Manolo Goes To The Zoo

My mother has 11 brothers and sisters, and with each of them having 3-4 kids, it means that I have 40 cousins or so.

Every now and then, it falls on me to grab a handful and take them to the movies of take them to the park.

Anyways, this past Saturday a couple of my younger cousins were at my parents house playing Xbox and chatting online. I decided that this was not the proper way for kids to spend a lovely Saturday afternoon.

I told them to put on some pants (it runs in the family…shout out to Xtian) and for them to get in the car. We get to the zoo and after standing behind some kids from the yellow short bus and giving the zoo $10 per kid and having $70 electronically magically disappear from my bank account, we get in.

Anyway, we see all sorts of animals…we see the giant tortoise and the chimpanzees…we see lions, tigers, bears, oh mine!! We eventually get to the elephants and lo and behold, there is a male elephant.

My seven year old cousin Erica grabs my arm and pulls it until I am bent to the point where she can whisper in my ear. Mind you, the volume of this particular whisper can be compared to the level found on somebody who talks while listening to really loud hard rock on their walkman.

Erica: “MANOLO, WHAT's THAT? THAT THING HANGING THERE?”

Me: “What thing?”

E: That thing hanging from the elephant, the purple thing with the gray spots”

Given the fact that he has no pants, I am very certain it wasn’t a roll of quarters in his pocket. That elephant had a fifth leg, the size of a small man. It was probably 4-5 feet long just hanging in the cool South Florida winds.

Me: (laughter) I don't know honey...I think he is just a sick....a very sick elephant...(i am of course secretly hoping of being struck down with said disease)

I start laughing…the young couple next to me starts laughing. My sister joins me plus the other cousins in the group. After a minute of everyone laughing and pointing at each other (no, you tell her, no you tell her), my little cousin, who had joined the laughing, stops and asks:

E: “What are we laughing at?”

Of course, there is another laughing episode between us, the aforementioned young couple, and the other 7-8 people who had joined the festivities.

Deep down, I am prolonging this laughing fit in order to formulate a proper response. She is seven years old…she is not my kid. I don’t know how she is being raised on a daily basis. I don’t want to be the one responsible for introducing the word penis into her vocabulary…I am secretly hoping she just gets interested in something else and she forgets. I am hoping that one of my siblings or cousins is smart enough to see in what dire straits I am and will rescue me…but alas, they are my family and are totally useless…

But oh wait… It’s the most amazing coincidence…a stroke of luck…she tells me she needs to go to the bathroom...

Me: Sure honey, let’s go everybody…double time!

We are swiftly moving past all the other animal exhibits just giving them a cursory glance…and then my luck runs out…we ran past the cutest pigmy hippos which of course my little cousin has to stop and see…

Lo and behold, there is a pigmy hippo with a similar problem as the elephant…only thing is this pigmy hippo is relieving his bladder…

My little cousin starts giving me the most quizzical look, then at the little tiny hippo, then at me, then at the tiny little hippo, then at me, then at the little tiny hippo, then at me, then at the tiny little hippo…then she just walks away…

I then patted myself in the back for a job well done…