(Editor’s Note: In my last post, I started telling all of you how I went to visit some old friends of mine up in Rochester, MN. Its big claim to fame is that the town is the home of the Mayo Clinic where my friends are doctors. This is a recap of Day 0-1 of the trip)
After my long flight and I just want to get to bed but that can’t happen until I spend at least 5 minutes taking all the pillows down from the bed. I finally hop into bed where I then have to fight with the sheets. Those sheets are tucked in as tight as Yakov’s behind on Castro Street…
I wake up and decide to take one of my weekly baths. I ask for some soap and my friend Ella gives me one of those shower gels. She seemed to have memorized the packaging because as she hands it to me, she tells that the soap is for clean skin that looks and feels soft and healthy. She tells me that it provides abundant, creamy lather and contains nourishing vitamin E, pro-vitamin B5, white tea and shea butter. It is also designed to work with the warmth and humidity of the shower to maximize the moisture delivered to your skin and leaves skin feeling soft and smooth long after you leave the shower. Also, its vanilla fragrance transports you to a place of deep comfort. What the hell! Just give me a damn solid bar of soap woman…
Anyway, I spend the day playing with the baby and the neighborhood kids until the evening when we go to the “fancy” Mexican restaurant in town (by the way, there is only one other Mexican restaurant in town) to meet up with a friend who is having a going away party and was moving back to Ecuador (they are everywhere. I think Ecuadorians are worse than Mexicans). I engage in conversation with two young ladies who had joined the festivities a bit later than everybody else. We were never formally introduced but a friend of my friend is a friend of mine…
I was regaling them with stories about my life in Miami and how close my place is to the beach and how I went to Ike & Ella’s wedding in Peru and how you wouldn’t need any Viagra in Lake Titicaca (hehehe…Titicaca). I can yarn a pretty good tale when I want and they were eating everything up. How could they not? I was a burst of fresh air in that 2 Mexican restaurant town…
At one point, we were posing for pictures and I licked the Japanese girl by mistake…when she didn’t recoil in horror or anything, I took it as a sign that things were going well. The conversation on the table then drifted to the oncoming county fair. I mentioned that the 5 story corn (tallest structure in town) looks like a freaking dildo. The two young ladies smiled and giggled like silly little schoolgirls…then they mentioned that sometimes “corn” is all you have to do in that town. That was the second sign and I knew then it was on….I went in for the kill and told them I couldn’t wait for them to take me out in the town and show me what they usually do with “corn”.
They were going dancing that night and invited me to come along. We were expected somewhere else and not to seem overly anxious, I told them I wouldn’t join them that night since but that I would see them later in the week….Everyone went their separate ways…A day or two days later, when I asked my friend Ike for the girls info, he told me he didn’t know them. He asked his other friends…they didn’t know them either. It seems that the only person who knew them was incommunicado on his way to a forsaken South American country and would remain so during my stay...I never found out what they did with "corn" in Rochester, MN.
P.S. - Later in that same evening, and in the most interesting turns of events, I proposed to a man. He made the most delicious and well seasoned steak I have ever had and in a moment of orgasmic ecstasy, I proposed marriage…I never got a reply...
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