Kicks & Giggles: Week 1 Recap

Killer B is a great coach.

In anticipation of our opening match, the team spent an inordinate amount of time coordinating uniforms. It was agreed that everyone on the team would wear gold American Apparel headbands, wristbands and knee high socks. Someone went and got all the stuff, dumbass that I was, I showed up with the wrong colored socks and felt awkward about it the whole night. We all agreed to be properly hydrated.

Earlier in the day, the coach and I debated how he should distinguish himself from the rest of the team. Killer B committed to carrying a clipboard, to document his decisions and measure his success. We discussed the idea that he should perhaps consider a gold visor rather than a headband or potentially a cowboy hat. I asked if hitting the tanning salon was necessary.

Winning and losing is one thing, but no one will take you seriously if you don't have a proper tan. I could not get to the tanning both, so instead I moisturized like a demon. Just because I'm gray doesn't mean I have to be ashy...

Sock issues aside, I was someone to be taken seriously. I was well moisturized and well hydrated. My headband was positioned in such a way to keep my luxurious hair out of my eyes much like a young girl would. As we amassed at the playground amidst a sea neighborhood kids riding scooters and ballers, you know, ballin, I got worried. Someone asked what the rules of kickball were. Another fellow seemed to be putting on wrestling shoes. One guy looked like Timothy Stack. Even our coach showed up in khakis. Worried...

Killer B quickly put things in order, reading from the clipboard he started diagramming our defensive alignment, showing everyone what to do. He then went over simple base running.

A girl nominated herself to play first base. I walked over and mumbled under my breathe that the first baseman will have a lot of balls thrown at her. She looked at me like I was an ahole. I had confused her for the girl who asked which way to run after she kicked the ball. I felt like a d**che. I also noticed this girl was rather pretty. Good opener by xtian.

killer b quickly set up a killer b formation that leveraged our strengths. I was in centerfield standing between a girl who had no idea what she was doing and Timothy Stack. Killer B lined up in left field playing the deep and tricky green monster that this asphalt jungle wrought on us.

Needless to say, I was a vacuum cleaner out there, running around frantically and catching most everything thrown my way, at least ten balls i think. I misplayed one ball that I had to hustle over to get to. My accelerated pace making the ball bounce off my chest. I was demoralized. The girl who had no idea suggested that it was "good hustle". She said it as though I were going to cry. I realized I was on the verge of tears. On the next play I overplayed a ball that was going to timothy stack and doubled up the person I had let on base. I stopped crying but I was still sweating.

We won. 7-3 or something, suffocating the other team with our defense and being crafty with our ball placement on offense. We had a good team. The guy who was wearing wrestling shoes completely ignored me when I was playing first base coach and over ran the runner in front of him. Still he is a weapon.

The girl who was sore at me for suggesting she should not play first base was (A) awesome as a first baseman and (B) a really cool person. I talked to her a nice long bit at the bar after.

somewhere in my 3rd or 4th pitcher I realized I was ripped and departed. I love this game.