Why We Aren't Ready for Great Depression 2.0

Like a lot of people, I'm really really freaked out by some of the dismal predictions people have for 2009 and beyond. I get a double dose of Depression speak though, because in addition to scanning all of the mainstream media I happen to have a wife whose job it is to forecast just how bad the shitstorm will be. So, she spends all day predicting the scale of the disaster before us, and that's what I get for pillow talk before I fall asleep each night.

So I've had ample opportunity to come to the conclusion that I don't have the emotional means to deal with the worst case scenarios. I'm a real sissy when it comes to confronting bad news. And then to exacerbate my anxiety, I opened the paper the other day and saw this image from Great Depression 1.0. WTF! Look at that line. It's so perfect it almost looks staged. Does anyone among us really have the discipline or temperance to stand in a line that perfect? Look at it! They are all huddled against the each other as though their shoe laces are tied together. And how much skill does it take to leave 30% of the sidewalk free (presumably for all the rich people that don't need to stand in line)?

I don't go to McDonald's very often, but it's probably the best proxy we have for something like this, and I can assure you our collective line standing ability has suffered mightily with all of these decades of wealth and affluence. Obama would be wise to go ahead and name a Line Czar, because we're going to need one.

Smarter for Having Done This

Evil and crew just called me at the vacation home in Fl as the Jets wound down their disappoint season.

Rather than sit through the end of this I read the following two article and am a better person for having done it.

Vanity Fair's Oral History of The Bush White House

The Times (UK)'s Coverage of the Rise of Amateur Crime Fighting in the United States

Week 17!!!!

Am I the only one who feels that NBC should have flexed into this game? I want to see this game.

Sometimes I miss this guy

Open question on Race

Evil has this funny move. He frequently accuses me of being "white-washed" in very subtle ways.

• His frequent comments about my not being into Latina women
• His commentary on Christmas gifts I get for my godchildren

Several years ago, I bought one a train set. Evil's comment was something to the effect of "What are you? White?" As if this was the biggest slur he could lay on me.

Anyway, I usually let this slide. After all there is nothing particularly caucasian about train sets. It's just silliness...he should be Silly not Evil...heh

Evil's recent obsession with grammar is a far stronger indictment of his own "white-washing" than me frenching a blonde or walking around with a train set from FAO. Everyone's favorite website from January 2008 seems to agree.

I mostly wanted to point out Evil is sort of racist.

Happy New Years!

Best Post 2008 - VOTE!

Evil


Mamacita had a great idea. Since the year is drawing to a close, she suggested that our last poll of 2008 be for The Hose's Best Post of 2008. I asked each writer to submit one post for the poll. Remember, this poll is for "Best Post" and not Best Writer. Other than that, there are no other rules or criteria. It's up to you, Hosers, to decide on best post based on whatever you like. The Hose is democratic and liberal that way!

Here are your nominees:

"Happy Birthday!" by Mamacita

"Desperation Infused Vodka" by XTIAN

"The Dieter's Drinking Companion" by Sparks

"Evil's Epic Collapse" by Killer B#1

"To The Man And His Baby On The Subway" by Evil

Please vote! And feel free to provide additional commentary in the comments section, if you'd like. Thanks everyone for making 2008 the best year in Hose history.

Reflection on 2008

In reviewing past posts from 2008, I realize I don't have that many great ones - mostly complaining about KenTak3 or oogling over puppies. I can try to do better in 2009, and write some insightful things about politics, books, or even some dates, but until then, I'm still in the same rut.

Here's a video of my sister's puppy, Max (soon to arrive on Dec 30). I'll try to get her to install a puppy-cam - maybe that will generate more Hose traffic and revenue.

HAPPY FESTIVUS to everyone!

2008: The Year in Music

2008 was a pretty good year to be a music fan. A lot of neat new artists that I really liked emerged (Black Kids, MGMT, She & Him). Other artists that I have great fondness for came back (Kings of Leon, The Submarines).

Overall, I have been really drawn to electronic sounding, dance-able music. Is that new? I guess not. The front end of this mix is electronic heavy but it lightens up noticeably towards the back and very quickly becomes more acoustic and vaguely country towards the back end...

In case you are wondering, the best people I saw live this year were Radiohead, The Roots(that's always true though), Kevin Drew (with the rest of the Broken Social Scene), Julieta Venegas (who rocked an accordion and brought a brass section with her to Central Park!) and and surprisingly The Dandy Warhols...who were pretty good...I know...crazy

I am hoping to see Bon Iver in the New Year...that should be great.

If you guys loved anything else that I missed, please let me know...

Cocktail Hour: Noggin

Merry Christmas, Hosers!

This is a great time for drinkers of all faiths. The short days near the solstice give way to early evenings, when a meaningful nighttime cocktail hour can be had without pushing dinner back to midnight. Families get together and drink away the awkward silence. Otherwise puritan offices suddenly become lubricated with good cheer. It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

The most famous and maligned Christmas cocktail is, of course, spiked egg nog. I personally do not hate store-bought egg nog, but I understand why so many people do. The consumption experience can be eerily similar to drinking paint. But real, home made egg nog is a delicious annual treat and one of my favorite seasonal cocktails. The eggs and cream create a rich, textured base. The bourbon and brandy add a touch of heat and oaky smoothness. The nutmeg adds a spicey kick. I try to find occasion to make a batch every year. Catjjy and I brought some to a dinner party last weekend, with great results.

Some folks make egg nog with raw eggs, but I always use cooked egg. It tastes just as good, and it will not give you or your guests salmonella. The recipe below yields one large pitcher or one small punch bowl worth of nog. For the record, I didn’t make up the recipe, but I do use it every year.

3 cups whole milk
7 eggs

1 cup sugar
1/3 cup bourbon
1/3 cup brandy
2 cups cream
1 tbsp vanilla
Nutmeg (fresh or store-bought ground nutmeg)

Bring the milk just to a boil while you beat the eggs and sugar together. Add the hot milk to the eggs-sugar mix and stir. Put the mixture back on low heat until a thermometer reads 170 (about 5 minutes for the thermometerless), stirring continuously. Strain the mix into a large bowl (or skip the straining for the strainerless). Add cream, bourbon, brandy and vanilla. Stir in nutmeg until the nog is a bit speckled.

