Unemployment, Day 5 (Yesterday)

Evil
The day itself was uneventful, the highlight being a nap that I took on my couch at around 2pm. I didn't leave the apartment while the sun was still out. And why should I? That's the beauty of being unemployed.

I had dinner plans for 9:30pm. Meeting Mamacita, KenTak3, XTIAN, and Mr. Shoulders at the Kobe Club. I met up with XTIAN an hour beforehand at the Borders book store because he needed to pick up a book... a book on hiking trails in the NY/NJ/PA area. Come On, People! This is what the Internet is for? Who wants a 3 year old book on hiking trails? That stuff is NOT still there. Also, who goes hiking in 40 degree weather? XTIAN invited me on this potential death march, but I was smart enough to decline. ("Sorry man, gotta stay home to watch TV and play Guitar Hero.") BTW- If you caught this week's episode of The Office, then you can pretty much imagine how XTIAN's day in the woods will turn out.

While at Borders, I wanted to show XTIAN all the wacky biographies that are currently out. I had been browsing through some of them while waiting for him to show up, but with my bad spatial orientation, I had totally forgotten where the biographies section was. So I hailed the nearest store help, a thing, hip-looking chick with red glasses and asked where the biographies section is.

"We don't have a biography section," she said.

"Yes, you do. I was just there," I said.

At this point, her co-worker, a rail-thin, idie-rock book shelver cut in and said, "Umm, well. We sort of have a biographies section. It's really New & Notables, I think. But it's right there in front of the cafe area." The girl shot daggers at him with her eyes. He makes this gesture with his shoulders and eyebrows as if to say, "WTF? I'm just trying to help. Biotch."

We walk to the cafe area and sure enough, there's five shelves full of biographies. The sign above the shelves even says "Biographies & Memoirs." How is this not a biographies section!

Anyway, here's some recommended reading if you're into reading about people other than me.

WWE Superstars Chris Jericho and "The Animal" Batista have new biographies out because everyone loves roided up men in spandex.

If you're into self-absorbed athletes, pick up Tiki Barber's book. Half of it is pictures of him sweaty and shirtless. That's not gay or anything. BTW- what's with that ridiculous cover photo? It looks like he's sneakily picking his nose. For a more entertaining football read, pick up Michael Strahan's bio. Don't let this gap-toothed oaf fool you, he's got lots of charisma. Sort of like Shrek.

On the more artsy side, don't miss Patty Boyd's bio. Who's Patty Boyd, you might be asking. If you believe what's on the book jacket, then Patty Boyd is "an acclaimed photographer." HAH! Here's a better reference: if you've seen the movie Almost Famous, she's the real person behind the Penny Lane character (played Kate Hudson). The real story behind Patty Body is that 40 years ago, she had the most desirable vagina in the entire music scene. I hope this book was written by her privates!

And then there was dinner itself. We all ate lots of meat. Mr. Shoulders confided in Mamacita about his woman issues and she gave him some good advice. Let's hope that little punk follows through. XTIAN was well-behaved for once, but KenTak3 definitely was not! I think someone messed with KenTak3's programming prior to dinner and inserted some codes for "drink like a maniac." I guess even robots like to let it all hang out every once in a while.