Desperation Infused Vodka

"A few more of these and we can forget this ugly little sidebar in an otherwise lovely conversation"

He said this as he knocked back a shot of vodka. She smile just a little, letting the joke wash over what was an awkward situation. Though he knew her for only a few hours it was not the first time she had smiled. Her smile had been wide and bright for most of their conversation. She lost it right after giving him her number. Right as she regretted doing so and repented by admitting she had a live-in boyfriend.

xTian had noticed her as soon as she seated herself at the bar. She sat down and knocked back her first shot without a word to anyone. She had short hair, like a mid90s Winona Ryder, an above average ass for a white girl and a big smile. Her arms were well toned, she was also not wearing a bra at all...just a form fitting vest that covered herself well enough. xTian was no longer sure what he noticed first, it must have just been her overall

This was of course their 4th shot and he was still going strong...There was a lot of time and money invested here and there would be some return, something had to give...

"Another?"

"Sure?"

He had started by asking her why she was taking shots of vodka by herself. She admitted she was a waitress in the back room and was used to making hundreds of dollars in a given night, tonight she had made just 50. She cursed the recession and blamed the summer...sure those who were recession proof were out at the Hamptons.

xTian found the whole conversation a bit depressing. She's a personal trainer by night and bar tender in the evening? Did she have no morals? As a personal trainer its important to eat well, apparently one can go broke eating well...credit card debt is bad. Acting is difficult. Without meaning to, she wondered if hoping to one day to be on a soap opera for 20 years was really just too big a dream?

xTian used booze as a crutch to power through this manic life story...between that and his embarrasing wingmen (one staring at his watch, the other reaching in between xTian and the girl to yell "you should really bang this one") it was all xTian could do to not rip the bottle out of the bartenders hand and bonk himself over the head with it.

No xTtian was in it to win it. So xTian was full court pressing, hands were everywhere, the laugh was pointed but not condescending, the sleepy eyed chin nod, it was all there...including the desperation...that was the most there...

When he asked her for her number she gave it right away, then she stopped before committing to a plan "I have a boyfriend waiting for me at home". xTian knew better than to respond, "We're not going back to my apartment, I live in Jersey.".

She hurried off into a cab, back to Brooklyn, back to the life she does not seem that committed to...he stared off and wondered "what now" as is his wont..

The sun rose, and he decided it was time to sleep.