were late night DJs on an R&B Station, about to introduce a Teddy Pendergrass record.

Not all his affectations have worked. As a boy, he would occasionally call from work and say "Hello, this is Batman. Where is Robin?". He would deliver this in a low growl. Even more disturbing would be when he would call back and using the same voice proclaim himself the Hulk, looking for Hulk Boy....big nerd that i was, I asked if he was actually looking for Rick Jones...coming out of character he would ask "who?"

I like the idea of my dad as my own personal Dean Martin impression. Any move away from that is disturbing and I have always pushed back hard. His game is evolving again. Last week, he saw my cherubic godson after a few years and immediately remarked "wow baby..." I was smiling before he could finish...

"we have to do some exercise, brother"

What the hell?

I was left wondering if he was watching more American Gladiators on NBC and was now picking up Hulk Hogan's affectation. That would blow. My dad would look dumb with long hair.

A Few Quickies On Hump Day

Evil

• Evil Twin #2 and sirK came over to play Rock Band last night. After a long layoff, we were worried that we might suck as a band. In fact, we rocked! By the end of the night, we were all on EXPERT (ET#2 on expert vocals, sirK on expert guitar, and me on expert bass). Not only that, we 5-starred the last two songs we played. Now over 500,000 fans.

• Did not work out last night due to Rock Band. The day before was a scheduled rest day, so that's 2 days in a row without working out. I think maybe Team Steph has been colluding with Evil Twin #2.

• I saw some very impressive parenting on the subway this morning. This 4 year old girl was throwing an absolute fit because she didnt want to sit in the orange seat. Instead, she wanted the yellow seat. The girl's face turned beet red and she exploded in tears. The mom told her to get up and stand and gave the seat to a stranger.

• Rumor has it that Evil Twin #2 and XTIAN have their own weight loss bet going. The original stakes were: loser takes the winner out to dinner. Boooo! That's so weak. I am unilaterally changing the stakes to something that counts. Here goes: If Evil Twin #2 loses, she needs to run a half marathon within 6 months of losing the bet. If XTIAN loses, he needs to run a 10K within the same time period. (Why isnt XTIAN held to a half marathon standard? Cmon, let's be real here!)

• I found the best shoe shine place in Manhattan. This guy is a master of his craft. He really cares about the quality of his work. I can appreciate that. Going to get a shoe shine now.
  

Date or Die: Sweltering in the heat

Summertime in NYC sucks for several reasons. It smells odd everywhere, due to the trash. Dudes are over the place, crawling around, sweating on each other.

On the plus side, women look extra hot. They wear less, and on average women in NYC are better dressers than elsewhere so they know how to parlay this into more attention. Then of course, the same thing that makes me a sweaty mess is a huge advantage to women, who sweat less and usually just glisten. Sparks has a great phrase for this, "swamp glow". Give me an underdressed chick walking about in the summer with her hair up and a nice layer of swamp glow any day...I love it...

Last night, I met someone for dinner. We met at Bar Pitti. I was very early
as an errand I decided to run before hand took 45 minutes less than I alloted. I walked into the bar next to Fat Black PussyCat to kill time and cool off. I was already sweating. I spent the time drinking Blue Moons (sans orange wedge...disappointing) and chatting up the underweight but attractive waitress who was at the very least glowy...She told me her mom drinks Blue Moon, I asked her how old she was. She walked away. Classic

When finally she arrived, I was floored by her height. With heels we were eye level. Crazy. That never happens. I had long ago resigned myself to the idea that the perfect woman height for me is about 5ft 7in with heels. At that height, she can dip her head slightly and fit it under my chin which is aimed partially skyward. Standing here on sixth avenue, I wondered if it was time to rethink this. Eye level is good, great even...

When we realized the wait was 30+ minutes we decided to walk up the ways a bit to a tapas place I knew. Evil swiped this place from me 2 years ago then started badmouthing it, calling it "over" what an ahole.

Walking up the way, I kept staring at the women all around me, they were having fun in their tiny sun dresses, laughing and having a good time. This is why you do this. This is why you put up with the mugginess, the people, the smell, just to enjoy the view - the beauty of Youth, in full effect.

If this post is unfocused, its because my evening was unfocused. In addition to the distraction, I was drunk. I pounded those beers hard and followed it with quite a bit of sangria. The tapas were great. The company was great. I was not allowed to do what I normally do, which is nod and smile as the woman across the way from me pours out her hopes and fears my way. I actually had to engage. I had to tell strange stories from my past. Be honest about my hopes and fear. I got to debate Raggaeton, with me taking the position it was nonsense and she taking the position that the beat was great for dancing, even though I could imagine her dancing her around like Elaine Benes. I got to walk in the late night air.

Man, I love the summer

Andar conmigo?

