Is it possible that Naomi Watts is in fact a clone of Nicole Kidman????

Evil

Tom Cruise just presented. I saw a picture of him and his mom in The New York Times today. Look at this women's crazy chompers.



Peter Jackson accepts an award and run out of breath halfway through his speech. This dude needs an intervention. He has an unhealthy relationship with food. This dude hates himself. Oh wait, let me shut up now.

Is Susan Sarandon's dress supposed to be doing that?

Sofia (my new favorite) thanks her silly brother Roman (he who directs Strokes videos and drinks much)

They cut to Scarlett Johanson during Sofia's acceptance speech and i am promptely reminded that she is my favorite, not stupid Sofia Coppola...

Evil

Peter Jackson, a fat woman, and a homeless woman just won for best adaptation. Peter Jackson didn't even make an effort for the Oscars. He put on a tuxedo and all, but dude, button the top button of your shirt and don't wear that tie all loosened up like you just got back home from a long day at the office.

Toby McGuire comes out to present... err... he came out to present two presenters. Weird. Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon come out. They give Sofia Coppola some award. I feel like I'm in a coma. Nothing matters to me anymore.

F, marry, kill (Oscar version)

Charlize Theron, Uma Thurman, Diane Lane


I go with

F Uma
Marry Diane Lane
Kill Charlize

Evil

Hi, I'm back. I just woke up from a little nap. What did I miss? Annie Lennox just won for Best Song on LOTR. I'm tired of LOTR. After Annie Lennox gets off stage, some toothless homeless woman makes a secondardy acceptance speech. Who let her in?

Eugene Levy and Catherine O'hara reprise their roles from A Mighty Wind, Mitch and Mickey....apparently they are nominated for Best Song.

I like them both very much, Eugene Levy because he's generally good and Catherine O'Hara because I found her attractive in a Orange County....

I have nothing bad to say, I hope they win...


On other topics, why the hell isn't In America nominated for anything? that's the best movie i saw all last year....

Is anyone else bothered by the fact that the four hobbits came together? What message are they trying to send?

Who is Pierce Bronson kidding? no one is going to nominate his ass for an award, he couldn't even get nominated for an Emmy back in the Remmington Steel Days

BEST EDITING? Do they want me to cry? THey friggin pre-empted Alias for this?????

Evil

Okay, okay, I get the point. The Lord of the Rings will win every f'ing technical award out there. Film Editing. Sound Mixing. Making People Look Like Hobbits. C'mon, can we fast forward through the 45 remaining technical awards?

Hey, did anyone notice that Julianne Moore's boobs are not up to par? I mean, this is the Oscars. Make your boobs look better. On the other hand, Diane Lane's cans were super hot. It make me sweat a bit.

Evil

When the president of the Academy came out, I swear I could smell alcohol on his breath, even thru the TV.

The one funny line of the night so far

After a rousing speech by Erroll Morris where he likened the situation in Iraq to the "rabbit hole" that was vietnam" Bill turns to the screen and deadpans "I can't wait till they do his tax return' - Good line

The president of the Academy comes out, poops himself, mispronounces "Atticus' four times and then drifts into dementia. Its the most gripping 10 minutes of television ever.

Evil

Am I watching the Technical Oscars? They just gave out the award for Best Sound Editing. Before that was Best Sound Editing. Before that was Outstanding Visual Effects. Before that was Best Make Up. You'd think that the two dudes who won for Best Make Up would make themselves look better. Were those two ugly dudes or what?

Hey, I am wondering... did they present the awards for Best Picture and Best Director in a private ceremony before the show?

Julia Roberts is on... how old is she? I wonder if she's ever given BJ for a role. Like in the early days.

When did Sofia Coppola divorce Spike Jonz? Man is her nose huge? I am in love with her...I am in love with both her and Scarlett Johansen at the same time.

Why does Bill Murray look like an older Tom Hanks from Philadelphia?

Clearly, Scarlett JOhansen dropped out of school before she figured out how to read.

Its clear to me that ABC is trying to drive all viewers away by front loading the awards with the likes of Best Make up, Best Effects and "best animated documentary about nature"

Evil

What is up with this year's Oscars? Who wrote this show? A team of accountants from Ernst & Young? Who is directing this thing? My ass? Oh, Bill Murray is on... let's hope he's entertaining.

