The Hose

What type of drunk are you?

So I go to Happy Hour on Friday evening with my entourage and even though I like to live in the moment, I am also kind of planning a few steps ahead...so 5 minutes after I get there, I check all the girls in the group and I strike a conversation with this young lady who is a friend of a friend of a friend...Anyways, she offers to buy me a martini but I had to turn it down...I told her I only really drink beer because I can't handle hard liquor. I tell her that if I drink hard liquor, I get drunk faster and when I am drunk, I get horny...For curiousity's sake, I asked her what does she usually do when she gets horny...she refused to answer...Taking her silence as a sign, and being the nice person I am, I volunteered my services...I told her that if its a long night and midnight rolls around and she is horny, and she wants to resolve her horniness issues, then I will gladly oblige...I explained to her it was one of those pacts old friends do (like, the one Xtian and Evil did that if they are not married by the age of 40, they will marry each other).

Anyways, she gets all huffy and puffy and walks away towards her friends (and I am assuming) to tell them what a dork I am...I later find out that she is a 26 year old virgin and nobody had ever talked to her that way...it turns out she was in a convent in Alaska for the past 8 years. Nice!

The moral of the story is that nuns shouldn't be out in public and least of all at a bar @ happy hour...

While we are at it, what is the deal with all those young single mothers? You meet them and then later find out that they have 2-3 rugrats back at home being babysat by their grumpy grandmother...there should be a law that young single mothers can't go out, at least not until their children are of legal age and there is a possibility that their 19 year old daughter is going to join the action.

Maybe I am hanging out with the wrong crowd....

You saw the note Bush sent to the new Iraqi Prime Minister..."Let Freedom Reign"...I didn't know Bush could spell "let" or "freedom" or "reign"...