I have one problem that annoys me. I don't have many Latino friends. The best I can come up with is Killer B #2 and that was a direct result of 2007's Operation "Get Brown Friends". This hardly matters though. In all other respects, I am a good Latino. My written and spoken Spanish is above average. I have a big family, composed of way more cousins than I can count.

Most of the time, I do not care. My family is sufficient and my friends are more or less true, unless you count Evil, he's not a true friend. No one else is troubled by this- how many Filipino friends does ET#2 have? Why does Evil only pursue Japanese women with large calves? No one questions them on these matters, why do I sit here in the midst of some bizarre identity crisis?

Anyway, this a problem only when I want to go ethnic. I have an easier time rally a crowd to the NY Indian Film Festival than I would for the NY Latino Film Festival. It's a real bummer. A few years ago I found myself at a Julieta Venegas Concert at Spirit all by myself. It was awesome. I really enjoy her music. It's a mix of pop, with a tinge of girly-rock, but just enough electronics. She tops it off with sprinkles of Mexican elements, like when she breaks out the accordion. Sometimes, I feel she does this, just to remind you where you are. I approve

Anyway, Summerstage this Saturday, Julieta is back and I am pumped...

Btw, Andar Conmigo (loosely "be with me" in the title I am using it as "roll with me") is an awesome some song, but I like Eres Para Mi better, its more representative of what I am getting at

2008 Tour de France - Stage 3 Recap and Commentary

Evil

Stage 3 won by some Frenchman named Samuel Dumoulin. Despite the Tour de France taking place in France, no one actually cares about any of the French cyclists. They're all pretty weak girly-men. An interesting tidbit about today's winner mentioned in the AP writeup:

"Dumoulin, who had to pull out of the 2004 Tour after crashing into a dog, led a small group of sprinters to the line."

He hit a poor, innocent, defenseless dog and he had to pull out of the race?

Which reminds me, YouTube is a treasure trove for videos of Tour de France cyclists hitting dogs. I can't ever get enough of these.

Is That A Sign?

Evil

Was this sign made for me? It is, after all, in Chinese.

Been Busy

Evil


Since there have been multiple emails to thehose [at] gmail about this topic, I figured I would address it publicly here... "Where has KillerB been?" you've asked. Well, I don't really know. I've been hearing things like, "He's been camping in New England with Sparks" and "He's hanging out with Sparks at Fisherman's Wharf."

But you know what I have not been hearing? Things like, "KillerB is busy planning his wedding." Well, that's not entirely true... Word has it that KillerB is working on a killer foxtrot routine for the big day. Awesome!

Cocktail hour

As previously mentioned, cocktail hour is serious business around our house. Most nights will find us sipping regular straight or mixed drinks - scotch, manhattans, martinis, etc. Catjjy is partial to the cosmopolitan, and I make a mean one. Just because Sex In The City isn't any good doesn't mean the cocktail stopped being delicious.

The drink of this summer is the gimlet. For the uninitiated, a gimlet starts with a martini's worth of gin - 3 to 5 shots depending on the size of your glass. Drop it into a shaker full of ice and add the freshly squeezed juice of one lime (hint: you'll get more juice out of your lime if you soak it in hot water for a few minutes before cutting it open). Throw in sugar or simple syrup (a pre-dissolved mixture of sugar and water in equal parts) to taste. Shake with vigor. Serve strained into an ice-cold martini glass. The result will be a light green, cloudy slice of summer heaven: equal parts sweet, tart, and herby (the picture above was taken after the first few sips). Though not quite as tasty, a vodka gimlet will do for those who don't enjoy gin. Using Hendricks gin instead of a regular gin will give you a cucumber gimlet – also yummy.

With enough sugar, a gimlet won't taste strong at all, and on a warm summer afternoon, it may seem the thing to do to knock back three or four. But proceed with caution. There is a lot of alcohol in these guys.

Weekends are for experimenting. Yesterday I cut open a fresh jalapeno and tossed two slices (with plenty of seeds) into the shaker with my gimlet. Kid duty interfered with my mixing, which allowed the un-iced mixture to stand for 20 minutes before being chilled and poured. The result – a gimlet picante if you insist on naming things – was fantastic. The jalapeno added a nice kick to the front that burned the lips and warmed the esophagus, but it mellowed the tartness of the lime. I highly recommend giving it a try.

2008 Tour de France - Stage 1 Results and Commentary

Evil


Very exciting start to the 2008 Tour de France! I'm liking the format this year: no prelude (who needs it!) and an uphill finish in stage 1. Brilliant! The uphill finish really broke up the field at the end, which made things all the more exciting.

Alejandro Valverde took stage 1 with an impressive sprint in the last 200 meters (after racing 197.5 Km -- crazy!). Valverde has a real chance to win the entire race this year, although it'll be tough if he and his team try to defend the yellow jersey this early in the race. They should give it up as soon as tomorrow and then make a big move in the 3rd week of the race.

