The Hose

Evil
Even though I've lived in New York for most of my life, I seldom witness anything out of the ordinary. For example, I've never seen a celebrity. And I'm not talking about Madonna or DeNiro... I haven't so much as been in the same bagel shop as Regis Philbin. Two summers ago, I ran the Central Park reservoir anywhere from 3 to 5 times a week, usually in the middle of the day. I figure the odds were against me NOT running into Howard Stern, but hey, it didn't happen.

It's sunny today, so I was at the Great Lawn, tanning, and generally minding my own business when two chicks, who were about 20 feet to my immediate left, dropped their bikini tops. WHAT? Is today Nudist Pride Day or something? Am I being disrespectful by wearing shorts? Let me tell you... these two chicks were smokin'. The blonde girl had breasts like right out of an x-rated Anime film. If she had a nickname, it would be The Girl With The Perkist Tits in Manhattan. The other girl was a redhead (no "firecrotch" comments from the gallery, please) and had great nipples in her own right. They started rubbing lotion on their boobs and it was at this point that I had to turn over and lie on my stomach, if only out of respect for the little kids who were also sharing the Great Lawn.