Outdated Ballpark Review

Evil

Since I've been out of the country since the start of the baseball season, I haven't been able to check out the new Citi Field until today. While I was away, I listened to a lot of sports talk radio (via podcasts) and all I heard was how Citi Field does not feel like a "Mets" ballpark. This part is true. For example, the ballpark has a black and orange color scheme, so it looks more like a SF Giants ballpark. Or a Brooklyn Dodgers ballpark, apparently. And the main rotunda in the stadium is the Jackie Robsinson Rotunda. Jackie Robinson never even played for the Mets! How strange.

But all the middle aged fat truck drivers complaining on sports talk radio completely missed the point! Despite the (lack of) branding issue, Citi Field is an awesome new ballpark! It's at least 100x better than dumpy old Shea Stadium.

First of all, Citi Field is much smaller than Shea. Even from the outfield seats, you feel very close to the action. Secondly, the view is great from everywhere, even from the concession areas. You can be waiting on line for a hot dog and beer, but still be able to look back into the field because the ballpark has a very open design. Lastly, everything is so fan-friendly. Plentiful restrooms, many choices of food and drink, many areas to "just hang out," such as picnic tables, standing areas, etc. They also let you walk around anywhere in the stadium without harassing you. I watched 3 innings of the game while standing behind home plate (off to the side a little) on the field level.

Going to check out the new Yankee Stadium next week. Go Yankees!

China Pics Posted

Evil

Hello Hosers, if anyone is interested in checking out my pics from China, just go to:

http://picasaweb.google.com/

and at the end of that URL, just tack on my gmail username. Then you should be able to see the "China 2009" album.

Evil's Travel Update - Animal Pics Edition

Evil

First of all... I am back, people! Can I get a woot woot?

No? Ok, fine then.

As my last travel post, I figured I would post some animal pics since animals are so popular on the Hose. Speaking of hoses, check out this donkey from the Kashgar livestock market:

And here is a pic for turdhurdler... consider it a little warning for trying to steal my friends while I was away:

And finally, something cute. I saw these little guys being sold outside the local supermarket. Had their ears been droopy like Chairman Meow's, I might have broken down and gotten one on the spot!

Kicks-n-Giggles Week 1!!!

Take heart KnG supporters, the Grey and Gold are BACK and WINNING! We trounced the dreaded Kick in a Box 14-5 in a shorted late night affair last night. We were a man down with Head Coach KillerB sodomizing tortoises in the Galapagos but we powered through. Special thanks to GM Beerock stepping in and handling the team deftly.

Let's take a moment to applaud Beerock overall. He's been doing some great GMing so far. He has put together a strong team for this year's campaigning, upgrading talent across the board. This team mixes big time thumpers, small ball specialists and flip cup experience deftly. This will be a huge year for sure.

I was three for three with a ground rule double in my role as DH (still nursing a hiking related injury from Saturday). I also continued my streak of wearing the wrong socks by showing up in non-unisex thigh high gold socks instead of the regulation unisex knee high socks.

Beerock has a KnG website up! Wooo Hoo! check out the promotional video put together after last year's disappointing campaign.

More photos and fun to follow!

Write your Own Caption! Birdman Edition

Here is an article on Yahoo! Sports on the Birdman fascination

Bad Robot!

Sometimes, there is no upside to having an android on your side.

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A week ago Saturday, we all sat in a hipster d*uchebag bar and agreed it would be a good idea to hike over the long weekend.

Ever the attentive planner, kentak3 checked in at midweek and suggested that due to rain there should be no hiking on Saturday. As Saturday rolled around, I realized it was a gorgeous day and one that demanded we hike. I phoned KenTak3 around noon. After much hemming and hawing, I managed to pick a trail. He managed to round up turd hurdler and 5 completely random people at a bus stop (mostly to minimize the gayness) and we were off!

We got to the trail at around 4pm. It was a 4 hour hike labeled 6 miles at a moderate pace. We were confident we would get through it before the sun went down, though some in our party echoed concern. Off we went, armed only with a cheerful narrative of a trail, but no map.

We were in trouble from the start. The narrative suggested we walk south. With no compass we had no idea which way was in fact south. Rather than ask someone, we just bounded in a direction that looked rather "obvious", as several people were emerging from there. About a half mile in Kentak observed that it was a little more strenuous that he suspected. About 2 miles in, as we looked up a mountainside at what was tantamount to cliff jumping, I had a panic attack, questioned my own manhood and realized we were completely wrong.

At around 8 miles, as darkness creeped in, we ran towards what sound of cars. This was shortly after a helpful gay couple with a pitbull laughed at turdhurdler and I as we asked how to get back to civilization. Soon we were out! Good thing too as it was dark. We walked along a highway till we came upon a train station. iPhones told us that we were about 8 miles from where we left the cars. Turdhurdler suggested this was a "Grade-C" effort in terms of planning and execution and held me responsible. I rightly pointed out that if not for me, he probably would not have gotten off the couch all day.
As we parted ways, the Turdhurdler suggested I go "F*ck myself"

Later that night, Kentak sent me the map above, proving we had been wrong from our first step.

Still that left me wondering, what's the good of having a robot if he doesn't come with a built in compass?

It's Time for the Birdman to Soar

The Birdman has come along way from 3 years ago when he failed a drug test for a drug on the "drugs of abused list", different from the illegal substance list (like marijuana)which gets you a week's vacation - this list include coke, heroin and meth and a two year suspension. Though he refuses to tell us which one, I think we can take a guess.

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The Birdman Soars! Eat it Shannon Brown

Now, NBA Commisioner/Overlord David Stern has all the announcers singing his praises, he's getting a touchy feely interview at half time and just last week the NBA announced Birdman t-shirts!

Bad Journalism Round Up

Entry One:
The Planet Money Guys managed to pick a fight with Congressional Bailout Monitor and Harvard Law Professor Elizabeth Warren. They then took the interview and spliced it down so they could focus on the segments where she shrieked at dumbass correspondent Adam Davidson the loudest. They then wrapped it in a nice bow by goofing on her for ten minutes while not explaining her position while Alex Blumberg giggled approvingly. After a week's worth of listener revolt they finally put up the full interview here and asked to be left alone.

Way to make yourselves part of the story guys...The Giant Pool of Money was great but clearly you are getting too big for your britches. Go away please, we're done with you.