Another one of my favorite, Maricio Soler, had a bad first day. He crashed toward the end and is now pretty much out of it for the overall standings. BAH!

Date or Die: Playing The Expectations Game

Evil


Earlier today, I watched the Yankees lose yet another baseball game. Even with the largest payroll in baseball, the Yankees are languishing in the middle of their division and most experts have already counted them out for the playoffs -- no division win; not even a wild card berth.

On the flip side, the Tampa Bay Rays are sporting the best record in baseball. Their payroll is minuscule, they finished last year in last place, and even the most generous predictions for the Rays at the start of the season were for them to have a "respectable" record.

Playing the expectations game is always tricky... in baseball, sure. But also in dating.

Yesterday was the end of what felt like a very long week, even though it was technically a short week thanks to the 4th of July holiday. That's how a long a week it was a work. I was content to spend the evening staying in and watching TV, generally hiding out and relaxing.

In the early evening, R texted me and asked if I was around and if I wanted to get drinks with her. Since she asked and since she's tall, thin, and has a pretty face, I was like, sure. We went to this place, known for their margaritas, that's no far from us. Some hotty sales rep from Patrón was there and offered us complimentary drinks. Score!

R and I chatted, though not about much. We don't seem to have much to talk about. My inability to appear engaging and funny when I'm with R is really throwing off my expectations. I should be able to do this! This is my game, baby! I guess it's like in baseball, where you're going up against a different pitcher every day. Sometimes the opposing pitcher is just lobbing softballs up there and you're crushing everything out of the park. But sometimes the pitcher is so tough, you're glad just to score a single run.

It turned out to be a nice night, so we took a slow stroll home. She lives 5 blocks away from me. I wasn't feeling that anything good was going to happen so I casually said goodbye when we reached my block. Back to chillin' alone in the apartment. It was still fairly early, so maybe I'd watch a DVD.

R texts me: "I'm restless... lol". Hmmm... interesting. We text back and forth a few times and decide to go back out for ice cream. Which eventually turned into taking a walk into Riverside Park, which is always fairly dark, fairly quiet. The fireflies were out last night. A few people and their dogs walked by, but otherwise it seemed like we had the park all to ourselves. This eventually turned into me walking R back to her place and at the corner of her block, she blurted out, "Do you want to come up?"

We had a nice time hanging out at her place. She was really hard for me to read, whereas with most girls, it's just the opposite. Me in her apartment was like a baseball team with a manager who just doesn't know what to do during the game. Bunt? Hit and run? Steal? Double switch? So I didn't push things too much. It was fun just to hang out. And I even managed to take a photo of us (above)... well, only part of her face and part of my arm. I think she has a nice smile in this pic.

Nickname Change

Evil

I'm not happy with "Toothy-chan" as a nickname. It just doesn't have a ring to it. But I can't think of another / better nickname. Argh! I must have nickname block. This is usually my specialty.

Anyway, I have to change the nickname nonetheless. So from here on out, Toothy-chan will change to "R".

Roar, Lions, Roar!

Catjjy and I were just watching the US Track & Field Olympic Trials. They did a human interest piece on an incredibly beautiful woman named Delilah Dicrescenzo. It seems the lead singer of Plain White T's met her one night and was so smitten with her that he promised to write a song about her. The song, "Hey There Delilah," got nominated for a Grammy and she attended the awards as his date. Adorable, though the report stopped short of saying how far this guy got for writing a ubiquitous song about her (love-love? mouth-love? hand-love? they should have finished the story).

How did this make an Olympics broadcast? She is a champion steeple chase runner - the one where you stomp through the puddles and jump over hurdles. She didn't make the Olympic team, which is a shame for NBC. But she did make the finals. Not bad for a hot girl.

How is this on The Hose? Amazingly, she ran track for the Columbia Lions (alma mater to more than a few Hosers). Three-time Ivy League champion steeple chaser. Amazing.

Roar, Lions, Roar!

Date or Die: Tips from Dmitri

Did anyone else listen to this? I'm not completely sure if it is legit, but it is pretty funny.

The back story is that my friend's friend's friend from work and her friend were out one night in the San Francisco Marina district and were hanging outside of the bars trying to find a cab. One of the girls, Olga, ends up meeting this guy Dmitri, and they talk for at the most 2 minutes. She hands him her business card and says call me.

Conversation between Mom and Dad

My dad hates using the phone. Its always a surprise when he calls, sometimes even to him. On several occasions, I have answered a ringing phone only to find him asking who he was talking to. I always found this odd, and because my Dad is over 70 I have on occasion worried about his mental state. This was alleviated a few visits ago. While casually reading a book in the family room, I noticed that my mom has this trick. She dials a number and throws it to my dad whenever he is on his computer playing online card games. He always knows its coming, so he knows to catch it but never knows who he is going to get on the other end.

