NFL Picks

Nora thinks we are lacking this week so I will post some NFL picks so I can remind everyone that THIS IS HARD. I can't be witty all week. I just can't. Evil is hardly ever witty...poor guy. Mamacita can't even get a dinner reservation together this week. You want her to post something. Someone find a picture of some puppies so we can keep the readership under control.

Here are some NFL picks

Jets at Tennessee -5.5 - The Jets are the fourth best team in the NFL. After the Giants, Tennessee and ummm...I'm not sure who, but probably one other team. Tennessee's TD machine is a guy who looks to be in worse shape that me. I think their red zone offense is to tell Lendale "Fat F*ck" White there is a sandwich in the end zone. The Jets will counter by employing a defensive strategy that centers around telling Nose tackle Kris Jenkins that Fat F*ck White is a sandwich. Take the Jets with the points

Buffalo at Kansas City +3.0 - 9 years ago Sparks and I went to a Jets/Buffalo game in November at the height of Parcells Mania. As Mo Lewis sacked Doug Flutie, the guy sitting in front of us pulled out a tray of icy buffalo wings and asked us to partake victoriously. As we stared at our frozen wings from an unknown source, Sparks and I agreed this was a disgusting/horrible idea. Buffalo is overrated and Kansas City is at home, playing alright and have crazy person Herman Edwards at Coach.

New Englad at Miami Pick 'em - Hey Vegas, Grow some balls! Take Miami! They are at home and at some point they will need to make a deep throw. Ronnie Brown will air it out to a streaking Chad Pennington down the sideline.

Somewhat lacking

I Know Just The Person!

Evil

I just read in the news that Velvet Revolver (aka the Original GnR minus Axl Rose) is looking for a new lead singer! Scott Weiland is out of the band. You know who would make a great new lead singer for the band? Evil Twin #2! All those long road trips as a kid is about to pay off...

Chinese Democracy Tuesday

Or Cheap Stunt Tuesday, whatever you prefer.

Anything that takes fourteen years to happen is worth a long hard look. Evil, KillerB and I agreed that we would each listen to an advance copy of Chinese Democracy completely independently and post our thoughts.

Surprisingly, we all had almost the exact same thing to say. Thankfully, we chose to use different words.

Where do we go now? Where do we go now? Chinese Democracy and the wanderings of one Axl Rose

Listening to Chinese Democracy is a lot like hooking up with an ex-girlfriend from years past – you always looked forward to the day it would happen, but you know it won’t mean much to either of you the next day.

Which is why, after listening to the album for the past 2 days, I’m ready to move on to more interesting things.

The title track kicks things off and the listener is quickly comforted to find out that the Axl Rose we all grew up with – brooding, shrieking, lurking behind punishing guitars and pounding drums, is still the Axl Rose we are left with – with about 1/10^th the range. If you were concerned (or hopeful) that he had grown up as a vocalist, put your worries (hope) aside.

For those looking for a November Rain moment, keep looking. Street of Dreams opens with a promising vocal but soon disintegrates into what may as well be any rock ballad from the GnR catalog – Don’t Cry, Yesterday etc.

For those waiting for a Welcome to the Jungle moment, you’ll have to keep waiting as well. While we don’t know much of what Axl has been up to for the past 13 years, it’s safe to say he hasn’t been sleeping on the streets and thus hasn’t had much compelling autobiographical material to draw from. Dare we say Axl lives a boring life now? Yeah, we do.

So, while this might not be much for the casual music fan, for those looking to hookup with an old flame, this album might be just the thing to entertain you for 2 days. It certainly won’t be the same experience as it was in your freshman dorm, but there are worse ways to spend a couple of days. So give it a listen for what it is, even if that is just to remind yourself of how hard you once rocked.

Also, there is a song called Prostitute, so that’s pretty cool.

Who needs a Chinese Democracy?

He did not stand a chance.

First an admission, when Guns N’ Roses was huge I had other interests; Cypress Hill comes to mind, a little bit of Rage against the Machine. Basically I was somewhere else. That aside, I knew what was coming whenever I heard the riff that opens “Sweet Child of Mine”, you all know the words to a song like “November Rain”. This stuff is in the DNA of our own little personal histories. This is exactly the sort of stuff that was playing in the background of our collective youth. More specifically, I remember my first day of high school, watching some cholo drive around the block repeatedly, playing “Welcome to the Jungle”. At the time, I found this act uninspired, little obvious and terribly smug. Looking back now, I think about it and smile.

History has been similarly kind to GnR, these songs have grown in popularity; I think thanks in part to a nostalgia factor. Even the Use Your Illusion period, at the time considered a bit self indulgent and very all over the place, is now affectionately referred to as ambitious and sprawling.

The last decade has been about moving on with the rest of the band finding continued success in the form of Velvet Revolver.

Not Axel Rose.

Holding firm to his vision and replacing band members left and right, he has spent the last fourteen years and reportedly tens of millions of dollars putting together another Guns N' Roses album. It's finally here. It's Chinese Democracy. It is a lot to live up to, too much.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some highlights. The first two cuts on the album are clearly the best, the title track and Sheckler’s Revenge sport a strong baseline, some interesting vocals and generally make you want to tap your feet. After that it drifts. Last year when I read “The Brief Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao” I wrote that you could feel the effort; the book was tight, the characters and their evolution real. Of course these things would be real, they evolved in the author's head for well over a decade. In this instance, something else happened. Time did Axel a disservice. The whole thing feels a little over produced, which is saying something, given the expectations associated with the hair band genre. Like many middle age rockers, his voice does not hit the notes as hard as it used to.The album drifts as it goes and at some point I lose interest entirely. Street of Dreams is predictable and a little sappy. If the World woke me up in the middle but mostly because it felt like it was from a different album. The last track, Prostitute is interesting but only vaguely.

Even the title doesn’t make sense anymore. The Chinese economy has been growing like gang busters for the last decade. The movement that spawned the album title has sputtered since Tiananmen Square. China has reaped the rewards of Market Socialism and developed a new class that is hyper nationalistic, wealthy and not terribly interested in Democracy at all.