Entry Two:
The NY Times is still getting it blog legs under them it seems. They totally misread Jimmy Kimmel's routine at the ABC TV Upfronts as awkward and poorly received to the point where they were wondering if Jimmy was getting canned. They were the first on this story, unfortunately no one joined them. Especially after everyone remembered that Jimmy predicted the firing of the TV head at his first appearance in 2002. Jimmy bit back through proxies (Bill Simmons on Twitter and in his mailbag) and everyone had a good laugh about how off base the NY Times was.

Galapagos Contest - Guess Right, Win A Prize!!!

KillerB2 and I leave for an adventure tomorrow. The kind of adventure where internet connections will be few and far between. So you probably won't hear from me for a couple of weeks.

Right now the apartment is a mess of warm weather clothes and piles of gifts for extended family and extended extended family. This means we will have plenty of room in our luggage on the way back to fill it with nice gifts for ourselves!

In the spirit of the contest recently conducted by our friend HeretoHere (which I dominated), I pose the following question to Hosers. The commenter who guesses closes to the answer wins a prize when I return.

How many tortoises will I see during my 4 day / 5 night tour of the Galapagos? I will keep count. This will include all sightings - even if it's just a peek from 100 yards away. Anytime I think I spot a tortoise, I'll count it - not counting any that might be in captivity at a tortoise hospital or something. Free range tortoises only.

Good luck - choose wisely.

Manolo Reads The Paper

A few days ago, xTian posted the front page of the New York Post.

Today, I give you the NY Times online version that greeted me this morning (perhaps I should clear the cookies in my browser cache).

Since we are done with American Idol, I think one of our analysts should start working on the Mark Sanchez bracket...

Everyone should look at the Jets calendar (minicamp, exhibition games, regular games) and guess when one of the NY tabloids will actually run out of single entendres and splash the back page (or front page) with "Dirty Sanchez." The actual reason doesn't matter. It could be something he does in a game or it could be something like impregnating a 16-year old American Apparel model at his next photo shoot...

Beat LA

Uncle Chauncey calms his rapscallions during a time out

My ongoing search for the right mix of thugs and sociopaths to upend the Kobe and the Softies rolls on. I am currently very optimistic that the Denver Nuggets might be that team. They have "The Bad Ass Yellow Boy" Kenyon Martin and "The Birdman" Chris Andersen in their front court; that's two walking pogo sticks with big chips on their shoulders. Assuming they can avoid eating Andrew Bynum's heart (such as it is) and not violate the League substance abuse policies, the Lakers will run from them quicker than they ran from Ron Artest. Plus, who will guard Carmelo Anthony? He is a better player than Kobe Bryant at this point.

If NBA Commissioner David Stern had not fixed Game 1 for the Lakers, the Nuggets would be up 2-0 going and going back to Denver looking for a sweep. Regardless it is 1-1 and anyone's series
I sure am glad they brought in Chauncy Billups and his pattened Joe Clark act to run the point and keep these guys from imploding.

American Idol Rewind Rewind

KillerB2 and I watched the show tonight. Instead of prattling on, I thought I would look for one part of the show to comment on. I just watched Allison sing Time After Time with Cyndi Lauper, and I think I'll go out out a limb to say America got it wrong - 3 weeks ago.

This girl has the chops. I love the way she attacks the microphone even during the tender parts of a song like Time After Time. I know Evil and I (and probably others) were upset when she was voted off - and now - in hindsight, I think we were right.

All I know is that when I hear her voice on the radio next year, I won't wonder whose it is.

Idol Out.

Humble Pie

I just misspelled a word so miserably that the spellcheck in Word (red underline) knew it wasn't a word, but didn't have any suggestions for what it could be. Ouch.

Wish I could say that was the first time too.

Running Out Of Sympathy

This is a picture of some stuff some formerly rich people auctioned off at a "charity" auction last night in Florida. All of the items belonged to former Madoff investors. Some still rich people showed up and bought the stuff at firesale prices. Among the items, a 70 carat necklace that went for $75,000. I don't know jack about jewelry, but I know enough to say with some confidence that was a steal.

Within the accompanying article were the details that the pre-sale estimate was $150,000, and that "on the open market it would likely fetch as much as $400,000".

So maybe some of these Madoff investors really are just that stupid after all. Why get market price when you can sell it at a steap discount in a "charity auction"?

The Hosecast: Episode 5 - While Sparks is Away, Catjjy will Play - or at least watch The Bachelorette

The Hosecast welcomes Catjjy to talk about some reality TV. We picked the Bachelorette and had surprisingly strong opinions. This is a long one, but we had fun.

Click here to launch the player.

Subscribe via iTunes here

Catjjy is totally on point btw, she should probably take over hosting duties at some point.

Calling All Blondies

Blondie

We are pleased to extend the status of Hose Contributor to you along with all the privileges commiserate with that title. Please contact thehose@gmail.com to claim your prize

Thanks

The Hose Editorial Board

Idol Rewind

I had planned to watch the show with KillerB2 tonight and then write a short post. But now it is 10:30, and KillerB2 is nowhere to be found. I haven't watched a bit of the show - so I don't have anything to write, except that I know who won thanks to a flurry of Facebook status messages. Doh!

Anyway, talk amongst yourselves, I guess.

Also, if you see my wife, tell her I'm waiting patiently at home, ready to fire up the DVR.

Poll Results

The people have spoken! Adam Lambert is a better bet than all the rest
Qualitative research after the poll shows

• You are convinced that Glen Beck will end up doing something awful to himself on camera
• Mark Sanchez will complete less touchdown passes than the number of models he bangs
• Swine Flu is a passing fad, going the way of fanny packs and Swatches
• Gavin Newsome's political career will be undermined by an extreme fiscal and social conservative with a B List acting background

Manolo Has A Question for KillerB

I either DVR or illegally download everything I watch so watching TV commercials is something I haven’t done in years.

Recently, I have been watching some live telecasts and started seeing those Ashton Kutcher camera commercials selling SLRs...

The question to our resident high flying marketing executive is…WHY?

I am trying to figure out the thought process why someone at an ad agency picks Ashton Kutcher to sell high-end cameras…Is Ashton Kutcher that creative? Is he like a good photographer? Is there a gallery somewhere in LA hosting his pictures?

Then, as I was looking for the ad to include with the post, I came across other ads with Ashton living it up in the party circuit surrounded by hot chicks. Why can’t the marketing executives respect the fact that he is in a relationship with Demi Moore. Don’t get me wrong, he is not free of sin either….Why isn't he at home with Demi, Bruce and Rumer, Scout, and Tallulah? Why is he going around taking pictures of other chicks? If I was Demi Moore, I would be very upset…

Also, what kind of utopian society does he live in? He leaves his camera behind and girls start taking pictures of themselves. I have left my camera behind all that happens is that I am out a camera…

I am just saying….