Its fine, because he never actually wants to talk on the phone so he does not really care who is on the other end. He will just sit there with the phone to his ear, occasionally nodding and grunting in agreement while focusing on his card game. He could be talking to my brother or his accountant. Its all the same to him.

Anyway, I perked up and paid attention when I heard him say this

Dad - "I think I should call my sister"

My mom, who is usually happily ignoring my Dad even perked up....

Mom - "which one?"

Dad - "what do you mean?"

Mom - "you have two sisters"

Dad - "Yeah...so?"

Mom - "who are you going to call?"

Dad - "when?"

Mom - "you just said you were going to call your sister"

Dad - "who? (names his youngest sister)"

Mom - "Is that her name?"

Dad - "No"

He then sat down and watched soccer with me for 4 hours.

Me - "Are you going to call anyone?"

Dad - "What for?"

Menace

Yesterday, I went to an Orlando area Target with my mom to get some baby gifts for a new addition to our extended family. On the way out, my mom dared me to repeatedly bang the shopping cart on one of the oversized red spheres set up outside the target to keep shopping carts from randomly flying into the lot. I was like ok...and started doing it.

When a security guard walked over, she made a move like she was going to hit him. The dude flinched. She smirked...

"that's enough" she said.

and we left...

I have no idea what that was all about...

Crisis

Evil

The Evil Twins (#1 and #2) have been counseling me through a bit of a personal and professional crisis. "Professional" because my work is involved, but mostly "personal" because it's about getting old. I feel like I am racing against the clock to accomplish things in life, but the clock is quickly running out.

I've been thinking about a paper that I read some time ago. Among other things, the paper discusses "Why Productivity Fades With Age." (Focus of the analysis is on scientists, specifically: mathematicians, physicists, chemists, and biologists. I am none of these things officially, but I was educated as a computer scientist, so I still naturally identify with the scientific crowd.) There are some startling data points in this paper, including:

* Nearly a quarter (23.6%) of all scientists make their most significant contribution in their career during the five years around age 30.

* Two-thirds (65.0%) will have made their most significant contribution before their mid-30's.

* 80% will have done so before their early 40's.

Check out the histogram below. Notice the very steep drop-off once you pass the peak.


The study also took a brief look at non-scientists as well. Check out the graphs for jazz musicians, painters, and authors.

Other interesting tidbits from the paper (and my own Googling) include:

* Orson Welles was a mere 26 when he wrote, produced, directed, and starred in Citizen Kane, which many consider to be the greatest movie ever made.

* James D. Watson made the greatest discovery in biology in the 20th century at the age of 25, winning the Nobel Prize for it. (Co-discovered the structure of DNA with Francis Crick.)

* Albert Einstein won the Nobel Prize for his work on the photoelectric effect, a paper that was published when he was 26 years old. (Einstein published his paper on general relativity when he was 36, although he had done work on the topic earlier in his life. Still, 36 is not that old.)

* Alan Turing, often considered to be the father of modern computer science, was 24 when he submitted his momentus paper, "On Computable Numbers." This paper provided a formalization of the concept of the algorithm and computation (The Turing Machine).

Well, my mid-20s are already long gone, but I feel like I still have some productive years left. I'd say 8 more years. I told the Evil Twins that I'm giving myself til age 40 to accomplish all the major things that I want to. After that, it's fading into post-40 obscurity whether I like it or not.

I also talked to Lil' A about this yesterday over 3 martinis. We decided that we need to make it onto the 40 Under 40 list.

On matching

I am a father and most of the post-worthy events in my life revolve around a 2-foot tall guy who craps his drawers. But I try hard to self-edit posts so as not to turn The Hose into a parenting blog. However, a recent event involving the boy challenged one of the long-held pillars of my personal vanity, which is a topic all to familiar to Hose readers. And so...

For most of my adult life, I have stood steadfastly against people wearing matching outfits. It's the primary reason I never joined the armed forces. In high school I opted out of matchy-matchy team sports in favor of swimming, where participants are free to wear whichever goggles they like. The height of my disdain came in the summer of 1994. My almost-a-girlfriend and I cruised down to Dallas for a day at Six Flags Over Texas. There were all sorts of idiots dressed alike - church groups, soccer teams, even couples! The worst of this motley lot was a couple wearing matching XXXXL t-shirts that said, on the front, "I don't see nothing wrong..." followed by "with a little bump 'n grind!" on the back. Class acts all the way.

As Hose readers can imagine, this aversion to matching created a daily struggle in the xTian-Sparks household in the late 1990's. "We can't both wear our Regis-inspired light-green dress shirt with light-green tie to Flute tonight."

Then I had a kid. My feelings started to waiver. First of all, he has much cooler clothes than I do. One shirt with a picture of a helicopter on it was so cool I wanted one for myself. He eventually outgrew it, but for Fathers' Day we got an awesome present - matching replacement helicopter shirts (pictured).