Hmm...Ok, maybe the title does make sense.

Album Review: Chinese Democracy, by Guns 'N Roses

Evil

A lot can happen in 15 years. But then again, very little can happen in 15 years.

The first statement applies generally to the world around us. Clinton (Bill), George W. Bush, 9/11, Gore (almost), W. again, two wars, Clinton (Hillary)… no, it’s Obama… no, it’s Palin, actually, it’s really Obama. Hope!

The second statement applies to Axl Rose, Guns ‘n Roses, and the (finally) upcoming album, Chinese Democracy. About 15 years in the making, Democracy is GnR’s 6th studio album and the first since 1993’s The Spaghetti Incident.

When I heard that The Hose was obtaining an early preview copy of Democracy, my first reaction was to wonder, will this album even be relevant – both socially and musically? On first listen, the album did not strike me in any way. It perhaps even confused me. What is this album even about? Why was it even released? Who is the record executive who green-lighted this and when is he going to get fired? There were so many questions.

On the surface, Democracy sounds muddled, with layers of sound that you can imagine piled on during the album’s years in the studio. This is not the raw punch that is Appetite For Destruction. It is not even the overly-symphonic, overly self-indulgent, yet somewhat-coherent Use Your Illusion (I & II). Illusion’s "Civil War" and Democracy’s "Madagascar" both sample Strother Martin’s speech from Cool Hand Luke. But whereas "Civil War" lifts the dialogue basically in its raw form, Madagascar features it sliced, diced, and intertwined with samples from Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech.

Complexity aside, and defections of all original members not named Axl aside, Democracy does sound like a GnR album. That is, if GnR were a band of middle-aged corporate sellouts (even if they don’t know it). If there’s a single organizing principle around the tracks in this album, it’s one of “F*ck you and f*ck the world!” Democracy is an enraged outburst, but is anyone listening?

Wow, This is F'd Up

Evil

I'm not sure who this "artist" really is, but I have a suspicion that it's Manolo.

Anyone Interested?

Evil


Does anyone want to go to the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show with me? Is Feb 9th and 10th at Madison Square Garden. Maybe we'll see one of Bruno's relatives there!

Shake your fanny, we want Manny

The scene on Friday November 3, 2008, outside the New York Mets' Offices in the new Citi Field, sponsored by Citibank.

It's sad to see how the unemployed spend their days....I curse these recessionary times.

I'm just glad no one was hurt. Mr. Wilpon has the look of a terrified airplane hostage in the early 80s.

Special thanks to Baron Von Hayes for tracking this down for us...

Starbucks Gold

Evil


When I went into my neighborhood Starbucks and said, "I'd like to buy a Starbucks Gold card, " the cashier perked up and responded, "Oh! The Gold card, yes! I'll go get one for you right away." She ran to the back storage room and seemingly rummaged around for several full minutes before emerging with a Gold card.

When I went into my near-work Starbucks and charged a grande Pike Place coffee to the Gold card, the cashier looked at it and said, "Oh! You have a Gold card!"

Why is the Gold card garnering such surprised reactions? Is it because demand is low?

Xtian + Evil = Liars

"Since all of our friends were busy and had other plans on Friday night, Xtian and I decided to go to a basketball game."

Liars. Evidence from our Friday AM chat below. Not only do they not say what they are doing, they don't even mention they are doing it together! Tier 0 no longer. You just got dumped to tier 2, where I keep my so-so out of town friends and people I meet at church.

10:55 AM
me: beers after work?
Xtian: today?
Evil: hi i cant make it today
me: booo x-tian? today?
10:56 AM
Xtian: no can do what are you doing tomorrow
Evil: xtian is so difficult
me: okay - I'll move on to my tier 1 friends
Xtian: its raining
Evil: we're your tier 0 friends?
Xtian: inner core?
me: yes - like brothers - not even friends - something more

Xtian And Evil Go To A Basketball Game

Evil

Since all of our friends were busy and had other plans on Friday night, Xtian and I decided to go to a basketball game. The Atlanta Hawks were in town to play the New Jersey Nets. We weren't the only ones with that idea. Jay Z was at the game!

Even though there was a basketball game going on, I don't think we watched much of it because there were so many distractions in the arena. For example, check out this cheerleader's crotch:

In general, the Nets cheerleaders exceeded expectations. They all had some nice booty, even the white girls.

There were only two Chinese people in the entire area. I was one and I spotted the other one sitting across the court from us (we were in Row 9, center court, biotches!). If she weren't already wearing a gigantic ring, I would totally marry her. Drats! Too late, yet again. Oh well.

Shock(er)ing

I've been waiting all season to bring this up....

Last year, The New England Patriots went 16-0 in the regular season. Normally, this is a great achievement, as teams just don't do that. However, the Pats did this in the same year they got slapped in the face by the NY (football) Giants in a very exciting Superbowl. So, the question is, should we speak of it? Or more importantly, should we hang a banner on it? I got an A- minus in Analysis of Algorithms in 1997. Should I get a banner for that and put it over my bed?

A bit much, no?


In my mind, this is the football equivalent of another unnecessary banner...


Thank you, Brett Favre for making it OK to bring up this very important topic. See you fools in the playoffs

R

Do not have a good feeling about me and R. Maybe it is done. Maybe time to move on.

Things that Rock: Puppies

Don't tell Bruno Bear I'm posting this link.

The Post-Election NOW WHAT?

Evil

For the better part of the last ten to twelve months, I've spent a good 20 hours every week watching political coverage on TV. The first thing I'd do in the morning is switch on MSNBC to for some Morning Joe and then hop in the shower. I have a TV in my office, so on most days, I have CNN in the background. I'd also turn on political coverage first thing after getting home from work. Needless to say, I watched the coverage of every primary, every caucus, every debate. Add on the Sunday talk shows: This Week with George Stephanopoulos, The Chris Matthews Show, and Meet The Press.