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!

I couldn't get the MORE feature to work on my Idol post below. SORRY!!!!


Enjoy this picture of a basset hound instead.

American Idol Rewind - OMG Edition

This is it!!!! This is the Superbowl. This is the hottest date of your life. This is ordering a 6-piece, and finding 7 pieces!!!!!

Randy is wearing a tie. A TIE! Past contestants are litering the crowd. Tomorrow night's show is already running long!! This is amazing!!!! This...is...AMERICAN IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, for what we give a hoot about (after the jump).

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Adam - Mad World. Nice. He wore a trench coat. Nice. He had a fog machine imported from the Monsters of Rock tour. Nice. He contorted his face. Nice. I like this song choice. I think for a lot of Hosers this was an OMG moment this season when we were like, "Oh My God."

Kris - We learn he gave his mom music coupons when he was a kid. Cute? Disgusting? eBay Gold? It's a fine line. Aint No Sunshine. Another great choice. It must have been temtping to bring that Kanye song back - but too soon. Nice restraint not too. KillerB rule of music - If you can add strings to a song, do. Makes such a difference. Kri$' wife $miled. Black vest over a t-shirt? eh.

Round 1 Results: Tie.

I'm thinking about:
Simon - always reminding people this is a competition?
Kara - looks a little cold/worried/stressed tonight
Ryan - too much caffeine today?
Danny Gokey - so tough sitting in the crowd.
The rest of the contestants in the crowd - icing.

Adam - Change is gonna come. He even brought back his Mario Lopez suit! Really is remarkable how effortless he moves from emo/mod in the first performance to blues/soul in this one - and neither are half-assed. Such range in his voice - and genre - which of course makes you wonder (cliche alert) what kind of artist is he gonna be?

(style note: I don't like it when you can see the stitching on the collar of a suit - as with Adam's tonight - but I know a lot of expensive suits do this? This seems unacceptable to me? Am I wrong? Sparks - please respond with a post)

Kris - What's going on. Now on the guitar. I really believe the guitar is what got him through this week, and it might be what makes him a contender this week. Chicks out there, raise your hand if you dig a guy that plays a guitar (killerB counting). It's unanimous. Chicks dig a guy that plays acoustic guitar.

Round 2 Results: Adam

Things I'm thinking about:
Randy - complaining about song choice, when Simon Fuller chose the song. Randy - WTF?
Simon - "million percent Adam". British have historically been better with letters than numbers.

No Boundries - a Kara vehicle. Pretty despicable way to end a season if you ask me - giving us some song we've never heard of by one of the judges. Breath. Mountain. Pain. Hurricane. Dreams. No Boundries..... Barf. (Simon - nice jab at Kara - "I'm not gonna judge that song, I'll judge you." Zing).

Adam - well, of course he made it sound like something we like.

Kris - hmmmm - missing the guitar and piano.

One thing I do like about this is that by singing the same song we finally have a great equalizer. We don't have to wonder what so and so would have done. We have a real point of comparison.

Round 3: Adam

American Idol Winner: Adam



Ladies and gentleman, it has been my pleasure recapping this season of American Idol. I look forward to next season. KillerB

The Optimist - Volume 1

Poor Ryan Church. This guy can't catch a break, and now even the nearly defunct, former-internet giant Yahoo is piling on. Is this really necessary?

Is his baserunning error really lead material for Yahoo? This on the same day VP Joe Biden discloses the location of his secret bunker (under the VP mansion, by the way - pretty lame effort don't you think? Shouldn't it be carved in a mountain)? The day American Express cuts 4,000 jobs? The day of one of the most talked about American Idol finals ever? And poor Ryan Church gets dragged to the mat by Yahoo for a baserunning error?

Cheer up Ryan, I've got the upside for you after the jump.
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First, you're the lead story on Yahoo! That's something even Vice President Biden can't say. You've made it man! Congrats.

Second, everyone knows Yahoo is on it's dying breath. They've lost all credibility. Plus, Jerry Yang is probably a huge fan of yours, and now you both have something to talk about if you every bump into each other. You can be like, "Yahoo can eat a D!", and Jerry would be like "You're telling me brother. Let's go to Scores and get some serious lapdances!" And then you will be BFFs with Jerry Yang. So you've got that going for you Ryan. And that ain't bad.

Ghosts of Springtimes Past

Back in the late 90s, Sparks and I lived on the Upper East side and used to frequent a bar called Mustangs. The place was completely misguided on so many levels. It was a cigar bar, it had a southwest theme, it was on the Upper East side. It was the most poorly thought through place ever. The best example was the "all you can drink" Sunday brunch, an event that Sparks and I took advantage of for what felt like a month straight - walking in around noon and leaving around 9pm when they finally cut us off. It was definitely home base. I even remember a Catjjy birthday brunch taking place there.

The weirdest night there was one spring when a young Jeter and (a possibly married) Tino walked in and were surrounded by every 22 year old, leggy blonde Tufts grad in what looked like a quarter mile radius. We later learned that Jeter lived around the corner, and by virtue of it not being Life or Moomba, it was a good place to get Tino some play without it showing up in Page 6. Well apparently that game is long over.

A-Douche is apparently hooking up with Kate Hudson (another walking symbol of the late 90s)...and doing it at MUSTANGS! Is no place safe? Where is Jeter picking up his side dishes? The Bronx?

The NY Post Just can't Contain themselves

Nothing interesting happened yesterday (in the WHOLE WORLD) so the NY Post ran a front page cover of Mark Sanchez with a model. The article on page 39 is under the title "Flirty Sanchez". Basically, the copy editors have so many single entendres ready for this guy they are going to waste the obvious ones in the spring before he throws a pass.

Read the article here

Meanwhile, peace out Tom Brady. Mark is one impregnation of a supermodel/B list actress away from being the king of all of footballdom.

Vacation Coming Up = KillerB Getting Excited

KillerB2 and I leave for vacation on Saturday. We're both getting pumped, though in our own ways. I'm getting pumped by really slacking off at work this week. She's getting pumped by really working hard at work this week. Different strokes for different folks.

In all we will be gone for 10 days, which is the longest we've been off since the honeymoon - and the honeymoon was fun, so I'm thinking this will be too.