I was pretty pumped (finally, my own helicopter shirt), but The Cha was absolutely elated. He is barely old enough to tell day from night, but he recognized right away that we were wearing the same thing. He spent the whole day pointing at his shirt, then pointing at mine. It made his day, which made my day, and probably made Catjjy's day, too.

So a revision to my rule on matching: wearing matching clothes is a surprisingly effective bonding tool for fathers and (very young) sons, but should only be pursued when the outfit in question is cool enough for the father to wear even if the son is not around. Obviously, a helicopter shirt fits that bill.

I can already imagine the controversy this post is going to ignite.

Bargain Hunt

I had to go to Bed Bath and Beyond today to get one of those drain catchers - that plastic thing that prevents debris and such from clogging your drain.

Well, I found myself in Filene's Basement looking at discounted jeans. And right when I went to answer my cell phone, this Asian woman wearing scrubs takes the last pair of jeans from the rack. Argh!

So I follow her around the store giving her dirty looks and sighing kind of loudly. Finally, she puts them down, and I grab them to try on. They didn't fit anyway, but I'm not a bad person, right? She should be saving lives or something else like that.

Crazy Face Time

Periodically, I like to give some face time to Bruno. I think it makes Nora happy, and also keeps him competitive among all the toddlers on the Hose.

This post isn't all praises, though.

You might have heard that KenTak3 and I have a merger forthcoming, and if you know him at all, you will not be surprised to hear that he wanted some glamour shots of the two of us recently. I was pretty reluctant, but he said he wanted to capture some memories. And, then he pleaded that he really wanted Bruno to participate since Bruno is important in our lives, so I finally agreed.

One outstandingly humid, near-record day a few weeks ago, we find ourselves cavortiong around the Meatpacking district: click, click, click. I guess it was pretty hot for all of us, but we managed to get through the hour or so of pictures. Except for Bruno. He didn't do too well in the heat, I guess. Check out this picture of what would otherwise be a great photo of me and KenTak3, until Bruno went in there and messed it up.

Thanks Bruno!

Is This Wrong?

Evil

XTIAN has been telling me about how this girl has been flirting with him on Facebook. Big deal, I thought. Any ugly girl can flirt with an Alfred Molina lookalike. But today, XTIAN IM'd me her name and told me to check out her pics.

YOWZAHHH!!! This girl is HOT. Right after I saw her pics, a real ugly thought flashed in my mind. I was like, damn, if XTIAN starts bumpin' nasties with this girl I will kill myself out of total jealousy. Jealously. What an ugly thing. XTIAN is like my brother. Can't I just be happy for my brother? What is wrong with me?

What a Combo

Last night I went to see Lucha VaVoom at the Fillmore. I wasn't sold on the idea of this show at first because it combined 2 things that I've never had much interest in - Mexican wrestling, and striptease. Mexican wrestling has always freaked me out a bit because of the masks, and burlesque has always seemed a bit too old timey. But what do you know - put them together and you've got yourself a real treat. Who knew. This makes me question all of the other things I've assumed don't go well together.

Update

Evil

After 6 days, Steph and I are tied. Both of us are down 3.5 pounds. What is all this voting about Steph beating me in a landslide. Or beating me at all for that matter. I'm more than holding my own!!!

Who should I share this with?

I was mucking around with a summer playlist on a rainy saturday afternon.

It takes a pretty long ride over the course of it, starting very electric picking up some tempo, then slowing down again...It may seem a bit chaotic but this is what i am listening to right now...I always go a little more electric in the summer...

I have to admit a couple of things
I am really enjoying the new moby...what is it, 1999?
Book club - you will really enjoy that adele song methinks...
That cover of the Bee Gees Inside and Out by Feist is pretty strong
The "She and Him" is totally forced much the way I try to force "nyotaimori" into every conversation..

Girl alert for Evil

Evil,

Please be advised that an attractive, young-ish, Asian, tennis phenom who almost certainly has big calves, is throwing a wrench in Wimbledon. She is a Chinese national, which would make your mother very happy. She is rich, at least for her age, having picked up nearly $2 million prior to this event. And she will probably be in New York later this summer for the US Open. I have not seen close-ups of her teeth, but in all other respects, she seems perfect for you (i.e., exceedingly out of what ought to be your league). I suggest you pursue her with vigor, at least once you are down to your ideal weight of 168.5 lbs.

Dentist

Evil


Mamacita's quiz reminds me of a recent email from my sister...

Hello! As you may already know, Jason had dental surgery last week to remove his extra adult tooth hidden behind the gums. In order to do this, the surgeon also had to remove the 2 front baby teeth to get at the extra tooth. Thankfully, Jason was super brave and bounced back from the surgery the next day. I thought you might want to see Jason's "new look" and a picture of the 3 teeth that got pulled out. The tooth on the far left is the extra tooth.