We now have a president elect. NOW WHAT? How do I spend these 20 extra hours? Any tips from the Hosers?

Overheard In New York

Evil

Overheard on the 2 train, headed downtown. Two women are talking. Typical mid-to-late 30's New Yorkers. They're talking about boyfriends, dating, past relationships. And one says to the other:

"You are intimidatingly smart."

The other replies:

"I know!!!"

And on top of that she adds:

"I once dating a guy who went to Harvard who told me I was too smart. Harvard! HARVARD!"

Listen lady, I don't know how smart you are. You're probably pretty smart. But you have neither modestly nor self awareness nor social intelligence. You're pushing 40. You need to spend some more time on the treadmill. The number one thing keeping you from finding a man is not that you're too smart. Men do care about intelligence, but that is like #11 on the list of priorities.

Madmen!

Evil

Fellow Hosers Xtian, Le Trois, Killer B1 and Killer B2 were all decked out in 1960s outfits at the Madmen themed party last night. Too bad I showed up late and the Killer Bs had to take off before I spent much time asking the whereabouts of their honeymoon photos (Argentina vacation). But Killer B1 promises me that he's going to work on them today and will post them soon. WOOO!

R and I grabbed a quick dinner downtown and dropped by the Madmen party. The place was packed. So much so that at one point, R's hand mysteriously grabbed Xtian's ass. It was awkward, I have to say.

Off to SF for a couple of days. Going to watch the Giants vs. Eagles game from the hotel later today and then meet up with Evil Twin #2's grumpy friend for dessert.

Drapering

Going to a madmen party tomorrow. You can bet that there will be drapering going on.

Feeling punchy

At punch with evil, kentak, mamacita, and me trois. We are having a grand old time. I am shitfaced.

Clean Sweep

What an exciting week it's been! First Obama, and now KillerB #1 in landslide victories. There's so much hope for the future.

KillerB #1, it looks like the voters believe you should spend time with your lovely new wife instead of training a puppy, are too cheap to buy you a drink (with the recession and all), and don't think you need any fashion help.

Good news! Just a little muscle milk to help with your flexing in photos.

Whoa

Best. Acceptance. Speech. Ever. Did anyone else forget what it felt like to be inspired (or at least impressed (or at the very least, not embarrassed)) with a government leader? If President Elect Barack Obama wants me to serve with him as Secretary of Energy, I will accept.

Good question

Xtian brings up a good question on McCain's legacy. There is no doubt that many, many of us respected McCain much more 12 months ago than we did yesterday. For the past six months, it has been difficult to recognize the man I had hoped would challenge W in the 2004 primary, or the guy who was within a breath of become John Kerry's running mate.

But I think history will forgive McCain the candidate, and remember McCain the senator. He's been the only powerful Republican in the past decade to stand up against the crazies in his party. I think that's what history will remember.

Unless that manic Palin becomes president at some point. Then he will be remembered as the guy who opened Pandora's box.

Concession

John McCain is up making a concession speech. It's a classy speech, a bit broad on the symbol of a black man as president rather than the impact of Obama as a man but it still reminds us all of the guy we all knew he was somewhere deep down.

His supporters need to shut the f*ck up, but that's neither here nor there.

I am suddenly hung up on what his political epithet will be.

Will it be an homage to the guy of who stood alone in the face of a typhoon that was the Bush machine in 2000 and suffered greatly for it?

Or, somewhat sadly, will it be one that focuses on a guy who gave up a little too much of his soul, making deals with devils and still coming up short?

56 senate seats and we are preposterously close to the idea of Senator Al Franken.

Called before prime time (Pacific)

All the CNN comentators, Reps and Dems, are crying. Very touching.

Three cheers for Florida irrelevance. Three cheers for Obama.

That's it

MSNBC just called all the western states for Obama then cut to Grant Park, Harlem and Spellman College.

Big Party all around.

Hope! Realized! (F*ck you, even I got a bit misty)

Jesse Jackson is in tears somewhere.

Bill Bennett for some reason just had the most poignant reaction of them all. Invoking the name of Lincoln, nice job Bill...

Chavez wants to meet with the "Black Man"

Not sure what to do with myself I punched in "Chavez" "Obama" into the google. Here is what came back

I hope Chavez learns to call President Obama something other than "the black man".

fivethrityeight.com perspective

At 10:06pm fivethirtyeight.com put this up...interesting

Orange County Florida

The Bump's tactic of intimidating voters in Orange County all morning has worked. Chuck Todd just told us that Orange County, Fl is 60% for Obama!

wooo

Rout

I've been informed that "rout" does not have an "e."

Route

207 electoral votes, and they have not called CA, WA, or OR yet. If he takes FL, he'll be over 300.

Quiet Lull

Everyone is too scared to make a call of any note in a swing state. MSNBC cut to Grant Park to talk to a little black girl who is super excited about Barack...

Texas just went to Sen. McCain but Catjjy and I just did some math and are feeling pretty good about things

Whoa!

Did anyone else see the ABC "Internet Coverage" girl? Viana Golodiras or something like that? She is responsible for loggin on to Facebook and looking very pretty (but not as pretty as Catjjy). Who is she?

CNN calls OHIO!

I think for McCain to win now he needs to win California. My vote matters!

And the winner is....

Soledad O'Brien by a landslide. She represents our beautiful omni-racial future. Cambell Brown is yesterday's news.

Harold Ford Jr. for Secretary of Keeping It Real.

Breaking news!

CNN goes Lord of the Flies. William Bennet scarfs a foot-long meatball grinder, then wipes his mouth with David Gergin. Things are getting wild!

Ohio

Fox just projected Ohio for Barack. They have 200 for Barack.

Over on CNN, I think David Gergen just asleep, face down in his soup, mid sentence.

Back on Fox, they have started interviewing McCain ground troops. Looking for a scapegoat they are asking if this mess is all Gov Palin's fault. Nice job guys!

Harold Ford Jr!

MSNBC just found Former Congressman Harold Ford Jr. Where's he been hiding?