The nog should cool to room temperature, then be refrigerated. Your nog will be cold and delicious in a few hours, and will be outstanding the following day. Serve with a bit of grated nutmeg on top.

That will serve the masses, but for you the bartender, I recommend one glass of my favorite holiday treat: warm egg nog. Scoop a mug full out of your bowl before you let it cool. The booze will not yet have evaporated, giving the nog a strong bite. The warm cream, eggs, and vanilla feel like a drinkable crème brule. You’ll wonder why anyone ever drinks it cold.

Cheers.

Demonstration in Masculinity, II

An apt metaphor for the Jets' season.

Demonstration in Masculinity

Xtian's dream is to one day be as manly as Brett Favre. He's got a long way to go, so may I suggest the "little steps" plan. Hey Xtian, check out this clip and at least try to be as manly as this dude first.

Oiled up

Great question, Killer B! I like and respect you as well.

Oil price movements in the last year have left a lot of people scratching their heads. I’ve read almost nothing intelligent on the matter. Some members of the media and more than a few politicians seem to think speculators are to blame. Killer B is right to disregard that notion. Speculators do indeed increase demand for oil by buying contracts to take possession of oil at a later date. However, since they don’t actually want to take possession of a bunch of oil, they need to sell those contracts before they expire. Buying and selling an equal number of contracts pushes out the supply and demand curves equally. No effect on prices.

The shapes of the supply and demand curves tell a much more interesting story. The demand curve we learn in Micro 101 is a straight, upward-slopping line, meaning the more a product sells for, the more of it manufacturers will produce. But oil’s supply curve isn’t a straight line. Like every commodity, oil’s supply curve is based on the cost of production. The graph below is illustrative if not accurate, but something like 90% of the maximum daily output can be had for pretty reasonable prices. After that there is a sharp inflection point. Marginal sources become much, much more expensive to turn on. Oil shares this shape with nearly every commodity with limited storage (natural gas, electric power, etc.):



For many products, this shape exists, but is not a daily part of our lives because the demand curve crosses somewhere far away from this kink in the supply curve. The Micro 101 demand curve is a downward sloping straight line, meaning that as prices for a good rise, the quantity purchased falls. Oil is a bit trickier. Over long periods of time, oil has a downward sloping demand curve. People buy smaller cars, figure out the bus schedule, move closer to work, etc. But in the very short term, there is very little the world can do to use less oil. The demand curve in the short run is thus a vertical line, shown below in red:



The price we pay and for the quantity we demand is shown at the intersection of the supply and demand curves.

Now here’s the fun part. Both the supply curve and the demand curve move around from day to day and year to year. What we saw a year ago was the supply curve squeezing in due to supply disruptions in Iraq and Nigeria, along with natural decline in Norway, Mexico and other places. At the same time, the demand curve was pushing out due to a growing Chinese middle class and economic expansion in the West. The new graph looked like this:

Over the past few months, a global recession has brought the demand curve back in. A bonanza of oil infrastructure investments made over the past decade has come on line, pushing the supply curve out. The combination has crushed prices:

This explains 90% of the movements we’ve seen. There are other things around the edges, like government policy and the relative strength of the US dollar, but those aren’t as important.

Stump Sparks

I like Sparks. I like him for a lot of reasons. A couple of those reasons are that he's wicked smart, and also he's good people (Andrea - I recognize that despite the "s", "Sparks" is singular, and people is plural, but feel free to comment). These two things are often mutually exclusive, so he's got that going for him. In my opinion, his forte in the world of wicked smartness is understanding cause and effect. He's like a cause and effect genius. If you name a cause, he can name the effect(s). And if you name an effect, he can name the cause(s).

So today I'm going to give Sparks an effect and ask him to explain the cause.

Effect: oil is trading in the neighborhood of $40 (down from the $150+ range earlier this year).
Cause: ???

I've always assumed that demand for this sludge is fairly constant and predictable, and that OPEC is at least somewhat influential in managing supply - so how can we have such a range over such a short period? It doesn't make sense to me. I can understand how other commodities produced in limited regions of the world and subject to new technologies / innovations might move quite a bit - but oil? Commentators seem to point the finger at speculating hedge funds, but that seems impossible to me - such a big market.

So, Sparks - what gives?

The Hosers Have Spoken

I have to admit that I'm a bit surprised. When I posted this poll, some of the choices were offered just as a courtesy nod to various articles we've seen over the past few months. I didn't think they would actually collect votes. (Do you like how that comment obscurely avoids mentioning which ones?)

At least the good news is that no one thinks we should dump the current staff of Hose writers and get new ones.

I'm a bit sad that dog tails didn't win, but I guess third place isn't bad. (I know you had our backs on that one, Nora.)

Well, xTian, to hold our readership, it looks like you'll need to round up some good Date or Die material. The more racy and inappropriate, the better, and it would help if you could throw some puppy stories in there too.

Playing Santa

I am definitely at a low point in life. When I walk into a room, people who love me and root for me in life will allow themselves a momentary head shake just to emphasize their disappointment. I have never seen it. Nonetheless, I know its there. After all, my friends and family tend to be classy people who have a lot of restraint.

I thought about this quite a bit last night. As I am off to visit my family for Christmas, I needed to play Santa a bit early. I decided I would make two stop on the xtian Santa Land Express.

The first stop was relatively uneventful. Declaring myself the best dressed Santa they have ever seen I entered and dropped a bag of gifts on the floor. Of course, sad single man I am, I did not have any tags for the gifts. So later, I quietly picked the bag up again as I begged my cousin for tags. Classy! Very classy...

At my second stop, I entertained the Gremlins with a story right out of our Is this normal series from a few years ago. My mother never bought into the Santa Claus stuff. One year, after what I can only assume was external pressure, she made the Bump and I write letters to Santa. Not wanting to waste a stamp, she never mailed them and three days later, she promptly deposited a gift from Santa under the tree for us. Never mind that it was December 3rd.

The boys looked at me with wide eyed amazement that shifted subtly between amusement (“xTian’s mom is sillier than xTian”) and shock (“wait? No Santa?”)