I'm most excited about the Galapagos. I bought an underwater camera, which arrived in the mail today. In all I'll be in Galapagos for 5 days (sans KillerB2, but with a friend and 18 strangers), and here and there around mainland Ecuador for the rest. Here are the top 4 things I'm looking forward to:

• Seeing those big old droopy tortoises. What a freak of nature! And then sitting on the boat with a few cocktails talking about those droopy old tortoises.
  
• Visiting with KillerB2s extended family. There are cousins I've still not met, so any chance to cross a few more off the list is always welcome.
  
• Dinner next Tuesday. Her father has a friend - a french chef, and from what we understand he has a gorgeous house in the old colonial heart of Quito. He's hosting a dinner for us. I'm going to wear a suit, and maybe give a toast in Spanish if I get my act together.
  
• Playing tennis at altitude. Quito is at 9,400 feet. What will that do to my topspin lob?
  

Oh, Just Kiss Already

How KillerB Would Do It - Volume 1

I've been staying at the W in Phoenix for some work stuff. W has always been one of my favorite hotel chains because it dovetails nicely with my role of being a high flying marketing executive. Their properties are always modern, well designed, and I usually look forward to it as a sort of adventure (the hammocks in the Mexico City bathrooms still make it my hotel of choice south of the border). But, it has been a few months since I was last in a W, until this week. Now, to compliment the cool properties, they have apparently trained their staff to behave as a bizarre hybrid - part goofy parent, part medicine man. They have rebranded everything around the letter W, focusing on "WISH", and asking questions in the WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, WHY style of a freshman journalism student. They also us a borderline condescending voice (overtly cheery), and have taken to calling elevators "lifts", even here in the Arizona desert. But by far the most annoying and jolting aspect is the wish thing. When you call the "anything anytime" line, the first thing they say is "What is your WISH?", eventually followed by "Do you have any other WISHES I can help you with?". Same thing at the front desk, at the bar, in the poolside cabanas etc. All of which has me thinking, How Would KillerB do it?
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First things first: some high flying marketing 101. If your brand is going to make a claim, you had sure better substantiate it. Me "wishing" for a cup of coffee, and then having one magically appear at my door 20 minutes later for $9 doesn't quite cut it. We need something that will leave no questions in guests minds from the minute they walk into the property that WISHES really can come true here. Solution: A unicorn.

Killer B would make sure every W hotel has a unicorn in the lobby. It should be a tall unicorn, not one of those scrawny ones. If kids want to ride the unicorn, the unicorn should curtsy to make it easier for them to climb on. When people see this unicorn, they will know "Okay, these W people are serious about this wish shit".

Next, KillerB would make sure guests are given a pair of x-ray glasses at check-in. These are complimentary. This is a no-brainer, and I can't believe I'm sitting here without a pair right now.

KillerB would make sure the morning the paper in front of my door reads "Cubs Win!!! Cubs Win!!! World Series Champions!!!!" They will do the same for whatever pathetic team you've supported your whole life as well.

KillerB would have a basket hanging in every guestroom.

Just a few, simple things KillerB would do to add some credibility to this whole WISH. Thing. For now, I'll have to be satisfied WISHING I had a taxi to drive me to the airport.

Evil's Travel Update

Evil

I haven't been able to find an internet connection for a few days. Does anyone miss me yet?

In western China at the moment. Gansu Province to be exact. I was just IM'ing with my Chinese friend, The AY. She says that Gansu is the poorest province in China. I was like, they need to get some freakin broadband because this internet connection is ass slow. She was like, they need to get shoes first. Hmm, I guess that is reasonable.

Idol Bracket Update

Here's the updated Idol graph. As you all know, we only tabulate a score once a contestant is booted from the show. The current score thus hides a few skeletons. KB1, Manolo, xTian and I all have Kris going out relatively earlier, so our scores are going to spike next week when his final place is established (a reminder: lowest score wins). In fact, the winner has already been determined, no matter what happens next week. But I'll wait until next week to reveal the winner.

American Idol Recap Rewind, Rewound

First of all, the vote totals are absolutely astounding. Did I hear Ryan say 85 million? There were 130 million votes cast in the 2008 presidential election. I know people can vote more than once on AI, but that is still a remarkable statistic.

Run down after the jump.

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Danny’s profile: Man, Milwaukee really came out for Danny. People are running, crying, making all sorts of Midwestern noises. There are inappropriately dressed 7th grade cheerleaders hugging a 30 year old man. He has a black best friend! It’s all too, too perfect. I’m a bit concerned about Conway.

Kris’ profile: Holy cow, that’s a lot of people. I bet Conway hasn’t seen a crowd that big since the last Klan rally. They did a good job, but not the tear-jerker Milwaukee pulled off. The most touching moment was Kris hugging his father. He could have done that in LA. Funny that the Conway planners threw Kris’ wife in the parade with him. They must not have gotten the memo.

Music interlude. Fun fact: the first time Catjjy and I ever left the Cha with a babysitter was to go see the Season 6 AI tour, starring this chick (and my looky-likey, Phil Stacey). We didn’t even watch the show back then, but our friend’s company had a corporate suite, and we wanted to check that out. The AI tour is actually really terrible. The performers are very busy trying to cut their own record deal and record their own songs. Nobody wants to be in Houston on a Sunday night, singing Extreme covers for a half-packed basketball arena of 14 year old girls.

Adam’s profile: Here’s the thing about California: we all have something better to do. Who is going to go to some huge parade to see an AI star when you can just go to Fred Segal and see Nicole Kidman shopping for t-shirts? Or better yet, go hike or surf or get tweaked on meth? It’s not surprising that he can’t pull a 30,000 person event like the other two.

Music interlude II: Whoa! Look at Katy Perry (aka, the Flavor of the Month)! What a costume! What a showman! This is a fine reminder that one does not need to be a fantastic singer to be an entertaining pop star. There is hope for Kris yet.

Finale: Kris made it! I had him going out right after Scott “The Blind Guy” McIntyre. And Adam made it!! Thank goodness. I’m not sure we would watch an Adam-less final.

See you on the Shaker Heights wedding circuit, Danny.

The Hoscast: Episode 4

The Hosecast: Episode 4


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This is just a continuation of my conversation with Manolo, which took us way back in time to Astoria as I try to figure out what Manolo is doing attending so many stripper weddings!

American Idol Rewind

TOP 3 TOP 3 TOP 3 TOP 3 TOP 3 TOP 3 TOP 3

How far we've come from just 7 weeks ago.