Is a brother vying for a cabinet post?

Mike Murphy, MSNBC token Republican, is just about rolling over for Barack.

MSNBC can't stop calling States

While refusing to call Virgina (based on what looks like two counties up for debate) and NC, they just threw Arkansas to McCain.

Morris Day and I just debated who was hotter Soledad O'Brien or Campbell Brown.

Catjjy just called so I could hear Cha say "Obama". we need to record that and get that up on the Hose ASAP.

Chuck Todd just threw a wet blanket on everything thinking that Virgina is not looking good for Barack...don't ruin my buzz with your sober rational analysis.

Excellent point

Obama is going to keep Fox News in business for the next decade. Hannity probably voted for him.

New vote: should Xtian and I get a room? Where is everyone else? Is Evil live-blogging for a competing organization? Is Killer B too busy being a devoted husband?

Dead Man Broadcasting

Brit Hume looks horrible. Is he ok?

Fox is doing a somber piece on the lack of voter fraud/suppression concerns. Kind of burying the lead there, aren't we guys?

This piece is coming from Ohio. This morning on Imus, Paul Begala said that he heard there would be 80% turn out in Ohio. That's just nuts!

Bill Kristol just admitted this will be the most liberal government since LBJ.

Hume just asked "Is this actually a center left country?"

I don't understand why this feels like a funeral. They get to rag on the Dems endlessly for the next two years!

Switch Channels!

NBC is calling things left and right. Obama has 340 electoral votes, McCain has 300. It's madness.

The Cha just said "Obama"! Very cute. Anyone who wants to hear a 1.5 year get brainwashed by his parents, give us a call.

The big story

Is that CNN is afraid to call anything. With 40% of the precincts reporting they refuse to call Florida for Obama!

MSNBC has Indiana and NC being too close to call!

Someone call Florida before I start crying Bourbon!

As a sidebar, apparently Tom Brokaw played daddy to all these MSNBC goons a few weeks ago and told them all to grow up. To the point where the Morning Joe guy and dbag Olbermann had to caveat every analysis of polling in the last few weeks with "Taking Tom Brokaw's advice to heart, I won't say this is over but..." as if it's Tom's fault that he's not a d-bag.

At this point the only difference between CNN and MSNBC tracking is that CNN has 1 of Maine's 4 electoral votes going to Sen. McCain. Who knew you could split electoral votes.

Gotta run over to Fox and see if Sean Hannity has killed himself yet.

Ice rink

Is anyone else enjoying the NBC 30 Rock ice rink with the election map, being diligently colored in as states are called? Nice tough. I don't recall that in previous elections.

Hagan wins!

"There is no God!!" didn't work. So long, Liddy Dole!

Oh No!

Campbell Brown is pregnant?!?!?!

This may shake out to be the one disappointment I will need to deal with all night.

CNN is refusing to call anything. Everyone else has Sununu falling out of the back of the bus but they just spent 4 minutes explaining why they won't call this race. Campbell Brown might need to lose her top to keep viewers...

More Wow

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Bay Area breaks for Obama

Wooooo! 5pm in the West and the Bourbon is about to start flowing. Good for ABC to have the grapes to call Obama with so little of the vote in. Let the route begin!

Woah

MSNBC just called Pennsylvania for Barack, throwing Barack over 103 Electoral votes! Apparently Bucks County went 2-1 for Barack, who knew!

CNN still says too early to call about the Quaker State. We'll see what they say as things come through.

Odd thing is Alabama and Miss. are open and too close to call.

Barack has not flipped a state yet. Everyone needs to mellow out.

Apparently, Barack is has taken 3% more non-college voters than Senator Kerry did last year. Interesting.

Chris Matthews is sober, but just barely. I am not. Third glass of bourbon!

WOO

More Quickie

Nice one by Starbucks!

The Hose Endorsement

We have been holding back our endorsements till now to ensure the maximum effect on these "swing voters".

Seriously, who are these people? How long does it take for them to decide what dressing to put on their salad or what tie to put on in the morning. I want answers!

New Favorite blog

Meghan McCain, Daughter of Presidential Candidate, Senator John McCain, has a blog. It's awesome.

Here she is discussing how "punk rock" it is to be a Republican.

There are also several photos and comments about the endorsement of McCain by Linda Ramone, widow of Joey Ramone.

Fascinating

xtian is undone

 


Evil and I walked around a bit on Friday night, soaking in the Halloween scene. As we crossed Elizabeth Street, I quickly turned to Evil and said

"That's Media Mogul/Star Editor-At-Large/Time Out NY Dating Columnist Julia Allison!"

His response was something to the effect of "No way"

He drifted over to her and whispered in the creepiest way possible "Are you Julia Allison?"

"Yes" she chirped...

I'll admit, I was elated. I am legitimately a huge fan of hers. Wierd I know. However, I have always been fascinated by her TV appearances on MSNBC and Fox News. Beyond that, Gawker spent a good deal of time obsessed with her. Most recently, I developed a new found appreciation for her reading this article a few months ago. She clearly knows how to generate buzz.

Evil and I have been plotting quietly about how to finally take the world by storm, using her story as a blue print.

She definitely sticks out, even on the street in costume. I mean she's gorgeous in person. Though shorter than I imagined. Perky, and generally engaging, the sort of chick that could take over a room when she entered...

Evil noticing how slackjawed I was, asked if I wanted a photo with her.

"Noooooooooo" I stammered, before recovering and following up with a question of my own "Would you like one?"

Evil quickly resisted while communicating a mild disgust that was directed to me, but not in an obvious way.

Looking back at us, she pipped in with a snarky "Thanks guys..."

Realizing that we were ruining this, I took action. Stuttering and tripping over myself, I brushed past Evil to get to her.

Mid pose, she switched sides, offer that this pose was on her good side...

Staring at her boobs I asked quietly "you have a good side?"

Stupid! Stupid! It did not come out the way I intended. Nothing was. Oh no!

She looked back at me judgingly.