OMG!!! Jim Carey tries too f*cking hard and its exhausting and i can't deal with it, and i want to cry. I think they dimmed the lights on him because everyone was getting annoyed. What is his connection to Blake Edwards?

What did Jennifer Garner do to merit her punishment (hosting the Technical and Scientific Achievement in Film Awards).

Carey just made some poor jokes about Blake Edwards being senile...

Also, Evil's GAY!

Evil

Damn! What happened to Jim Carrey? Who told him that the Michael Stipe / heroin addict / cancer victim look is a good one? I bet Joan and Melissa Rivers will be all over this one. Whoa, I just made a Joan and Melissa Rivers reference. I'M NOT GAY! I mean that. Screw you, people.

Billy Crystal used to be funny right? I mean i dont for a fact or anything, he's never made me laugh.

I wonder how Jada and Will Smith have sex, given the 4ft difference in height, i just imagine the whole thing being awkward

Granted I sat down late, but so far i have only seen the "best short animated" and "best special effect". Could I care less?

Evil

Aww crap. Some geeks from The Lord of the Rings just won for Outstanding Visual Effect. This is crap. Everyone knows that the rightful winner of this award is Scarlett Johansson's ass. I mean, her ass alone carried the entire movie. Talk about having an effect.

Evil

I will admit, Allison Krause normally makes me want to take off my pants. But her musical segment just brought this show to a grinding halt. WTF? The only thing that can save this now is if Justin Timberlake rips off her top and exposes both her boobies.

Oscar's Round up

(sorry for the late start)

Liv Tyler normally looks strange but here she looks like someone who just fell out of porno scene, what's with the fake glasses and the F*** me voice??

I am compelled to ask: Did Alison Krauss and Sting steal a song cut from ROTK and claimed it as the song from Cold Mountain ???

BTW, Elvis Costello ROCKS!!! Why can't he save us and write an interesting song for one of these overbloated movies?

Tracy and Hepburn: Outdated TV Review

I must admit, I am a sucker for the happy ending.

I finally got around to watching the last Sex and the City last night. Damn, I misted up worse than I did that one time my mom sucker punched me after I made fun of her hairdo.

I loved that Carrie didn't stay in Paris. The City is NY, not Paris. A writer movng to Paris is SO 1922. Honestly, I don't know that I approve of the impact the show has had, I am pretty sure the Marina section of SF is entirely the fault of SATC and for that alone someone should be punished. Besides, is it really appropriate for 40 year old women to go out on a friday night, get drunk and shout about penis all night? I don't think so.

But really, the show captured a moment in time really well. I never watched the show until I moved in with Manolo in late 2000 and became hooked. I could never admit it, because i spent the whole half hour mocking Manolo and Mr. NonCommital for watching this "show for old chicks who haven't gripped reality", but really I was really digging it. Carrie would go on a date to Bungalow 8, I was just at Bungalow 8 the week before. They'd be at Sushi Samba, I would have just been there. It was all very dot.com era, all very posh, all very "how great is this new scrubbed down, ritz NY". I was there, I saw, I knew.

But that moment passed, jsut like my time in NYC passed, I was done there and the show was done for me. Still I'm glad it ended, and I think it ended the right way, Carrie and Big (why was he called big anyway? because of his member? or his wallet? I hope to one day earn the name Big, i'll take either reason). Its all very Tracy and Hepburn....

Besides, Chris Noth rocks....I've been drunk enough to get tossed from the Cutting Room, and I didn't.

Yesterday was Grey Tuesday, were you down?

Evil

'ROIDED UP!

I have to know, man, who in baseball is 'roided up and who isn't? It's like when I was a kid and someone broke the lamp in the living room. My mom just wanted to know who the heck broke the lamp: me, my no good little brother, or my snotty big sister. My mom wouldn't have gotten mad or anything. She just wanted to know, you know? (Or at least that's what she said. Moral of the story: never trust my mom. I owned up to breaking the lamp and that woman beat me within an inch of my life. You think The Passion of The Christ has some violent scenes, you should have seen my childhood. But I digress...)

