The Hose

Evil
I saw on the news today that the unemployment rate dropped by 6% last month, which is pretty great news I think. The indicators are pointing toward an economic recovery. And even though I'm typically skeptical about these things, something happened last week to finally convince me.

I caught Sleave on IM and asked him is Falling Apart Index. Sleave reports that he's at 90. Then I caught X-TIAN, who reported that he's at a whopping 101 on the Index. Dude, X-TIAN is literally off the scale. I would have figured that living in a loser state like California (crazy Governor, out of control fires, the Oakland Raiders, etc.) would automatically knock 5 points off your FA Index, but apparently not. Pretty amazing stuff.

Then I thought about myself. As much as I like to claim that I'm falling apart, it's been a pretty good few weeks. For one thing, I'm part of the 6% who no longer wake up at noon and spend the day scratching our collective balls. That was fun the first 3 or 4 months, but you can only scratch so much before developing some bruising. Really. Take my word for it.

The other thing is that I actually managed to do that marathon thing last week. I don't really know why I decided to do it in the first place. I mean, I'm the type of person who won't get off the couch to pick up the remote control if I've knocked it to the floor. Instead, I'll try to change the channels with my toes. I've gotten decently good at it, actually. But anyway, now that the marathon is done with, I can do things that I enjoy, like resume my alcoholism. Boy, I really miss sitting on my living room floor on a Saturday night and popping open cans and cans of Natty Lights. Strictly a class operation.

So if you're watching Moneyline with Lou Dobbs and he throws a bunch of economic indicators your way, take all that stuff with a grain of salt. If you really want to know where the economy is headed, ask Sleave, X-TIAN, and me for the current FA Index measurements. (For the record, I am at 85.)