The Hose

Evil

You know how sometimes you're drunk and you'll say a bunch of stuff that you don't really mean? Or you'll email someone a bunch of stuff and in the morning wish you hadn't? Well, I had that type of moment the other night. I hopped on Friendster and wrote a drunked Testimonial for our old friend, Columbia. You can check it out on the site, of you can just read below, you lazy ass.

Well well well, Columbia. Funny that we should run into each other here. You look good. Really, you do. It's been what, over 5 years now. Is that right? Wow, it's been that long. Hey, I couldn't help but notice that you're now #11 on U.S. News and World report for undergraduate universities. What ranking were you when we met, Columbia? Number 7 or 8 and headed for Top 5, wasn't that right? Anyway, who pays attention to those rankings? I still remember you fondly, Columbia... Like the night that I explored your tunnels for the first time. Wow, I was really drunk that night, but I recall that you not only took me, but 4 of my friends as well. I learned a lot when we were together. You know that. You know you made me a better person. You know that, right? Columbia, OK, I'll won't beat around the bush. I'll just say it: I want us to be together again. Think about that. How great would that be? Take me back, Columbia. Take me back for business school. Think about two more years together. It'll be like old times again, except that we'll both be a little smarter and wiser. I have more money now! More for you to take! C'mon, what do you say? Call me, Columbia. Better yet, send me a big, thick envelope and include all the details of our rekindled relationship. Write me soon!