The Hose

Evil

THE HOSE BBQ

I'm taking a short break from the intense planning session to tell you all, our loyal readers, about the upcoming The Hose BBQ. I'm telling you, XTIAN and I have been up day and night putting this together. It's not going to be like any BBQ you've ever been to before.

Our first order of business is figuring out how we can get Sleeve the hell out of town so we can use his rooftop deck. After kicking around various ideas, we concluded that luring the kid out of town is just way too much effort, not to mention, way too unpredictable. This BBQ need to go off without a hitch. So the going plan is to tie that sucker up, gag him, and stick him in his own closet for the duration of the BBQ.

Now, with that out of the way, let me highlight for you what it means to throw a BBQ, The Hose style...

Hooker Pinata - Because our readership consists mostly of angry males, we'll have a hooker and a whiffle bat. In no way are we condoning violence against women, but you put two and two together. I personally will be too busy working the grill to care what the hell you do.

Sausages aplenty - In addition to being angry, our readership generally is withholding a lot of homoerotic angst. Therefore, when you find me at the grill, you can be sure that I'll be roasting nothing but sausages and weiners. This is all for your enjoyment. You should thank me.

Roofies on the Roof - One of the funniest things I ever heard was how one of the authors on this blog (who shall remain nameless, for obvious reasons!) went and drugged himself with roofies. Imagine that, trying to date rape yourself. But anyway, while said author is tied and gagged in his closet, we will raid his roofies stash and dump it into one of the punch bowls. We will try to label the bowl correctly although I can't guarantee anything because XTIAN is in charge of that and I can't even count on him to use readable english in his emails.

Live webcast - For those of you who can't make it to the BBQ or are too afraid for your physical safety to show up at such an event, there will be a live webcast. However, please note that the webcam is be place down my pants. Again, this is for your enjoyment.

Lastly, I'm happy to announce that The Hose BBQ will be a family event. That means Future Wives are invited, including my own. (The Future Mrs. Evil -- where have you been? I haven't seen you since your birthday party!!!) Additionally, the new puppies of Future Wives are also invited. Younger brothers are also invited, in fact, strongly encouraged to attend, so that when we make fun of you, others have something to point to and laugh.

Please RSVP to thehose@gmail.com.