The Hose

Evil

FIGHTING THE WRONG FIGHTS

I have a bruise on my head. My left ribs are sore. I am fighting the wrong fights.

The car door did it to me. You see, I am in California this week and the lady at the car rental place gave me a brand new car. It's a less than dynamic Chevy Cavalier with all of 6 miles on it. The engine isn't quite broken in so the ride is not great, but I sort of expected that. What I didn't expect was that the doors would have super f'ing strong springy hinges. Or that each door weighs 67 pounds. Combine those two things and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out I've been getting battered by a car door all week long. (For all you rocket scientists in the audience: we're talking a force of 1.69 x 10^9 Newtons. Yes, that's some serious shit.) This is what happens every time I try to get out of the car:

1. Evil shuts off car engine and swings door open.
2. Evil moves body (160 pounds) toward outside of car.
3. Car door (67 pounds) swings out and springs back in with amazing force.
4. Freak collision.

This is bad. I'm going to go cry now. Bye.