Don't Blurt Out the Answer!

With the markets and economy in the toilet, we are amusing ourselves at work doing puzzles.

Here is the latest one. Can you guess?

I dig out tiny caves, and store gold and silver in them. I also build bridges of silver and make crowns of gold. They are the smallest you could imagine. Sooner or later everybody needs my help, yet many people are afraid to let me help them. Who am I?

Proof Evil might be Gay

This was neck and neck for a week between the xtian/evil pairing and the sparks/xtian pairing. Somehow though in the last 12 hours the xtian/evil pairing came out ahead.

Evil once showed me how you could "stuff the ballot box" so to speak.

I wonder, did Evil manipulate these results? Is Evil trying to tell me something?

Who Is This?

Evil
Here's another one. Remind you of anyone you know? (Hint: You have to use your imagination a bit. Mentally picture this person with +20 pounds. And that's just in the face! In terms of overall body weight, make it +120 pounds.)

Who Is This?

Evil

This is Alfred Molina. Does he look like anyone you know?

Proof I might be gay

I really love this song, Antony from "Antony and the Johnsons" on vocals

Game On!

Evil
It's now Evil vs. Steph. Game on!

Steph does a nice job of summarizing everything on her blog, so I won't repeat it here. I'll just say that I've got this one in the bag. I know Steph has a pretty large following even among Hosers. It's almost like when the Mets play the Yankees at Shea Stadium. Even though the Mets are officially the home team, there are more Yankee fans in the house.

The Hard Truth

Evil

KillerB and Sparks are both brilliant posters. But they're both the proverbial flash in the pan. Those guys are great when they post, but I don't think either of them will ever have the longevity and XTIAN and I have.

This Is What I've Been Up To

Imagine this scene, but replace the hot chick and her hot ass with... me.

Poll Results - You Agree!

Thanks for everyone for voting and for several of you for voting me for me multiple times. Clearly, I am doing great. I'll see you later, i'm going to go cry now...

This Is The Plan, People

Evil

In order to lose 17.5 pounds to make my Wii Fit happy, I need to start getting serious. From now on, I'll need to do two-a-days. After work, will go to the gym. And then after the gym, will work out on the Wii Fit. I think that is reasonable. My gym workout is usually some treadmill running, which the Wii Fit is not good for. I'll use the Wii Fit for the various balance, coordination, and yoga exercises.

I'm a big fan of the downhill skiing and ski jump games. Once Evil Twin #2 gets her Wii Fit, I'll be challenging her to a ski-off!

Kicks & Giggles Week 2 - 17-6...Wetter is Better

A chill ran down my back

It could have been sweat or rain, but I knew better. It was fear. A bolt of lightening had just flashed across the sky. I looked over at girl who had no clue. She was wondering what we were doing out there, why no one had called the game.

20 minutes earlier, the rain started, we were standing around waiting to play. The opposing team ran around the block as a warm up. K&G stood around and chain smoked.

Killer B's strategy for the game was simple and inspired
(1) On defense keep everything in front of you. Big plays only happen when you have to turn around and chase a ball
(2) On offense, let's play small ball. Most of these teams don't communicate well, when a ball is in play it looks like 6 year olds playing soccer. No one knows what to do

The d**chebag was pitching, Timothy Stack-alike, Killer B and I were manning the outfield. Everything would be ok.

I spent an inordinate amount of time fraternizing with the other team and later during the game trying to talk to the prettiest girl ever, who plays for the team we wooped up on last week, who was on the other side of the chain linked fence, waiting her turn.

I won't lie. I was scared. The thunderstorm brought out two of my biggest fears.

My fear of lightening - Even as my parents made me walk barefoot in the street and had Dominicans pelt me with baseballs to toughen me up, they built up in me a steady fear of lightening. Whenever there was a thunderstorm we were forced to unplug everything and sit quietly in our dark house, praying it would all subside. My dad periodically talking of this fool or that and how they foolishly died hiding under a tree, trying to stay warm. Now here I was, challenging the Gods in a stupid gold headband. I just wanted to sit in a dark room and cry.

My fear of busting my ass and embarrassing myself - In the second inning our third baseman busted his ass hard rounding second and ruining what would have been a home run. If I had gotten cut, I would have cried like a girl.

I resolved right there that neither would happen.

Of course, on the next play, a ball sailed over my head and i had to bust it to catch up to it, which I did half heartedly.

The next inning, I asked off the field and quietly positioned myself close to PS 142, just in case God decided to strike us down for our insolence.

