Happy Birthday, GWOAMTSOHC!

Dear Girl Who Once Asked Me To Sit On Her Coat,

Happy Birthday! I'm sorry I didn't make it to your party last night, but then again, you probably wouldn't have remembered me. You asked me to sit on your coat about two years ago. I refused. You insisted. It was awkward. In lieu of having actual friends, I am now mentally pretending that people with whom I've had even the most insignificant conversation are now friends of some sort. Woooo!

Anyway, I hope you ended your birthday in your birthday suit.

Bye,
Evil