The Hose

Here is an excerpt from next week's edition of the Hustle (appearing weekly in HaasWeek)

You know it’s bad when you can’t see.

Here I was sitting in this air-conditioned cab wondering where exactly this cab driver was taking me, becoming more and more convinced that he was more interested in taking me on a tour of Ft Lauderdale rather getting me back to my hotel in a timely fashion.

My excuse is the drinking. Somewhere between being sober and being drunk I’m just paranoid. As he sits there telling me stories about Nigeria and driving at his own pace, my mind is racing. Trying to figure out if I had seen any of this strip the night before or if I was anywhere near my hotel. At one point he slows down looking for my hotel in an area that I KNOW is not my hotel. That’s it. Party over.

“Let me out here”

“Sir, its no safe here”

“Shut up, pull over and let me out. You don’t know where I’m even going.”

“Sir I go to the address I gave you…”

This goes on for another block; I shove some bills at him and tell him to [expletive] off. This goes on back and forth for a minute as I get out of the car. The second I do the humidity in the air causes condensation to form on my glasses and they mist up something awful.

Like I said, you know it’s bad when you can’t see.

Anyway, now I am just pissed off and he drives away I drive home the meaning of my hand gestures with a series of disparaging comments about the Nigerian National futbol team.

As I wipe my glasses I evaluate the situation, I have no idea where I am and start walking. I dial 411 and narrow down what hotel I am staying at and get some directions. Apparently, the cab driver did sort of know where he was going, I just have 10 more blocks to go. En route, I interrupt a drug bust to ask the police officer if I am heading the right way.

I survey the detainee and ask him if he’s Haitian, the cop seems more than a little bothered by the fact that some possibly drunk dude who has managed to sweat straight through a wool suit is interrupting his bust. I tell the cat to “stay strong” and bop off towards to my hotel.

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