Evil
Ralphie May (above), from "Last Comic Standing." Estimated weight: 550 pounds Ruben Studdard (right), from "American Idol." Estimated weight: 350 pounds |
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I had a pretty big plate of pasta for dinner last night and being that it was a warm summer evening and also because I had an 18-pound watermelon chilling in the fridge, I could hardly help but be pretty jazzed about it all. (+5 on the FA Index!) I sliced up half the watermelon and brought it to my bed --in TWO plates-- to eat because at this point in my life, I can't be bothered to eat sitting up. One plate in and I knew I was in trouble but I resolved to be tough and finished off the second plate anyway. And besides, I didn't want to walk back to the fridge. It's much easier to drop plates at the foot of one's bed and fall asleep with the lights on, all the while wondering why watermelon tastes so good but has to hurt so bad.
I'm not sure if being overly stuffed had anything to do with this, but I had a really bad dream. I was in my old high school building and rushing around trying to find room 189 for biology class, but for the life of me, I couldn't find it and it was pissing me off. At the peak of my frustration, I run right into both Ruben Studdard and Ralphie May in the hallway and without any explanation at all, they turn around and put their asses in my direction and made an ass sandwich with me in the middle. At one point, Ruben was shouting "Back that truck up!!!" as he leaned in with all his weight.
Luckily, I managed to wake up before dying.
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