Toys for Poor Kids

Evil

Dislaimer: Please don't read this post if you grew up in New England and played golf with your dad at the country club ever since you were 10... I don't want you to think less of me.

Toys for Poor Kids #1

Dissolve a teaspoon of Metamucil in a cup of water. Let it sit for a day. Don't disturb it! Guess what happens to it? Amazingly, that teaspoon of powder turns into a fist-sized clump of "fake boogers." It's oozy and gooey. If you eat it, it even tastes like boogers. What kid wouldn't love that?

Toys for Poor Kids #2

To most people, flies are a nusance. But poor kids can take advantage of this fact: the number of flies that hang around your living quarters is directly proportional to how poor your family is. Anyway, when swatting flies, don't smash them against the wall. Instead, swap them out of mid-air and BE CAREFUL not to swat too hard. You want to stun the fly, not kill it. So once it's stunned and lying on the ground, tie a little piece of thread around its neck, like a little leash. When the fly regains conciousness, you can take it for walks around the house and treat it like the puppy that your parents couldn't afford. Here's the beauty of it all... as soon as you're bored with the fly, just tug on the ends of the thread to tighten the makeshift leash... and the fly's head pops right off!