Adam Kris and Danny each perform 2 songs - a judges choice, and an artists choice. Let's see how this goes after the jump

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The show starts on a peculiar scene when Paula texts (sexting?) Danny and assigns him a Terance Trent D'arby song. Oh. OK. sure. TTD. Why not? I know why not! Because TTD is really just the 3rd member of Milli Vanilli? Right? So Danny did his best - but really - this seemed like a case of contestantcide. Paula set him up to fail BY GIVING HIM A TERENCE TRENT D'ARBY SONG! She must be sleeping with TTD. But honestly, Danny got screwed. The judge with obvious headcase issues gets to pick a song for him? Did the producers see her make an ass of herself last week? Stage diving into the arms of a bunch of dudes while 'performing'? Ugh.

Kara and Randy give Kris Apologize by One Republic. I've never heard of the song, or the band, and I'm a music fan. Uh Oh. Also, Kris' blue nail polish on his left thumb was really chipped. Really. Go back and watch the tape. Weird. (Editors note: I think I do recognize the song now. I think). Solid performance. Nice to have him back behind the keyboard. He's the only instrumentalist left. Should totally push that angle. Really made the most of this song.(YAY Simon for taking KARA to task about song choice).

Randy's new blue glasses are HOT.

Adam gets One by U2. THIS THING IS FIXED! Simon gets BONO to give permission, and Danny gets Terence Trent D'arby? WTF? And he made the crowd cry. Of course. Though, I might go out on a limb to say he changed it up a bit too much? Agree?

Kara says Lambert is a strategist - so he and I have that in common. I'm a high flying marketing (strategy) executive.

So, my $.02 on the judges picking songs: get rid of it next year. Seems fishy in a competition that already gets its share of conspiracy theorizing.

Danny "the human head weighs 8 pounds" Gokey. You are so Beautiful by Joe Cocker. Not bad for a dead wife allusionist. Also a must have for any wedding singer, so good to get this under his belt. Of course, I can't think of Joe Cocker without thinking about the Wonder Years, which I love. It's weird seeing Jonathan Lipnicki with a beard.

Kris "what wife" Allen. Singing Heartless by Kanye "George Bush Hates Black People" West. Didn't expect this. Got the guitar on for this one. NICE. Really rub this instrument thing into Danny's bearded face. Regardless of what happens to Kris Allen this version of this song will be an iTunes hit. I bet Sparks and Catjjy have already downloaded it. I can picture them and their perfect life playing this in their perfectly practical and fuel efficient car while driving to a perfect Pacific beach with a perfectly packed picnic.

Adam - Aerosmith - Crying. This is in his wheelhouse. This is Lambert's way of playing it safe. The beta on this song choice was low.

Prediction: Will be seeing Kris and Adam in the finals. Will be seeing Danny on stage at your niece's wedding in St. Louis, Summer 2011.

I'm Totally LOST

I freaking LOVE LOST. It's the best show ever for several reasons: (1) it is a completely impenetrable narrative (2) sports a totally implausible plot (3) and makes two dozen poorly thought through allusions to science, history and philosophical thought every episode. My favorite part of this show though is the occasional lead protagonist on the show, Jack Sheppard.

Jack is several things - a brilliant surgeon, a horrible son, a great ladies man ,a bad husband, a druggie/alcoholic and an incredible leader. He also, almost magically, always makes the wrong decision. These decisions inevitably simultaneously endanger his life and sacrifice the lives of those who choose to follow him. Thank god he's a narcissist otherwise he might start losing hope. Anyway, Wednesday is the season 5 finale and is the jumping off point for the season 6, the final 16 episodes of the show. Jack is stuck on the Island in 1977 with a hydrogen bomb. He figures he can set it off and undo all the bad decisions he has made up to this point. This should turn out really well.

If you have no idea what I am talking about, please don't tune in. Nothing will make any sense. Go buy the DVDs instead

American Idol Rewind - Special Edition

THIS....IS......HOMECOMING PARADE WEEK

This is sink or swim week for the families and communities that have brought us our final 3. It's a lot of pressure on the hometowns. No hometown wants to be seen as apathetic, or unsupportive, or, frankly, full of fat and ugly people.

Some key things to look out for that might determine which is the most American hometown.
- Which hometown will find the best vintage convertible to drive their favorite son around in?
- Which hometown will dress their teenage cheerleaders most inappropriately for the cameras?
- Which hometown's mayor most resembles Mayor Quimby?
- Which hometown names a street after their favorite son?

My guess is that Conway Arkansas (you read that right Sparks) will be the hands down winner (with a lot of unsavory film left on the editing room floor). The south has a way of making these things happen. Perhaps it's the high unemployment rate, but somehow they always manage to be available in the middle of the day for this stuff. What do you think?

To this point, my vote for best Hometown Parade ever has to be Elliot Yamin returning to Richmond Virginia (arguably in the south). Who will ever forget his mother in the back of that convertible!!!(3:15 in the video below). And she met the Governor for crying out loud!!! Good Gravy!!!

Evil's Travel Update

Evil

This pic taken in Tiananmen Square, Beijing on a warm, sunny day. Why is this Chinese kid so angry? Because he has no brothers or sisters to play with? No! He's angry at the White Man. Look how nationalistic he is, with his Chinese flag and all. This kid is gonna grow up and fight against the white man, not on the battlefield, but in the capital markets. Oh no!


I went to see the Terracotta Warriors in Xi'an yesterday. There are thousands of terracotta warriors in all, covering all different ranks and positions, e.g., common foot solider, archers, calvalrymen, mid-ranking officers, generals, etc. The above guy is a common foot solider. Why is he so sad? Because he just enlisted and as an initiation prank, his superior officer made him wear a condom on his head. Poor guy!

Now these guys above are mid-ranking officers. You can tell by the types of hats they are wearing. Another way to tell is by looking at their hands. They're in the middle of saying, "May I jerk you off, General? May I? May I? Anything you want, General! We're here to serve you." What kiss asses. Sheesh!