The rain eventually subsided and I almost stopped sucking...sticking to the small ball plan and scoring a run during a rally when our team actually fell victim to the Mercy Rule, we had scored so many runs. During the rally, Timothy Stack-alike yelled "miss it" as four of our opponents huddled around a pop up. A very intense fellow got in his face for his unsportsmanlike conduct but luckily for all involved Mr. Intense remembered he was a thirty year old playing kick ball and mellowed out

I still sucked a little bit, overplaying a ball in the field that I should have caught easily. Luckily, the Killer B backed me up and as I slid on the wet ground I balled up into the fetal position so Killer B could get the ball back in play.

Killer B was inspired. the guy with the wrestling shoes can't be stopped, not by opposing teams or calls for reasonable base running. Our third baseman proudly showed his scars at the bar afterwards.

I ran into the opposing pitcher in the bathroom. He asked if we practiced. I looked at him confused. He talked about how good we were at communicating and backing each other up on plays. I rushed back and told my teammates.

Our long, slow, rain soaked march to glory continues...

Experts Agree!

Evil

Thanks everyone! By a 2-to-1 margin, Hosers think I am more a "sweet, sincere guy" than a "douche bag". Indeed.

I May Be Chubby, But At Least I'm Not Old

Evil

I still can't believe Mamacita went and got a Wii Fit and didn't even tell me! I thought we were friends. Anyway, I had to run out and get one for myself and just tried it out today.

When you first play Wii Fit, it makes you take a test to determine your Wii Fit Age. Recall from a previous post that Mamacita's age is 52. YIKES!

I'm 32, but my age on Wii Fit came in at 35. (The screen that shows the number 35 went by too quickly and I couldn't take a pic in time.) Not bad, right!? I don't actually understand how Mamacita could have come in at 52. The test they give you is not that hard! What is going on with the Mamacita? Does she have too much stress? Is her balance very bad? Does she have a weak core? Is taking care of Bruno taking too much of a toll on her? I am starting to worry.


On the downside, look what Wii Fit had to say about my Body Mass Index. DOH!!!

I guess it's official... I am overweight. Well, I already knew that. But here is the kicker. Wii Fit says that to get into the "Normal" range, I need to get my BMI down to 25.00. Well, then it calculated how much weight I would have to lose (because I don't think I will be growing any taller at age 32) to get down to 25.00 BMI... 17.5 pounds! YIKES! That's a lot of weight I have to lose to be Normal. Well, I guess I will give it a shot.

Maine attractions (get it?)

Catjjy and I are ditching The Cha this weekend and heading to Maine for a wedding. He is very broken up about it, but we are excited about seeing the Killer B’s.

In researching establishments to hit while we are there, Killer B 1 came across a topless donut shop. It is actually part of a strip club, but it is open from 6am to 11am. Presumably, you buy the donuts from topless girls. This raises a host of questions.

Toplessness is generally a good thing, when applied to attractive women (like the readers of this blog). Donuts are certainly a good thing. Combining the two just might be brilliant. Consumers have shown a willingness to buy their coffee in an attractive Starbucks coffeeshop, even though the exact same Starbucks brew is available for $1 less at the gas station. Will people pay $1.50/donut at the topless place, versus $0.50/donut at the regular donut store? And if so, do you have the most profitable donut store ever?

Or does the whole thing fall apart when you combine toplessness and food service? Are we all a bit squeamish about half naked people handling our food? And perhaps more importantly, do you lose the interest of your audience when you replace the highly-engineered titillation of a strip club at midnight with the mundane everydayness of an operating donut shop at 7am? Is the same topless girl just as sexy doing a pole dance to throbbing R. Kelly beats as she is, say, sweeping up the area where someone dropped a tray full of bearclaws?

I suspect Catjjy and Killer B 2 will veto an early morning run to this particular donut shop, but we will try to get our friend The Cock to check it out and report back. In the meantime, are there any other business models whose profitability could be greatly enhanced by simply removing the employees’ shirts?

Un Fit

I would like to request that we remove the reference of Wii Fit under "What We Love."

This morning, I woke up very early to what I thought would be a happy day. The sun was shining, I ate some Cheerios with fresh strawberries, and there was more than enough time to begin Day 1 of my new summertime fitness regimen.

I should have gone for a run in my neighborhood, since there are no people in the streets at such an early hour. Instead, I decided to try out the new Wii Fit game.

After setting up my profile, I take a series of diagnostic tests. Wii tells me that my Wii Fit age is 52, and that my body is "18 years weaker than it should be". Wii tells me that it will help me through a program consisting of strengthening exercises in order to meet my fitness goals.

After hearing this news, I get right back into bed.

The only somewhat consoling factor is that KenTak3 takes the diagnostic test, and learns that his Wii Fit age is 42. So, he is still pretty weak, but not as weak as me!

Booooooo!

In summary: I do not love Wii Fit, and the feeling is mutual. So, how about we put a roasted chicken over there to the right instead?