Back to baseball... I'll admit that take steroids doesn't do anything for increasing bat speed or foot speed. I don't really know why baseball players would do it, seeing as it makes your pee pee smaller, gives you acne, and makes your head bigger. WHO WANTS A BIG HEAD??? But you have to admit though: Barry Bonds does look pretty suspicious these days:

Evil

THIS GUY IS THE MAN!

Hey So it ends tonight, who knew?

Is it wrong to root for Mr. Big?

Evil

I GOT A HUG TODAY

It was weird. I'm not used to getting hugs in a professional environment. Yes, the hug happened at work. And luckily, it wasn't from a dude. That would have been really weird. As it is, it's just sort of weird. I liked it tho. The girl who hugged me is a 24 year old sex pot. I sometimes try to avoid her on purpose because I'm afraid if I talk to her, I will somehow oogle her too blatantly and then get fired.

I should have more to write about, but I might have caught X-TIAN's case of the blues. Screw you, Big Head! I'm off to mope around now. If you happen to see my parents, please do me a favor and remind them that they didn't hug me enough when I was a kid. (I stole that line from X-TIAN. HAHAHA.)

Save Angel!





Dude, the saddest part about Angel getting cancelled its clearly getting better with time, last night's episode where Angel was pure hilarity as Angel and co. fight off a bunch of demons who take over a children's show with some interesting results.

I like Joss Whedon (Buffy, Firefly) well enough but Bend Edlund (The Tick!!!) is a friggin genius

SPOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can someone put the O.C. up on BitTorrent please? I can't seem to find it.

RIAA sued under Racketeering laws!!

read it here on cnet

commentary later.

I feel as if the world is moving about a half step faster than i can deal with today. Its very wierd.
I noticed that I have been relying heavily on caffine the other day. On any given day, I pound the following:

16oz cup of coffee (830am)
1 can Diet Coke (11am)
1 can Diet Coke (with lunch)
1 can Diet Coke (3 pm)

and then somehow end up needing a nap from 5-6pm. Its a bit extreme. So I decided to cut out caffine today to see how I could do without it.

I sat down in class and basically wanted to cry. People seemed to be shouting al around me, "....dinner plans" "chris....ugly"
"hit tennis balls....court" none of it was making any sense. It was all i could do to not get under the table and ball up.

During class was no better, I basically sat there like a sad sack examining both the Sleave/Rina blog and Web's Blog. Outstanding blogs thru and thru, that make me insanely jealous. How do these freaks put all this time into their blogs, it took me 3 months to resurrect comments after my initial comment provider went out of business.

Anyway, in between classes I ran off and got some coffee. but this is not the right way to be. I need a new plan...


Any thoughts on how I should deal with this?

Adding Insult to Injury

So today is rough on a couple of levels.
(1) The Yanks have A-Rod, I can't say its wrong because whatever, its not really wrong, just mildly depressing. The only thing that will make it ok is if A-Rod and Jeter get in a slap fight in the club house over a woman. That's how it all ended for the Kidd, Jackson, Mashburn Mavs I believe

(2) The WB cancelled Angel! The hell?! It was going so good this season, I like the show about the vampire with a soul. Really dark stuff sometimes...and good over alll.

Find out what you can do here:

http://www.renewangel.com/

Evil

WOOOOOO!

Don't have to work today, so I'm listening to Mike and the Dog on the radio. The show is pretty much a 5-hour ARod-fest. Wooooo! Pumped up!

Actually, the Dog is on vacation but fat Mike Francesca really brought his "A" game today. During one of the commercials, they were playing this pre-recorded jingle promoting a Mets call-in contest. Basically, be the 13th caller and win 2 tickets to some random Mets game. Fat Mike cuts in during the middle of the jingle and goes, "What? Are the Mets nuts!? Does anyone care about the Mets today?" Hahahaha. Good one.

To add insult to injury, fat Mike yells over to his producer and asks, "Are we even gonna get 13 callers for this content?"

Poor Mr. Met. Not only is he gay, but his team sucks to boot.

These guys sold out quicker than most but this bike rocks

Evil

MEDICAL COMPLICATIONS (Part 2)

My tongue is swollen, as I mentioned earlier. Something bad happened last nite... I bit my tongue while eating. What does one do to heal a tongue? I can't stick a band-aid on it. I can put some rubbing alcohol or iodine or peroxide on it. WTF? All I can say is that I now have an open wound on my swollen tongue and it hurts like a bitch.

