Should a Man This Fat Be My Governor?

NJ Gubernatorial Candidate Chris Christie shakes hands with voters before eating his young

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On my way to vote today in one of the elections that is a universal referendum on how people everywhere feel about our president (or not), I was accosted by a woman (possibly high on meth) in a green Chris Daggett shirt.

She asked if I was interested in learning more about Chris Daggett. I admitted I was, though not for the reason she thought. I had no intention on voting for him but earlier in the day I had said something to the effect of "Who even is this guy?" and felt uninformed. I don't like being uninformed. I have like one job as a citizen - vote for people I agree with, you do a little research and this is easy. Anyway, I tuned in for whatever she was banging on about.

She started by pointing out that I should trust no man as fat as Chris Christie. She pointed out that I should take this as a sign of his lack of self control. In addition being ludicrous she also made me nervous by her demeanor. She shrieked her thoughts as she bit on her thumb, and thrust her sign under her arm and used the other hand to address a running nose. She then looked at me and at took half a step back:

"I mean you're a big guy, but this man is OUT OF CONTROL". I reflected on how little self control I had as this woman blinked at me incessantly.

I asked about her view on Corzine. She blurted that incumbent John Corzine had had his chance and raised taxes and ruined everything for everyone everywhere. She then began screaming about her landlord and his personal relationship with Chris Daggett (whoever that is). I stayed engaged with her just so others could scoot by and vote but when the coast was clear I made a break for it. As I walked briskly, she yelled some more about how I should vote.

Inside, no one could find my registration and people stared at each other blankly until I started speaking Spanish. They a woman pulled out a provisional ballot and asked me to fill it out, seal it in the adjoining envelope and hand it back to her. I wonder if the tweaker had this hard a time voting...

I can't comment on whether Chris Christie being a fat f*ck (fact!) has anything to do with his self control but I will use the word "slovenly" to describe how he ran his content free campaign. His entire platform more or less added up to "vote for me! I'm not John Corzine! Who used to run Goldman! and is evil! and uses all your tax money to light cigars with his yuppie pals! in Hoboken! QED"

I hope he loses. Then I hope he takes left over campaign contributions and commissions a portrait of himself - half man- half elephant and hangs it over his bed.