"I mean a better side" I offered meekly...attempting a recovery after banging my head on the diving board.

We stood there for a moment, watching her and her friends bound down the street.

Evil managed to laugh at me the whole walk to the next bar.

More Quickie

This gives me the creeps. what a D-Bag...

Quickie

Evil

Was at the Starbucks to pick up an afternoon coffee. Watched two guys in business suits tickle fighting while the barista was making my latte.

Please Fess Up

Who was the other person that voted that the slumping economy will put The Hose out of business? I am really interested in knowing. I was the other two votes. How can the rest of you be so in denial? C'mon People!

Found In Patagonia - Car Crash Circa 1932?

After Hours by We are Scientists

Planning Ahead

A Hosers Xmas celebration in New York? Anyone? Anyone?

Schooled!

Evil
Do you ever have one of those days where everything just seems to go wrong? I just did, in terms of my Scrabble games. I've been getting schooled left and right. Killer B came back from his honeymoon and apparently has a lot of pent up energy. He's dropping 70+ point words on me regularly. Sirk (who does not read this blog) snuck up on me with no letter left in the bag with a Bingo and stole the game at the very end. Argh! I hate that!!! And Evil Twin #1 completely demoralized me by hitting me with a 158-point word. Yes, you read that correctly. 158 points on a single word! I am through. I'm giving up for the day. I will be back for more tomorrow!

Commercial Review: CEOs As Pitchmen

Evil

I've noticed that a bunch of CEOs are featuring themselves in their company's commercials. How arrogant are these douche bags? Do they honestly think that they're so good looking and telegenic that the public would rather see their ugly mug vs. that of a professional actor?

Let's review some that I've seen lately.

Charles Schwab Commercial



This is Charles Schwab. It's a commercial for the company Charles Schwab. Okay, that right there in an immediate indication of this man's douchebaggery. So how did he do in this commercial? Horribly! Does this man inspire confidence? No. He comes off as a grouchy, old, out-of-touch dude who is so loaded, he could not care less about your money. What is that strange hand motion he does in the middle of the commercial? And what is his final message as the commercial end? Essentially that you should shut up, stop complaining, and leave your money with his company. Great. Grade: D.

Sprint Commercial



Now, for contrast, here's what I think is a good CEO commercial. Doesn't the guy come off as friendly? Accessible? Confident? Seems like a guy you could have a beer with and give product feedback too. Grade: A.

Obama National Anthem

Here is another contender for the Obama Victory Theme Song.

Good Signs

Evil

I made reservations at a nice restaurant downtown for R's birthday dinner. Neither of us had been there before, but it's a newish place and reputed to be quite good so I was looking forward to it.

It had been raining lightly but steadily all day, so I decided to dress casually: button-down shirt, jeans, and dress sneakers. The last thing I need is to drag my Ferragamos through the puddles. I meet R at the train station and a mental "uh-oh" immediately pops into my head. She's much more dressed up than me. She's in a simple but elegant black dress. I know it's a new dress because it had just arrived in the mail a few days before and she had showed it to me. She takes a look at my outfit. I see her eyes do the quick scan from head to toe. Then she smiles and even lets out a little chuckle. "I should have dressed more casually too. It's been raining all day," she says.

We take the subway downtown and by the time we get out of the subway station, the sky had completely opened up. The rain was falling in sheets and the wind had whipped up so even with umbrellas, we were drenched within seconds. The restaurant was only 3 blocks away. I ask R if she wants to hide out in a Duane Reade til the rain lets up a bit. She is, after all, wearing a skirt and open toed heels. She says that we're already here, so we might as well make a run for it. We're trudging through the rain. I'm jumping over the deep puddles that have gathered at the curb. R jumps over them too.

We arrive at the restaurant about 20 minutes after our reservation time, so they ask us to wait at the bar til a table opens up. R is wiping her lower legs with paper towels. She shakes the water off her raincoat. Her hair is all wet. I'm all wet too. This seems disastrous: two really soggy people at a nice restaurant, late for our reservations. I ask R if she's upset because this is the type of things that I expect girls to get upset about. She says she isn't. "You know, it's like, whatever." Those were her exact words.

We wait at the bar. It's a great bar area. Really cozy and dim. A good looking crowd hanging out. I ask R what she's drinking. She peruses the drink menu. Great wine selection. Some really good-looking specialty cocktails as well. She closes the menu, looks up. "I'll have a Knob Creek, on the rocks." Awesome! I did the same, and the bourbon felt just right at the moment. It made us a little warm, more at ease. Feeling good.

Obama Victory Theme Song?

Evil

Was just downloading some song to play on Rock Band 2 and re-discovered an old gem of a song. Seems like it would be perfect for the Obama campaign... perhaps to use a the victory theme song???

Time For Change

I heard some kids telling me
How theyve lost all the faith in the way
Theyve been talking world peace
And the wars in the streets

(pre-chorus)
The lines on their faces so deep
A revolution, or reach out
And touch the day
Were overdue, child

(chorus)
Change
Now its time for change
Nothing stays the same
Now its time for change

I feel the the future in the hands
Of our youth will be safe
No more lies
Old, tired fools tell our future
With tarot cards, and lie of crime

(pre-chorus)(chorus)

Ill change
Ill change
Not tomorrow but today

(chorus)

Recognize that song?

How Embarassing

YIKES! I don't even want to know how much it cost to get A-Rod, Kobe, Michael Phelps, and Tony Hawk to do 1 commercial. One very GAY commercial.

Holiday Inn Express - Rapper

DVRs are killing commercial viewership. Good riddance. Most commercials are idiotic, but a few are brilliant and not to be missed. Check this one out!

Me saying what we are all thinking

me: are you back?
Killer B #1: no. Sunday.
me: rats
Killer B #1: i'm okay with it
me: (to my self and no one else) Maybe I'm not

Sanrio Store, Take 2

Evil

The first Sanrio store I went to was small and didn't have a great selection of products. So today, I went to the flagship Sanrio store near Times Square. This place had it all. I wanted to pick up some Hello Kitty women's underwear for R's bday gift. I saw several pretty cool options, but something about buying Hello Kitty underwear just felt too pervy. Hah! I ran outta there. So I guess R is not getting an actual gift for her bday.

