I have done quite an amount of travel and to this day, I don’t know how to pack. I usually start throwing stuff in the couch about a week before and let it pile up until I have a critical mass of rags…The night before (usually on the wee hours) I start assembling at least two outfits (day/evening) for each day I am going to be away.
The next step it’s to actually fold the clothes so they fit in the suitcase…that’s usually a problem. Problem is that I am a big muscular guy and my clothes do take certain amount of space…I am not one of these petite Asian friends of mine whose tops fit in the palm of your hand once they are folded. I have never been able to properly fold my clothes. Somehow growing up, I chose not to learn…Just like two snowflakes are never the same; no two shirts of mine are ever folded the same way.
I leave work extra early so I can finish packing and arrive at the airport for my 9:00 PM flight. Of course, some people decided to have an accident on the highway and slow traffic to the pace of a centipede. I finally get to the airport and see the huge line of people waiting to check in. I point at them and laugh and proclaimed to friend dropping me off that e-tickets are so much easier loud enough for those in line to hear...
I proceed to use one of those fancy e-ticket machines. First one does not work. Second one does not work. They are all currently rebooting. I wait five minutes. The machines are still not working. After standing in line for ever, I finally get to the front and check in. It seems that my suitcase is 1 pound over the 50 pound limit. Seriously, dude, you are going to charge me $25 for 1 pound of stuff…I promptly remove my Costco size bottle of KY Jelly as well as other assorted toiletries and in an act of defiance I give it to the agent and loudly proclaimed “for you and your boyfriend.”
I think he put something about me in the system because when I asked at the gate if I could get bumped up to first class, I thought the agent would burst into tears.
Anyway, the flight was pretty uneventful…the highlights are as follows:
Flight Time: Flight to Minneapolis from Miami is supposed to be 3 hours and 35 minutes. Flight was delayed an hour and did not take off until 10:00 PM. Once we were up, I realized pilot was a wuss. He was afraid to go through some storms that were buffeting Minnesota so he made this huge roundabout through Iowa and the Dakotas. Total flight time including one hour delay (7 hours)
Reading Material: Skyscraper Dreams. Have been trying to read the book since April. Its a good book but only seem to be able to read a chapter a week. Switched to a really old copy of US Weekly someone left behind. It was all about Tom and Katie's wedding. Lots of celebrity pictures. Shocker article was how they did not invite Oprah...the nerve!
Service: it took the lady 344 seconds to find the whisky to go with my sprite. It was after midnight…where is my damn booze? Cost: four dollars
Personnel: we had two stewardesses. One took 11 minutes to respond to my buzzer and another 6 to find me a blanket. The other one looked like Gorbahev with tits. I was afraid to ask for another drink.
Grub: they no longer give you snacks on these flights. You could buy a bag of pretzels for $2 or a snickers bar for $3. I refuse to participate in their food monopoly and found nourishment in half a box of Nerds and 2 jolly ranchers.
Entertainment: CBS Eye on America (60 Minutes. David Letterman. Two and A Half Men and How I Met Your Mother). Seriously, I haven’t found one person that watches those shows.
Toilet: Not tested
Overall: 2 ½ stars out of 5
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