Looking at my cousin, I noticed she was holding a polite smile. This was a weak mask, as she clearly wished I would just shut up and stop ruining Christmas. As the boys bounded about, they were clearly clamoring to open their gifts, arguing as only three year olds could, that a demystified Christmas meant they could open gifts now. Well., let's not give them too much credit; this came through as some random pouting and occasional rushes towards the gifts under the tree rather than any logical case for opening gifts.

The net effect was the same. My mission accomplished and her children were wound up beyond repair at 10pm with no intention of sleeping for several hours.

I showed myself out, walking out into the snow, a metrosexual Santa with no where to go...

wooooo

Gremlins

The xTian Clan knows how to handle recessions. A few weeks ago, one of my aunts sent out an email insisting that only children should get gifts this year on the logic that having to get everyone a gift would be both time consuming and expensive. There's a recession going! Time to batten down the hatches! Exclamation points are free!

My mother phoned me recently to comment on how smart this was. I agreed. Getting her a gift is a bum deal for all involved. I'm happy to be spared the torture. It's the same deal every year. She never likes it. She makes it a point to say so while asking for a receipt. Two hours later, you have the good fortune of watching your mother proudly hang something horrendous on her wall or whatever. Yay!

I got annoyed thinking about this so I decided to bum her out. I pointed out to her that her family is still have children, by the boatload it seems. Further,the Bumapasaurus and I have not even gotten on the train yet. I predicted that this gremlinication of her family will continue for some time. She sighed and hung up.

Holiday Gift Giving

Is this racist?

Activities List for Evil

Evil,
Would love if you could take a few things on this week

• Redesign the logo for the Hose
  
• Post something/anything funny
  
• get my godson a train set and have it wrapped please
  

Does anyone else have some stuff that Evil can do this week?

Thanks

xtian

The Hose Book Club

Our recent thread on genders and book clubs was fairly well received. Catjjy and Andrea have both moved for a Book Club.

I just can't fathom sitting around sipping tea and talking about a book. So here is what I propose.

Every couple of months, I pick a book and post it as what I am reading. As part of the "we love to read" series, I will finish the book and write a review for it. Since you have the opportunity to read along with me, you will be able to post your own reviews in the comments section, driving what I hope will be pithy conversation.

To kick this off, I am going to read The Wordy Shipmates by Sarah Vowell. Vowell will probably be known to you from her work in the film, The Incredibles or her commentary on This American Life on NPR. A few years ago, Sparks suggested I read her book Assassination Vacation. AV was a hysterical book, that followed Vowell as she toured sites that related to and studied the history of the three presidential assassinations in US history.

This book takes a similar tone to explore the nature of the puritans who founded this country. I expect to enjoy this book very much and and hope you will too.

Anyway, let's give it a shot and see how it goes.


Update:
I have no idea how long it will take you to read this book. I can tell you now it will take me 3 days from the moment I pick it up. I'm pretty sure that's not enough time. So I will read it and write my review but not post it till January 15th, 2009. That should give folks ample time to read it.

The link on the side takes you to Amazon.com where the book is for sale for $17 plus some change and tax. amazon.com is a pretty handy site for folks who like to read.

Is the Evil Weight Counter Broken?

I looks like we need to call a repairman - it hasn't been updated since September 13. With the holidays here, we know Evil needs to be vigilant. There are cookies around every corner, and drinks inside every door.

I'm willing to suggest we put some of the $5.89 we've generated from ad revenues to get this Weight Counter fixed post haste.

We Need You!

Folks -

That time of year has crept up on us again, where we conduct our annual reader survey!

You might think that writers of the Hose are just narcissistic fools that like to pontificate about our life problems, impose our political beliefs, and disparage one another. But I assure you this is not the case. YOU are our loyal readers, and we exist for you, just to make you happy. We need your input to make sure that there is quality material for you to absorb each day when you come to the site, that you are learning something new to expand your horizons, and that you are just getting a laugh at Xtian or Manolo when you need one.

So, dear readers, please take our latest survey above to aid our top Hose strategists (sorry if you’re not in this elite group) in shaping content for the upcoming year.

Happy Birthday!

Evil


It's Mamacita's birthday today! Although that is good news in itself, the added good news is that she can now legally drink! Woooo! PARTY.

Got Books?

Like many women, the first part of the Sunday NY Times I read is the Sunday Style Section. The above fold article today was about women in book clubs and how they have managed to turn something relatively innocent into a passive/aggressive power play. I found the article pretty boring but the assumption was interesting. Here's why.

This week, I have heard four women mention their book club. I barely registered the first two, because ummm...who cares. However, when Pits brought up her 3 failed book clubs and the hopes she had for the current one I was like "wow, women love their book clubs". Even ET #2, who I thought hated her coworkers, mentioned her workplace initiated book club last night at dinner. ET #2 - don't jump ugly with me, I was not alone in my surprise. Evil was so taken aback he felt the need to confirm "you mean your current coworkers?"

On the other hand, this week a few friends wrote the following comments about "The Brief Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao" on Facebook.

TMO said: i'm reading this book now and i've realized that Diaz writes like a dominican xTian, right down to the [redacted] roots. do you have a pen name i should know about?

Manolo wrote: I finished this book about a week ago myself...I also thought of xTian quite often as I read it...lots of wide-ranging cultural references...you only get that kind of stuff from The Simpsons and xTian...I can't wait until xTian puts his collection out...I have read some good stuff of his over the years!!!

This got me thinking. I read a ton and I am not alone. These examples aside, I know for a fact that Sparks, Le 3. Evil, KillerB and many more read extensively and that we share taste in books. However, we don't organize and discuss. When we do engage on a book, we make it as awkward as possible. In one recent example, Sparks and I had fairly detailed(15+ exchanges) SMS only discussion of "The Brief Wondrous Life...". Can you imagine a harder way to have this conversation? There's gotta be a better way...

What does this say about the difference in sexes and the nature of friendship? I have no idea! I just felt like showing off; TMO and Manolo apparently love my writing style. Who knew...

Worst Lead Ever

I know Evil can't stand bad drawers drawing, slow walkers walking slowly, and various other underperforming people underperforming. Which is why I thought of him this morning when I read what might possibly be the worst lead to a story I've ever encountered on a Sports Page. The guilty party - the paper of record of course. The byline, some douche named Pete Thamel. I'll now let the terrible journalism speak for itself.