SAD State of Affiars

I'm suffering from a little seasonal effectiveness. It's so cold outside, Xtian ditched me yesterday for another event, and then posted on Facebook about how much fun he was having, and, Evil keeps playing Rock Band and doesn't invite me over, even though I sang at 100% for us last time.

The financial maelstrom is making me anxious so I can't buy anything on eBay, KenTak3 is working like a madman to save the economy, and Bruno is still with my parents so I am alone all the time in Brooklyn just with a couple of random mice.

I think I want to get another dog. Bruno's sister gave birth to some new puppies and I really want to get another one. I think it will be comforting.

Does anyone else want to get one and time-share with me? I think this is going to be her last batch. Please?

Wedding Bells

There have be a lot of weddings lately around the Hose Offices. The Mamacita married her favorite robot, and the Killer Bs tied the knot. Congratulations to all involved.

In preparation for one last wedding, Catjjy and I cooked up a list for the pending nuptuals of Sparks sister. It was her task but she asked me for some input. This is not quite what she used but I thought it was fun enough to throw up on the blog...

Does This Apartment Make Me Look Gay?

Evil


Evil Twin #2 and several other people are starting to give me a complex. In the last several days, there have been multiple independent mentions about how gay-looking my apartment is. Is that really true? Hosers, you can tell me the truth!

Some pics here:

http://picasaweb.google.com/(mygmailname)/ApartmentPics?authkey=3ZUU37heoq4#

Note: replace (mygmailname) with my actual gmail name.

Please weigh in in the comments section. Thanks, y'all!

The Greatest Post Never Posted

Evil

Over IM, Xtian and I just constructed the greatest post that we cannot post to The Hose. Our readership is too big and it would hurt some feelings.

As such, Xtian and I are starting a new, secret blog and will only be inviting the "inner core" to read. You will be getting your invites in your email inbox. (Or maybe you won't.)

On The Road To A Drinking Problem

Evil

This isn't so bad, is it?

Outdated Movie Review: W

Movies about recent history are always a challenge. As a viewer you spend more time checking out how similar the actor is in appearance and mannerism than you do watching the movie, following the story etc.

“W” suffers here for just that reason. Why rob me the chance to stare at Thandie Newton for 2 hours by boxing her into a disturbing physical caricature of Condolizza Rice that brings a fused back to mind. W is not as good looking as Josh Brolin and Elizabeth Banks is the most “attainably hot chick in Hollywood”…is she really a credible Laura Bush?

That aside, the movie is great. The trailer makes the film seem a bit like an extreme parody with a goofiness that would be unworthy of the material. Instead, Oliver Stone took us to some familiar ground for him - Presidents, critical flaws, evil guys with lighting to let you know they are evil, and of course, everyone’s favorite, a weak son trying to earn his too cold father’s love. There is an element of the movie that is a period piece and that works well.

Brolin handles the role of W well enough, not just relying on squintiness in the eyes but infusing a goofy charm, a tinge of ego, and a lot of insecurity together to bring someone who feels very real to life. Brolin’s W is only a little flawed redeemed by the idea that though completely over his head, he is almost completely aware of it.

Good movie, go watch it

Thank Goodness For Health Insurance

Evil

Thank goodness I have health insurance because I can't get enough of the doctor's office. I've been going to this particular office for about 2 years now (since I moved to the neighborhood) and I've only seen my doctor once. But I've seen the nurse practitioner like 6 or 7 times and each time, she's lookin' smoking hot! Today I went in for a physical and a flu shot. She had me take off my clothes. It was great. She pushed on my stomach to feel for a potential enlarged liver. I squirmed and chuckled because that test tickles. She laughed.

Too bad she is married. What a hottie. She's about 5-foot-1 and 100 pounds. Short blonde hair and a surprisingly fill-out ass for such a small chick. What now?

The best part of the recession

I love the recession because I love watching CNBC and being able to watch cnbc gets me in the gym more. I love just chilling on an elliptical watching people comment on the markets, standing down on the floor with people shouting behind them. It's just great.

CNBC pushed that to the next level by bringing in Maria Bartiromo several years ago. In anticipation of the present down cycle they have been stacking the deck introducing several more chicks to stare at...here are a few of my favorites

Erin Barnett


Trish Regan


Rebecca Jarvis




YAY! Recession

Manolo Goes On A Date (aka Original Date or Die)

(Author's Note: Unlike some people at the Hose, Manolo has a real life so he was never seriously emotionally wounded when he was unceremoniously dumped from The Hose...At the same time, Manolo never left. He comes back to check upon The Hose every 4-6 months to see how this gang of misfits is holding up...For example, I have noticed that xTian and Evil have taken my original date concept and run with it. Kudos to them...In fact, I hope they never go through some of my worst moments and refuse to pay medical bills...In their honor, I tell the following tale of woe...)
=================================
My name is Manolo and I have a disease. I am too picky when it comes to women…I seem to be looking for perfection in a world where imperfections are what makes us unique. These imperfections (real or made-up) are used by me as nothing but as a shield not to get close to somebody. Every time I met a new woman, I would ask myself if she was girlfriend/wifey material…If she was not, I would use these imperfections as reasons to abandon the possibilities of what may have been and focus more on short-term satisfaction of physiological needs…Don’t get me wrong, guilt-free no-strings-attached sex is great but like every man before me, I have a hunger for something more…I have arrived at that point in life where one longs to be one with somebody for more than a couple of hours (who am I kidding? I meant minutes…but best 4 minutes of your life…wink!)…

Therefore, I am trying to be a little less picky…a bit more open minded. I am trying hard about overlooking imperfections and giving everyone a chance…

Two weekends ago, I went out to paint the town (color didn’t really matter) with some friends...We are at this trendy lounge when this young woman walks by and catches my eye…what was not to like…tall (5’9’’), slim, red hair, blue eyes, smooth porcelain-like skin…

We seemed to really hit it off. In fact, we spent close to 5 hours together (last 2-3 hours walking down the beach). At the end of the night, we exchanged phone numbers and we went our separate ways, but not before agreeing to meeting once again.