Evil

MISOGYNY?

EVIL: i called my cleaning lady and asked when she could come clean
EVIL: and she was like
EVIL: "saturday ok?"
EVIL: i was like, "i guess"

DangerZ: heh.. why do you need a cleaning lady?

EVIL: dude

DangerZ: you're already a cleaning lady!

EVIL: because cleaning is hard work
EVIL: why am i already a cleaning lady?
EVIL: that makes no sense?

DangerZ: your place across from McBain was always so spick/span

EVIL: cleaning has bad ROI
EVIL: same thing for doing my own laundry
EVIL: it's all about outsourcing

DangerZ: good for you!?

EVIL: see you are smart
EVIL: because you either gotta outsource or get married
EVIL: hahahaa
EVIL: why couldnt this be like 1950 all over again

DangerZ: no, you live the life of a bachelor, no worries, you can do anything you want!

EVIL: i wonder what it was like back then
EVIL: when you could marry a woman and then all of a sudden she does all of your housework and whatnot
EVIL: that's a wild thought
EVIL: maybe i should move to china
EVIL: i bet i could still get that sort of deal there
EVIL: altho i would want to marry a girl with good teeth

DangerZ: well, back then, you were never supposed to do your housecleaning,
DangerZ: you stayed at home until you got married

EVIL: damn, what a life
EVIL: seamless transition from mom to wife

Evil

IT'S BETTER WITH THE BUTTERFLY

I thought this was funny in a misognystic (sp?) way:

Evil

MEDICAL COMPLICATIONS

This is not good. I know I've been losing muscle tone for a while now. Never really thought much of it because I am cuter when I'm chubby, so hey, no sweat. But recently I've also noticed that my tough is getting bigger... or rather, it's getting more swollen. It's at the point now where my tongue gets in the way of my teeth. I guessing that in a week it will start to protrude out of my mouth and I'll become all drooly.

I started to worry, so I hopped on WebMD tonite. Like I said... this is not good. Lost muscle tone. Big tongue. I think I'm getting Down Syndrome. I'm not sure how to break this to my parents.

Evil

SCREW YOU, Big Head.

Just for the record, I don't have any Lilith Fair concert albums. Secondly, it's 2004 already. Who's still mentioning Lilith Fair in everyday contexts, as if it were 2000 all over again.

Too bad I was already asleep while this whole "real-time" (cough cough) blogging was going on. Because I would have liked participating. The Grammys are a fun event to watch and make fun of other people. Woooooo.

During the Sarah McLaughlin performance I think of Evil and wonder if he cried when watched this. He has all of Sarah's albums including the Lilith Fair Concert Albums...

Ozzy comes out in a neck brace and clearly not keeping it together. Sometimes, I want to smack Sharon. Stop wasting his money, you trollop!

I start bopping for Earth Wind and Fire

The camera work is all messed up

Sam Jackson is high and breaking up all momentum with his talking...go away...

What's the Grammys without Farnsworth Bentley?

Later Snoop comes out with Jason Alexander, I would call him a sell out but that's nothing new...

For some reason, Pharrell and Chad are asked to stand for an award they won earlier.

Coldplay beats out a bunch of hip hop guys for an award.

50 Cent bum rushes the stage via guerrilla tactics when Evanesance wins for best new artist. She's cute. Her crew is scary. Jaffet is cooking up a theory about black artists getting no love on the grammys while pointing out that 50 probably just rushed the stage to push his new clothing line.

The Black Eyed Peas come out and i pull down my pants in anticipation of watching Fergie...
Damn she's hot!!!!!!!!

Jaffet and I have an argument where I explain that JT should not come out because the second he does it takes all attention away from the Peas and puts it on him

As J makes his point, JT comes up on some scaffolding...i stand corrected. But then they pan back to Fergie and we loose our respective trains of thought

JT comes back out and sings Senorita and Arturo Sandoval comes out for kicks...and they turn it into a crazy soulfull jam, except with a white dude and a puerto rican cat...wild...