ATLANTA — During Tim Tebow’s sun-kissed career at Florida, he has won a Heisman Trophy, a national championship and helped circumcise impoverished children while doing missionary work in Thailand. But for all his accomplishments in one of college football’s most impressive careers, Tebow entered the Southeastern Conference title game with an 0-5 record when trailing in the fourth quarter.

Hmmm. I'm all for using groups of 3 as an effective way to make a point. But, as rule of thumb, if circumcising impoverished children is ever my third item on a list, I settle for the pair. But maybe that's just me.

Douchy Commentary Of The Day

Evil

Even when I whole-heartedly agree with Keith Olbermann's views, I can't help but dislike his presentation. He is such a douchebag. Prime example in the video below. I totally agree with what he's saying, but COME ON, what's with all the over-acting? Watch him strain as he's trying to convey that his words are coming from the heart. Watch him pretend to choke back tears. UGH. 100% douchebaggery.

Things that Matter Only to Me

I just read "The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons" on my iPhone. This is interesting for several reasons

• I read this story on my iPhone. Pretty neat all in all. To do it, I downloaded my new favorite iPhone app, Stanza. There are several places you can pull down books that are in the public domain.
  
• All of F. Scott Fitzgerald's works are in the public domain. I had not idea that was the case and I think that's great. None of Hemingway's stuff is in the public domain. I find that a bit tragic.
  
• All of Joseph Conrad's books are also public domain. I find that a bit tragic
  
• Apparently, someone decided to make a movie about "The Curious Case..."
  

Open Letter to David Plouffe

Sir,

It would be better if you sat down before we discussed this. Some of this may shock you.

The Election is over. As the dictated by law, we had elections on November 4th, and yes, Barack Obama is President. You won. Why do you insist on emailing me from the "Obama for America" distribution list?

I read the newspaper, I know that the National Security Team is now in place. I don't need you to update me on the transition, a transition you have no obvious role in. It would be one thing I suppose if you wrote asking for a donation for the run off Senatorial election in Georgia. But you didn't and now that's going to go the way its going to go.

Go be like David Axelrod, who's moved on, most likely working on his Tobey Zeigler impression somewhere. It's time to let go, its time to leave the bunker and move on with your life. It's be two years. Take a vacation. More importantly leave me alone.
I'm sure they have a nice gig lined up for you in White House Communications set to start when you get back.

As an aside, I do miss getting emails from Barack and Michelle. Those were fun. Lots of characters from the election were fun. I think Reggie Love should start a blog, so we can continue to follow his Turtle like escapades as Barack's body man. "Got another email from Scarlett Jo, she just can't take a hint" or "Dunked on the President Elect Today, made a poster of him. The secret service tackled me mid air". I am all for a reality show following Reggie around. Our country is in such bad shape we need this, Today!

Your brother in peace,

xtian

Request To The President-Elect

Evil

Dear Mr. President-Elect,

Quick request: Can you please be more of a man around your wife? Please! You are leading our country and we need confidence in you.

Subway Scene

Today on the way to work, I almost fainted. It was very hot in the subway and there were many people squished in the car. The train was delayed in the station for a long time, because they were "conducting an investigation up ahead". People were cranky. I was very nervous. I asked KenTak3 many times if he wanted to get out, and he said "No".

Eventually, I felt very sweaty, and I had to take my coat off. Then, I thought I was going to fall over, but we were in-between stations so this was not an option. By the time we reached 34th Street, I had to push out of the car and could not see anything. Everything was white and I could not see. I could not walk straight.

Luckily, I hung on and did not pass out. I crouched down in the middle of the platform and was breathing very much. I did not want to be unconscious on the dirty platform with a big scene of people around. Actually, no one asked me to help. Maybe because KenTak3 had the situation visibly under control.

I had to squat on the ground for a few minutes, and then KenTak3 walked me to a cafe for some coffee and Gatorade.

I wonder if there were any doctors in the subway, and if KenTak3 wasn't there, what would have happened. This was not a good start to the week.

Great Moments In Over-Reaction

Evil

Xtian and I went to the Jets game yesterday. The entire crowd say through 3+ hours of a cold, relentless rain. Ponchos or no ponchos, we were all drenched and frigid. To reward us for our faith, the Jets promptly choked and played like fools, losing to the very mediocre Broncos.

Overheard after the game as we were leaving:

"I hope the Jets lose EVERY GAME after this! I am done with them!!!"

Monday Quickie

Evil

Fact: 9 out of 10 people I see drawing in public have less artistic skill than me.

This raises many questions. Chief among them are:

- Why aren't these people embarrassed that others are seeing their lame drawings in public?

- Why do they waste their time with stupid doodles of no artistic value?

- Why do their friends and family lie to them by encouraging their silly hobby?

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Break up is a bit strong here. More like drifting apart. I'm talking about my wine guy, Brian.

About 18 months ago a great wine store opened up around the corner. It is owned and run by a guy named Brian. A really likeable guy. He was previously in charge of wine auctions for Sotheby's or Christies - I can't recall - but he knows his stuff. He did things the right way. He should write a book called Opening a Business in a Community 101. He hosts frequent tastings, invites local artists to show their stuff, created a stylish space, and generally just seemed to care what was going on in the area. Last year when he put a Christmas Tree up in the store he invited people in the neighborhood to bring in ornaments for which he would give away prizes. I won first prize for my garland made of MTA metro cards.

So it was a little bittersweet last night when KillerB2 and I were planning to have dinner at home followed by our own Christmas tree decorating. We decided we should pick up a bottle of wine. So I did. From the cramped wine store 3 blocks further away that I like less, with a worse selection, and higher prices. Crazy, right?

The problem is that in the run up to our wedding we stopped drinking at home. Too many empty calories - should spend that time at the gym instead etc. So I haven't been in to see Brian in 5 months or so. I think it would be weird now. I would have to explain myself - I feel like I owe him that. But I'm pretty non confrontational, so I think I'll just keep not drinking wine at home. Sucks.

dreaming of nora

I had a dream about nora last night. actually it was a dream about nora and a duck. the duck was nora's. it was white and immaculate, what you'd imagine the perfect duck would look like. and it had a great, gregarious personality. except when it didn't. you see, the duck would lapse in and out of transes. sometimes it seemed as if its mind just went blank. flatline in all brain activity. and the only person who could bring the duck out of its trans is its owner, nora.

there were other parts of the dream that I can't remember fully. something about running a race around a few city blocks with the duck involved. anyway, overall it felt like a sad dream.

today I continued reading the bible, which I just started recently. coincidentally, I just got to the story of Joseph, who interpreted dreams.

