The Hose

Evil

Whoa! X-TIAN got his eyebrows waxed?! I'm as progressive as the next dude but hey, I gotta ask... at what point does metrosexuality cross over into full on gayness?

Getting one's eyebrows waxed?

Spending the afternoon at a male beauty parlor? (More on this later.)

Lifting weights with your buddy and then saying something about your girlfriend complaining that you have a flat ass and your buddy goes, no way, you so don't have a flat ass and just to prove it your buddy bets that he can't stick his cock in your ass and before you know it your mom is at the door asking if everything is ok in there because she heard all the grunting. Is THAT gay?

In any event, props go out to X-TIAN because I think he may well be The Original Metrosexual. Way before the NYT article. Back in 1999, X-TIAN came up to me one day at work and suggested that we go get our nails done at John Allan's. WHAT? John Allan's also offers a "full service" package that includes shampoo & conditioning, hot face towel, haircut, manicure, and a shoeshine. They'll even bring you a pint of beer or cocktail while you're being serviced. The only disappointing part is that "full service" doesn't include a BJ, but maybe metrosexuals aren't into that kind of stuff? Someone please verify...

Lastly, I have appointed myself to the post of X-TIAN's manager. In exchange for managing his business career and negotiating his contracts, I get a 10% cut. Additionally, I am currently negotiating with John Allan's to sponsor the Metrosexual Move of the Week feature.

(Bonus: Here's a classic comedy bit to brighten your day, scumbag.)