Things I'll miss (Part 1)

I woke up. It was winter so it was still sort of cold. Especially my room which for some reason fails to heat to the same degree of other rooms. I traipsed downstairs in my underwear. I have a new female roommate but don't care. I like my underwear besides its quite presentable.

In the living room, I see something of a mess with my roommate asleep at its nexus. I am staring at her bare legs trying to make sense of the situation. There is a peanut butter jar on the ottoman and a peanut butter laden spoon on the floor nearby...what's passing for her top has quite a lot of peanut butter on it...as does the upper area near her boobs...No set of thoughts will help this make sense. I have no chance...

I clean up a bit and decide to sit down and watch some TV. She wakes up for a moment and wishes me a good morning. I reciprocate. Then I ask a question that has been on my mind for 20 minutes.
"Did you hook up with the peanut butter last night?"
She's inspecting herself mildly grossed out but still very groggy and potentially hung over.
"I think so. that peanut butter sure is a smooth talker"
I let her roll over and fall back asleep.

We don't talk about this again...until

I am a bit late for work, rush downstairs and discover a similar scene. Rather than do anything about it, I send her a quick text
"you and that peanut butter are bad for each other. this relationship won't end well"
Her reply (later that day)
"i'm such a peanut butter tramp!"