Little Bear

Well, Evil and I could not get it together and commit on time-sharing a new puppy, but I was able to convince My Sister to get a nephew of Bruno Bear before the rest of the litter was snatched up. (He's the one with his tongue hanging out in the above photo.)

He is currently 4 weeks old, and MS will pick him up in North Carolina at the end of December.

They are several videos but this one is cute and MS's puppy gets some good air time. Maybe we need to have a poll for the puppy's name.

What It's Like Being Evil

Evil

I did not leave the apartment all day. I did not even get out of bed til 11:45am. I can't remember what I did today but it was uneventful. I just ate a fistful of Pringles, had a couple of drinks, took 1 ambien, and now off to bed! See you tomorrow!

blogging on the go

just installed a blogging app on my iPhone. so now I can blog while on the go. lucky you!

xTian Visits a Soup Kitchen

Organizer: So can you stand in front of Jesus, hand out tickets and help control the crowds?

Me: That or handle trash?

Organizer: Pretty much

Me: I’ll hand out tickets

Volunteering is something I do with some consistency. It’s just a habit I developed when I was young. I was always volunteering for stuff, first to get into college then to network while in college, then to apply to graduate school. Now I just do it because I don’t know how not to.

So when a Muse (W) asked me to volunteer at a soup kitchen along with her and several friends I accepted without thinking much of it.

I found a spot near my partner at a table; who said her name was Nomi.

“Oh, like Elizabeth Berkeley in Showgirls”

She did not know what I was talking about. I wanted to hide.

She immediately forced three distinct thoughts into one sentence. I went for a walk looking for the huge Jesus statue I would be standing in front of.

None was in sight.

At this point a 6ft 7in Puerto Rican with a pony tail walked up to me and said “Hello, I’m JEE-ZUS”

“Oh, like HEY-ZEUS”

“No, like JEE-ZUS” he countered with mild annoyance.

I found the muses and let them know I would be a bouncer working the door.

Muse (J): Is that necessary?

Me: Apparently, things get out of control out there

The muses excitedly told me about their job. They had been assigned to collect trays from folks who were done eating. I suggested that it would be rude to collect a tray before the others at the table were done eating. Muse (J) laughed heartily, thinking I was joking, I joined in, feigning laughter but feeling a little bit conscious. I was being quite serious.

Outside, I froze my butt off as Nomi took here name quite literally. Here is a list of things we covered while she spoke to keep warm

• The racism her father faced as a Sephardic Jew when he moved to Israel in the 1950s
  
• Her desire to go to Grad School for (something) and her inability to do well on the GREs, which I argued would happen if you did not know what you wanted a masters in
  
• Growing up in Rural Pennsylvania
  
• The day she lost her virginity
  
• Her problems with her boss at work
  
• Some vast conspiracy that protects the moral hypocrisy of the socially conservative right wing of the party by targeting gays. The first guy in line, a homeless gay meth head got really pumped about this little tirade pumping his fist and saying “yeah”
  
• The expenses one incurs trying to eat organic food only
  

Not to be outdone, Jesus would stalk out into the cold occasionally. Primarily to lecture us for being too polite about letting people out through the entrance but occasionally he would tell us about his life

• He should have been President
  
• He served in Vietnam for two tours, totally six years
  
• He had a 35 year old son who was unemployed and played xbox all day
  
• One fellow who was eating at the kitchen, and was very savy about getting food several times, was actually Jesus’ son. He and his wife are jammed up a bit and staying in a shelter nearby
  
• He is a part time bounty hunter, his military training makes this possible
  
• The chubbier of the two janitors has the good weed

Here is a list of things I volunteered about myself

• I was cold

As I watched Jesus and the chubbier of the two janitors smoke, I befriended a schizophrenic waiting for the exact ticket number needed to come up so he could go in and get a cup of tea. We talked a bit about his list of numbers and how he comes by the list of numbers he uses to manage his life. He smoked, laughed and hardly made any sense. It was best conversation I had all day.

As a thank you I sifted through the tickets and handed him a numeric palindrome and showed him why I thought it was really neat. After some convincing he agreed and thanked me for the number in a barely comprehensible way.

The day ended rather uneventfully. I sought out the muses. They were doing quite well. Muse (S) was positively giddy which made no sense. I was sort of upset. I was cold and had just spent an hour befriending a homeless schizophrenic whose life, it was dawning on me, I had just further complicated by sending him on an entirely unproductive search for numeric palindromes. You can’t hold it against her though; she strikes me as a good person to have at a party.

As we parted ways, Nomi turned back and said “Thank you for letting me talk about myself” in a very awkward tone.

I had no response...

NFL Picks

Teams within the NFL can be broken down into 9 divisions:

Humans, super (Giants, Titans)

Humans, 20th century occupational (Steelers, Packers, Cowboys, Saints)

Humans, pre-20th century occupational (Buccaneers, Chiefs, Vikings, Raiders)

Humans, soci0-economic (Patriots, Redskins, Texans, 49'ers)

Non-human mammals, hoofed (Colts, Broncos, Rams)

Non-human mammals, cats (Jaguars, Panthers, Lions, Bengals)

Non-human mammals, other (Dolphins, Bears, Bills, Browns)

Birds (Eagles, Cardinals, Ravens, Falcons, Sea Hawks)

Inorganics (Jets, Chargers - pictured above)

These catagorizations can be used to successfully predict the outcome of most upcoming football games, as shown below.

Jets at Titans: The Jets are one of only two inorganic teams, and the only one that makes any sense. Obviously, a Jet has trouble using its awesome power against very small targets, like humans and non-human mammals. If the Jet can land a blow, it's lights-out. But such precise aim is tricky. The Titan, however, is enormous. It can destroy any other land animal, as it has been doing all season long. But all that size makes the Titan an awfully easy target for a Jet. My pick: J-E-T-S.