Daymares - Volume 1

The New York City Subway system is, as far as I'm concerned, really really great. A lot of people like to complain about the service (it runs 24 hours a day - how do you complain about that), the price (it cost $2 - wtf? you can get from Coney Island to Yankee stadium for the price of a Snapple!) and so on. I'm pretty happy with it though. One thing I really like are all of the musicians the MTA auditions and allows to play on the platforms. You hear all sorts of stuff.Polka. Jazz. Rap. Oldies. Everything. As great as the music is, however, it can't snuff out one of my recurring daymares - which is a lunatic pushing someone onto the tracks.
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I know this happened famously to someone back in the 90's - but I don't think it happens much, and I'm certain it doesn't happen often. Nonetheless, almost 100% of my time on a platform is spent looking at all of the characters deciding which one is going to lunge at me just as the train approaches. For this reason I never stand near the tracks. Instead, I plant myself on one of the steel beams - with the beam between me and the track. That way, if someone does lunge for me, I'll have something to brace against. I also try to keep a low center of gravity. I've even got it worked out that if someone does try to push me, my plan is to fall into a heap on the ground. I think it would be harder to get a person on the tracks from this position than from a standing one.

I get 2X nervous when I ride the subway with KillerB2, because in addition to protecting me, I've got to be aware and protect her. Add in a child of any kind and that's enough to give me a panic attack. Could anything be more inviting to a lunatic than a clueless kid goofing around on a subway platform! I don't know what I'll do if KillerB2 and I have a kid. I can't believe other parents aren't terrified of this.

I have to stop writing about this - I'm getting worked up.

Scene Stealer

Evil

Some people are good at posting about features they want to launch, while others actually launch new features.

New feature for you, Hosers! I call this one called "Scene Stealer." From time to time, I'll post pics that I rip off from various sources on the Internet. Think of this feature as "photographic quickies."

First up... a doggie washing machine! How awesome is this contraption? Too bad that little dog looks like he's being tortured. Waterboarding, anyone? Still, I might just have to get one in order to make fox terrier maintenance a little easier. (Source: Time Magazine)


Next up: very nice photoshopping job by the New York Times... check out Barak Obama as a Ferengi!

I kid! I kid! All the Star Trek nerds just had an aneurysm. This is Barak Obama as a Vulcan. It comes from a Maureen Dowd column that's not worth reading, as is the case with all Maureen Dowd columns. (Source: NYT)

BONUS! (Added a little after the original post was published)...

Wow, those innovative Japanese have figured out how to grow heart-shaped watermelons! I wonder if KenTak3 bought one of these for Mamacita on their recent trip to Japan? (Source: InventorSpot)

The Hosecast; Episode 3 - Manolo Attacks!

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Manolo and I got down to it this week exploring what brought him back to the Hose and what he thinks of Evil, KillerB, and all the rest...

Rewinding Idol Rewind

Now that we are down to our final 3 I thought it might be a good time to look to the past to see what the future might hold. This Wordle is the summary of all of our posts and comments related to Idol (excluding the bracketology discussions). I've eliminated some common words ("like", "just" etc.) and made names all one word (AdamLambert in stead of Adam Lambert).

Based on this it seems pretty clear that Adam has generated the most interest and would appear to be the front runner.

(Click on the Image to see it more clearly)

Gauntlet = Thrown

My subtle efforts to push Evil into retirement (the 2nd of his young life) have been rebuffed. He wants to continue posting, and he wants me to stop posting the same but better. So, if that is what he wants, that is what he will get. Introducing 5 new features to The Hose brought to you by KillerB. These will be rolled out over the next week or so.

1) Cooking With KillerB - Step by step images so you can cook like I cook, eat like I eat and live like I live.

2) The Optimist - I look at something not so good (The Yankees pitching, recessions, pig flu, Manolo) and find the little bit of good.

3) Daymares - I share some of the troubling things that go through my head during the day when I am wide awake.

4) Good Gravy!!!! - Things that make me say "Good Gravy!!!!"

5) How KillerB Would Do It - Some people do things one way, other people do things another way. KillerB does things the KillerB way.

High Flying Lame-ification Executive

Evil

I don't mind KillerB copying my features because one of the beauties of art is taking an existing inspiration and improving upon it. But KillerB seems intent on doing the opposite, i.e., lame-ifying my ideas. Here are a few examples:

"Quickies" -> (KillerB lame-o filter) = "A Few Things That Don't Warrant Their Own Posts"

"Evil Feels Sorry For Himself" -> (KillerB lame-o filter) = "Feeling Bad About Myself"

"Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy" -> (KillerB lame-o filter) = "I Never Feel Like This Guy"

I'm beginning to think that this self-proclaimed High Flying Marketing Executive has never written or approved any marketing copy in his life. These titles need more punch!

Manolo Sits on the Exit Row

I recently flew in to an undisclosed location for a "live" taping of the Hosecast...it was set in a neutral location just in case it came to fisticuffs...and please, do not ask about location. Said location will not be revealed since we don't want a bunch of Hosers saying we didn't meet them for drinks or something even though I was there for almost a week and said location was full of Hosers...I am sure the Hosecast will be posted as soon as xTian finds any decent material in our train wreck of a conversation...

I do want to take a moment though to thank the Hose editorial board for flying me in. I flew coach which is less than what I am accustomed to but we are in recession after all....I guess I have always been okay with coach as long as I get to sit in the emergency row. And you must sit in the emergency row that reclines...For one, you have more legroom and second, the people in front of you can't recline their seat. I think the only drawback is you can't lift the arm rest to make more room to the side. You also have to listen to the speech and say that you will help with the door in case of an emergency yada yada yada...

More...Anyway, I get on the plane and in my haste to get out of the aisle, I threw everything in the overhead bin. As soon as I sat down, I realized my mistake...Oh well, I guess I will pass the time watching a movie or an episode of Family Guy on my Iphone...oh wait, I can't...the sun is reflecting of my screen and blinding the fellow sitting in the aisle seat...so sorry sir...I will put it away but I will need to get up to get some reading material from the overhead bin...Two minutes later, I get up to get my laptop and headphones. About 5 minutes later, I get up again to get the power supply for my laptop...

I was feeling like a total douche....breaking all sorts of plane protocol...that is, until a minute before take off, a fellow passenger comes rolling down the aisle...I say rolling because the guy must have been 300 pounds...my fellow row mate and I look at each other and I know what he is thinking...please don't let this guy sit next to us...I am not worried...there is no way they would sit this guy in an emergency row...he comes to our row and mumbles something...he then pushes and shoves his carry on to the overhead bin with no concern whatsoever for the items already in there...he then squeezes himself into the middle seat...kind of glad for the metal armrest between us because this meant our butts wouldn't be touching (by the way, in all my plane rides, I have never traveled next to a beautiful woman but I digress). He then elbows me out of position in the never ending arm rest battle. He also calls the office and loudly starts complaining to his secretary/mistress about his seating arrangement. The plane finally takes off and I proceed to recline my seat, except I can't. It seems the button is broken...Defeated, I finished my magazines, lowered the window shade, hugged the wall and dozed off.

