How KillerB Would Do It - Volume 1

I've been staying at the W in Phoenix for some work stuff. W has always been one of my favorite hotel chains because it dovetails nicely with my role of being a high flying marketing executive. Their properties are always modern, well designed, and I usually look forward to it as a sort of adventure (the hammocks in the Mexico City bathrooms still make it my hotel of choice south of the border). But, it has been a few months since I was last in a W, until this week. Now, to compliment the cool properties, they have apparently trained their staff to behave as a bizarre hybrid - part goofy parent, part medicine man. They have rebranded everything around the letter W, focusing on "WISH", and asking questions in the WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, WHY style of a freshman journalism student. They also us a borderline condescending voice (overtly cheery), and have taken to calling elevators "lifts", even here in the Arizona desert. But by far the most annoying and jolting aspect is the wish thing. When you call the "anything anytime" line, the first thing they say is "What is your WISH?", eventually followed by "Do you have any other WISHES I can help you with?". Same thing at the front desk, at the bar, in the poolside cabanas etc. All of which has me thinking, How Would KillerB do it?
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First things first: some high flying marketing 101. If your brand is going to make a claim, you had sure better substantiate it. Me "wishing" for a cup of coffee, and then having one magically appear at my door 20 minutes later for $9 doesn't quite cut it. We need something that will leave no questions in guests minds from the minute they walk into the property that WISHES really can come true here. Solution: A unicorn.

Killer B would make sure every W hotel has a unicorn in the lobby. It should be a tall unicorn, not one of those scrawny ones. If kids want to ride the unicorn, the unicorn should curtsy to make it easier for them to climb on. When people see this unicorn, they will know "Okay, these W people are serious about this wish shit".

Next, KillerB would make sure guests are given a pair of x-ray glasses at check-in. These are complimentary. This is a no-brainer, and I can't believe I'm sitting here without a pair right now.

KillerB would make sure the morning the paper in front of my door reads "Cubs Win!!! Cubs Win!!! World Series Champions!!!!" They will do the same for whatever pathetic team you've supported your whole life as well.

KillerB would have a basket hanging in every guestroom.

Just a few, simple things KillerB would do to add some credibility to this whole WISH. Thing. For now, I'll have to be satisfied WISHING I had a taxi to drive me to the airport.