Date or Die - The Complete and Utter lack of Self Loathing

As we all know, Evil hates white people. However, he LOVES making me feel bad about my supposed "impending whiteness". He is always shooting comments my way like "that's how white people act" with minimal prodding. It could be anything - I buy a neat retro train set for my godson – such an act is met with "why are you trying to make this kid white?" I have a party of some sort - "You don't seem to have many Latino friends." I go on a date with anyone - "Why do you hate your people? Is it because you hate yourself?" As you can imagine it’s all very annoying.

Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure it’s just a numbers game. If I lived in LA, all my friends would be Latinos. They might also be heroin addicts or possibly hipsters but they would more than likely be brown. Still, I digress…
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So I joined some online dating site and I decided this was a great opportunity to target Latinas. Awesome! Two dates in a week; here is a short recap

Target 1:
Someone who looked great on paper –well educated, fun pictures and agreeably spunky – in reality she was something else.

We met at a wine bar which turned out to be overly loud. She was glad to be there but as someone doing some contracting work (she was laid off a year ago) you would think she could show up with a little more enthusiasm. Her energy level was something like negative 3. I can’t deduct a full five points, because she was a good enough sport to take a short walk and we went somewhere for dinner. My food was fine but not great. She was very stuck up and more than a little self involved – the sort of thing an HBS degree and a top tier consulting experience would do to you. I was not that impressed – I like people who take themselves less seriously. Who ever met a serious, stuck up and mildly depressed brazilian? I mean really? I should have figured this would be the case when I saw what she had to say about her ethnicity and how she was from Brazil but white. That’s like code for “I think I’m better than you”. On the positive side (I guess) she had amazing gas -as in she burped a lot, weird. Overall we had a decent time though, her apartment looked awesome. As we parted ways, she mentioned she was going to India for work for a few weeks. I said ok and suspected I would never hear from her again.

Target 2:
My second date was MUCH better. Based on her match handle I guessed her first name and then we discussed where in Ecuador she was from. I sold her on watching the wire, finally we agreed to meet. My dumb ass, because I learn no lessons picked another LOUD BAR. She showed up 1 drink in, we chatted at length but the whole thing felt like the opening round of a boxing match. I had not eaten so we went to a nearby tapas bar and picked at some octopus while we goofed on the racism of Ecuadorian, nailed down whether I was first or second generation (the nature of the debate has to do with the fact that my grandparents also immigrating at the same time as my mother, oh who cares) and a rather long involved conversation about internet privacy and how “safe’ mach.com is. She’s cool, impressive even and somewhat cute. She over used the word analytical, as if to prove to me that that there was logic and reason to being lawyer (yes. I know). She also made a few comments about lawyers, as if finding an opening for goofing on lawyer. I don’t have a problem with lawyers. She’s totally lovely but was having extreme contact lens issues to the point where I asked if she was a little drunk – as in “why are you bulging your eyes at me, are you a little drunk?” I think I battled back from that low. I think we got to the in principle agreement to do something again and soon. She gave me her last name (not an automatic, given her extreme concern about privacy and safety and being googled).

This morning, ET #2 and I googled her *ss as I plotted my next move. The summer of xTian rolls on! I've been on two dates in a week! This is a testament to the progress I am making as a person. F you Evil!