Meeting Me Online

Evil

I wish there were some kind of online dating website where, for $24.95 a month, I can go on there and meet myself. I would hop on there, log in (username = "massivecock1976"), and read a deep and insightful profile -- of me. The profile would tell me things that I've always wanted to know about myself. For example: What kind of person am I? What kind of person am I to be around? What do I like to do in my spare time? In lieu of knowing any of this, I've spent the last 28 years making crap up.

On multiple occassions, I've had (female) friends say to me, "It's unfair that I am honest with you about what goes on in my life, but it doesn't work the other way around."

To this, I am always tempted to say, "Listen, wench, I'll be honest with you right after I learn to be honest with myself."

But instead, what I usually do is awkwardly and ungracefully change the subject. Something like this: "Huh? What? Please understand that there's a giant hole in my heart, the place where most people store their love. (*Nervous laughter*)"

This is usually followed by the rolling of eyes, but nevertheless, the subject has been changed.

It would be great if this online dating website had an email feature, so I can email myself with pointed questions. Stuff like: "Tell me about your parents and your family in general" and "Why would you be a good person to date, other than being a good lay?"

Anyone who know more about this "Internet" thing... please let me know if such a website exists.