Evil, Meet Someone Who is Truly Evil - Margaret Fulton

It looks like someone else is out there taking credit for your work. How terrible!! Some people have no shame. In this case that person is Margaret Fulton, of Sydney Australia. It seems she decided to take some liberties with her journalistic integrity by passing your roasted chicken off as her own!!! Unbelievable.

Even more shocking, she went back in time to May 2007 to do it. She obviously didn't think you (or your blogging bros) would think to look in the past to catch her in a lie. Gotcha Margaret!!!!

Looks like she'll be eating crow for now on. HA!

Check out this link. Does that bird look familiar?

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2007/05/28/1180205137044.html

Something Small, But It Makes Me Happy

Evil


I make roast chicken all the time. Because it's so simple to make and delish. I am pleased with the result every time I make it. But I recently decided to try roasting with the convection feature in the oven turned on. What a win! Turns out that the convection makes the thing roast 25% faster (which is why people use convection ovens)... but it also puts an awesome crisp on the skin. My roast chicken will be done in 20 more minutes. Hungry!

Note: Above pic is not my chicken. Just a photo I pulled from the web.

Wooooo

Killer B #1 and Evil, Bon Jovi and Sambora have nothing on them

xTian just wants to thank all his brothers and sisters in Christ for braving the cold rain to sing a few songs with him.

As everyone knows, my birthday is next Sunday but I really wanted to Karaoke. So we did it early.

Now I'd like to list the people in alphabetical order the people who managed to ruin my evening by not showing up...

kidding, kidding

(sort of, now you know why Mamacita is last on the contributers section)

Blog World Meets Real World

The Killer Bs are pretty torn up about this. Sorry for the downer, but Tim Russert has been part of our Sunday morning ritual for quite some time. It's hard to imagine the upcoming election without his questioning of the candidates on Meet the Press. It's a quiet night here in Brooklyn.

Perhaps we'll post again Sunday afternoon.

Kicks & Giggles: Week 1 Recap

Killer B is a great coach.

In anticipation of our opening match, the team spent an inordinate amount of time coordinating uniforms. It was agreed that everyone on the team would wear gold American Apparel headbands, wristbands and knee high socks. Someone went and got all the stuff, dumbass that I was, I showed up with the wrong colored socks and felt awkward about it the whole night. We all agreed to be properly hydrated.

Earlier in the day, the coach and I debated how he should distinguish himself from the rest of the team. Killer B committed to carrying a clipboard, to document his decisions and measure his success. We discussed the idea that he should perhaps consider a gold visor rather than a headband or potentially a cowboy hat. I asked if hitting the tanning salon was necessary.

Winning and losing is one thing, but no one will take you seriously if you don't have a proper tan. I could not get to the tanning both, so instead I moisturized like a demon. Just because I'm gray doesn't mean I have to be ashy...

Sock issues aside, I was someone to be taken seriously. I was well moisturized and well hydrated. My headband was positioned in such a way to keep my luxurious hair out of my eyes much like a young girl would. As we amassed at the playground amidst a sea neighborhood kids riding scooters and ballers, you know, ballin, I got worried. Someone asked what the rules of kickball were. Another fellow seemed to be putting on wrestling shoes. One guy looked like Timothy Stack. Even our coach showed up in khakis. Worried...

Killer B quickly put things in order, reading from the clipboard he started diagramming our defensive alignment, showing everyone what to do. He then went over simple base running.

A girl nominated herself to play first base. I walked over and mumbled under my breathe that the first baseman will have a lot of balls thrown at her. She looked at me like I was an ahole. I had confused her for the girl who asked which way to run after she kicked the ball. I felt like a d**che. I also noticed this girl was rather pretty. Good opener by xtian.

killer b quickly set up a killer b formation that leveraged our strengths. I was in centerfield standing between a girl who had no idea what she was doing and Timothy Stack. Killer B lined up in left field playing the deep and tricky green monster that this asphalt jungle wrought on us.

Needless to say, I was a vacuum cleaner out there, running around frantically and catching most everything thrown my way, at least ten balls i think. I misplayed one ball that I had to hustle over to get to. My accelerated pace making the ball bounce off my chest. I was demoralized. The girl who had no idea suggested that it was "good hustle". She said it as though I were going to cry. I realized I was on the verge of tears. On the next play I overplayed a ball that was going to timothy stack and doubled up the person I had let on base. I stopped crying but I was still sweating.

We won. 7-3 or something, suffocating the other team with our defense and being crafty with our ball placement on offense. We had a good team. The guy who was wearing wrestling shoes completely ignored me when I was playing first base coach and over ran the runner in front of him. Still he is a weapon.

The girl who was sore at me for suggesting she should not play first base was (A) awesome as a first baseman and (B) a really cool person. I talked to her a nice long bit at the bar after.

somewhere in my 3rd or 4th pitcher I realized I was ripped and departed. I love this game.