I wake up an hour or two into the flight as he opens the window shade and notice that he is flipping through my reading material. They are just magazines so I say nothing, but I do lower the shade and try to go back to sleep. Only thing is I can't fall asleep since now I am afraid he will just take my laptop and start playing minesweeper or something. 20 minutes later, he puts the magazines away in his seat pocket, turns on his cellphone and tries to make a phone call...I proceed to tell him cell phones are not allowed during flight...

The plane finally lands and everyone starts picking up their stuff except this guy is picking up my stuff....what the fuck! I kindly request my stuff back and tell the guy off on a glorious rant about plane protocol and the social compact...

What a douche!

A Few Things That Don't Warrant Their Own Posts

• Yesterday on the way home I saw a couple of 20-something women in the park tossing a baseball back and forth. Didn't expect that.
  
• I think I see the word "scion" in articles a lot more than I used to. Makes "heir" seem pedestrian.
  
• Some sort of film / show was being shot near my house yesterday. Somehow this requires literally hundreds of people standing around near equipment, near trailers, near food, and generally milling around with seemingly nothing at all to do. Sign me up
• I read an article about action-at-a-distance in the Journal earlier this week. Evil referenced the same phenomenon recently. It's been blowing my mind ever since. 2 photons become entangled - then scientists separate these sub-atomic things by several miles - and watch them. When one moves - the other moves in the exact opposite direction - with no communication (i.e. no time between the movements). If there is communication it is at 10,000 times the speed of light. My mind is blown!!!

NBA Playoffs: The "Stabbed in the Heart with a Chair Leg" Happens Here!

These Hosecasts have been much longer than you could imagine. I pare them down a lot. The Bump has been dragging me into NBA playoff conversations to no end. He's right though, this is far and away the most compelling Playoffs in a decade. Mostly thanks to my main man Ron Artest. Most people remember Ron for trying to kill a fan (who had thrown a beer at Ron) with his bare hands in the stands in Detroit a few years ago.
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Now he's locked into a fight to the death with his nemesis, Mega Douche Kobe Bryant. After Ron shut down Kobe and led Houston to an opening game win in LA over the Lakers, Kobe changed his strategy and decided to elbow him in the head till Ron Ron had to go after him.

F U Kobe!

Here are Ron's post game comments which include a horrifying childhood story.


Meanwhile, he is the best defensive player in the league and Yao's best friend and bodyguard. Since their first round win it's been a big love in between these two guys as they make jokes about trying to punch fans to death.

Here, prior to game 6, Ron goes back to the days on the playgrounds in Queens and takes time to randomly attack Charles Barkley and make back handed swipes at Kobe.

Manolo's Quick Question of the Day

You see the offspring of everything else but pigeons...is it just me? Has anyone ever seen baby pigeons?

(Fifth) Judge's Choice

Evil

The Fifth Judge is back! Ok people, next week each contestant sings two songs: one is contestant's choice and the other is judge's choice. If freakin' Simon, Randy, Kara, and Paula would just shut up and listen to me for once, this is how it would go down:

Adam Lambert - Judge's choice should be: "Open Arms" (Journey)

Danny Gokey - "Cats in the Cradle" (Harry Chapin)

Kris Allen - "Gravity" (John Mayer)

Long Overdue Question

Evil

I've got to ask... exactly how many pairs of glasses does Danny Gokey own? Is someone in his family an optometrist or something? Because as anyone who wears glasses knows, these things are not cheap at all! Or did he blow the entire proceeds from his wife's life insurance policy on glasses? Hmmm, I think I might be onto something there...

Shocker

Evil


Ugh, I can't believe Kris made it through Rock Week. What a shocker. My grandmother rocks harder than Kris.

Rat Race is Getting to Me

I'm writing a proposal at the moment, and these are the last words I typed on the page before I nearly collapsed from guilt: "....the key competitor is Winnie the Pooh".

What is wrong with me? How can I look at this guy and try to devise ways to steal market share from him? Is it wrong that I wish his brand awareness would go to 0 or his penetration among mothers of young children (yikes!) would suddenly take a nosedive? What kind of high flying marketing executive monster have I become? Maybe I should just start selling cigarettes to kids and get it over with.

Scenes From My Cameraphone

Evil

I saw this car during my last full day in Shanghai... I think it's Nora's car!


In Beijing now... look what just got slid underneath my hotel room door. Should I call them??? "Send a busty Chinese girl and have her pick up a pizza on the way!"
asdf

Wait Til I Become Chief Of Staff

Evil

This is a pretty entertaining article about how our Secretary of Transportation, Ray LaHood, hardly knows crap about transportation and doesn't really care to learn. Why is he the Secretary of Transportation then? The article explains...

“The friendship thing” perhaps most explains why Mr. LaHood is in his job. The White House chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, is one of Mr. LaHood’s closest friends, and wanted him around. Mr. Obama told Mr. LaHood as much when Mr. LaHood interviewed for the job in December.

So this guy is basically in a Cabinet-level job primarily as an indulgence to Rahm? Primarily to keep Rahm company? So basically, Rahm is Pedro Martinez and Ray LaHood is the little midget guy, right? HAHA.

I can't wait til I'm the Chief of Staff to the President of the United States. I'm going to make sure that Xtian gets appointed to the Secretary of Agriculture job.

Suckas!

Evil

Arrived in Beijing at around 1pm today. Beautiful day! 78F, Sunny, no pollution. Just noticed from my iGoogle homepage that you guys back in NYC are suffering through some sort of flood. Hah, suckas!

Idol Rewind - SLASH edition

Slash does talk. And his voice is like a normal adult. And his sentences are complete, average 10-15 words each. THIS....IS.....AMAZING!!!!!!

Duets tonight - nice twist Idol. They must have a high flying marketing executive doing some ideation for them this season. Here is a freebee from me - next season there should be an episode where everyone sings into a hollow pineapple. That would be different.

The intro got me thinking - i bet the GnR catalog is off limits because Axl owns it and Axl is a dick. Kara wore a rock outfit for the rock night. And she pointed really hard when she made comments - that is Rock and Roll!!!!

Adam's hair is like amazing - so he, like, totally hooked Alison up with his, like hair person. Barf.