During a beatles tribute, Jaffet points out to me that Yoko Ono looks a lot like John Lennon. I don't necessarily agree but the idea makes me laugh.

Sting and Sean Paul do a duet of Roxanne...and what the hell? It sounds great...

Juxtaposition rules

It's a boob fiesta between X-tina, Paulina Rubio and Hillary Duff...They cut to Linda Perry for no reason.

JT beats out two dead guys for Best Male Pop Vocal performer

The chick from "Joan of Arcadia" tries to maul him...why is Amy Lee wearing a dress made of duct tape? JT brought brought his moms, what? No Cameron? he makes a few awkward jokes about exposed boobs and there is an awkward cut to Hillary Duff...

And we're back....
Queen Latifah comes out, I wretch and then she introduces X-Tina who treats us to Beautiful. I feel compelled to look at myself in the mirror proudly.

She is wearing a lot of clothes right now, probably encouraging us to focus on her voice rather than her ass...

What's with the lighting? Is she sporting a bunch of zits right now or is someone asleep at the wheel in the booth?

John Mayer and "From the Whole Ten Yards" Matthew Perry, is that a joke about Friends being over?

Beck has a serious trouble with his microphone and says something like
"ladies and gentleman, Jesus and Children of America...The White Stripes"

Jack White has his guitar tuned wierd and there is a timing issue between something and something else...fire someone please? Meg looks hot...really hot...plastic surgery?

Joe Perry made a deal with the devil when? Is he Dorian Grey? Is Steven his portrait? They and BB King present the rap grammy for my benefit. Juxtaposition amuses me. Outkast is lost somewhere and the camera does not know where to cut to...hahah...only dre comes up...where's big boi? did he refuse to come up because they only shouted out the Love Below?

Evil

Dude, you are soooo three hours ago!

Gwen Stefani and Quentin Tarrantino welcome us here...and point out that its the twentieth anniversary of "Purple Rain" which also means its the 20th anniversary of me seeing my first naked movie boob (APOLLONIA!!!!!!!!!) Quentin is trying to do a ghetto thing with his voice. It sucks and i want to hit him...

Beyonce comes out, looking tired and worn and thanks all 20 peole involved in writing her album

We cut to Ellen Degeneres who does a stuttering Woody Allen thing, not funny...

She cuts to a Beatles tribute by Sting, Vince Gill, Dave Matthews and Pharrell????????

WHAT???

Luckily Pharrell and his weak voice play the part of Ringo. But is Sting then John, George? Should Vince GIll mix in a salad from time to time?

Hey ITS PRINCE!!!!!!!! WOOO! Parade was the most underrated album ever.

I missed Prince..he still rocks and boy does he still have a great ass

I need a danceoff between Prince and Morris Day right now...with Tyrone making jokes in the background


Oh look ther's Beyonce. I still don't like her legs...

I just complimented a dude's ass and dissed a sexy's chick's body...am i gay?

Why did Prince change guitars...the purple one was better.

GRAMMYBLOG START

who shows this crap on Tape delay?
I'ts only 8pm here...F***ers!!!!!!!!!


Ok Here we go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am planning some real time blogging for during the grammys tonight.
Should be fun.

Evil

FEELING SAD

Picture a sunset and a quiet road leading away from you. The slightest breeze kicks up a facefull of dust. Picture me alone, walking down the road. This is my theme music:

Click to play

(Kickin' it old school! Recognize that one?)

Evil

Check out this street fight video. It kicks ass. (Har har.) Honestly tho, I don't know whether it's funny or disturbing.

Have you naked by the end of this song

Anyone got an online shot of Janet's boob?


Best we got so far is here.

Money shot

I got the Panthers over the Pats in a squeaker. 24-21...

I am taking the Panthers because they are more manish. Have you see Kris Jenkins? Him and Julius Peppers are going to do work. Brigit Moynihan is not even going to recognize Tom Brady he's gong to be so broken up. Kris Jenkins, Stephen Davis et al, are just going to go out there play their game and take it to the overly cerebral Pats. F*** stupid Belicheck and his strategizing, That fat moose Charlie Wiess is probably strategizing his fat ass thru a Pizza right now, F***er will probably have a coronary before kick off.

SCREW THE PATS, YO!!!!!!