Bills at Chiefs: Are there two more losing mascots in the history of mascothood than the buffalo and the Native American? Before the Patriots, Vikings, Raiders, etc. arrived in North America to wipe both out, these two mascots coexisted peacefully, but that is not an option in the NFL. Experience suggests we should look for the dude with the weapons (even if it is only a bow and arrow) to make ground chuck of the lumbering land-whale. My pick: Chiefs.

Patriots at Dolphins: It all comes down to the weather. The Patriots have musket rifles, a huge advantage over unarmed opponents in dry weather, but practically useless when showers dampen their gun powder. Compared to humans, Dolphins are big, powerful, and fast - obvious advantages in this game. But they tend to die in dry environments. The Weather Channel is calling for scattered showers in Miami on Sunday. My pick: Dolphins.

Time Out to Complain

I am taking a brief Time Out from working to write a post. It is very important to Bruno (and me) that Nora is happy, so I am trying to come up with some new good material. Unfortunately, I only have 3 things to gripe about that have made me crotchety over the past few days, which I will share:

1. I can not get to Facebook from work because it is a restricted site, which means that I can only play Evil in Scrabble once per day after working hours. I am going to speak to our Information Security Officer about this restriction that has been imposed on my company, because I truely believe that it would be more beneficial for the company, and I would be more productive if I was able to network with people externally and play competitively against them in Scrabble. This is not an ideal time to be challenging Management, but I am giving this serious thought.

2. Since it is very cold outside, I have been noticing that everyone is sporting new winter-warm-wear, likely purchased at deep discount because of the recession. Long coats, short coats, puffy coats, straight coats, etc. Well, everyone looks pretty slick in their new coats, except for the people who are wearing straight wool coats with a vent in the back. The reason is because they do not remove the thread that is stitched in an "X" holding the vents together. When you purchase a new coat, you should generally take all the tags and extra threads off, and this includes the "X" thread on the back of the coat. Instead, they are walking around with an open vent that is stuck together at the bottom, so not truely "vented" and they look silly. Frustrating.

3. Finally, some work repairmen came to our building yesterday to paint the hallway and our apartment door. When I got home at 10:00 PM, our apartment door was painted shut and I had to borrow a butter knife from our neighbors upstairs to slice through the dried paint to open the door, consequently ruining the new paint job. Also, there was a big bug in the apartment, so after I got in so I killed him with KenTak3's slipper and left the slipper there so he could clean up the mess after he came home later. Why is he out later than me on a school night anyway?

The only consolation is that it is soon the weekend, and there will hopefully be a Hose gathering of sorts and some binge drinking.

NFL Picks

Nora thinks we are lacking this week so I will post some NFL picks so I can remind everyone that THIS IS HARD. I can't be witty all week. I just can't. Evil is hardly ever witty...poor guy. Mamacita can't even get a dinner reservation together this week. You want her to post something. Someone find a picture of some puppies so we can keep the readership under control.

Here are some NFL picks

Jets at Tennessee -5.5 - The Jets are the fourth best team in the NFL. After the Giants, Tennessee and ummm...I'm not sure who, but probably one other team. Tennessee's TD machine is a guy who looks to be in worse shape that me. I think their red zone offense is to tell Lendale "Fat F*ck" White there is a sandwich in the end zone. The Jets will counter by employing a defensive strategy that centers around telling Nose tackle Kris Jenkins that Fat F*ck White is a sandwich. Take the Jets with the points

Buffalo at Kansas City +3.0 - 9 years ago Sparks and I went to a Jets/Buffalo game in November at the height of Parcells Mania. As Mo Lewis sacked Doug Flutie, the guy sitting in front of us pulled out a tray of icy buffalo wings and asked us to partake victoriously. As we stared at our frozen wings from an unknown source, Sparks and I agreed this was a disgusting/horrible idea. Buffalo is overrated and Kansas City is at home, playing alright and have crazy person Herman Edwards at Coach.

New Englad at Miami Pick 'em - Hey Vegas, Grow some balls! Take Miami! They are at home and at some point they will need to make a deep throw. Ronnie Brown will air it out to a streaking Chad Pennington down the sideline.

Somewhat lacking

I Know Just The Person!

Evil

I just read in the news that Velvet Revolver (aka the Original GnR minus Axl Rose) is looking for a new lead singer! Scott Weiland is out of the band. You know who would make a great new lead singer for the band? Evil Twin #2! All those long road trips as a kid is about to pay off...

Chinese Democracy Tuesday

Or Cheap Stunt Tuesday, whatever you prefer.

Anything that takes fourteen years to happen is worth a long hard look. Evil, KillerB and I agreed that we would each listen to an advance copy of Chinese Democracy completely independently and post our thoughts.

Surprisingly, we all had almost the exact same thing to say. Thankfully, we chose to use different words.

Where do we go now? Where do we go now? Chinese Democracy and the wanderings of one Axl Rose

Listening to Chinese Democracy is a lot like hooking up with an ex-girlfriend from years past – you always looked forward to the day it would happen, but you know it won’t mean much to either of you the next day.

Which is why, after listening to the album for the past 2 days, I’m ready to move on to more interesting things.

The title track kicks things off and the listener is quickly comforted to find out that the Axl Rose we all grew up with – brooding, shrieking, lurking behind punishing guitars and pounding drums, is still the Axl Rose we are left with – with about 1/10^th the range. If you were concerned (or hopeful) that he had grown up as a vocalist, put your worries (hope) aside.

For those looking for a November Rain moment, keep looking. Street of Dreams opens with a promising vocal but soon disintegrates into what may as well be any rock ballad from the GnR catalog – Don’t Cry, Yesterday etc.

For those waiting for a Welcome to the Jungle moment, you’ll have to keep waiting as well. While we don’t know much of what Axl has been up to for the past 13 years, it’s safe to say he hasn’t been sleeping on the streets and thus hasn’t had much compelling autobiographical material to draw from. Dare we say Axl lives a boring life now? Yeah, we do.

So, while this might not be much for the casual music fan, for those looking to hookup with an old flame, this album might be just the thing to entertain you for 2 days. It certainly won’t be the same experience as it was in your freshman dorm, but there are worse ways to spend a couple of days. So give it a listen for what it is, even if that is just to remind yourself of how hard you once rocked.