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Adam - Whole Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin. Robert Plant is probably feeling small after this performance. And it was just a so-so Lambert. The bell bottoms are pretty lame though. Even I know that. Also - what's the line on Paula being willing to carry Adam's child. I think 1:1.

Alison - Cry Cry - She's really good. Randy kept it real on her ass though. The jerk part of me wishes she was smoking hot too. That would be really really really really really incredible. And I would buy a ticket to the Idol tour.

Kris and Danny Duet. I thought that unfortunate frat party I went to in the spring of 96' was the gayest thing I had ever done, until I watched this.

Kris - Come Together - Unfortunate song title following his duet with Danny. Also an unfortunate performance. I like Kris, but this bored me. The sucker punch from Kara didn't help much. I bet when he isn't on American Idol he probably watches a lot of the WB. Just a hunch.

Danny - Dream On - If I recall Sparks called this, which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it. (GnR reference - anyone know what song?) That little do-do-do-do thing was silly. Worst scream in the history of screaming. Oh - and when you get an A+ for valiant effort, you know you are HOSED. When Paula gives you an A++, you are even more screwed. This was the New Coke of Danny Gokey.

Alison and Adam Duet - Foghat! I love me some Foghat. With outfit changes! These two are really stars when they start pulling off outfit changes. This duet thing is really fun - especially when it works.

Kudos to Simon for introducing a new cliche to the show - "It's a little like eating ice for lunch" Bravo!

Feeling Bad About Myself

I've had a humbling experience lately, and it has left me feeling bad about myself. It has left me wondering, "what have I done with my life". Most of you know me simply as a high flying marketing executive who spends his time jetting around the world solving serious strategic problems for Fortune 500 companies. But I am more than that. I am also a huge failure, a disappointment, and a poster boy for what could have been. This was made painfully clear to me the other night when I saw an AT&T commercial.

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You might know the commercial. It highlights a company called TOMS shoes, a company that gives away a pair of shoes for every pair it sells. They also happen to use ATT. The president of TOMS shoes, who calls himself the Chief Shoegiver, does the voice over, explaining what a critical role ATT plays in helping him be such a generous big shot shoentrepreneur (my word - trademarked). This dudes name is Blake.

I've probably seen this commercial a dozen times since it begain airing during the Masters - but I guess I'd never watched too closely. Otherwise I would have realized I know Mr. Shoentrepreneur. The other night I saw it again. This time the voice caught my attention. So I looked up, and his face caught my attention. And then I realized I'll never amount to anything in life.

Mr. Shoentrepreneur, you will see - is an aquaintance of mine. We actually went to the same college, though were only acquaintences in passing there. Eventually we both ended up in Nashville, however, and shared some friends in the same circles. At the time, Mr. Shoentrpreneur had received a little bit of venture capital money for what I thought was a ludicrous business idea (he had a patent to put calculators on grocery carts). I was also filing a patent application of my own, so I think we had a brief conversation or two about finding VC funding, conducting prior art searches etc. More of a courtesy than anything. I don't know that I've seen a calculator on a grocery cart since then, so I had forgotten our encounter. Until that damn AT&T commercial.

So, here I am a few years later - feeling kinda small because this dude happened to score an AT&T commercial for his cute little shoe company. Wrong.

Turns out Mr. Shoentrepreneur has a blog. Read these snippits and barf.

1) Being a guest on Donny Deutsch's CNBC show "The Entrepreneurs," was an incredible honor

2) At an all day meeting with senior leadership from the Obama administration, along with a group of the top young business leaders in America, to present tangible solutions and ideas re: economic policies. What an unreal opportunity!

3) Its always exciting to spend time with President Clinton, but this past weekend at the second annual CGI U was extra special.

4) I just returned from one month in South America where I completed my 9th shoe drop and took some time off for much needed R and R.

5) I just posted an article on The Huffington Post about how to give more and spend less for the Holidays.

Man - what have I done this year? I went to a Superbowl party. I visited a friend in Charlotte. I made Fanesca for the first time. Uggg. Not cutting it.

So - bitterness and shallow professional pride aside - I'm glad to see Blake has founded something really pretty cool. Good for him - and for all the kids running around the world in his shoes.

Manolo Is An Artist

Another take...I better see in the comments the following:

"You sir, are an artist!!!"

Manolo Works on the Hosecast Logo Too

I don't know why xTian is always singing Evil's praises...

Wooooo....Look at me...I can take a random picture and add text to it too...

Have you all seen the new Hosecast Logo?

Nice job by Evil!

Coming up this week,

• Evil on basketjobs and Shanghai living
• Manolo (LIVE) on why he thinks the Hose has "jumped the shark"
• The Bump on Manny Pacquiao

Last Night Out On The Town!

Evil

Heading out to dinner... sporting a new suit!

Evil's Whereabouts

Evil

Today is my last full day in Shanghai. Heading out tomorrow morning at 8pm. Going to hang out in Beijing for a few days. And then on to Xi'an to check out the terracotta soldiers. I'm not sure why all the bruhaha over these terracotta soliders, but it's apparently the #1 tourist attraction in all of China. Even my mom had to call me to say, "You have to go see the terracotta soldiers. It would be a shame to go to China and not see them." After Xi'an, I travel out to Western China, as previously mentioned.

Gonna be home in NYC for the month of June. And then will likely come back to Shanghai starting early July. Unless something unforseen happens, I'll stay in Shanghai through the end of Jan 2010, continuing to study Mandarin. Just in case the Chinese become all our financial overlords, I am totally prepared to ditch all you guys and say to the Chinese, "I'm one of you! Don't hurt me! You can take the rest of these bozos, but please spare me!"

Manolo's Picture of the Week

Can you spot the hipster douche in this picture? Once you spot him, feel free to write your own caption...

Busybody Advice - Kelly Clarkson Edition

Evil

Just read this quote by Kelly Clarkson, talking about her dating life:

"I don’t ever worry about it. I really love being single. I like having that freedom,” Kelly explained. " I like having that freedom. I’m only 26 years old so I’m not in any kind of rush… I’m not really that girl that’s looking for it."

Whoa, BIG MISTAKE!

Listen to me, Kelly. You might be 26 now, but you'll be 36 in no time at all. And let's face it, you're not the kind of person who's going to get better looking with age. Even watching you go from age 23 to age 26 has been pretty painful. You're an awesome singer and I love to you to death, but don't focus 100% on your career and then drown your sorrows in Haagen Dazs at night. Take it from someone who knows first hand. Go out there and meet some people!