As I was driving home, I kept going back to two things that were holding me back….One of them was her accent. Don’t get me wrong, I like accents. I think they are sexy, especially in the throes of passion. In fact, I am such a believer in accents that I went out and got one of my own. Nevertheless, her Russian accent meant that I found myself at times asking her what she had just said. The other thing was that she has a small mole around her lip…I then told myself if Cindy Crawford has it, why not her? I noticed I was falling into my old patterns so I decided then and there to give her a chance…

I spoke to her a couple of times on the phone and after finding out that she loves the beach, we agreed to go to the beach for our first date. I pick her up and as we are driving to our destination, she starts talking about Halloween and how she needs to buy a costume…I don’t know why she is looking for a costume since the outfit she has already makes her look like a Russian sailor (white short shorts, blue and white striped shirt, hat, sunglasses, pig tails). I think she looks very sexy but afraid of how the comment may be construed, I keep it to myself. Taking a cue to be spontaneous, we drive to a Halloween store I passed by on the way to her house to try on some costumes…Some of them were too hot to handle on a first date but I did not care…if she did not like seeing me in a Hooters outfit, perhaps she shouldn’t have looked…

Anyway, we finally arrive at the beach where I proceed to impress her by breaking out the blanket, a bottle of champagne and a full spread of cheeses and fruits…We sit there talking watching the waves crashing upon another…we start feeding each other and at one point, I drop an apple into the chocolate. I pull the apple out but my finger is drenched in chocolate…she laughs, jumps towards me and cleans my finger dry…I didn’t need another hint…I put a drop of chocolate on her cheek and I clean it…she then puts some chocolate on the tip of my nose and she cleans it…I put some chocolate on her lips….

All of a sudden, we are rolling on the blanket squishing the occasional strawberry or grape as we jockey for an ideal kissing position…From time to time, I put some chocolate on her neck or shoulders or thighs and kiss it away…I put some on her stomach and then….

I see it…I had felt something but I thought it may have been the shorts or the shirt…No, it’s not what you think…you see, my Russian sailor has an outie…I have only seen outies in the belies of malnourished third world children so imagine my surprise…

You would think that if you ever ran into one, you could just gnaw on it…maybe even treat it as a kind of a third nipple…

I guess I am not a better man after all...Back to the drawing board...

This Drives Me Insane

Evil

I wasn't born in this country and English isn't my first language; I started learning English when I was about 4 or 5. I think it's common among non-native speakers of a language to process it more literally and to take the rules more seriously because, after all, we learned the language by learning the rules.

Actually, I don't remember all the rules anymore. I wish I did. But here's something that I'm pretty sure is incorrect usage and it drives me f'ing berserk!!! When someone uses "I" when they really meant to use "me." A couple of examples:

"Picture of Evan and I at the beach."

"Gift given to Mara and I."

Why do people do this? It's ME, people. It's ME.

(I have many more pet peeves. I'll save them for future posts. What are yours? Let I know in the comments section!)

Getting Political

Evil

The election is only 2 weeks away and it looks like Obama is going to take it without much difficulty. Also, the Democrats are looking forward to big gains in Congress, in both the House and the Senate. It's possible that they'll end up with 60 seats in the Senate, which will give Democrats a filibuster-proof majority. Over the next 4 years... heck, let's be realistic... 8 years of the Obama administration, he'll also likely appoint 3 new members of the Supreme Court.

That's a huge sea change: Democrats in the White House, Democrats in the House, Democrats in the Senate, and a more liberal Supreme Court. Which has me thinking: will we finally see legalization of marijuana in America? Or at the very least, legalization of industrial hemp.

From The Har Har Department...

Evil

When Nancy Reagan broke her hip, I love how CNN reported it as news that was "Breaking Today." HAR HAR!

Where are the hosers!

Did we all quit and not tell anyone? Evil twins style?

Unintended Perviness

Evil


R is Japanese and as such, she is really into Hello Kitty. I wouldn't say that her apartment is overrun with Hello Kitty stuff. It's more like, here's Hello Kitty paraphernalia tucked into random nooks and crannies and if you look hard enough, you'll find Hello Kitty here, Hello Kitty there...

She's got a Hello Kitty hat, a Hello Kitty backpack, Hello Kitty chopsticks. Her cell phone has a little Hello Kitty charm on it... the Hello Kitty is slurping a giant bowl of udon noodles. It's so cute!

R's birthday is this Friday and I figured it would be funny to get her something Hello Kitty-related, so I went to the Sanrio Store in midtown Manhattan during lunch. Boy did I feel like a huge perv. Picture this: 32 year old dude dressed in a business suit and tie browsing over Hello Kitty gear. Ugh! I wanted to get outta there ASAP, and I did.

killer b´s are alive and well

but having a very hard time figuring out how to use capital letters on this southern hemisphere keyboard.

we´ve had beautiful weather so far - spring is supposed to be a roll of the dice here and we´re on day four of postcard perfect skies and warm weather in bariloche. yesterday we took a boat tour of one of the 7 lakes - 463 meters deep! today we fly down to calafate to see glacier moreno. tomorrow we will walk on it and listen to it creek and howl.

i´m sorry evil is bored, and apologize to my scrabble partners - it isn´t supported in argentina, so i can´t make any awesome moves until i get home.

killerb2 sends her love - although she´s in bed, and doesn´t know i´m posting - but surely would send her love.

Feeling Sad

Evil

Feeling sad today... Killer B is out of the country for two weeks. He is always so entertaining but he's not around. Dreary monday.

McCain: I Want to Pork Governor Palin

This video is genius! And it was made by someone we know!!!