Also, there is a song called Prostitute, so that’s pretty cool.

Who needs a Chinese Democracy?

He did not stand a chance.

First an admission, when Guns N’ Roses was huge I had other interests; Cypress Hill comes to mind, a little bit of Rage against the Machine. Basically I was somewhere else. That aside, I knew what was coming whenever I heard the riff that opens “Sweet Child of Mine”, you all know the words to a song like “November Rain”. This stuff is in the DNA of our own little personal histories. This is exactly the sort of stuff that was playing in the background of our collective youth. More specifically, I remember my first day of high school, watching some cholo drive around the block repeatedly, playing “Welcome to the Jungle”. At the time, I found this act uninspired, little obvious and terribly smug. Looking back now, I think about it and smile.

History has been similarly kind to GnR, these songs have grown in popularity; I think thanks in part to a nostalgia factor. Even the Use Your Illusion period, at the time considered a bit self indulgent and very all over the place, is now affectionately referred to as ambitious and sprawling.

The last decade has been about moving on with the rest of the band finding continued success in the form of Velvet Revolver.

Not Axel Rose.

Holding firm to his vision and replacing band members left and right, he has spent the last fourteen years and reportedly tens of millions of dollars putting together another Guns N' Roses album. It's finally here. It's Chinese Democracy. It is a lot to live up to, too much.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some highlights. The first two cuts on the album are clearly the best, the title track and Sheckler’s Revenge sport a strong baseline, some interesting vocals and generally make you want to tap your feet. After that it drifts. Last year when I read “The Brief Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao” I wrote that you could feel the effort; the book was tight, the characters and their evolution real. Of course these things would be real, they evolved in the author's head for well over a decade. In this instance, something else happened. Time did Axel a disservice. The whole thing feels a little over produced, which is saying something, given the expectations associated with the hair band genre. Like many middle age rockers, his voice does not hit the notes as hard as it used to.The album drifts as it goes and at some point I lose interest entirely. Street of Dreams is predictable and a little sappy. If the World woke me up in the middle but mostly because it felt like it was from a different album. The last track, Prostitute is interesting but only vaguely.

Even the title doesn’t make sense anymore. The Chinese economy has been growing like gang busters for the last decade. The movement that spawned the album title has sputtered since Tiananmen Square. China has reaped the rewards of Market Socialism and developed a new class that is hyper nationalistic, wealthy and not terribly interested in Democracy at all.

Hmm...Ok, maybe the title does make sense.

Album Review: Chinese Democracy, by Guns 'N Roses

Evil

A lot can happen in 15 years. But then again, very little can happen in 15 years.

The first statement applies generally to the world around us. Clinton (Bill), George W. Bush, 9/11, Gore (almost), W. again, two wars, Clinton (Hillary)… no, it’s Obama… no, it’s Palin, actually, it’s really Obama. Hope!

The second statement applies to Axl Rose, Guns ‘n Roses, and the (finally) upcoming album, Chinese Democracy. About 15 years in the making, Democracy is GnR’s 6th studio album and the first since 1993’s The Spaghetti Incident.

When I heard that The Hose was obtaining an early preview copy of Democracy, my first reaction was to wonder, will this album even be relevant – both socially and musically? On first listen, the album did not strike me in any way. It perhaps even confused me. What is this album even about? Why was it even released? Who is the record executive who green-lighted this and when is he going to get fired? There were so many questions.

On the surface, Democracy sounds muddled, with layers of sound that you can imagine piled on during the album’s years in the studio. This is not the raw punch that is Appetite For Destruction. It is not even the overly-symphonic, overly self-indulgent, yet somewhat-coherent Use Your Illusion (I & II). Illusion’s "Civil War" and Democracy’s "Madagascar" both sample Strother Martin’s speech from Cool Hand Luke. But whereas "Civil War" lifts the dialogue basically in its raw form, Madagascar features it sliced, diced, and intertwined with samples from Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech.

Complexity aside, and defections of all original members not named Axl aside, Democracy does sound like a GnR album. That is, if GnR were a band of middle-aged corporate sellouts (even if they don’t know it). If there’s a single organizing principle around the tracks in this album, it’s one of “F*ck you and f*ck the world!” Democracy is an enraged outburst, but is anyone listening?

Wow, This is F'd Up

Evil

I'm not sure who this "artist" really is, but I have a suspicion that it's Manolo.

Anyone Interested?

Evil


Does anyone want to go to the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show with me? Is Feb 9th and 10th at Madison Square Garden. Maybe we'll see one of Bruno's relatives there!

Shake your fanny, we want Manny

The scene on Friday November 3, 2008, outside the New York Mets' Offices in the new Citi Field, sponsored by Citibank.

It's sad to see how the unemployed spend their days....I curse these recessionary times.

I'm just glad no one was hurt. Mr. Wilpon has the look of a terrified airplane hostage in the early 80s.

Special thanks to Baron Von Hayes for tracking this down for us...

Starbucks Gold

Evil


When I went into my neighborhood Starbucks and said, "I'd like to buy a Starbucks Gold card, " the cashier perked up and responded, "Oh! The Gold card, yes! I'll go get one for you right away." She ran to the back storage room and seemingly rummaged around for several full minutes before emerging with a Gold card.

When I went into my near-work Starbucks and charged a grande Pike Place coffee to the Gold card, the cashier looked at it and said, "Oh! You have a Gold card!"

Why is the Gold card garnering such surprised reactions? Is it because demand is low?

Xtian + Evil = Liars

"Since all of our friends were busy and had other plans on Friday night, Xtian and I decided to go to a basketball game."

Liars. Evidence from our Friday AM chat below. Not only do they not say what they are doing, they don't even mention they are doing it together! Tier 0 no longer. You just got dumped to tier 2, where I keep my so-so out of town friends and people I meet at church.

10:55 AM
me: beers after work?
Xtian: today?
Evil: hi i cant make it today
me: booo x-tian? today?
10:56 AM
Xtian: no can do what are you doing tomorrow
Evil: xtian is so difficult
me: okay - I'll move on to my tier 1 friends
Xtian: its raining
Evil: we're your tier 0 friends?
Xtian: inner core?
me: yes - like brothers - not even friends - something more

Xtian And Evil Go To A Basketball Game

Evil

Since all of our friends were busy and had other plans on Friday night, Xtian and I decided to go to a basketball game. The Atlanta Hawks were in town to play the New Jersey Nets. We weren't the only ones with that idea. Jay Z was at the game!

