Travel Etiquette and Observations by KillerB

It's a busy time of year for high flying marketing executives, which means my butt has been parked in a lot airplane seats lately. This has given me ample time to put together my Travel Etiquette and Observations series.

Etiquette #1: If you need to fart, do it before you get on the plane. If you really need to fart on the plane, go to the bathroom. If you can't make it to the bathroom, fart just once. But, whatever you do, don't fart like clockwork every fifteen minutes for the entire 6-hour flight.

Etiquette #2: If you are sitting on the aisle, and a person nods towards the window seat, indicating they will be sitting there - stand up, step into the aisle, and let them in. If you think squishing your legs together against your seat is a suitable substitute, you are an idiot. I don't want to give you a lap dance. Asshat.

Observation #1: Girls like it when you offer to put their carry-on luggage in the overhead bin. You would think no one has ever done anything nice for them. KillerB will.

Etiquette #3: Sedate your babies.

Etiquette#4: Don't ask me if I want to trade my aisle seat for your crappy middle seat just so you can sit next to your boyfriend, who doesn't even want to sit with you anyway (I know because he told me so).

Observation #2: Couples on planes are annoying.

Observation #3: No, I don't want a cup of ice with my beer.

Etiquette #5: If you are going to read a newspaper, take some time practicing how to fold it over so your hairy hand isn't hovering above my lap the whole flight.

Etiquette #6: Take some sympathy on the middle seaters. Give them the armrests. They've had a long day.