The Devil Town

Like many of us, I spent a lot of time reading James Joyce in High School. It was not at all a treat but it did speak to me, this I suppose, counts for something.

Two years ago, a little show called "Friday Night Lights" started on NBC. It was loosely based on a movie from four years ago, which was loosely based on a book from about 20 years ago. It's still relevant because, apparently, it's still the same in all these little west Texas towns -there's Friday and that for football and its under the lights. Makes sense...

It's a great show. Well acted, and not at all encouraging. There is very little hope in this show. I mentioned Joyce earlier, because its tragic the same way Joyce is tragic. People suffer as their bodies and their history betray them. They find themselves struggling in the generational limitations imposed on them by their parents, the lack of opportunity in the immediate world around them and sometimes, most disappointingly, by their own parochialism. The only way things could get more depressing, is if you sat with xtian and le trois in a bar for several hours.

NBC was not going to renew the show, but there was a rabid following, so rather than produce the show themselves, they partnered with DirectTV. DirectTV gets to show the new episodes this year, with NBC re-airing them in January. Kind of a neat deal. The commercial above was also neat and hints at the story that is some word other than neat, but its all I have right now. I really enjoy it...everyone looks really lovely...Tyra and Riggins both facing upwards, as they sort of dare to transcend their white trashness...Matt and Julie facing off, wondering what is next with them...Coach and guidance councilor Tammi trying to get the car started, trying to help their charges find a way out of their tiny Texas town and into a much bigger world.

It's also ostensibly about football. which lends itself to great speeches. Much like the below, from the finale of Season 1.

Good stuff...

Killer B Wedding

Catjjy and I are loading up The Cha and heading to Texas for the Killer B wedding. Beginning Saturday, Killer B #1 and Killer B #2 will finally be able to Do It. We are all very excited.

As Maid of Honor, Catjjy's job is to make sure Killer B #2 arrives at the wedding on time and sober. As Secular Passage Reader, my job is to make sure the ceremony lasts a full 15 minutes. I'm also expanding the roll of Secular Passage Reader to encompass entertaining the groom for the first 8 hours of his wedding day.

For Hosers unable or unwilling to make the trip, we will keep you up to date with poorly redacted photos and near-live blogging. Les Trois' inevitable grey-out + San Antonio's historic river walk = good posting.

FORE!

Nothing doing

I am sitting so still in my office today that the light sensor failed to register a movement for 20 minutes. I sat in the dark for three minutes before i waved my hands to and fro till they turned back on

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

Moment of Zen

Wordle of the Week - Six of One

I don't know about you, but I found last night's debate BORING. Aside from Palin's refusal to end gerunds with a "G" (she's folksy!) and her embrace of the George Bush "nucular" in place of "nuclear", there just wasn't much to get excited about. And today we've got the evidence to prove it. Palin and Biden are in fact the same person! They said the same thing last night. Try to guess which Wordle belongs to each of them. Answer is in the comments section.

Kinda Fun if You're Really Bored

Google is turning ten. In addition to the pinata hanging in the backyard, they've brought back old timey searching. Not ten year old searching, but 7 year old searching, which isn't bad.

Anyway, I searched for iPod, because it didn't exist then, and sure enough - nothing! Just a reference to IPOD - Initial Public Offering Disorder, which I do recall the nation was suffering a pretty bad case of at the time.

Back in 2001 they were making what must have been a mind blowing claim "Search 1,326,920,000 web pages". These days that would just be kinda cute. They don't show that on the home page any more, but I bet it is a kabillion, if not a quadrillion web pages.

Of course I googled myself, and my existence then amounted to the same as my existence now. Zilch. Stupid algorithm.

Do any Hosers find themselves in 2001?

D-Bag of the Month

Bleeding all over the place

Seaver pitches to Piazza during the closing ceremony for Shea Staduim

I have this ongoing conversation with a coworker, a Phillies fan, about baseball. It's an infinite number of paper cuts.

We never got into each other's face about one team's success or the other's failure over a weekend or on a night. A three game sweep is relatively meaningless at any point in time in a baseball season. Any given loss feels horrible. However, the next day, you realize the impact was minor. There is always that night, where you have the chance to win and it will feel great. Of course, the next morning even that exuberance won't matter.

There are so many games, the notion of momentum or whatever gets washed out with a regression to the mean. Baseball ends up exactly where it is meant. The best teams rise to the top, bad teams on the bottom and a team's critical flaw will always be exposed. You get lucky...once...twice...ten times even...but never 162 times.

Anyway, the Mets had a great offense, solid defense, strong starting pitching and in the end, a good manager. They had a crappy bullpen...a theory that was tested night after night and verified several times a week.

That's that I guess...

See ya in Hell, Shea!

I'll be there bright eyed and bushy tailed for Citi Field in the Spring

Greetings from Portugal!

Thank you so much to everyone who has posted pictures of KenTak3 and Bruno Bear's recent nuptuals. Good job on capturing those touching moments! Luckily, I am getting the benefit of the vacation since the little guy doesn't travel so well.

KenTak3 and I are tearing up Portugal. So far, we have been traveling back and forth from the bar to the pool.

Yesterday, we thought we would take a little break and play some golf, only to find that you need a handicap of less than 28. If you can't prove this, you have to take a lesson and be evaluated on whether you are worthy to play on the course.

Booooo! Back to the bar, it is.

There are things here that remind us of the Hose constantly. We are trying to interact with the locals as much as possible to absorb some culture. Today, while sighseeing we came across some little boys. They seem pretty happy even though they were wearing plastic.

Stay tuned for more adventures.

What Do I Do?

Evil

XTIAN is in San Francisco this week... I have good reason to believe that XTIAN is Drapering the Snaggletooth Girl while he is out there. What do I do? What DO I DO???

Snubbed Again!

Evil

How did I NOT make this list of 20 People You Should Follow On FriendFeed? Alright people, if you are on FriendFeed, don't be shy. Feel free to follow me.

Wordle of the Week - Paulson's Proposal to Congress