Even though there was a basketball game going on, I don't think we watched much of it because there were so many distractions in the arena. For example, check out this cheerleader's crotch:

In general, the Nets cheerleaders exceeded expectations. They all had some nice booty, even the white girls.

There were only two Chinese people in the entire area. I was one and I spotted the other one sitting across the court from us (we were in Row 9, center court, biotches!). If she weren't already wearing a gigantic ring, I would totally marry her. Drats! Too late, yet again. Oh well.

Shock(er)ing

I've been waiting all season to bring this up....

Last year, The New England Patriots went 16-0 in the regular season. Normally, this is a great achievement, as teams just don't do that. However, the Pats did this in the same year they got slapped in the face by the NY (football) Giants in a very exciting Superbowl. So, the question is, should we speak of it? Or more importantly, should we hang a banner on it? I got an A- minus in Analysis of Algorithms in 1997. Should I get a banner for that and put it over my bed?

A bit much, no?


In my mind, this is the football equivalent of another unnecessary banner...


Thank you, Brett Favre for making it OK to bring up this very important topic. See you fools in the playoffs

R

Do not have a good feeling about me and R. Maybe it is done. Maybe time to move on.

Things that Rock: Puppies

Don't tell Bruno Bear I'm posting this link.

The Post-Election NOW WHAT?

Evil

For the better part of the last ten to twelve months, I've spent a good 20 hours every week watching political coverage on TV. The first thing I'd do in the morning is switch on MSNBC to for some Morning Joe and then hop in the shower. I have a TV in my office, so on most days, I have CNN in the background. I'd also turn on political coverage first thing after getting home from work. Needless to say, I watched the coverage of every primary, every caucus, every debate. Add on the Sunday talk shows: This Week with George Stephanopoulos, The Chris Matthews Show, and Meet The Press.

We now have a president elect. NOW WHAT? How do I spend these 20 extra hours? Any tips from the Hosers?

Overheard In New York

Evil

Overheard on the 2 train, headed downtown. Two women are talking. Typical mid-to-late 30's New Yorkers. They're talking about boyfriends, dating, past relationships. And one says to the other:

"You are intimidatingly smart."

The other replies:

"I know!!!"

And on top of that she adds:

"I once dating a guy who went to Harvard who told me I was too smart. Harvard! HARVARD!"

Listen lady, I don't know how smart you are. You're probably pretty smart. But you have neither modestly nor self awareness nor social intelligence. You're pushing 40. You need to spend some more time on the treadmill. The number one thing keeping you from finding a man is not that you're too smart. Men do care about intelligence, but that is like #11 on the list of priorities.

Madmen!

Evil

Fellow Hosers Xtian, Le Trois, Killer B1 and Killer B2 were all decked out in 1960s outfits at the Madmen themed party last night. Too bad I showed up late and the Killer Bs had to take off before I spent much time asking the whereabouts of their honeymoon photos (Argentina vacation). But Killer B1 promises me that he's going to work on them today and will post them soon. WOOO!

R and I grabbed a quick dinner downtown and dropped by the Madmen party. The place was packed. So much so that at one point, R's hand mysteriously grabbed Xtian's ass. It was awkward, I have to say.

Off to SF for a couple of days. Going to watch the Giants vs. Eagles game from the hotel later today and then meet up with Evil Twin #2's grumpy friend for dessert.

Drapering

Going to a madmen party tomorrow. You can bet that there will be drapering going on.

Feeling punchy

At punch with evil, kentak, mamacita, and me trois. We are having a grand old time. I am shitfaced.

Clean Sweep

What an exciting week it's been! First Obama, and now KillerB #1 in landslide victories. There's so much hope for the future.

KillerB #1, it looks like the voters believe you should spend time with your lovely new wife instead of training a puppy, are too cheap to buy you a drink (with the recession and all), and don't think you need any fashion help.

Good news! Just a little muscle milk to help with your flexing in photos.

Whoa

Best. Acceptance. Speech. Ever. Did anyone else forget what it felt like to be inspired (or at least impressed (or at the very least, not embarrassed)) with a government leader? If President Elect Barack Obama wants me to serve with him as Secretary of Energy, I will accept.

Good question

Xtian brings up a good question on McCain's legacy. There is no doubt that many, many of us respected McCain much more 12 months ago than we did yesterday. For the past six months, it has been difficult to recognize the man I had hoped would challenge W in the 2004 primary, or the guy who was within a breath of become John Kerry's running mate.

But I think history will forgive McCain the candidate, and remember McCain the senator. He's been the only powerful Republican in the past decade to stand up against the crazies in his party. I think that's what history will remember.

Unless that manic Palin becomes president at some point. Then he will be remembered as the guy who opened Pandora's box.

Concession

John McCain is up making a concession speech. It's a classy speech, a bit broad on the symbol of a black man as president rather than the impact of Obama as a man but it still reminds us all of the guy we all knew he was somewhere deep down.

His supporters need to shut the f*ck up, but that's neither here nor there.

I am suddenly hung up on what his political epithet will be.

Will it be an homage to the guy of who stood alone in the face of a typhoon that was the Bush machine in 2000 and suffered greatly for it?

Or, somewhat sadly, will it be one that focuses on a guy who gave up a little too much of his soul, making deals with devils and still coming up short?

56 senate seats and we are preposterously close to the idea of Senator Al Franken.

Called before prime time (Pacific)

All the CNN comentators, Reps and Dems, are crying. Very touching.

Three cheers for Florida irrelevance. Three cheers for Obama.

That's it

MSNBC just called all the western states for Obama then cut to Grant Park, Harlem and Spellman College.

Big Party all around.

Hope! Realized! (F*ck you, even I got a bit misty)

Jesse Jackson is in tears somewhere.

Bill Bennett for some reason just had the most poignant reaction of them all. Invoking the name of Lincoln, nice job Bill...

Chavez wants to meet with the "Black Man"

Not sure what to do with myself I punched in "Chavez" "Obama" into the google. Here is what came back

I hope Chavez learns to call President Obama something other than "the black man".