When you told me that you just weren’t “emotionally available for a relationship right now” I had two completely independent reactions
More...- In your head, that’s not why you broke up with me. In your head, you just realized that I was no where near as big a d*ck as you initially thought. This makes me less attractive. So basically you just don’t like me. That’s cool. Just say so. I would at least respect your honesty. I don’t like you much either
- You are totally right you are completely and utterly emotionally unavailable. Tragically, it’s the most attractive thing about you
So you are lying to yourself and simultaneously telling me something completely true. That’s amazing. It’s really sad that you are completely unaware that this admission was the most interesting thing about you.
Still. Grow a pair. Tell me what you really think. I'll go first. Here is a list of flaws you have that I would like to go over in the order in which they annoyed me:
- You are always bored. I can confirm this statistically using the interweb and your various status updates. I got news for you: Usually if a person is bored more than 10% of the time it’s a problem with them. Get a hobby, read a book
- You don’t give BJ. Who doesn’t do BJ? Maybe if you did, you would be less bored. I hear its a great hobby
- These lines actually worked on you and that’s just embarrassing - “I have no interest in being your friend” and “Let’s go back to your place and play Nintendo Wii”. All excitement is washed away if that’s all I have to do before ripping your clothes off. That’s completely random
- We seem completely unable to have a conversation. It took me about 3 weeks to notice this. Everyone knows I give good talk…so I am going to lay that one totally on you
Have a nice life. You're a perfectly fine person. I just needed to be a total d*ck today. Thanks
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