The Hose

Evil

The snow storm kept me from getting back to New York this weekend, which was great because I stayed in the Bay Area an extra day and got to hang with X-TIAN at a party in SoMa. The party was in a packed lounge and it took all of 30 seconds for X-TIAN and EVIL to revive our two-man pickup routine from the mid-to-late 90's. Our act is not like The Eagles or The Rolling Stones, where the material stands up to the test of time. Come to think of it, I'm not sure that we got much success (err, ANY success) of out the act during its orginal run, but hey. I think we're much more like Whitesnake because as Saturday night proved yet again, when the team of X-TIAN and EVIL work a bar scene, things are sure to go down in flames.

The night's festivities started with me driving from South Bay up to the city. In amazing defiance of the odds, there were three accidents on US-101 between Mountain View and San Francisco and none of them involved ME! Bay area people are SO not tough, it's embarrassing. Granted, a torrential downpour left the roads wet and obsured some visibility, but bay area people just freak out and start crashing into medians. Crazy stuff. Being the tough Northeasterner that I am, I cruised up to the city unscathed, ready for an evening of partying or clownery, whichever came first.

I bop in to the lounge with my tall Chinese friend in tow. I have this theory that being seen with a spectacularly tall Chinese girl will bring me more cred when I work the scene, but somehow that hasn't panned out. We grab drinks and go look for a Giant Head in the crowd. That takes only a few seconds.

X-TIAN and I break into some banter that involves making fun of these two blonde girls who are right behind us. They get up and leave and throw disgusted glances in our direction. That's the old magic working right there. We haven't lost a thing, lemme tell you.

Basically, repeat the part about grabbing drinks and receiving disgusted looks and that pretty much sums up the evening. A good time was had by all!

By the way, I should mention that I almost got a bit of the ol' Sex that evening. Yes, it's true. The place was so packed that were it not for the fact that I was wearing pants, I'm pretty sure I would have scored. Sure, it would have been Sex via Incidental Contact, but hey, no one needs to get all technical on me. I did get rubbed by boobage from a dozen different girls, so that was cool too. Yes, I have the mentality of an 8th grader.

All in all, this makes me think that we should bring Team Rachel back together for the traditional President's Day weekend in Vegas. ("Traditional" meaning that we did it once and X-TIAN wasn't even there. HAH.) This time though, being older and wiser and because Mr. Shoulders and Kentaro make more money than they know what to do with, we will raise the stakes. I am proposing that we get our hands on some cocaine and hire a hooker so that Mr. Shoulders can re-enact the infamous scene from Gia where a coked-up hooker get punched in the stomach while trying to score her next fix. That's classic stuff. Real classic stuff.