Date or Die: You gotta have faith, faith, faith

I went on a date on Monday. I met her at Delancy Bar. We had a long and winding conversation as we knocked back several jack and diet cokes.

I learned that her mother died and it affected her sister deeply
She is bad at dating but was having fun
I learned that there are three assistant directors on movies, First assistant, second assistant and second second assistant. They all have completely different jobs and no one is referred to as third assistant

I won't lie. I stared at her rack a lot. It was huge, and distracting. So distracting that I thought to myself I would find them distracting if I were to sleep with her. I then, in my head compared big boobs to popcorn. You order it hoping to fill yourself up but in the end you are left unsatisfied and with dirty hands. I liked that analogy. I am probably very alone in this.

Overall, we were having a good conversation. She admitted she had never spoken to anyone so freely and then asked me what my last name was so she could have some deeper sense of who she was speaking to I suppose.

I was having fun too. I won't lie, I thought she was something slightly less than pretty but there was a charm to her that grew on me as time went on.

She randomly blurted out that she grew up reading comic books but now only sneaks reads while window shopping in comic book shops. I had this vague notion that I had stumbled onto a kindred spirit. I wondered, cautiously, where this was all going.

We walked to a vegan restaurant to eat. We were still having fun. Munching on a black bean empanada, she asked me about my faith.

"I'm catholic" as if that were a necessary and sufficient answer. She pressed me a bit further.

I admitted that I had never been asked about my faith, by anyone so I did not have a well structured answer. I also admitted that I went to catholic school from K-8th grade. I pointed out that I am thoroughly Catholic in two very important ways (1) I derive the bulk of my morality from Catholicism (2) I feel guilt about most everything. I left out the third but most catholic thing about me - I let my guilt build to the point where I will actually go to Church for an extended period of weeks just to feel better about myself and alleviate my bone crushing guilt. I mentioned that Catholicism is neat because there is a scholarly element to it. I mentioned that if I were not Catholic I would be Baptist and attend a Black Church because that's really fun and uplifting. I goofed on Mormons, because...well...you know... I railed against people like Joel Orsteen, and how uninformed they are...and how his wife is out of control.

I stumbled a bit here and asked her if she was born again.

She nodded, slowly.

I mumbled the word "landminds" under my breathe and shifted gears by asking her to compose her favorite playlist ever right then and there...smooth.

The rest of our conversation was pleasant...but that was that...

Ever the gentleman, I walked her to her building.

"I very much enjoyed this. I'm really disappointed right now. You just aren't spiritual enough for me"

As I walked away, I was somewhere between infuriated and amused. Judging my spirituality is preposterous.


Check out this scene from the best show on TV, Madmen