Bruno Style...

Team - I have to come clean. I have not gotten my nob rubbed in a quarter and its bad news. At some point in the next few weeks, there will be no difference between hanging out with me or bruno. I will also start peeing on a white sheet and humping everything i see. If my tongue were long enough i would probably be licking my pooper toon...

In my mania to resolve this imbalance. I have been shooting vibes at women everywhere I go. Last week, Mr. Shoulders witnessed this first hand. It was so bad Mr. Shoulders was taking pity on my game.

Early one evening enroute to the gym, a dirty footed woman lost control of her dog and I retrieved him for her. Now, mere hours later she was standing in line at a deli in between Mr. Shoulders and I. I had sort of forgotten what she looked like so at most I was staring at this mildly attractive girl waiting to order. When we had placed our orders and were seated I listened to Mr. Shoulders blabber endless about his schedule and yet another trip to vegas (Season Three of Cathouse on HBO should be subtitled "The last good days of Mr. Shoulders") I continued to stare a girl that was attractive...but overly tanned. Her feet were horrible. I could not look away. I like looking at terrible feet. I have a problem.

I was talking to Mr. Shoulders about something but as I stared at her toes I dropped him and went right to her....
me (to him):yes we should plan something for next week...
Me(to her):hey didn't I help you with your dog like two hours ago
her: that was you?
Me: yes
Her: oh thanks
Me: we should hang out...

awkwardness prevailed...she stared at her toes, why I dunno....i thought we had already covered they were gross. Maybe she was trying to figure out what to do about it. Again, I dunno...

her sandwhich came she ran out...

Mr Shoulders said nothing but would not meet my gaze...